When Living Ain\'t Easy

A/N: I must apologize to everyone for not posting on Tuesday, and for only having this one chapter ready today. The simple (if uncomfortable) colds that my kids and I had last week has developed into bronchitis, keeping us all at minimal energy levels. We probably could have rested up enough last weekend, if it weren\'t for the regional UIL marching competition they\'re both involved in. Bah! Not only did they have to show up for a grade, but they volunteered me to monitor the stands. And it was rather cool and damp all weekend long, aggrivating our chest congestion. A lovely little circle of misery for all. Anyways, here\'s chapter 20, and I hope/pray that I\'m feeling well enough to get the next few parts ready to post early next week.

Disclaimer thingy: nothing\'s mine but the questionable plot and the way the words are arranged. For more information, see the prologue.

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Chapter Twenty : With Open Arms

Coming down from a cathargic emotional purge is always difficult; moreso when the person is unaccustomed to such release. Having never had that type of outlet, Harry was left feeling drained... and as worn out as if he had just lost the roughest Quidditch match. With cursed bludgers.

The first thing he noticed (after his close encounter with sentient sports equipment) was warmth. Snug warmth, holding him in between a double set of heartbeats. His fogged mind took several blissful seconds happily baskingi n the throbbing heat before it got around to questioning why exactly he was being held so close, so carefully. Severus and Lucius. The names popped into his head before he could be bothered to open his eyes. That wonderful scent of cinnamon and nutmeg and crisp autumn leaves that could only be the Potions Master. The sharper fragrance of clear mountain air and something rich that screamed old money and barely-contained power was definitely Lucius.

Still unwilling to open his eyes and break the relaxed spell, he snuggled deeper into their reassuring embrace. This was what he\'d never had with Ginny : to be the protected, instead of protector. The privilege of unburdening all his problems on another person, and the guarantee that they\'ll at least commiserate, but most likely find a solution.

He knew he hadn\'t long before one or both of his comforters broke the silence. Or some exterior force made them separate. If he stayed very still and quiet, just maybe they would allow him to remain where he was for just a little while longer.

Contrary to Harry\'s fears, Lucius had no intention of releasing his hold on the young wizard. His eyes sought those of his lover and found an identical resolve -- the Gryffindor would stay safe within their arms until he chose to break the embrace. It didn\'t take a Leglimens to know how desperately Harry needed this. Just this, for now. Forcibly shoving all lustful thoughts aside, Lucius acknowledged the young man\'s primary cravings for comfort and blind acceptance. Everything else must wait. He marvelled that he didn\'t resent the requisite patience so much, that he felt... more whole, more complete than the most intimate acts of which he held prior experience.

Similarly, Severus found himself quite content to cuddle his student. His previous regrets about the casual nature of his relationship with the elder Malfoy took a back burner to the current situation. How often had he wished for someone to hold him like this? After each revel, every meeting (both the Order\'s and the Dark Lord\'s), even a few of the harsher detentions. And while he had always understood about his lover\'s double life, how often had he resented being pushed aside so that Lucius could be home in time for tea or some social engagement with Narcissa? Eyes closed tight against decades of frustration, Severus ordered himself to do nothing more than enjoy the moment. There would be time later for a self-indulgent bout of \'what if\'.

Harry had long since lost track of time. A part of his brain kept insisting that he snap out of this warm cloud, to wake up and get back to his usual self-reliance. He silenced that whiny voice with a forceful \'bugger off!\', quite content to float in the comfort so readily offered by these two men. Had he ever really known either of them? So many delusions, masks, charades... his own included. The hard borne pessimistic voice whispered of how he should look for hidden agendas, that he mustn\'t become complacent or let his guard down. It reminded him of Lucius\' pureblood snobbery and all the years of persecution by Severus\' hand.

A much softer voice (that he thought sounded suspiciously like his mother) quieted such doubts by pointing out that neither man was asking for anything just yet, that they too were in hiding for similar reasons, and that they had yet to be caught in a lie. The last concept held more sway than all of Harry\'s doubts combined. He might not know either man\'s motives just yet, but it would cost him very little to give them the benefit of the doubt. That he could continue to enjoy their unsolicited comfort while he waited for the other shoe to drop, well, that was a most pleasant side effect. He buried deeper into their arms, a soft purr of contentment escaping without notice.

At least, Harry didn\'t notice.

Severus heard the feline murmur, and his eyes began to sparkle. With fingers mmade more dextrous from a lifetime of working with delicate ingredients, he sifted through the dark hair of his student. As expected, the rumble of satisfaction grew louder. His lover\'s quiet snort of amusement drew his attention to Lucius, and they once more shared a look, this one holding a wealth of promise. And unless he was misinterpreting the blond\'s expression, maybe a hint of apology as well. But that could wait.

Not accustomed to being left out of the spotlight, Lucius joined his friend in petting their young charge. There was little he could do about the accumulated pain in Severus\' expression for the time being, but perhaps he could soften it with understanding. There would be time enough, later, to consider how to make up for years of keeping his feelings locked away. His face broke into a rueful grin as he realized that the much-vaunted Boy Who Lived could well be the glue to settle his relationship with Severus. The irony was not lost on him.

Subtley shifting, Harry wrapped his arms around the body in front of him, his face nuzzling into Severus\' neck. Not wanting the other wizard to feel left out, he wiggled his bum against Lucius\' stomach. Only realizing how the action might be construed when he heard a stiffled groan. His entire body froze, his mind scrambling for an appropriate apology. Before he could find the right words, a pair of chuckles diverted him.

\"It would seem, dear Severus, that Master Potter is feeling somewhat better.\"

Lucius\' words rolled over Harry\'s neck, causing a delicious shiver to travel the length of his body. He squirmed closer to Severus, near enough to taking up residence in the man\'s lap and dragging a hearty moan from the Potions Master.

\"Indeed, Luc. One might go so far as to say he was feeling... playful. I wonder if we shouldn\'t demonstrate the perils of a young man who insists upon toying with serpents.\"

Those wicked fingers continued to learn every inch of Harry\'s scalp, but where before they had soothed, now they incited. Harry had never gone from soft to painfully erect in so short a time. His gasp of surprised arousal caused both Slytherins to don expressions of leering calculation.

\"Harry, you must be very clear,\" Severus softely ordered in his silkiest tone, \"what you wish from us. Unlike your classmates, Lucius and I are not prone to changing our attention at the drop of a hat.\"

Before the bemused young man could formulate a reply, Lucius issued his own warning, \"We are far from the clueless, inexperienced youths you may have experimented with in the past.\" He stopped to check his words, thinking over his intentions and seeing a similar spark of intent on his lover\'s face. \"With us, you would find a much more serious affair. Be very certain before making your decision.\"

The deepest, fragmented part of Harry\'s heart wanted nothing more than to thrown himself headfirst into what was offerend. His instincts seldom led him astray, and they urged him to accept. Loudly. But the underlying warning in both wizards\' words brought back the nagging voice of uncertainty that insisted he was barmy for even considering their proposition. A known Death Eater and pureblood elitist, and the hated Head of Slytherin? What could they possibly want from him, other than to toy with him before turning him over to Voldemort? His \'mum voice\' interrupted the unwelcome doubts, imploring Harry to give them a chance.

Carefully extricating himself from the encircling arms, Harry immediately missed the comfort and building desire. He knew that he should think carefully and with a clear mind, something he would never accomplish if he maintained body contact with either man. Harry stepped over toward the desk and shakily summoned tea, breathing deeply of the strong brew to clear his head before turning to face the Slytherins.

Uncertain green eyes still held phantoms of the morning\'s turbulent emotions, but he found the strength to meet Severus and Lucius\' questioning looks. \"I\'m not sure of many things anymore,\" he began slowly. \"People that I thought of as friends, family even, doing or saying things that make me question... well, everything. My whole life has been one huge chessboard, with other people calling the shots. If you\'re truly offering me the choice...\" He took a deep breath and deliberately met both men\'s eyes before issuing his verdict. \"I would like to see where this leads. We\'ve got a few weeks to get to know each other better without the \'real world\' nosing in. If you don\'t mind taking it slowly...?\"

As the young man\'s uncertain question trailed off, Severus had to catch himself from dragging Harry back into a hug. Whoever would have foreseen how physically demonstrative he would be over his childhood tormentor\'s son? An aborted movement to his right showed that Lucius felt a similar impulse to protect and reassure.

\"If that is your wish, I believe we can accomodate you, Harry.\"

Before the sentence was complete, Harry smiled brightly and launched himself back into their waiting arms. And once again felt that foreign sense of rightness. He could easily become addicted to this, and that scared him badly. But not quite enough to deny the pull he felt toward these two enigmatic wizards.