Up the Duff

:::::::::::::

They were just lying in bed, both drifting pleasantly in a post orgasmic haze. Harry Potter Malfoy stroked his mates back in slow lazy circles as he felt Draco retract his sharp little fangs, and use his tongue to soothe and heal the tiny wound that he had left while feeding at Harry’s throat.

“Its so nice to be able to hold you again.” Harry murmured, burying his face in silky blond hair.

Draco Malfoy Potter cuddled close to his vampire husband, and nodded in sleepy agreement. It truly had been wonderful to be able to touch Harry without having to worry about any Duff induced side effects.

Harry nuzzled his spouse. Draco smelled of lemon grass, vanilla and hot sex. It was an altogether mouth watering combination. He slid one hand around to caress the softly rounded mound of belly that had recently taken the place of the hard chiseled abdominals that his husband usually sported. His babies kicked against his hand as Harry tickled their fathers tummy.

A thoroughly sex and blood sated Draco grumbled a little at the attack from within and without, but did so with a smile on his face. Harry really hadn’t had a chance to feel the babies moving around very much so far, due to Draco’s understandable paranoia about sudden unexplained growths erupting from his body.

Harry cooed to Draco’s stomach, and leaned down to plant a kiss on what was quickly changing from an innie to an outie belly button. “You’re sure that Madame Pomfrey said that sex wont hurt them in any way?”

Draco nodded. He was so full and satisfied that he was beginning to drift off even if Harry and the twins had decided on a impromptu game of pat-a-cake a couple of months early. “And she said it was ok for us to do it while you were in female form?”

Now more than half asleep, Draco still made a valiant effort to focus on the question. Had Madame Pomfrey said that was ok? Had they asked?

Harry chuckled as he felt a definite foot kick at his hand. “I’m sure it doesn’t matter.”

Draco nodded again, and yawned heavily. It probably really didn’t matter.

“After all,” Said ‘The boy who lived to regret opening his big, fat mouth.’ “Its not as though you might change back while we were having sex.”




Harry Potter Malfoy stumbled as he was roughly yanked along by the arm to the front door of the Hogwarts infirmary. It had happened so fast that he still wasn’t quite sure how he had got there.

One second, he had been lying in bed communing with his soon to be born offspring and making small talk with his spouse, and the next second Draco had flown out of the bed like someone had shoved a flaming flobberworm up his arse.

The blond vampire had practically snatched his startled husband up by his fuzzy little boy berries, before hauling Harry down the cold corridors of Hogwarts in little more than his boxer shorts.

The fact that his always elegant husband had somehow managed to pull together a black silk pajama ensemble complete with robe and slippers in the same amount of time it took Harry to find his drawers did little to help his suddenly surly mood. His teeth chattered as they approached the infirmary.

“Oh for Merlin’s sake.” Draco sighed loudly. He pulled off the robe, and handed it to his shivering husband who gratefully took it. Together they stepped through the door of the Hogwarts infirmary.



Narcissa Malfoy had woken up that morning sicker than a three headed dog dosed with a vomitus potion.

She had awakened to the dulcet sounds of her lovers lightly snoring on either side of her, and the room spinning in a way that rooms really ought not to spin when one is already feeling queasy; and is firmly pinned down by the various limbs of two men.

Narcissa struggled to push arms and legs off of her as both her companions grumbled in their sleep. She finally managed to break free, and just barely made it to the loo in time to puke her guts out.

She heard someone come into the bathroom after her, and then Severus was holding her hair back and wiping her face with a cool cloth. “Are you okay my love?” He said as he gently mopped her brow.

Narcissa tried to nod yes, but then another bout of sickness hit her and she was once again hurling into the porcelain bowl.

Severus wiped her face again with a fresh and cold cloth. “You must have come down with a case of the flu. You know half the castle has been to see Madame Pomfrey with it this week.”

Narcissa nodded feebly. The castle had been overrun with sick students in the last week or so.

The Potions Master helped her to her feet. He could still feel her trembling in his arms. “We’ll go to the infirmary right now.” Severus kissed her clammy forehead. “There’s no need for you to suffer unnecessarily.”

Severus bundled her up in a gown and cloak and got himself ready. Just before leaving, he poked a still snoring Malfoy in the side to let him know where they were going.

Lucius blinked up at them blearily. “The flu?”

Narcissa nodded.

“I’m sorry you’re sick love.” Lucius patted her hand sympathetically before rolling over, and passing out again. At least, they thought he had passed out. However, just before they stepped out of the door to head to the infirmary a sleep fogged voice piped up from the direction of the bed. “It could always be worse.” *yawn* “You could be pregnant.”

Severus and Narcissa both stopped dead in their tracks, staring at each other wide eyed. No. It couldn’t be.


As it was, Narcissa Malfoy and Severus Snape beat her son and Harry to the Hogwarts infirmary by a good twenty minutes that morning. On the way there they had discussed the absurd statement that Lucius had so casually made.

Narcissa stopped just outside the infirmary door, twisting the hem of her cloak nervously. “But Sev...” She bit her bottom lip. “What if he’s right?”

Severus shook his head negatively. “We’ve used a conception charm every time.”

“I know.” Narcissa wrung the hem of her cloak even harder. “But both you and Lucius have been in contact with Duff slime. What… What if a conception spell wasn’t enough to cancel the effects? You know what that slime can do.”

Severus, who now hung both to the left and the right, thank you very much; did indeed know the remarkable things that the Duff glop was capable of generating.

Severus slipped his arm around Narcissa’s slim waist. “I’m sure its just the flu darling.” He said, as much to reassure himself as to reassure his lover.


Poppy Pomfrey bustled back and forth across the examination room that held a nervous looking Severus Snape, and a still slightly green around the gills Narcissa Malfoy.

She had used her wand to do a few diagnostic test on Narcissa and was fairly well convinced that she was just suffering from a bout of wizards flu, but knowing of Severus’ recent contact with the Duff; she had decided to run a pregnancy test on Lady Malfoy just in case.

Poppy carried the rather large canister containing the revealing powder over to the cot where Narcissa sat with Severus. Gingerly she lifted off the lid on the container that was nearly full to the brim with the colorless powder that would soon let them know if the blonde was expecting.

It was a simple, but incredibly accurate test. The subject was sprinkled with the magic powder, and if they were pregnant the neutral residue would begin to glow a bright pink on their skin.

Severus sat close to Narcissa and held her hand for support. He knew that it probably wasn’t possible that she was with child, but having seen what the Duff goo had otherwise been able to trigger; he wasn’t one hundred percent certain that she wasn’t either.

Poppy reached into the canister. She took a small pinch of the powder and turned to sprinkle it on Narcissa.

Two totally unrelated, but significant things came to pass in that moment.

One, Draco Malfoy Potter and Harry Potter Malfoy loudly burst into the infirmary causing Poppy to startle, and spill most of the revealing powder in the canister. Two, Severus Snape felt his large nose twitch as he was suddenly inundated with a snout full of the dry powder, and he sneezed hugely; spraying the whole room with the little bit of powder that Poppy had somehow managed not to spill.

Severus wiped his itchy eyes as he sneezed twice more. Slowly he looked up. The whole infirmary looked like it had been hit with a major dust storm. His eyes fell on his very pregnant godson who was, of course; glowing like a pink Christmas tree.

He chanced a glance at Narcissa, and was quite pleased to find that although she was covered from head to toe with the magic powder there had been no change in color.

Then Severus noticed something exceedingly strange. Narcissa was gaping at him with her mouth wide open. Draco was wearing much the same expression as his mother, as was Poppy Pomfrey; and for some god forsaken reason Harry Potter Malfoy was smirking at him like he’d just hit the vampire blood bank lottery.

Seeing Harry look that overjoyed while everyone else just gawked at him not only confused Severus, it pissed him off. Seeing the annoying brat grinning from ear to ear nearly always made The Potion’s Professor want to kick something small and fuzzy anyway, and that smug look Harry was wearing just now didn’t sit right with him at all for some reason.

“What are you all staring at?” The Potions Master growled threateningly. Had none of them ever seen a man sneeze before?

Severus whirled around to the infirmary sink to wash the dusty grime off of his face. He glanced up at the mirror situated just above the basin.

His skin really was quite a lovely shade of pink, he thought blithely; just before Severus Snape fainted dead away in the Hogwarts infirmary.

tbc...