If the Crime Fits the Punishment

ok folks, this is test of the emergency literature system. this is only a test....... how many of you know this isn\'t mine? raise your hands.... very good. then it would appear everyone knows that the charcaters and places herein, with exception of kendra, her family, and a righteously pissed off cat, are the sole property of j.k. rowling. i\'m borrowing without expecting compensation.

danger, will robinson, danger! there\'s RAUNCH and SMUT ahead....... no, not smurfs. smut!

please read and review. i would ever be so greatful.

Chapter Twenty One: Juice.... The Truth Hurts
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Severus was gone when Kendra woke in the morning. She stood and stretched, reaching for something to cover herself with. Her hands closed over the robes she had lifted from the dungeons before leaving. She buried her nose in the material as she wrapped herself up. His scent still clung to the black cloth. She inhaled it and headed for the kitchen. A note sat propped on the kitchen table.

\'There is breakfast in the refrigerator. Eat it all, or I shall be forced to spank you. And no more chocolate frogs, as you shall end up chubby. We will be talking about this obsession you have with my robes. I\'ll see you this evening.\'

He had signed with a scrolling S. She smiled and opened the door of the fridge. A cold plate of kippers and eggs awaited her. She felt her stomach heave and decided, while the eggs might be okay to eat, she was not touching the kippers. Pushing the door of the appliance shut, she headed for her bedroom. She needed a shower after the previous night. She still had to get ready to start work at The Three Broomsticks. It was going to be a long day

~*~*~*~*~

Severus found a fresh piece of parchment on the top of his desk, unfolded and written on. It announced a staff meeting that would be taking place that morning before the first classes started. He groaned, muttering a curse under his breath. He woken early and deprived himself of the feeling of having Kendra wake in his arms so he could come back to the dungeons and get cleaned up. Without distractions. Now he had a bloody meeting to go to. He would have to charm himself clean instead of a shower, and it never worked well. It was because of stupid cleaning charm that the student body had started calling him a greasy git in the first place. The damn thing never got his hair done right.

No help for it now. He pulled his wand and performed the spell, cringing when he felt the added wieght of oil in his hair. Bugger! He was not going like this. He took an extra few minutes to stick his hair under running water, working shampoo and a conditioner through it. When he\'d finished, he set off for the staff meeting, grabbing up a pile of papers he needed to grade and hand back.

He was the last one to arrive, other than Dumbledore, and everyone turned their stares his way. He ignored the questioning glances sent toward his hair and took his favorite leather chair. He began pouring over the papers in his lap, only half paying attention to the talk going on around him. It seemed there was quite a bit of it happening, and none of it involving school topics. His ears seemed destined to eavesdrop, because one converstation drifted into his subconscious. \'He\'ll be wed at the end of the month,\' Madam Sprout\'s voice echoed about his brain with a vengence.

\'Congratulations, Pomona,\' McGonagall said, her voice filled with mild enthusiasm.

\'Thank you, Minerva,\' Sprout gushed. \'There is only one problem.\'

\'Oh? What is that?\' she asked, staring at the short woman. Severus\' brain disengaged from the conversation for a moment as the crumpled parchment before him came into focus. The name across the top read Kendra Elaine Morgana Brigit Elizabeth Donnal MacLeod Snape. Snape? When the hell had she written that? He stared at the parchment, noticing the ink was still fairly fresh. This had been recently. Kendra wanted to marry him? That couldn\'t be right.

How could the girl want to marry him? It was utterly inconceivable. She had said she loved him, yes. But marriage? She had to be out of her mind. No one in their right mind would want him. ~Now wait a bloody minute, you stupid git! What about all that talk about husbands you\'ve heard from both her and Dumbledore? What do you suppose that was all about?~ his brain spat at him. He thought on it for a moment and had to think maybe his brain was right. Kendra wanted to.....

\'Don\'t you think so, Severus?\' McGonagall\'s voice cut into his thoughts. He looked up, not bothering to mask his ire at the interruption.

\' I\'m sorry. I\'m afraid I was lost in thought,\' he said, lacing his words with as much antagonism as he could manage. \'Don\'t I think so what?\'

\'The bride doesn\'t want to take his last name. Don\'t you think the bride should always take her husband\'s last name?\' Sprouts words wormed their way into his brain at about the same moment he lifted the glass of pumpkin juice next to his elbow and took a sip. They registered just before he swallowed, and joined up with the thought that Kendra might actually want to marry him. The two bits ganged up on him, forcing him to think about marriage with a great deal of seriousness. The pumpkin juice slid down the wrong pipe. The next thing he knew, he was choking and a stream of the liquid was flowing from both nostrils. It was, all in all, rather painful.

\'Oh my goodness! Severus, are you alright?\' McGonagall asked him, trying not to let her laughter seep into her voice. He used a napkin off the pile to wipe at the pumpkin juice, which had splattered all over himself and the papers in his lap. He glowered at the woman and stood, keeping his hand curled about the ungraded parchments.

\' I\'m quite fine, I assure you. I think it\'s a down right scandal when a woman will not take her husband\'s married name! Any woman of mine would.....\' his tirade petered out as he noticed the stares directed at him. Each member of staff was giving him a most quizzical look. He glared about him for a moment, then went on. \'Now, you will have to give my apologies to the Headmaster, as I must go clean myself up before my first class,\' he snarled, then turned on his heel and stalked out of the room.

He had to be loosing is damned mind! To say something like that in front of the entire staff, not to mention the entre pumpkin juice incident, must surely be signs that his brain had gone soft on him. And yet, there was something entirely thrilling about the thought that maybe, just maybe, Kendra wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. And maybe he was the biggest kind of fool.

All through the day, from cleaning himself up to sitting through the hell of his first years, he couldn\'t quite seem to push the thought of marriage from his mind.....

~*~*~*~*~

Kendra sighed as she set the tray down. The pub was practically empty, but it had been some time since she\'d been forced to actually work. The year after graduation, the money for her flat had come from her parents. She could\'ve worked, had she chosen to. But she had been focused on the punishment of the man she was now completely in love with. And now that she needed to work, it was taking her a bit of time to get used to it.

The bell on the door tinkled brightly, and she turned to see who had just come in. Madam Rosemerta was in the kitchen, dealing with a small problem, and it was Kendra\'s job to watch the front until she returned. Two figures stepped in, and she thought her jaw was going to fall off, it dropped so fast.

A diminuative person stepped in, one shaped like a barrel behind the first. She realized with a start that she was supposed to be meeting her parents today. Well, they were just going to love this. She stepped out from behind the bar and moved toward them as the door swung shut. The closed panel blocked the sun\'s light, and she had to allow her eyes to readjust to the dim flames that lit the interior. \'Mum! Da! It\'s good to see you!\' she forced brightness into her tone and moved forward to hug them both.

\'Ye\'re looking good, ma wee one. How are ye feeling?\' Aengus asked as he hugged her to him, his grip loose in respect to her pregnancy.

\' I\'m fine, Da. I\'m trying to keep busy,\' she replied. Her mother looked her up and down, her gaze narrowing on the apron her daughter wore.

\'Kendra Elaine! What\'s this nonsense here?\' she pointed to the apron. Kendra blushed, and muttered something under her breath. \'I didn\'t hear you, young lady! Speak up!\'

\' I work here,\' she returned, lifting her head just a touch. She watched color suffuse her father\'s face, and she knew he was working up a good head of steam. \'Dinna start, Da!\' she ordered, answering anger making her brogue roll from her tongue. Both parents stared at her for a moment before she went on. \' I\'m all grown up now. I can take care of m\'self. I\'m bored sitting by m\'self all day, so I took a job to pass the time. Until the bairn comes, then I\'ll be at home with it!\'

\'I dinna like the idea of ma daughter workin\' in a pub,\' Aengus huffed.

\'It\'s more than a pub, Mr. MacLeod. It\'s a family atmosphere. The students come in here, as do the Professors. It\'s a good place, and I promise I\'ll take care of Kendra for you,\' Rosemerta said as she came up behind the girl. \'Not only that, but I\'m sure once Severus hears of this, he\'ll be obliged to add his two knut\'s worth. He\'s rather over protective of the child.\'

\'Bloody hell! I\'d forgotten all aboot him! He\'ll be coming fer dinner tonight! Shite!\' Kendra spat as she went over the stock in her cupboards. It didn\'t amount to much of anything for the four of them.

\'Ye\'d best be watchin\' yer mouth, young lady! Or I\'ll be takin\' ye over ma knee!\' Aengus looked at her. She merely glared back for a moment, then his soft smile broke through. \'Och, look Morgaine..... our wee one\'s a full grown woman now.\'

\'Aye, she is, Aengus,\' her mother nodded. \'Go back to work, lass. You\'re Da and I will take care of the meal preparations. Where\'s your cottage?\'

\'Can\'t miss it. It\'s the end of the lane, farthest away from the castle,\' she smiled at her parents. \'You\'ll know the password for the wards. Just think on it a bit.\' They hugged her good bye then stepped out the door. She turned to find Rosemerta grinning at her. \'What?\'

\'This should prove to be an intersting evening. Perhaps I should come to dinner to control those two men when they get together,\' she suggested. Kendra\'s face paled and she stomped off, but not before Rosemerta heard the girl mutter a curse.

\'Double shite!\'

~*~*~*~*~

The lights were blazing in the cottage when Kendra approached. She was later than she thought she\'d be, because of the sudden arrival of a group of Irish Wizards who were on their way to a convention of some sort in Spain. They had kept Kendra busy with their orders and their hands, and she\'d finally had to hex one to make them understand she really did want to be left alone. It was nothing bad. She\'d just given him a bad case of spots. Of course, she may have been a little over zealous. They oozed a bit, and were rather putrid smelling. But they would go away in a few days. Possibly.

When she pushed open the door, she was greated by the sight of her father and Severus sitting across from each other in the tiny living room, scowling fiercely at each other. She sighed and shut the door, wondering how long Severus had been there. By the looks of the scotch in his hand, it had been some time. She went to him first, placing a kiss on the top of his head. He glanced up at her, and she could tell she was in for a good lecture when they were alone. \'Where have you been? Your father almost took my bloody head off when I arrived.\'

\' I\'m sorry, Severus. I was......um....... working,\' she told him, hoping he wouldn\'t hear her. She wasn\'t in the mood to hear him rage at her for that, as well.

\'Work? And just where did you go to find employment in Hogsmeade?\' he demanded, his tone telling her he would not let her be until she answered him.

\'Erm.... that would be The Three Broomsticks,\' she replied, stepping back. She knew he would be hitting the roof over this. She was not disappointed. He shot out of his chair and pointed one long white finger at her.

\'You are working in a pub?\' he demanded, his voice so soft, she took an involuntary step back. \'You\'ll not be working in a pub! Do you understand me?\'

\'And what am I supposed to do with m\'self? Sit aboot the cottage and get fat? I\'m bored sitting by m\'self all day. And if ye\'ll recall, that\'s what caused all the shite between us,\' she snapped back. Aengus made himself more comfortable on the couch, eagerly awaiting the outcome of the shouting match. He had his money on his daughter.

\'You would be wise to watch the tone you take with me, brat. I\'ll still take you over my knee, if the need arises,\' he warned. She grinned at him, crossing her arms over her chest.

\'Oh, aye? And ye\'d understand totally when I was forced to take your nuts off?\' she questioned him.

\'You\'re treading very thin ice. I\'ve had a rather horrid day, and I had hoped to come here and seek some modicum of comfort in your arms. Instead, I\'m accosted by your father, purely because he thinks I\'m no good for you. And now, you stand here acting like a stark raving mad bitch!\'

\'And if I am? What are ye going to do aboot it? Surely ye\'ve figured out by now that I\'m no\' scared of ye! Or are ye truly that dense?\' she taunted. He was livid. She could see it in the way he stood, stiff and straight as a board. His mouth was compressed down into a tiny line, and his hands were nearly shaking. \'Ye dinna understand, do ye?\'

\'Understand what?\' he growled. She smiled at him now, and shook her head. Yes, he really was that dense.

\' I\'m no\' used to just lying aboot the house with naught to do. Even in the year between graduation and our eventual reacquaintance, I was always busy. I did do something besides sit aboot my flat and study that infernal spell book!\' she informed him. \'Now, I\'m back to nothing! I can\'t stay at the castle with you and I can\'t work because of you. At least, up at Hogwarts, there was the library. And I could go visit people or go out onto the pitch. Here, I have nothing to do! I\'m not going to just sit aboot and wait for you to show up and alleviate my boredom.\'

\'But the pub?\' he questioned, his tone becoming less incensed. His posture relaxed somewhat and she stepped over to him, drawing him into her embrace. He was not comfortable with public displays of affection and her father was watching them, but she dragged him in none the less. When he stood rigidly in her embrace, she hit him on top of his head and glared up at him. He managed a faint smile, relaxing just the smallest bit.

\'Rosemerta is keeping an eye on me as if she were Mum. And there\'s the charm Dumbledore placed, so I\'ll be just fine. You have nothing to worry about. I\'ll be quitting as soon as the bairn comes, anyway,\' she told him softly, her brogue disappearing as fast as it had come.

\'I only act like a complete ass because I worry over you two,\' he placed his forehead against hers, his hand cupping over the tiny mound of her belly.

\'You act like a complete ass, whether you worry or not,\' she grinned at him impishly. He chuckled, deciding he\'d fought with her enough. The two of them stepped apart as Morgaine stepped into the room. She looked at the three of them and smiled.

\'Good, now that you have that out of the way, you can come and help me with the meal, Kendra,\' she insisted. Kendra gave Severus a sheepish grin, then went over and hugged her father before disappearing into the kitchen. Snape watched as Aengus drew his wand and cast a spell, then motioned for him to take his seat. He sat nervously, eye on the wand.

\'It\'s a silencing spell, boy. I need tae talk to ye,\' Aengus told him, noting the faintly uncomfortable look. He put the wand away and studied the other man for a moment. Snape picked up his scotch, taking a drink from the tumbler. \'When do you plan tae marry m\' lassie?\' he asked.

Severus choked on the question, and for the second time that day, had liquid spewing from his nose. The scotch burned on it\'s way out. When he had his breath back, he spit out a loud curse. \' Fuck me! Arrgh! That bloody hurt!\' he ground out.

\'Damn it, mon! Ye wasted some perfectly good drink! I didn\'t mean to startle ye, lad,\' Aengus said by way of apology. \'Are ye alright?\'

\' I\'m fine,\' he scowled, pulling his wand so that he could clean up the mess on his robes. Again. This was not his bloody day. \'You merely startled me. That particular word has been in everyone\'s vocabulary today. I\'ve got to admit, I\'ve been giving the idea considerable thought through out most of the day.\'

\'You\'ve been thinkin\' aboot marryin\' me Kendra?\'

\' I have. In fact, I had intended to attempt to ask her tonight. Not that I\'m terribly good at asking people anything. I\'m better at giving orders,\' he sighed and took his seat again. \' I\'ve no earthly idea how to ask her to be my wife.\'

\'Well now, laddie,\' Aengus smiled. \' I might be able to help ye with that.\' He watched as the younger man looked at him in outright curiosity. \'Why don\'t we plan one fer her, then spring it on her later?\'

\'She\'ll have my head on a platter, and I much rather it stay where it is,\' Severus commented dryly. Aengus chuckled at the tone and shook his head.

\'Ye marry her, lad, and she\'ll be happier than anything in the world,\' the red head assured him. Severus doubted him, but allowed him to put forth his hair brained idea. Then the idea was suddenly very appealing to him, because she\'d started the entire bloody mess with her kidnapping of him. Turn about was fair play. They made arrangements to owl each other about the details. Then Aengus was insisting the two of them act like they hated each other to throw off suspicion. It wouldn\'t do to have her suspect anything.

So, when Kendra and Morgaine came in to announce the meal being served, it was to find that Severus and Aengus were standing practically nose to nose, glaring hatefully at one another and arguing like old enemies. \'You\'d best watch what you say, old man. I\'ve got quite an extensive collection of hexes in my arsenal. I should hate to see Kendra upset by my having to hurt you in some way!\' Severus growled at the bigger man.

\'Ye think ye\'re mon enough to curse me? Come right ahead with it then! I\'m big enough to knock ye right on yer arse, boy! Dinna ever ferget that!\' Aengus bellowed back. \'And if ye dinna apologize fer insulting m\' daughter, I\'ll take ye out side and pound yer scrawny hide into nothin\'!\'

Kendra stepped between the two of them, glaring at both. They eventually focused their gazes on her, and she forced a tight smile. \'Now, lads, tis time to eat. Behave yerselves, or I\'ll be the one doing the hexing and pounding!\'

\'That man,\' Severus sneered the word man to make his opinion on the matter known. One of his long fingers pointed at Aengus. \'Is an insufferable bastard. I cannot stay in this cottage with him for one more bloody minute!\'

\' I dinna understand how ye could get caught up with this git! He\'s no\' good enough fer, ye, lass! Let me take him oot back and hex him proper!\' Aengus looked to his daughter. She looked postively pissed. Plans were going better than expected. \'He\'s no\' worthy of yer love, ma wee one. And I canna stand the sodding prick!\'

\'No one is leaving,\' her eyes bored into Severus\' black ones. \'And no one is hexing anyone! We\'re all going to sit at the table and eat the nice dinner Mum prepared. Or I\'ll start practicing spells. We\'ll see how long you can hold out on those!\' she cast a knowing look at Snape. He scowled, but finally nodded his agreement. She turned her angry glare on her da. \'And I\'ll hex you so that you won\'t be able to see your grandchild!\' she hissed at him. He looked stricken at the idea, so he nodded his consent.

The four of them crowded around the little table to eat the stew Morgaine had prepared. She and Kendra attempted to make conversation, but Severus and Aengus refused to be drawn into it. They glared at one another over the table, their dislike for one another nearly thick enough to cut with a knife. After a small dessert of ice cream, Morgaine and Aengus flooed home, leaving her to sit with Severus.

\' I\'m bloody well tired,\' he yawned and stood. She sat on the couch for a moment, giving consideration to the thought of throwing him out for the night. She tossed the idea aside though, and got up to follow behind him. As she lay in bed that night, curled around him, her brain was turning over one thing. She was up a creek if she couldn\'t find a way for the two of them to get along. Severus would never even think of marriage to her if her father kept acting the arrogant jerk. Not that his behavior had been much better. But still, it would be nice for the man she loved and wanted to marry to get along with her da.

This was not going to be easy.........

end chapter twenty one.
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my many thanks to madam shark. she\'s a doll to help me so much, and she knows just how much i appreciate it, cos i tell her so every day. and to kenly, who makes me goofy with all her praise and encouragment....... and to the rest of my groupies. thanks loads for all the prodding.

please read and review, i do so love to see what every one thinks....

and now, on behalf of all my help and myself..... hey where\'s the podium? where\'s my f!@$ing pulitzer! i want acknowledgement! i want recognition! i want........ooo, chocolate frogs!