Jaded

JADED

For Summery, warnings, spoilers and disclaimers see chapter one.
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Chapter Twenty-one: How do you dare to tell me that I’m my father’s son
(Title from “Wind-up”, by Jethro Tull, Album “Aqualung”)

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“Jaime, wait, just hold on a second!” Remus grabbed Harry’s arm, spinning him around so that the other could face him. To Remus’ utter shock he could see tears in his partner’s eyes. Harry was having hard time breathing, just thinking about the fact that he just smacked his own father was bad enough but the sting in his hand, the heat that was spreading from where his knuckles met with James’ face made it impossible to run away from what he’s done. Remus wrapped his arms around his distressed boyfriend and lowered them to the ground, Harry’s whole body shaking with silent sobs.

“It’s ok, it’s ok.” Remus whispered to him, rocking Harry back and forth slowly, letting the storm pass. He was pretty sure Harry hadn’t meant to hit James and now the poor wolf was just in shock. Remus was doing his best to be the good boyfriend and comfort his lover but he couldn’t help the small smile that graced his lips.

After a while Harry finally managed to get hold of himself and calm down enough to look at Remus, his face all red and puffy.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled and wiped his face with the tissue Remus conjured for him,

“Sorry for what? James deserved everything he got and more.” Harry sniffled miserably, if only he could tell Remus the real reason for his distress… because he sure as hell wasn’t sorry for putting James in his place after the horrible things he said.

“You’re not mad?” He asked with an unsure note, this was exactly the sort of things that Snape always complained about- acting without thinking first.

“Mad? Are you joking? I’m completely turned on right now!” Remus exclaimed with a grin, “No one ever defended my honour like that before.” Harry let out a wet chuckle and leaned against Remus, feeling grateful that not everything was ruined tonight. “Come on, let’s go to bed.” Remus purred in his ear but Harry, turned on as he was by his wolf’s sexy purrs, was still feeling more guilty than horny,

“What about James?” Remus seemed to have sagged a little, damn Jaime for being too Gryffindor for his own good…

“James will cool off soon enough. He’s got a big mouth and a foul temper but he’s not one to hold grudges.” Just like me… Harry thought with a mental smile, “Everything will be alright tomorrow, you’ll see.”
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But despite of Remus’ optimistic prediction, James turned out to be a lot more stubborn than anyone gave him credit for and he flat out refused to have anything to do with Harry. He even refused to go to see Madame Pomfrey and have his bruise looked at, preferring to have his face swelling up just to annoy Harry further.

Harry on his part was quite torn with guilt. Yes, it was true James deserved that punch, yes it was true that he shouldn’t have said those things but for the love of Merlin, James was his father! When he set out to get to know his parents better this was not what he signed up for! And to make things worse, Snape, of all people, was right about him, he was just as bad as his father.

The week that followed the party was the hardest one for the Marauders as of yet. Up until now, no matter what happened, they always faced it together, but now the worse thing imaginable happened- they were tearing at each other’s throats! As the days passed Remus grew tenser, both because the moon was pulling at him and both because of the growing tension in their dorms.

“Jaime, you have to do something!” Remus dropped the book he was carrying on the table with a heavy thud. In order to escape stress Remus and Harry took refuge in the Room of Requirements, turning it into their private sanctuary- both for studying and sleeping.

“What do you want me to do? James won’t even look at me!” Harry snapped back, knowing that he should keep his temper on this because it wasn’t Remus fault and besides, provoking a werewolf three days before the full moon is just something you don’t do, even if you’re in love with said wolf.

“I hate this! Our dorms have turned into two camps! Sirius is following James like a bloody lap dog, they both hate me because I’m your boyfriend, Peter is looking like his aunt just died and Lily’s is pulling a Switzerland!” Remus slumped into a chair, waving his hands in the air,

“Peter’s got a girlfriend in Slytherin.” Harry said quietly, refusing to lift his head from the book he was pretending to read,

“Brilliant, than he should be on your side then.”

“I don’t want him on my side, I don’t even like Peter!” Remus jumped from his chair and started pacing around,

“Fine, whatever, this is not the point. The point is, you have to make things better somehow!” Harry snapped his book shut and rose to his feet as well,

“Why do I have to do the first move? James is the one with the big mouth!” Remus stopped in front of Harry, drawing a deep breath and flexing his fingers in frustration,

“Why do you have to be so… man!” He asked angrily and started pacing again. Harry opened and closed his mouth a few times- well, that was an interesting accusation,

“I thought that was what you liked most about me…” He said with a small smile, trying not to laugh but Remus wasn’t listening to him, he was pacing again talking to himself,

“I thought I really had it going, you know, Sirius was always complaining about girls being too sensitive and that you had to constantly pay attention to their feeling or they’ll be offended… I thought I had it better, with men, not having to worry about their stupid menstrual hormones and moods, but NO! Men have egos! The bloody size of Greenland! And you won’t talk to James because he’s at fault and he won’t talk to you because you hit him and I’m stuck in the bloody middle and it’s three days to the full moon and I’m going fucking crazy!”

“Alright, alright!” Harry cried, ”I will talk to James!” Remus stopped his ranting and looked at his boyfriend, he hadn’t really meant to go mad but it was just so frustrating to have his dorms split in half like that. He missed his friends, as much as he loved spending time with Harry and all he still needed some sane perspective, someone to talk to who knowing that the conversation was not likely to end with his cock being buried in anyone’s arse. Jaime had Alex for that and Remus had James and Sirius, when they weren’t being complete arseholes that is.

“Good.”

“Right after I talk to Lily…” Remus sighed, why did everyone think that they could solve every bloody problem by running to Lily? Yeah, she was a great friend and one of the only girls Remus was willing to admit he wasn’t dead scared of (actually he was scared shitless of her, but that had nothing to do with any of Lily’s girly traits and everything to do with her sharp intellect- but then again, he never met anyone their age who wasn’t scared of that), but from this to being the bloody guru of everything…

“Fine.” He knew there was no point in arguing that, and sat back in his chair, feeling slightly better than he did before but at the same time more frustrated that this was the extant of his ability to help out.
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“Fancy meeting you down here…” Harry lifted his head from the flames he was watching and gave his mother a half smile. Lily plopped on the sofa next to him, all warm and solid and Harry couldn’t help snuggling into her a little, “I thought you’d be out and running with the lot now that you got your animagus form.” Harry shrugged and kept his eyes on the flames,

“James said that if I came he wouldn’t and Sirius backed him up. I couldn’t let Remus suffer because of that. I’ll go to him when they come back.” He said quietly,

“James is such a nitwit sometimes. Merlin, I’m so glad you thumped him.” A ghost of a smile crossed Harry’s lips, but not reaching his eyes. He had already discovered that his fiery temper was nearly 100% Lily. “I got all the gory details from Ian, James should never have said those things about Alex, and especially not about Remus. Good job, son!” She clamped Harry’s shoulder with enthusiasm, but that did not diminish any of the guilt Harry was feeling.

“Who’s Ian?”

“Ian Moon, he’s a Hufflepuff, he was standing right next to you two and heard the lot. Look, Izzi, it’s not really a big deal…” She tried to get Harry out of his funk, because this was getting ridiculous- so you hit your dad without your dad knowing that he’s your dad, but there’s no need to mop about it a week later!

“It is a big deal,” Harry said quietly, deciding to ignore the fact his mother still insisted on calling him Izzi, because she’s been doing it constantly for the last month and to his utter horror, others started calling him that too! Right now he had more pressing issues on his mind, “I saw something I shouldn’t have, something about dad…”

“Did you catch him wanking and clutching his teddy bear?” It took Harry’s moping mind a couple of seconds to work this through,

“Ew, no! He doesn’t really do that, does he?” Lily shrugged dismissively,

“How would I know, you’re the one in his dorm.” Harry let out an exasperated sigh, and Lily sobered up somewhat, boy this gloomy demeanour was 100% James. Ever since she discovered the truth about Harry’s identity Lily’s been watching the boy closely, cataloguing every tiny nuance in his character to see if it was hers or James’. At first she did it to prove herself that her son may look a spitting image of his father but he was still hers as well, now she just liked to mentally bit James with the list of characters that were hers and not his. “What did you see?”

“I saw a memory… Of dad and Sirius… bullying someone. I… they… they were doing it out spite, the other boy didn’t do anything and they just…” Harry was stumbling with the words, feeling like a complete git. This was not his memory to tell, and loath as he was of Snape, he still felt bad about dishing out his worst nightmares like that. Besides, the confudus spell on him didn’t really allow him to say much. Lily looked at her son, biting her lip and trying to find the best way to deal with this,

”James can be a real jerk sometimes, that’s true, and put together with Sirius is a lethal combination. I know that you feel bad about hitting James, and I know that if you’re left to your own devices you’ll mope and sulk about it for years to come, but Izzi, you are not James.” Harry pulled his knees to his chest, he wanted to believe Lily so much, because that would mean there was still hope for him, that Snape was wrong and that he wasn’t a brut like his father. “I’ve been watching you, and what happened last week just proves that you’ve got my personality rather than his.” Lily turned her bright green eyes to her son, forcing Harry’s chin to the side so that he faced her, “You stood up for the man you love, for your friend and for me, you didn’t hit James just because you felt like it, you did it for us, and that is what separates you from being mindless bully. You would never flip Severus Snape over just to humiliate him by showing his underwear or hate someone just because they better than you at something.”
Harry blinked his eyes, trying to fight tears because he knew it was true and he knew that the reason he went to talk to Lily was because she knew what he was to James and see the real reason for his distress. Grateful tears spilled from his eyes and he buried his head in Lily’s shoulder. Lily smiled and hugged him close, her baby was a good boy and would grow up to be a great man but this tendency to cry was definitely James’ fault.

“Thank you…” Harry whispered into the soft skin of Lily’s neck,

“You’re welcome love. You need to be the bigger man here and make the first step, because apparently James have become rather resilient to my threats…” She said with a pang of disappointment, gone were the days when a single look would have sent the four boys running on her every wish. Harry chuckled and cleared his throat, gods it was a huge bolder off his shoulders.

“I love you mum.” Harry sniffled away the last of his tears and Lily beamed at him, the boy usually refrained from calling her mum, which was fine with Lily because of the weirdness factor but made it all the more moving when he did.

“I love you too Izzi.”
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