The Fortress Within

Severus sat in front of the roaring fire


Severus sat in front of the roaring
fire, staring off into nothingness.  Without
thinking, he brought the bottle of whiskey to his mouth over and over again. 
It was more than a habit now; it was a ritual. 
His life had slipped into an endless circle of teaching, casting the
location spells, getting drunk, and waiting. 
Always waiting.


 


Four months now, spent waiting. 
Still, there was nothing.  It
was as if she had dropped off the face of the earth. 
Albus and Harry were searching every day too, adding their power to his.  All their efforts, as wes cos countless other witches and
wizards always on the lookout, were fruitless. 
Lately Severus had been contemplating the fact that she may be dead. 
That would have been an effective end to her problems, as it would be for
him.  Something, deep down inside,
screamed every time he considered taking his own life. 
That something told him, in Hermione’s soft voice, that when her life
was ended, he would know. 


 


So for four months he waited. 
He sat here, night after night, feeling the burning in bodybody, the
warmth.  He could imagine it was
her.  The fire-whiskey made her
voice louder.  She told him tales,
stories of the great adventures she was having. 
If he drank enough of it, she came to him. 
When he stumbled to their bed, deep in the night, she was there. 

 


Through his mind-numbing, alcohol
induced haze a voice intruded on his fantasies.  “Severus, come to my office at once.  The location spells have found something.”


 


Severus sobered up immediately and
with a handful of floo powder, was standing in the Headmaster’s office. 
“Where?”


 


Albus came quickly around his desk. 
“Harry has apparated to New York. 
She was fighting our spell, so he couldn’t get an exact location. 
We narrowed it to about a half a block and Harry is searching the
area.”


 


“Drop the wards, Albus. 
I’m going.”


 


There was no point in arguing, as
Albus Dumbledore well knew.  The
wards were dropped and Severus was gone. 


 


rus rus apparated into a small alley
in the Lower East Side, Alphabet City to be exact. 
He quickly located Harry in the dusky evening light. 
“What have you found?” he demanded, throwing pleasantries aside.


 


Harry did not seem surprised to see
him.  “I’ve been showing her
picture around.  She’s been
working at a café nearby as a waitress.  She
didn’t show up for work this morning, though. 
They gave me her address.”  Harry
stopped in front of a rundown apartment building. 
“Here we go 256 Bowrey.  Her
apartment is 3C.”


 


Severus took the front steps two at a
time and was through the door before Harry had moved from the curb. 
Inside, Harry found Severus looking around with a confused look on his
face.  “How the hell do you get to
the upper floors?”


 


Harry gave Severus a good imitation
of his own scathing look and stomped over to two small buttons on the wall. 
He pressed the upper one and a light appeared within the button. 
After a minute, the wall next to it slid open to reveal a small room. 
Severus followed Harry cautiously and fought a wave of panic the the
door slid shut behind him.  The room jerked several times and Severus could feel they
were moving, although up or down, he was not sure. 
The door slid open again and Severus peered out cautiously. 
Harry just huffed and pushed him out of the way. 
“It’s called an elevator, you dunderhead.”


 


In the dim hallway they quickly
located a door with 3C in black paint on the front.  The door stood ajar and they entered.  Whoever had been there last had left in a hurry. 
A chair in the kitchen lay on its side and the refrigerator and cabinets
were still filled with food.  In the
living room, everything personal in nature had been taken and they thy thing
left in the bedroom, aside from the bedding itself was an oversized sweatshirt,
lying forgotten in a corner.


 


Severus picked the gray fleece shirt
up and brought it to his face.  It
was Hermione’s, it smelled so much like her. 
Without thinking, he shrunk the sweatshirt and stuffed it in his pocket.


 


“Hello” a voice called from the
living room.  Harry moved quickly
into the other room to find a stooped old woman looking at him suspiciously.


 


“Hello, M’am,” Harry plastered
an innocent, boy-next-door look on his face. 
“We’re just looking for our friend. 
She has been renting this apartment, but it appears she’s moved out.
You wouldn’t happen to know if she left a forwarding address, would you?” 

 


The old woman wasn’t as trusting as
they would have liked.  “She said
someone would be coming to look for her.  She
also said I had nothing to fear from you, but I’m not so sure.” 
Hermione’s neighbor was looking Severus up and down. 
He hadn’t taken the time to transfigure his robes and certainly looked
out of place, even in New York.   “I
am sure that if either one of you is responsible for the condition she’s in
then you should be shot.  If not,
then you can’t be much of a friend, leaving her here alone and so far from
home.  Either way, I’m calling the
police.”  The old woman stomped
out the door and to the apartment across the way.


 


Severus made to follow her, only to
be caught by the arm by Harry.  “Don’t.
We need to get out of here.  We
can’t risk the exposure.  She’s
gone.”


 


Severus looked around the apartment,
overwhelmed by the desire to stay, if only to breathe her air, lie in her bed,
smell her scents.  With a grudging
nod, Severus gave in and the two wizards apparated back to Hogwarts.


 


Severus paced Albus’ office, his
insides twisted and writhing with frustration. 
They had filled Albus in on what they found in New York. 
The Headmaster sat pondering the information, trying to find a piece that
may have been overlooked.  “You said the old woman referred to her condit&nbs 
We can assume, I believe, that she continues to unravel. 
That would explain, as well, for the breach in her wards. 
We must cast the location spells more often. 
If she is, indeed, weakening, then we have to hope to find her quickly,
before one of them does something id oid out of desperation.”


 


Harry nodded in agreement and Severus
chose not to acknowledge the idea.  He
stopped his pacing long enough to form his thoughts, then resumed as he spoke. 
“She’s on the run now.  From
the looks of things, she also hasn’t much money. 
Waitressing, Gods I never would have imagined her turning to that with
her mind.  Anyway, we should visit
Gringotts and remind them that she is still missing. 
I expect, that if she is desperate enough, she may try to access her
vault there.”


 


Harry stood to leave. 
“I’ll take care of that first thing in the morning. 
Hopefully, we can have her back here by the time the term is over. 
That will give us the summer uninterrupted.  This is almost over, I can feel it.”


 


Severus walked up to the younger
wizard and looked down at him.  “I
wish I shared in your confidence, Mr. Potter. 
Hopefully you learned more from Trelawney than I ever did. 
I would be remiss, though, if I did not offer you my thanks.” 
Severus extended a hand.  “If
you…  If we are indeed successful
I will owe you a debt that I will never be able to repay.”


 


Harry took the elegant hand and shook
it.  “This is not a debt you have
to repay, Severus.  This is a wrong
that I will never be able to make right, no matter how hard I try. 
Just find a way to make her happy once she is back. 
That’s all I ask.”  Harry
left the room without another word.


 


Severus returned to his chambers. 
On his way to the bathroom he pulled her sweatshirt from his pocket and
returned it to its normal size.  He
laid it carefully on his pillow and looked forward to having just a small part
of her close to him.  A few minutes
later he returned to find it covered in orange hair and Crookshanks sound asleep
on it.  He hadn’t the heart to
rouse Hermione’s beloved cat, so he pulled one sleeve across his pillow and
laid his cheek on it to sleep, relishing the scent of her.


 


The final weeks of the term flew by
at an alarming pace.  Time and time
again they were able to breach her wards.  Hermione
was moving quicklom pom place to place.  She
was traveling up and down the east coast of the United States. 
This puzzled Severus.  He
couldn’t understand why she was not apparating, and knew there was a piece of
the puzzle that he was missing.


 


They followed her to cheap motels and
boarding houses in areas of cities where no one paid attention to you. 
Hermione was always one step ahead of them, but they were getting closer. 
The staff at Hogwawerewere now sharing his potions classes.  The location charm had been working almost daily, and he
didn’t have the time nor concentration to teach.


 


Tomorrow would be the Leaving Feast
and the first of June was not far behind.  It had been two days since they had last tracked her. 
She had stayed at a seedy motel in Newark, New Jersey and seemed to be
heading back into the city.  When
Severus had lifted the mug of tea she had left behind he found it still hot. 
Once again, they had just missed her.


 


Two days had passed and there had
been nothing.  Severus was fearful
that the Deatheater had taken complete control now. 
With the breakdown complete, she could regain her powers and they may
never find her.


 


Albus’ voice came from the
fireplace.  “Severus. 
She’s been seen.  Locate Oliver Wood at Heathrow airport.  He’ll fill you in on the details.  Harry’s on his way as well. 
Hurry.”


 


Once again, Severus was on his feet
and disapparating.  He found Harry
talking to Oliver near the baggage claim.  Next
to Oliver stood a small, brown haired woman, heavy with child.


 


“Professor Snape, how good to see
you.  Jeannie, this is my old
potion’s professor.  Professor, my
wife Jeannie.”


 


Severus forced himself to remain
calm.  “Very nice to meet you,
Mrs. Wood.  I don’t mean to be
rude, but where is Hermione?  Please,
Wood, tell me quickly.”


 


“Yes, so sorry. 
You see, we were returning from Amsterdam. 
We were visiting with her family there. 
Jeannie is too far along now to apparate, so we’re forced to fly. 
Anyway, I was getting our bags when I looked out the windows here and saw
her getting into a taxi.  Ied to
so
stop it, but I was too late.  I’m
sorry that I don’t have more information for you.”


 


Severus turned on his heel and walked
to the large windows covering the front of the airport. 
Through wet eyes he watched the cabs pull up and pull away, wondering if
one of them had carried her.  Once
again, she had slipped through his fingers. 
He watched as Oliver helped his cumbersome wife into a car and crawled in
beside her.  Oliver wrapped a long
arm around her and as they pulled away, Severus could see Jeannie lay her head
on her husband’s shoulder.  Would
he ever have a love such as that?


 


“She’s getting closer to home,
Severus,” Harry’s soft voice pointed out.


 


“Is she?”


 


“Yes, she is. 
She’s here in London and that has to mean something. 
I’m going to go over to Diagon Alley and have a look around. 
Want to join me?”


 


Severus hung his head, “No, I’m
going back to the castle.  I can’t
take this again today.  I don’t
know if I can take this anymore; the expectation, the hope, and then the let
down.  Gods, I’m so tired of it
all.”


 


Harry gave the tall man a reassuring
pat on the shoulder.  “Then go
home and get some rest.  You look
like you’ve been sleeping even less than I have.  You need to be ready for her Ses.&ns.  In this condition, you look like Hedwig could knock you over. 
I’ll let you know if I find anything.”


 


Harry walked around a large
freestanding map of the airport and disappeared.  Severus stood there, looking out of the window at the cars
coming and going for a long time.  Finally,
he disappeared as well, not bothering to hide. 
He was beyond caring if anyone noticed.


 


Severus appeared at the gate and
decided to take the long way into the castle. Maybe the fresh air would tire
him.  Harry was right. 
He wasn’t sleeping well at all.  When
he did his dreams were anything but restful. 
They were full of visions of Hermione. 
Sure, Dreamless sleep would help, but if the only place he could see her
was in his dreams, then so be it.  He
walked slowly down to the lake and watched the sun glittering across its
surface. The sounds and smells of new life were all nd hnd him, blooming
flowers, swaying grasses, the tiny cries of newly hatched babies in their nests. 
Renewed life, that’s what he needed. 
Without her, life would continue on in the mundane day-to-day parody he
had been living.  Finally, Severus
decided an afternoon nap was in order if only to escape again for a while. 
He picked a slow path partway around the back of the castle. 
He came up behind Hagrid’s little house and entered through a rear
door.


 


No sooner had he reached the dungeons
than he was met by Dobby.  The
annoyingly happy house elf blocked his way, bobbing up and down. 
“Master Snape, Master Snape.  I
have been waiting for your return.  Master
Dumbledore says to come to the infirmary right away. 
Harry Potter has returned to Hogwarts and he is not alone. 
He….”


 


Severus heard no more of the annoying
elf’s ramblings.  He ran up the
flights of stairs to the infirmary door.  Albus
was waiting for him, aloith ith Harry.&n Beh Behind the closed door he could hear Hermione’s voice,
screaming furiously at the medi-witch.  Demands
to be released were interspersed with flaming expletives.


 


“Wait, Severus, you need to know a
few things before you go in there.”  Albus
stepped in front of the door.  “Harry
and I had to bind her from doing magic.  It was difficult and risky given her present state, but she
was threatening to harm herself and almost killed Poppy in the process. 
Severus, it’s going to be a shock for you, but…”


 


Once again, Severus heard not another
word being told to him.  He moved
Albus aside firmly, but not roughly.  He
strode into the infirmary, his robes billowing menacingly behind him. 
Hermione stood looking out the infirmary window. 
With a nod to him, Poppy rose from her desk at the other end of the long
room and slipped quietly from the room.  “Granger,”
Severus called out in a commanding voice, “Cease this childish behavior at
once.”


 


At the sound of his voice, Hermione
relaxed visibly.  Her back was still
to him, but he could see her wrap her arms around her middle and she began to
rock.  The crack in the surface was
short lived as she stiffened once again.  “Childish,”
the Deatheater answered, “An interesting choice of words.” 
Snape could see she was dressed in a pair of cut-off fleece pants and an
over-sized t-shirt.


 


“I demand to be unbound. 
You have no right to hold me here.  Fuck,
the three of you had no right to hunt me down like an animal. 
All I wanted was to forget this place, and you refused me even that. 
It’s my life and damn it, I want to live it.”


 


“This isn’t your life, Granger. 
You have stolen her body and are attempting to live something that
isn’t yours.”


 


She was shaking her head now, but had
not turned to face him.  “I stole
nothing, she agreed.  This is an
agreement and we share this body.  She
has given me a life with the understanding I would not harm him. 
A life for a life she says.”


 


Snape was confused. 
This form of Hermione was speaking in riddles. 
“Let me talk to her, then.  Let
me hear the words from her mouth, not yours. 
Help me to understand and maybe I can help you.”


 


Hermione was silent as she considered
his offer.  Slowly, her arms came
around once more and the rocking began again.  Her shoulders began to shake. 
“Severus, she’s right.  Please,
tell them to release me and let me go.  I
agreed to all of this.  It was the
only way.”


 


Severus closed the distance between
them quickly and wrapped a strong arm around her shoulders, pulling her small
frame back against his. He felt her hands come up and latch onto his arms,
holding them to her. “Hermione, why?  Why
have you given in to her?  This is
your life, your life is here with me.”  He buried his face in her long, curling hair.


 


Her voice was softer now and a
a
frightened edge to it.  “Severus,
do you remember the Halloween revel?”  He
closed his eyes and turned to rest his cheek on the top of her head and nodded. 
“I lost my powers for a while that night and for several days afterward
they were severely weakened.  Many
of my existing spells failed at that time, too.” 

 


“She wanted to end it, Severus. 
I couldn’t let her.  Every
life deserves a chance, no matter how it was brought into existence. 
I don’t want this life any more than she does; 
but every life deserves a chance.  So
we did strike a bargain.  I agreed
she could continue on as we are and she agreed to let it live.”


 


His Hermione was making no more sense
to him than the Deatheater had.  “I don’t understand.”


 


She pulled away from him and
unwound his arms from her body.  Slowly
she turned around and his eyes met hers immediately. 
Hermione’s face was wet with tears and he brought both hands up to dry
her cheeks; they were only replaced by new ones. 
Severus wrapped his arms around her and pulled her body into his embrace. 
Like a slap in the face, understanding hit him head on. 
He couldn’t pull her any closer.  He
dropped his arms from her in shock and took a step back to look at her.
 


Severus staggered back to sit on the
edge of one of the beds, hit in the face by the clues that he should have been
able to put together.  How had he
missed this?  She had told him that
night, after her attack, “Don’t leave me though, I don’t think I have
any magical capacity right now.”


 


Poppy’s voice filled his head,
“Do you make the Adversus Conceptio for her?”


 


 “No, she uses the spells.” 

 


Even the Dark Lord had tried to tell
him. “I feel any child born of such a union would be quite an asset to not
only the two of you, but to myself as well.” 


 


The vomiting, weight loss,
withdrawal; why hadn’t he seen this coming? 
Suddenly, pain shot through his head forcing him to close his eyes.  The visions of 9 men swam before him.  One after another, they took her.  Mingled with this, his own nights of love with her. 
He forced the pictures from his head and opened his eyes to look at her
once more; he really looked at her.


 


Hermione’s arms came up again and
rested on her very protruding stomach.  She
was pregnant.