Understanding

All Harry Potter is the work of the most wonderful JK Rowling, and all song titles and lyrics are property of the Grammy-winning Best New Artist, Evanescence.

Understanding:
Chapter Twenty-Two:
Missing

****You won\'t cry for my absence, I know
You forgot me long ago
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn\'t something missing?
Isn\'t someone missing me?
Even though I\'m the sacrifice
You won\'t try for me, not now
Though I\'d die to know you love me
I\'m all alone
Isn\'t someone missing me?
And if I bleed, I\'ll bleed knowing you don\'t care
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I\'ll wake without you there
Isn\'t something missing?
Ethouthough I\'m the sacrifice
You won\'t try for me, not now
Though I\'d dieknowknow you love me
I\'m all alone
Isn\'t something missing?
Isn\'t someone missing me?****

Preparing for my shower, the stench of my clothes finally overtook me. Trudging to my dresser, I pulled out a pair of jeans and a Weird Sisters t-shirt. I knew night was falling and by all socially-accepted notions of logic I should have dressed for bed, but all socially-accepted notions of logic had fled from my head and had been replaced by chocolate chip cookie dough, episodes of \"Footballers\' Wives,\" and the lyrics to Garbage\'s \"Cup of Coffee.\" I also pulled out underwear (hadn\'t been wearing any) and a bra.

In for a penny, in for a pound, I guessed.

Suddenly very tired and very aware of the state of my hygiene, I walked gingerly towards the shower. Turning on the water, I stripped in front of the mirror while waiting for it to warm up. Oh, God. Too many snacks, \'Mione. Maybe you should go for a run after your shower. There was a slight but definitely noticeable pudge to my midsection that had not been there before. I couldn\'t quite bring myself to care, but I was somewhat glad to find myself even a little bit self-conscious after weeks and weeks of apathy. Maybe a shower would be just the thing I needed.

Stepping into the now-hot shower, I sighed contentedly. The pressure of the water and the heat seemed to be awakening my senses for the first time in ages, and as I inhaled the scent of the dee deeply, I felt my eyes open completely, certainly more alert than I had been since my birthday. I sighed again, at once tired but physically energized. For the first time since my birthday, I smiled.

Running my hands over my face and eyes in a movement meant to wake myself further, I yawned. I was rapidly working myself into a state I had known for most of my life, a state that I hated. My mind was waking up and my body was falling asleep. Letting my hands roam my body and whip the soap into a rich lather, I was shocked as my hands ran over my legs.

Oh my God! How could I have forgotten to shave for a whole month?

Disgusted, I wished I had my wand with me. Hair removal was so much easier magically. Unwilling to leave the warm comfort of the shower, I refused to go to my room and retrieve my wand, so I instead sucked it up and grabbed my long unused razor. I made quick work of my legs (I didn\'t like shaving under normal circumstances, let alone when I was about to fall asleep), and began once again to lather myself up, starting with my legs and working my way up.

It was strange. I hated Draco Malfoy. I really, really detested him. Besides the fact that he had begun the battle which had cost my friends their lives. Besides the fact that he had killed my parents in cold blood, with a clear warning that I was next. Besides all that, he was a selfish, egotistical, just plain mean son of a bitch. I hated him. I loathed him. I wanted to vomit upon seeing him.

But for some reason, my mind kept replaying the sensation of his hand between my legs. I kept remembering his breath in my ear, his tongue on my neck. It didn\'t turn me on, not in any way I\'d ever experienced before, at least. I didn\'t want him. I didn\'t like him. I didn\'t even think he was all that good looking. But as the memories of the dreamed-up sensations ran through my body, I was instinctively, animalistically aroused. I could not help it, no matter how hard I tried. The mroe i protested, the more I felt his hand there. The more I felt his hand, the more I imagined it moving against me, inside me. The more I thought of it, the more I wanted it. The more I thought about it, the closer my hand inched to the very dampness I was mentally protesting.

I have nothing against masturbation- don\'t get me wrong- but people never believe me when I say I don\'t do it. And I never did. It wasn\'t because of some skewed sense of impropriety or some moral objection. No, the answer was much simpler and much easier than that.

I couldn\'t do it.

I couldn\'t ever get myself off, so I had stopped trying ages ago. And anyone who knows Hermione Granger at all knows there is nothing that she cannot do. That is because Hermione Granger simply does not do things she is not good at. And I was simply no good at masturbating.

Until that night. As the water flowed over me, the voice in my ear morphed into the silky drawl of my beloved professor. I hear him moan my name and felt his phantom fingers all over my skin. That night I was firmly convinced it was not me touching me, I was Severus, and after a good long workout, my favorite Potions Master made me come long and hard, shouting his name and bracing myself against the wall of the shower.

As I recovered, the shower became entirely too hot for my flushed skin, and I quickly washed my hair before the heat overpowered me. Stepping outside, I was a bit woozy after the scorching shower and the powerful orgasm. I leaned against the sink for some time, but when I looked into the mirror again, I was smiling. Color had returned to my face, and though I knew it was probably just a post-orgasmic haze, I decided that from now on everything was going to be alright. Severus was coming back to me, I would take the Charms position next year (and hopefully some new ones with Severus), and all would be right with the world. Dressing quickly, I began humming the melody of \"Once Upon A Dream\" from Disney\'s \"Sleeping Beauty\" even waltzing with an invisible partner for a while. Going further through my daily routine, though, I noticed I had left my hairbrush in the bedroom and after brushing my teeth, I opened the door to waltz my way to go get it.

But I never got there.

Leaning against the wall facing the bathroom door was a very contented-looking, smirking Draco Malfoy. It was the last thing I needed to see. That human pile of trash could make Satan weep. It\'s like God vomited and there was Draco.

Panic-stricken, I stopped dead in my tracks as Draco approached me, his wand pointed straight at my throat. He advanced until I was pressed against the wall, his wand tip nudging the underside of my chin.

\"That was quite a show you put on for me, Mudblood,\" he sneered, amusement evident on his every feaure. \"Tell me, did you ever do that for my traitorous uncle? Ever finish what he couldn\'t? Or did you just fake it so he\'d get off you?\" He stopped talking for a moment, looking deep into my eyes. I was not sure if he expected an anser, but he sure as hell wasn\'t going to get one. \"On second thought, hold your tongue, Granger,\" Malfoy ordered, the deadly sneer on his face turning to a smirk. Without lowering his wand, he moved close to my face as if to kiss me. Instead, with his wand still pointed at my throat, he merely breathed on me. \"Merlin only knows where that tongue of yours has been anyway.\" He looked me in the eye for what seemed to be an inordinate amount of time, and without breaking eye contact, he slowly licked his lips. Taking a moment to savor what I\'m sure he thought was fear on my face, Draco moved his eyes from mine to my lips and back to my eyes again. Then he smile at me- a very I\'d-like-to-make-a-coat-out-of-your-skin kind of smile- before he moved in to plant his disgusting, girlishly soft ferret lips on me.

Well, that was his intention, anyway.

Ever the quick thinker, I reared back the moment I saw him coming at me and spat in his eyes. Shocked by my actions, Draco loosened his grip on me and lowered his wand. In that split second I made my break and ran down the stairs as fast as I could, jumping the last three and landing clumsily. I didn\'t care. At least it had bought me some time. Upstairs I could hear Malfoy swearing and stumbling. I was at once grateful that my parents had been dentists and had instilled in me a deep love of oral hygiene- my mouth had been full of Listerine when I spat in his eyes.

Running to the kitchen, I was suddenly confused. I didn\'t have my wand or any floo powder, so I couldn\'t contact anyone in the magical world. Instinctively, I grabbed the phone and quickly dialed the police department. The operator had just picked up when Draco appeared in the doorway, looking angrier and scarier than I\'d ever seen him.

\"That was not nice, Mudblood,\" he spat, taking a step toward me. In my semi-hysteria, he seemed to be gliding toward me like a Dementor or some demon from Hell.

Okay, moron, that\'s the last time you watch a horror movie when you know someone\'s trying to kill you. See, your mind goes crazy...

I could hear the police operator through the receiver of the phone but did not understand a word she was saying. I simply muttered the only word floating through my mind before I dropped the phone to the floor.

\"Help.\"

\"What was that, Mudblood?\" Draco asked cockily. He obviously had no idea what a telephone did and only thought I was making a small pathetic plea to him. Taking his time to make his way towards me, he grinned haughtily, looking rather like a cat who\'s cornered a defenseless rodent.

I have stated many times that Malfoy\'s downfall would be his ego. I am sorry to say that his ego did not cause his demise that day, but it sure gave him a nasty bump on the head.

As he slowly approached me, smiling quite contentedly, I just as slowly and discreetly wrapped my hand around the refridgerator door handle.

\"Oh, Mudblood, you will make such exquisite bait for those murdering animals,\" he practically crooned in a very creepy voice. He wasn\'t near where I needed him to be yet, so I decided to play dumb which I, regrettably, do kind of well.

\"Who do you mean, Draco?\"

Come on, you dumb fucker! You can move a little faster than that!

\"Who do you think, you stupid bitch?\" he spat, anger suddenly prevalent once again. \"My dear godfather and the blathering old fool he follows blindly.\"

I had figured as much, but it still hurt to hear it, realizing the weak point in Malfoys\' plan. Severus wouldn\'t give a flying fuck if I were killed. And after what I\'d said to Dumbledore, I\'d be surprised if he cared either.

\"Come now, Draco,\" I began sweetly. \"If you\'ve been watching me like you say, then you know if I\'m the bait, Snape\'s not biting.\"

\"on ton the contrary, Granger. I\'ve been watching Snape, and right now, you\'re the only thing I possibly could bait him with.\"

What? What could he mean by that? I was frozen for a moment by the tiny hope that Severus might still love me, but my paralysis was cured as Malfoy entered my sights.

With a loud \"thwack\" I had introduced the stainless steel door to Draco\'s head. The contact hadn\'t knocked him out as I\'d hoped it would, but he was knocked flat on his ass and was dazed and confused momentarily. Taking the opportunity, I ran to the knife drawer and pulled out the longest, sharpest one I could.

Goddamn my parents and their child-proofing! I had been ten when I effectively moved out of the house, quite old enough to hand real knives!

The best knife I could grab was only a steak knife, but it was better than nothing, and I bet it could be of some use. Maybe? In my heart of hearts, all I really wanted was to use that little knife to slowly saw off the fucker\'s balls.

\"I\'m going to fucking kill you, Mudblood!\" he raged, once again on his feet. I don\'t know if adrenaline had finally kicked in, but as he approached, I crouched in a fighting stance in the doorway to the living room.

\"Come and get me, motherfucker!\" I screamed as I turned and ran for the door. I could already hear sirens in the distance, and I thought if I could only stall Malfoy long enough, maybe I could get the cops to subdue him. Arrest the motherfucker. They\'d take his wand (potential weapon) and he\'d be a regular Muggle convict. Then again, I don;t know if he would have been so opposed. I head Malfoy likes to take it up the ass.

I was confident in my plan and almost to the door when my world went black. Well, except for the lovely red flashes behind my eyes.

\"Crucio!\"

I immediately fell on my face, a pain I cannot even begin to describe coursing through every inch of my being. I heard him laughing above me and felt him pluck the puny knife from my suddenly palsied hands. I was seizing and spasming all over the floor, and though it was more excruciating than anything I had ever been through, that damned Gryffindor resilience began to show through and I started to fight off the curse. I will not lie. If I had been even a little bit less excited about living, the curse would have done me in. I would have given up. But the pain did not seem to last as long as I had heard it decribed, and I began to struggle. Fighting it earnestly, I concentrated on my surroundings. The sirens had become louder as they approached and Draco stood in the window transfixed by the sudden flashing of blue light. It was just the distraction I needed, for before I Draco could mutter \"what the fuck?\" I had thrown off the curse.

Thank God Draco never was very effective with wand work. I have a feeling it was a rather lame attempt at Cruciatus.

From outside a voice boomed through a megaphone.

\"This is Officer Garcia with the Hampstead Police Force. Come out with your hands up.\"

Malfoy turned away from the picture window disbelievingly.

\"What the hell is this, Mudblood?\"

But he never got an answer. As soon as he turned toward me, I charged at him, fight or flight kicking in big time. I speared him, and at the impact, we were both launched through the window. Crashing onto the ground below, I landed on top of him but was caught at an odd angle and turned my ankle quite painfully. I cringed for a moment, but as soon as he came to his senses Malfoy grabbed me and rolled so that I was underneath him, snarling and spitting. We tussled like that for several moments before a stern warning rang out from Officer Garcia\'s bullhorn. Obviously it was the last straw for Draco. The little bitch made sure he was holding on to me tightly before apparating the two of us from my front garden, leaving Officer Garcia and his men rubbing their eyes in disbelief of what they\'d just seen.

***************************A/N***********************
Okay, first of all, the \"human pile of trash\" line belongs to the real Officer Garcia, Carlos Alazraqui of \"Reno 911!\" He\'s mine. You can\'t have him! Leave him alone! MY Deputy Garcia!!!!!!! I don\'t usually lift things intentionally, but this was too perfect to pass up!

Thank you to everyone who has read, but especially to all who have reviewed:

Ryn: Yeah, I know it was short, but I\'m updating the same say...

Deb: Thank you so much! Hopefully Sev and Hermione work out the whole sex thing (personally, I think they will, but don\'t tell anyone!) And don\'t worry- Draco will get his!

spaz141:Thank you!

Sirius Star Holder: Glad you liked it!

Hawklaw: Thanks!

deblovesdragon: Yes, Supeveruverus is part of our justice league. He, along with you, Domestic Goddess, Juicy Jane, and me, Mighty Mary, will bring down the tyrrany and bullshit (God, now I\'m ripping off Tenacious D!)...

Florentia: Thanks!

eagle33: Thank you!

JennD: Don\'t worry -was gonna update even if no one reviewed! But long, rambling reviews are always welcomed! Thanks!