Born in Frustration

~Chapter Twenty-One: Silence, Cupboards and Defence~

Silence. Except for the clink of china as the two boys tucked in to breakfast, there was no other noise, and it was driving Draco insane. Harry kept blushing and looking away from Draco when the other boy caught his eye and Draco didn’t like that at all – no one ignored a Malfoy! Besides, it was irritating. Draco wanted to know what Snape had said to Harry, he wanted to know what Harry was thinking, he wanted to know what Harry was feeling and he really wanted to know that Harry was okay with what happened last night. Damn it all!

Enough was enough. Draco Malfoy broke the silence…

“Harry, say something,” he said, whining. “Please.”

Harry looked up at Draco, surprised. “I’m sorry, Draco,” he apologized. “I – I – what did you want to talk about?” He asked quickly.

“Anything, everything,” Draco snarled. “The silence is killing me.”

Harry levelled a glare of his own at Draco, causing the blonde boy to realise he sounded every bit as irritated as he felt.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I’m not mad, Harry. I just hate sitting here without talking to you.”

Harry’s face softened with Draco’s apology. “I was just thinking, Draco. I’m sorry too,” Harry said softly. “Snape makes me nervous,” he grumbled.

“His bark is worse then his bite,” Draco told Harry. “What did he want?”

Harry looked away from Draco. “Errr… He just wanted to talk about Friday and Dumbledore,” Harry lied quickly, looking sheepish and embarrassed. “Nothing important…” There were some things Harry was not going to tell Draco and his mental link with Voldemort was definitely one of them.

Draco looked at Harry suspiciously, but decided not to press the issue. At least they were talking, and he wanted that to continue. He realised he had three days left with Harry. He could find out what the Professor had discussed with Harry later, if he really wanted to. First, though, Draco needed Harry to relax, otherwise there would be no more snogging, and Draco definitely wanted more kissing and ‘groping’, he thought with a mental smirk…

“What do you want to work on today, Harry?” He asked. “We still have Charms, Transfiguration, and History of Magic homework to do.”

Harry let out a long held breath, relieved that Draco was not going to grill him for answers. “Ummm, Transfiguration?” he suggested.

So, as soon as they were done with breakfast, the two boys gathered their things and set themselves up in the lounge. They worked through the late morning, and Draco was happy that they were chatting merrily, and Harry was, once again, comfortable in his presence. He had been worried that being discovered in bed together, however innocently, by the much feared Professor Snape would scare Harry, and that was something Draco didn’t want at all. He genuinely liked the dark-haired boy and he knew Harry was starting to like him as well.

Binty brought lunch and the two boys put away their work and began to really talk, getting to know each other better. Over cold meat sandwiches and pumpkin juice, Draco finally got some answers to questions that he had been asking himself since he first stepped foot into Number Four Privet Drive …

“Harry,” he began tentatively, “can you tell me about your life here, in this house?” He asked. “Please.”

Harry shifted nervously in his seat and chewed his last bite slowly, as if he were making up his mind about something. Draco watched him closely, hoping Harry would trust him enough to answer.

Finally, Harry swallowed his mouthful and looked at Draco, his expression worried, but soft. “What do you want to know?” he asked simply.

Sighing in relief, Draco began his interrogation…

“Why have you never told anyone what goes on here?”

“Because I don’t want people to feel sorry for me,” Harry answered. “I get enough attention at school. I don’t need any more, and to be honest, it’s embarrassing, Draco.”

Harry took a deep breath and continued. “No one ever cared about me before, you know. Before Hogwarts, I mean. None of my teachers or the neighbours here, they never cared.” Harry rose from his chair and began clearing the dishes as he spoke. “I went to school in cast off clothes, ten sizes to big. I almost always had bruises and anyone could see that I wasn’t properly fed.” Harry stopped for a moment and gazed out the window. “My cousin and his friends, at primary school, they would chase me and beat me up. Harry hunting they called it, and no one bothered to stop them, or punish them, or anything. I guess I just became accustomed to people not caring about me. I mean, if all of the adults in my life up ‘til Hogwart’s looked the other way, why should anything have changed?”

Harry turned around to face Draco, leaning against the sink and looking at him sadly. “My cousin told all the children at school to stay away from me and the ones that ignored him, he bullied into avoiding me. My Aunt and Uncle told all my teachers that I was a ‘problem’ child and that I was violent, the neighbours too.” Harry’s face twisted in a disgusted look. “They all think I go to St. Brutus’s Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys,” Harry spat.

Draco’s jaw dropped. ‘How dare they!’ he thought to himself. Draco was now more determined than ever to punish Harry’s family. They would pay for treating a wizard with such disrespect.

“You know what the funny thing is, Draco?” Harry asked, a single tear slipping down his cheek. “I had never, ever hit anyone. Despite everything, all of it, I have never raised my hand to any of them, not Dudley, or his gang, or anyone else. Yet everyone around me believed those lies.” Harry ran a shaky hand through his unruly hair. “I was so lonely…” he whispered.

Draco got up and took Harry’s hand. “Binty will clean that up,” he said kindly as he led Harry back to the lounge. Settling them both on the sofa comfortably, he indicated for Harry to continue.

Harry didn’t know why he was spilling all his dark secrets to Draco. It was unnerving on one level, yet he felt some release just speaking the words aloud. It was as if a knot was being untied from around his heart, a knot that had been restricting him all his life, holding him down like he was on a tether tied to a tree. Harry wanted to cut that tether and fly free, and for some reason Draco Malfoy was the knife that would cut the ties that bound him.

“It’s funny, Draco,” he said quietly, “these people are all I ever knew until I started at Hogwarts. This life was all I ever had. Deep down I realised it was wrong, the way they treat me, I mean, even when I was small; I knew that this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. I would sit in my cupboard at night and wish and wish for someone to come and take me away from the Dursleys.

“I never had a proper birthday or Christmas as far back as I can remember,” he continued. “Until I got my Hogwarts letter and Hagrid bought me Hedwig, I had never even received a proper gift. She was my first ever birthday present.”

“That’s why you’re so fond of Hagrid,” Draco said quietly. Harry nodded and smiled, thinking about his oversized friend.

“He was my very first friend,” Harry replied, and his eyes glistened with unshed tears. “That’s why I was so put off with you first year.” He looked at Draco seriously. “You insulted my very first friend, the first person who ever showed me any kindness.” Draco looked quizzically at Harry and the green-eyed boy laughed lightly. “In Madam Malkin’s, that day, you were mean to Hagrid,” he answered the unasked question. Draco thought back and grimaced at the memory.

“I’m sorry about that,” he said guiltily.

“It’s alright,” Harry smiled. “You can’t help the way you were raised either, Draco.” Both boys chuckled.

“Did they really make you sleep in that cupboard?” Draco asked suddenly, still shocked that anyone would do such a thing to a child. Harry’s smile faded and his brow furrowed as a frown spread across his face.

“Yeah, yeah they did,” he said wearily, “until I got my first letter. I don’t think anything would have changed, except that the letter being addressed to my cupboard scared them. I think they thought they were being watched or something.” Harry’s expression became puzzled, and his bright eyes darkened a bit. “Draco, why was my letter addressed to my cupboard under the stairs? I mean, do you… do you think Dumbledore really does know about it?”

Draco thought for a moment. The fact that Harry’s first letter included the cupboard had been bothering him as well. He wanted answers as well. If Dumbledore did know what went on in this house, it was unconscionable for him to allow Harry to stay here. His anger at the headmaster blazed anew; in Draco’s opinion, anyone who would allow such treatment of an innocent child should be hexed painfully and for a long time.

“I don’t know, Harry,” he answered honestly. “I really don’t, maybe Professor Snape will know.”

Harry panicked. “NO!” He snapped. “You can’t tell Snape! I don’t want him to know. Draco, please don’t tell him.”

Draco was surprised at first, but realised quickly that even though the Slytherins trusted Severus Snape, the rest of the school did not. Especially one Harry Potter, considering that Snape made it his goal in life, while at school, to make Harry as miserable as possible.

“Calm down, Harry,” he said reassuringly. “I won’t, I promise,” he lied. He would be getting whatever answers he could from his Godfather, but Harry didn’t need to know that yet.

“Thank you,” Harry sighed, relieved that Snape would have no further ammunition to use against him in the coming year. It was bad enough that he already knew what he did; the cupboard would just be too much. Harry would never be able to look at his Professor again if he knew all of Harry’s secrets.

“Harry, why haven’t you ever fought back?” Draco asked. “You’re a wizard, why do you put up with this?”

Harry looked at Draco curiously. “Before you showed up, I didn’t know I could hide my magic,” he said plainly. “The Ministry has tried to have me expelled from school twice because of magic being performed here, and the first time it wasn’t even me! It was your old House-elf, Dobby, and the second time was last year, when a Dementor, that cow, Umbridge, sent attacked my cousin and me,” Harry said angrily. “I couldn’t risk it, Draco. If they expelled me and took my wand, I don’t know what I’d do.”

Draco remembered last summer, his father had been thrilled when Harry was bought up on charges. Lucius Malfoy had even helped Fudge and Umbridge plot to get Harry expelled. When he returned to the manor after Harry’s hearing, Lucius was furious that Harry had got off. Draco once again felt a bit guilty for his knowledge that the Ministry had knowingly plotted against the other boy and his own father’s hand in it. He knew it had been a plot to leave Harry exposed and defenceless so the Dark Lord could murder the boy and his insides squirmed repentantly. Draco would try and make up for his father’s misdeeds if he could. He only hoped that he would be able to. The future for both boys was uncertain.

The boys were silent for a few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts…

“Draco?” Harry broke their mutual contemplation. “Can you teach me to hide my magic?” Draco studied the other boy for a moment. Harry’s demeanour had changed with the question. His back was straight and his gaze steady. “I need to know how to protect myself, Draco. Dumbledore says I’m safe from Voldemort here, but what if I’m not? What if Dumbledore’s wrong? What if Fudge tries to get me expelled again? I need to know I can use magic without repercussions!” Harry rushed out in explanation as he worried his bottom lip. “Please, can you teach me?”

Draco smiled shyly at the smaller boy. “Yeah,” he said, nodding his head, silently agreeing with Harry. Dumbledore and the Ministry couldn’t be trusted and so far the old coot of a headmaster had proven a poor protector of The-Boy-Who-Lived. “I’ll teach you, Harry.”

“Wicked,” Harry replied.