Redeem Me

DISCLAIMER: Warning! I make no claim to any property of J.K. Rowling's, and am in no way profiting by this. I do offer her my sincerest thanks for allowing us this garden of the mind in which we play. Further Warning! This story...and likely any I ever write…are dominated by gay themes and characters. That's how it is, if this in any way makes you uncomfortable...do not read further.

Redeem Me…by Samayel

Chapter 22: Dusk And Dawn


Dinner that night was a subdued affair, with simmering tension hanging in the air around them. Molly was still livid about Ron punching Draco. Draco was as quiet as a mouse, barely showing any appetite, and generally keeping to himself. Harry was trying to soothe things by engaging Ron and Draco in conversation, but he was failing miserably, and Arthur was privately lamenting that, just this once, nothing remotely amusing had happened at work. Not precisely the ideal mood for a family gathering, but there it was.

When it was over, Harry dragged Ron off for a chat, and Draco volunteered to help Molly clean up in the kitchen. Arthur fetched things back from the table, Molly washed them with her traditional thoroughness, and Draco cheerily dried them, rather enjoying feeling like a part of something normal. It was oddly satisfying, doing something menial, even the Muggle way. At least there were clear results to his efforts…and he didn’t feel like such a bloody leech on the Weasley family’s backs. There was one other perk to it as well. Molly seemed a bit less distraught after watching Draco appear to enjoy himself more than he had during the actual dinner.

While the kitchen was busy in its own right, Harry led Ron off into the backyard, and pulled him into an overdue chat.

“Merlin, mate. Was it really necessary to knock him out a minute after you were in the door? I mean, damn it, he had tea and biscuits in his hands. Not exactly a serious threat to the household.”

Ron snorted. “It wasn’t so much about suspicion, as it was a general sort of response to Malfoy…on principle. Near death from poisoning can cause that, or so I hear.”

“Trust me, mate. Draco’s on the up and up. He was half dead when he showed up, and to give you a break, I admit I tore into him at the edge of the wards. Your mum let him in, and I think she was right…at least I do now. He’s nothing like the prat I remember from school. Just promise me you’ll keep an open mind long enough to watch how he acts now, and you’ll see he’s different.”

“Well, I can promise that…mostly because Mum’ll bloody kill me if I have at him again, the wee shite. You know, the thought of him without all that money, wearing clothes he used to sass us for wearing…fucking makes me want to laugh out loud. I fucking love it.”

Ron slipped a flask of Ogden’s Firewhiskey from his pocket, then took a deep pull.

“Ahhh. Better. Draco Malfoy living in the Burrow calls for some mental anesthesia. Want some?”

“Nah. Not my style. You know I can’t hold more than a few Butterbeers before I can’t see straight. I can’t believe you drink that stuff. You could slow down the drinking a little and still have room for fun, you know?”

Ron shrugged and pulled from his flask again, staring at the stars and watching his breath turn to puffs of white fog.

“That would defeat the purpose. I’ve got a little time off from the Cannons, might as well take advantage while I can. Drinking without getting drunk is like…breathing without getting air…what the fuck’s the purpose, right?”

“Well as long you’re determined and know what you want…pass me a splash.”

Ron handed over the flask, and Harry took a solid gulp, hoping to reduce the amount of alcohol that Ron took in, by drinking it himself. The taste of the stuff really complemented the name, and his throat and mouth immediately burned as if they were on fire. Harry coughed a moment, gasping for air, then got his bearings again while Ron chuckled.

“You really are an amateur at this, mate. Finally, the Boy Who Lived has a weak spot, and it’s whiskey. Hey…heard you did in Kaminski last week. Nice bit with the head. Here’s to one more murderous fucking bastard in the ground!”

Ron raised the flask and took a shot. Harry sighed. He never felt particularly proud right after a kill…or very angry either. Mostly he just felt empty and calm. It was always right before one, and during the act itself, that he was a bundle of nerves, and full of wild pride and a savage need to make them pay. Today…today it just felt like hollow words, but he answered anyway.

“Yeah…I suppose it was. I wasn’t even really thinking at the time. I locked the place down with Anti-Apparition wards and hit it like a monsoon. He was done before he knew what hit him. The head was just a message to the rest of the bastards. That and the words on the wall. I barely remember doing it…”

“Hmm. Still, one more down, mate. Here’s to a world with no fucking Death Eaters in it!”

Ron pulled another gulp of whiskey down, and handed the flask to Harry, who followed suit, choking on the fiery liquid.

“Yeah. You know, that’s who got hold of Draco. Mark or no, they got their claws into him and ripped him apart for fun…for months…most of this year. He’s got more scar tissue than the both of us combined. Hard to believe, but iss true.”

Harry suddenly noticed that he’d slurred a word. His regimen of exercise and magical practice did not include breaks for imbibing alcohol, and the Firewhiskey was hitting him fast and hard. Ron chuckled.

“I can’t believe you just slurred a word, mate. As for Malfoy, that’s a pretty irony there. Fucking Marked, gets Dumbledore offed, loses everything, and gets torn up by his own people. Fuckin’ beautiful.”

“No, mate. Nothing beautiful about what they did to him. Nothing at all. Your mum and I needed most of a week just to heal him up, and we only just started on the scars. He hasn’t slept without a spell or a potion since he got here. He’s got nightmares…like us…right after…you know.”

Ron pulled the last of the flask down, and drew another flask from his pocket. He stared at the sky again.

“Yeah. I know. Like that, huh? Poor bastard, then. Still, we got ours fighting for something better than murdering Muggles and Half-Blood wizards. ‘S too bad he got hurt, but ‘s what happens when ya fuckin’ cozy up to the Dark.”

And so it went. They walked the length and breadth of the backyard of the Burrow, and eventually took a bit of shelter in Arthur’s workshop. A few fumbled Heating Charms later, and they got the temperature right and proceeded to get seriously pissed. Harry hadn’t drunk this much in his entire life, and half the time he wasn’t sure what he was saying, but Firewhiskey suffused his being with warmth, and it was good to see Ron again. There was no one else who remembered the things that he and Ron and Hermione had done. They were the last two living people who understood what it had taken to defeat Voldemort. It was an insoluble bond, tying them together as veterans, and brothers, forever.

Molly and Arthur had grudgingly gone to bed, though Arthur had nipped out to the workshop just to make sure the boys were alright. Draco had gone to bed as well, but the gnawing fear of what his dreams might hold had kept him awake. The stumbling footsteps on the stair had captured his attention just as surely as the slurred voices that failed to remain as quiet as they hoped they were. He hadn’t really meant to listen in, it was just better than drowning in his own ugly thoughts and fears. The noises from the bathroom were fairly hard to miss, too.

“I…I kild’er…Har…Harry. Sh-she shoulda’…ben wi’ us. T’gether. I-”

Ron’s voice was interrupted by the sound of vomiting, and the noisy racking sobs that followed. Then Harry’s voice came through.

“S-s’ not true…wa-wasn’t yer fault, mate. S’ war. S’ Vol…emort. S’not yours.”

“I…lef’ her…’lone…fer a fuckin’ Horcrux. She’da liv’d…if…if she’da ben wi’ us. A’m so fuckin’ ’lone, ‘arry. ’M tired. Jus’ tired. Don’ wanna do this…anymore. Wanna be wi’ ’er.”

Draco bit his lip, which was still faintly sore from the hit he’d taken earlier that night, and looked at the faded Mark on his arm. He didn’t know what a Horcrux was, but he knew what pain sounded like.

’This is what that the war did. This is what Katie Bell’s parents would have felt like, if she’d touched that amulet just a little more. This is what Harry feels about his godfather…the one Aunt Bellatrix killed. I was part of that…or at least I used to believe in it. Ron doesn’t want to die because someone hurt him…physically…like me. She wasn’t just a Mudblood to him. They killed the woman he loved more than anything else in the world. It would have been kinder to kill him.’

Draco looked at the Mark on his arm, and wondered if he shouldn’t have just let himself die in London. Maybe Molly was wrong. Maybe…maybe Harry should be killing people that wore that Mark, and if that included him, so be it. Some things were just so terrible that they needed to be expunged…removed completely from human memory, never to be seen again. Voldemort, his fucking Mark, and all his minions were such a thing. Harry’s voice suddenly interrupted his musing.

“Ron…m-mate, we hadda do it. Ever’body…ever’body could’a died…if we didn’ des-desroy…the Hor…cruxes. She…she’da ben proud ’f you…she lov’d you, Ron. She’da want’d ya to li-live on, mate. I…I know…I know I do.”

They quieted from there on, the loudest noises being retching, and more muffled sobs, while Draco sat in his bed, still and quiet, with so very much to occupy his mind through the night. He had more strength now…enough to fight sleep if he had to, and tonight he most definitely had to. He hadn‘t been one of the powerful players of the war, but he’d had his part. His part in ruining lives…stripping from others their innocence and happiness, and making a ruin of their futures. Molly, Kingsley and Harry could say what they wanted, but Draco was horrifyingly aware that, no matter what others claimed, his debt would last the rest of his life, and still never be paid.

----------------------------------------------


Morning found Draco earlier than the others, since he watched the first hint of dawn in the sky, and followed its every step until sunrise came at last. The sounds of Molly and Arthur stirring were comforting, since the night had been exceedingly lonesome, with just his thoughts to keep him company through ‘til dawn. He’d made up his mind to ask Molly about Horcruxes sometime soon, but he thought he’d rather help with breakfast first.

He knew enough to set water to boil in the kitchen, and he knew where the tea was kept. He wasn’t sure enough about portions to risk making it, but by the time Molly came downstairs, Draco had everything she needed ready for her, and she tousled his hair and gave him a drowsy smile.

“What’s got you up so early, love? No complaints though, dearie…since you’ve nearly set morning tea for us.”

Molly yawned and stretched. Draco decided that a casual approach to the truth wouldn’t hurt, and just told Molly how he really felt.

“I didn’t really feel like sleeping much. I just thought I’d come down early and help. Not really ready for nightmares just yet.”

Molly frowned immediately, but not a frown that suggested disappointment in Draco, just a grimace of sorrow that showed sympathy and regret for Draco’s situation. She hadn’t intended for him to give up sleep just for want of the Potion of Dreamless Sleep.

Molly chided him gently, and promised to sit up with him if needed, then handed him a cup of tea strong enough to wake him up right and properly. Arthur came downstairs before he could tell her that, in truth, he’d rather hoped Harry would sit up with him, but he thought better of saying it, and changed the subject to helping her with breakfast.

Dawn moved to morning, and Arthur left for work, leaving Molly and Draco alone in the kitchen, cleaning up the left overs and preserving two plates of food for Harry and Ron, who likely wouldn’t be up any time soon. Somehow, morning in the Burrow seemed a lot more hopeful than the night that had passed, and Draco let some of his uglier musings fade away as afterthoughts. It wasn’t easy, living, but there was only one known alternative, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for that just yet.

TBC!!!