One wish alone have I

Chapter 16
I forgive…

When I woke up at the end of the following morning, I first thought I would not be able to step out of my coffin. My muscles ached terribly and my limbs were incredibly stiff. I managed to get to the bathroom and took a very warm bath, in hopes of soothing the remains of the previous evening’s duel. It soothed my body, but my soul was still aching. I dreaded the moment when I would have to face Severus again. The thought occurred to me that he was probably aching as much as I was… but I chased it away. It was not wise for me to indulge myself in soft feelings for him. I had been slapped hard enough the last time I did to remember that it was not a good idea to do it again.

Wishing to avoid Severus for as long as I could, I entered the classroom through the students’ door with a set face and my jaw tensely locked. Curiously, the students went quiet the second I entered, as if they felt it was better for them not to annoy me in any way. They were a hundred percent right on that one. Nevertheless, my detour was completely useless, as I was to learn later; Severus practically locked himself in his private quarters until dinner. He was furious, obviously, because of the things we had said to each other, because of the things we had done to each other… and because I had come back to Hogwarts only at dawn.

When I saw him at dinner he had a sinister expression on his face. The look on Professor Flitwick’s face, who was sitting on his left at more than a reasonable distance from him, suggested to me that it was better not to talk to him at the moment. That sight greatly pleased me; I had no intention of doing it, anyway. I retreated to my favourite escape destination at Poppy’s side and we chatted joyfully throughout dinner. She even made me laugh a few times when we exchanged anecdotes about the patients we had had to treat in the past. Severus did not speak to anybody. He did not even touch the food that was in front of him.

Before I went to his office for our ritual marking tasks, I went to our lab and made a quick check on our trial compounds. They were all in simmering or maturing phases; everything was in order and there was not much for me to do there. I would not be working on our experiments that evening, which left me no other choice…

I briefly rapped my fingers against Severus’ office door and felt my heart clench in my chest when I heard his low voice telling me to come in. I walked to my seat decidedly, and chose to put an end to my nervous anticipation by talking first.

“Severus, I would like us to remain as professionally oriented as possible this evening, if you do not mind.”

“Splendid,” he said, in a rather flat voice. “I was about to ask you the same thing.”

I could not help but notice the bandages on his left palm when he unrolled another parchment to start marking it. He had probably cut himself very deep in the heat of the fight… it was bleeding quite severely when he had shown it to me… The memory of his warm blood against my skin, against my lips, came back to me and sent shivers down my spine, but I quickly grabbed an assignment from my own pile and started reading to chase those images away. The shivers refused to let go of me.

We marked in silence on each side of his desk for about an hour. The only words we exchanged were when I asked his advice on the marks I should give to some students who wrote particularly tricky dissertations that were not completely wrong… and yet not totally right, either. Severus systematically gave a lower mark than what I wanted to give and told me more than once, in a rather harsh tone, that I was still being too generous for the standards he was trying to maintain. I sat more and more tensely on my chair as the evening passed and our comments, though still fully professionally oriented, became sharper each time we opened our mouths again… until my eyes stumbled on the parchment he had in his hands.

“How did Neville do, this time?” I asked, with a hint of mistrust in my voice.

“Lamentably. He is failing yet again,” he replied, condescendingly.

“I cannot believe that he did! I have been giving him private lessons for weeks and he was improving at an impressive rate!”

“What?” he snapped, slamming his quill flat on the parchment, spraying dozens of little ink drops on the assignment. “How come you gave him lessons without my knowledge?”

“I assumed that you would not be able to resist the urge of sticking around to breath down his neck while he worked, if I had told you. He becomes a real pack of nerves the moment you are in the same room with him!”

“I cannot believe you taught him here behind my back! That student’s education is my responsibility!”

“A responsibility you did not take, Severus!” I retorted, slamming my quill down as well. “You should see him work when he is relaxed; he has great potential!”

“Longbottom? The only potential he has is the one to remain a wimp and a dunderhead for the rest of his life!” he commented sarcastically.

“If you were not reading his assignments with all these preconceived notions, you would see things a bit more like I do! I am sure he does not deserve to fail that assignment; he did master those concepts when we reviewed them together. Please, read it again!”

“I do not do such things as rereading the parchments I have already marked,” he haughtily replied. “My judgement is final.”

“Then let me reread it! I am sure I could convince you!” I pleaded.

“I sincerely doubt it,” he sneered, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Fine,” I snapped, rising from my seat. “I know what I have to do.”

“Is that the only argument you can give me? Walking away so you can have the last word?”

“There is no way for me to have the last word with you, Severus. I will not stay here arguing all night long, not this time; I am too tired for that! Just do whatever you want, as usual; I am through with you,” I said, walking to the door.

“Where do you think you are going?”

“Not very far…. Is it your business anyway?” I retorted, walking out.

I went to my quarters and retrieved my cloak. I desperately needed to get out of the castle; being next to him was almost unbearable. When I walked past his office again, he had not moved; he was leaning on the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest, his hawk glance as piercing as ever.

“Are you going there again?” he asked, standing on the doorstep, with an obvious tension in his voice.

“There? What place are you talking about?” I retorted, buttoning my cloak so I would not have to look at him.

“Do not play stupid with me, Antanasia,” he articulated, in a dangerously smooth tone.

“What do you care if I do?”

“I do not. But I want to know where you are going.”

“Then yes, I am going there. Satisfied?” I exclaimed over my shoulder as I walked away.

“What for?” he insisted, following me in the corridor.

“I guess I will go there to get a good little shag with the good little dog! Like any whore with enough professional self-respect; as it seems, this is the only thing I am good for, after all!” I hissed in his mind, with all the venom I could send.

“Antanasia, stop. Right there,” he ordered, not even raising his voice.

There was something in his tone I had never heard before. A strange mix of anger, alarm and… I could not really put my finger on what it was, but it made me stop walking instantly. I slowly turned, probably looking like a very annoyed and bull-headed student, and crossed my arms over my chest. I only let out a long, irritated sigh. He walked towards me, taking an awfully long time before he finally stood next to me.

“Look. When I said those things yesterday, I did not mean them,” he told me, in a much lower and controlled voice.

“You sounded quite sincere to me, Severus, on the contrary,” I argued, clinging desperately to the anger I felt pounding in my ears so as not to break down in tears.

“We were duelling, Antanasia; I just wanted to intimidate you. I chose to hit where it would hurt the most,” he explained, as naturally as if he were describing a tactical Quidditch strategy.

“Congratulations, it worked marvellously!” I hissed. “And you know what? That is exactly why I need Remus’ presence tonight, Severus. He can actually tell me nice things when he is around me… and mean them!”

“But he will not bring Arnaud back!” he replied, with a hint of nervousness in his voice.

“Neither will anybody else; thanks for reminding me!” I angrily exclaimed, walking away and feeling a most painful despair starting to seize my heart.

“He is an animal!” he insisted, in an almost warning tone, following me in the corridor.

“Only once a month, contrary to some other wizards I know!” I snapped, feeling my eyes burning with tears and walking faster towards the staircase.

“He’ll die on you! He’s a mortal!” he bellowed, his baritone voice echoing off the dungeon’s wall.

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned back in the blink of an eye. Severus, taken aback by my sudden reaction, stopped as well. On his face, I read a complete chaos of various emotions; disappointment was probably the most salient among them.

“So are you, Severus!” I painfully exclaimed, as very unwanted tears started to flow over my cheeks. “You will die on me, too! And by Cerridwen, I have been through much pain in my afterlife but I would give anything, anything, to avoid having to witness that one night, you hear me?”

And without giving him the time to add anything, I turned back and rushed into the hall, wiping the tears ragingly off my face with my trembling hands. I heard his hurried footsteps behind me, but I kept walking and plunged into the coldness of the night. It was raining heavily; I could not have cared less. I headed straight to the Forbidden Forest and walked ahead of myself without really planning or knowing where I wanted to go. When I finally stopped to look over my shoulder, Severus was nowhere to be seen. I thought that sight would relieve me; it did quite the contrary.

I sat on a dead tree trunk that was lying on the ground and took a few minutes to calm myself. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe as calmly as I could, feeling the reassuring vibrations of the Goddess mother’s gifts that were always so alive in that place. A crystalline sound caught my attention shortly after, however. I opened my eyes and saw a joyful little stream, cascading down the rocks and flowing sinuously before it disappeared under the surface of the earth. I was sitting in the haven I always came back to at the end of my walks. I was where I had last heard the voice of someone else of my kind.

I closed my eyes again. In my mind, I saw the splendours of the lime-trees in blossom and how the silvery light of the moon highlighted the white delicate flowers on the branches. I focused all my magical resources on trying to reach Valerica through nature’s forces, hoping that the elements would carry my presence to her… that she would feel my distress and manifest herself to me, even if only through a gentle but comforting breeze against my face.

Nothing came. I waited for over two hours, but everything remained silent around me. I was forced to rely on myself alone to figure this out. I pondered over the situation. Severus had undoubtedly figured out my feelings for him by then, especially with the kiss I had given him and the confessions he had just heard in the dungeons. There was no way around that one. I had to face him again and find out what he would do with those emotions. I was tired of seeing, saying and hearing half-truths. I was tired of being in the same room with him with excruciating intensities of thoughts, feelings and urges without finding the courage to let them out… which made us argue endlessly for no good reason. I wanted to hear the true voice of his heart, even if it meant hearing it push me away, for whatever reason.

I took my time when I walked back to the castle. The rain and coldness of that night did not help the already very present stiffness I felt in all my muscles. Nevertheless, I grew more determined to confront him with each step I made, even if I would have to interrupt his sleep this late in the evening.

But Severus was not sleeping at all. When I emerged from the forest, I saw the outline of his black silhouette in the opening of the castle’s front door. What he saw of me was probably only a shadow gliding on the ground, but I knew his mind had felt me coming all the same. He stepped out and started walking towards me, as slowly as I was. He had been waiting for me all that time…

We met halfway between Hagrid’s hut and the castle’s front door. He was only wearing his frock coat and was already wet to the bone; it was not the first time in the evening he had walked into the rain. He was probably frozen as much as I was, but neither of us made a move towards the castle after we stopped walking, facing each other. His glance pierced through the night between us; his effervescent mind was burning through it like two embers in the bottom of a dark hearth. His mere presence moved me beyond words; there was not a trace of anger or hatred in those two magnificent eyes. And they were talking to me again… at last.

The rain was falling all over our faces; it allowed me to hide the tears I was crying. It gave him the tears he was unable to shed. I held his gaze for a few minutes, then gave in to the temptation and reached out for his face with my fingertips. To my relief, he did not move away. He did not even scowl. He just kept looking at me. With my fingers, I slowly traced an imaginary line, from his temple down his cheek… to his wonderfully manly mouth, which did not move either, only to part a little and let me spread some rain over his lower lip. My fingers continued their bold exploration, strolling along his chin, his jaw, to then be stopped by his tight collar. And then I felt his voice vibrate under my fingers through his appealing throat, which instantly made me look up.

“The things you said… a few hours ago… did you mean them?” he asked, in a silky baritone that had somewhat lost its threatening impact.

My throat felt too tight to speak, but I nodded, blinking a few times to chase rain and tears away from my eyes. I meant to remove my hand from his neck, but he quickly grabbed it. His other hand reached for the upper buttons of his collar. Under my fascinated eyes, he started unbuttoning them, one after the other, until he reached the top of his chest, and then he undid his silk tie. Still keeping my hand gently trapped in his, he unbuttoned his white shirt, revealing his naked throat, little by little. I had seen it often while he was imprisoned in Zaharia and a couple of times in Hogwarts, but at that precise moment, it was as if he was showing it to me for the very first time.

Once he was done unbuttoning his shirt to the top of his chest, he spread the fabric apart and gently put my fingers against his exposed skin. A long shiver ran down my spine… that skin was feverishly warm. I ran my fingers down his throat slowly, meticulously… I wanted to feel each and every part of it, from its upper part, a bit scabrous because of the beginning of a stubble, to its lower part, offering a wonderfully silky touch… I playfully ran my fingers over the very edges of his open shirt, feeling the beginning of very thin, smooth dark hair that delicately covered his jugular notch, that adorable little cavity right between his throat and clavicles. His hand, which was still against my skin, caressed my wrist and my inner forearm as if he, too, was touching me for the first time.

I shivered again and this time it was my whole hand that covered, in one long passionate caress, the right side of his neck. His pulse raced madly against my palm, sending waves of desire all over my being. I started breathing faster and so did he, as our panting breaths sent little clouds of mist out of our mouths. There, outside in the middle of the freezing night, standing in a heavy rain on Hogwarts’ grounds in front of a wizard I deeply longed for, I was experiencing one of the most erotic moments of my entire afterlife.

I gazed back into his eyes. His own experience was probably not too different from mine, according to the things I read in there. Very slowly, as if we were still both completely trapped in a dream, he raised his other hand, delicately removed a damp lock of hair that was stuck on the side of my face, and then simply pressed his palm against my cheek. I let my glance drift away as I welcomed his touch that felt, at long last, protective and welcoming.

“Antanasia…” he said, his voice lowering to a deep whisper.

Our eyes met at a distance for the last time that night. Seconds later, I felt him pull my face towards his and eagerly press his lips against mine in a febrile kiss, which was very wet but very longed for by both of us. His left arm wrapped around my torso and brought me to him in a powerful embrace that pressed every possible centimetre of our bodies together. His lips were exactly as I remembered them; their touch was the same that had haunted all my thoughts since the previous evening. Manly, yet soft… sexy… sensitive and responsive to my touch…. In contrast, his cheeks were a bit scabrous at that time of the night, but I did not mind… it even brought back sweet memories. I got lost in his arms, burying my fingers in his damp hair and reconnecting with the sensuality of the touch I had felt so often, each time before I shaved him in Zaharia’s dungeons. Whether or not he remembered it at that moment, he let out a soft moan of pleasure as my nails gently scratched his scalp and I felt him shiver against my chest.

“Oh, Severus… Severus, if you knew how much I have been waiting for this to happen!” I moaned, against his virile lips.

“But… I thought you and Lupin…” he said, frowning and pulling his face away from mine.

“Not anymore…” I declared, taking his face between my hands. “It is well over, now! We broke up before I came to Hogwarts. Remus and I talked a lot yesterday and we both agree that we are better off as friends… It was not meant to last… It… was not him I was waiting for,” I finally admitted.

“So all those times you sneaked out into the night since you came here…” he began.

“Were innocent little night strolls in the Forbidden Forest or on the school grounds…” I completed, smiling tenderly. “The only person who was with me at times was Hagrid, and I do not think you have anything to worry ab--”

He hungrily covered my mouth with his and wrapped both his arms around me this time. His embrace was so tight that I had trouble breathing… not that I minded much. He dominantly pushed his tongue past my lips and slid it into my mouth. I first moaned at the suddenness of the invasion, but quickly responded by encircling his tongue with my lips and mouth. I gently sucked on it, moving it in and out of my mouth very slowly, flickering my tongue over his and I felt, from the way his fingers gripped my flesh through my clothes and from the growing bulge in his trousers, that what I was doing was probably imagined somewhere else as well…

Giving him back his kiss, I stepped even further forward and pressed my upper thigh against his crotch. A long shiver ran down my spine when I felt him react with a discreet push and my stomach clenched at once. He was getting very aroused indeed. Running my tongue playfully on his lips, I put both of my hands against his exposed neck, running my thumbs down his carotid, massaging the back of his neck with my other fingers….

“Antanasia,” he murmured, when we were finally able to let go of each other’s lips, both panting slightly. “Have you noticed that we are still standing outside in a heavy rain?”

“Honestly? I could not care less…” I cooed, running my hands down the front of his frock coat in a long caress.

“Well, I do care… besides, your hands are frozen,” he replied, taking my hands in his and bringing them to his mouth to blow his hot breath on them. “I think we would be far more comfortable if we were in front of a warm fire…”

“And if we got rid of these wet clothes…” I completed with a smile, as the feel of his mouth against my fingers seemed to spread warmth all over my body.

“Follow me,” he simply concluded, walking towards the castle with one of my hands still trapped in his.

I do not remember the feel of my feet touching the ground from the moment we entered the castle to the moment he locked his office door behind us. We did not even make it to his private quarters. Actually, we even had a hard time coming in properly; as soon as the door was locked, I pushed him against the door with my whole body and kissed him again. My lips were incredibly hungry for his, as they had craved his touch for so long! I had my back against the door in a matter of seconds when he grabbed my hips and made us switch positions. Our legs intertwined and I gave out a small gasp of pleasure as his thigh found my groin and tried to nudge higher between my legs. Much to his disappointment, however, my wet robes blocked the way almost completely and the damp fabric clung to my legs most displeasingly. Without wasting a second, he grabbed my robes on each side of my thighs and lifted them up above my knees.

When his hands met my skin, they were every bit as cold as I remembered them and I gasped again, only to have that sharp intake of breath tightly block in my throat when he grabbed my thighs and, lifting me up against the door, made me wrap them around his waist. The wonderful feel of the hard bulge in his trousers freed my throat and drew a tense moan out of my mouth when he shifted his weight forward and pushed against my knickers. I pressed him even closer, with all the strength I could find in my thighs.

“Well, well, well,” I mischievously purred, against his lips, “do you have a wand in your pocket or is it just the joy of having me work in your office again, boss?”

“I do have a wand in my pocket…” he replied, smiling slightly against my lips, “let me show it to you; you will see all the amazing things it can do.”

“Show me what you can do…”

He slid a hand in the opening of his frock coat and retrieved his wand. Grabbing my waist with his free arm, he took a few steps back and threw a few jinxes on the door.

“It can insure quite a respectable amount of privacy when you need some,” he explained, taking the best teaching tone he could find.

“That is something needed indeed, but a toddler could do that,” I replied, in a critical tone. “I am not impressed at all.”

“Wait a bit longer, I am sure I will find a way to impress you with it,” he retorted. “The demonstration has barely begun, give me some time!”

“If you say so, boss!”

“And stop calling me boss!” he replied, walking towards his private quarters’ door with me still clinging to his torso and hips.

“Ok, boss!”

“So, one of the other things a wand can do, you see, is open doors at distance… just like this,” he continued, removing the protective spells from the door and bringing us in. “And locking them back, just like I demonstrated previously… with the addition of a very useful little Silencing Charm for the room,” he added, while the intended seriousness of his dark glance was betrayed with a furtive wink.

“I see! Wow, Professor Snape, your wand can do many things at the same time!” I commented, with a childish enthusiasm. “But I am still not impressed…”

“I said, wait a bit, woman!” he argued, walking us to his bedroom while the door opened in front of us. “Try to listen more carefully to my lesson; you will see all its subtleties… Where were we… the wand can also produce various effects on the environment, such as lighting candles, like this… creating fire, such as this… and moving objects across the room, such as this comfortable armchair right there… And now I think it is safe for me to deliver my package,” he declared, letting me slide my legs down his until I fell in the armchair he had summoned in front of the fireplace. “Finally, for the sake of impressing you with this wand’s skills, here is a very useful little spell that will take those wet clothes away in no time,” he said, pointing his wand at me with a grin.

“Not yet,” I interrupted, before he could utter the incantation. “If you do not mind, I would like to do that without magic.”

“Are you not uncomfortable with those wet robes?” he asked, raising a puzzled eyebrow.

“Very. But I have been waiting a long time for this moment and I do not want to rush anything… I want to be able to savour each and every second… like I can enjoy undoing each… and every… button on this frock coat of yours,” I said, unbuttoning his coat slowly as I spoke.

“How long have you been waiting?” he asked in a smooth voice, plunging his fathomless eyes into mine while I slid his coat down his arms and put it on the armrest.

“Seventeen years… I know it sounds strange, but--”

“But you had not realised you were waiting until very recently…” he completed, cupping my face with his hands.

“Exactly,” I replied, welcoming his lips against mine once again.

“Then let me do one last trick with this wand before I put it aside…”

After one more kiss, Severus took my hands and led me to the centre of the room, next to his bed. He made me turn and lean my back against his chest.

“Will you do me the honour of blowing the candles?” he asked, with a very touching sweetness in his voice.

“Of course,” I replied, with the same emotion.

Severus waited until all the candles of the room were extinguished. The only source of light was the joyful and intense fire that was crackling in the fireplace. He extended both of his arms towards the ceiling and took a deep breath.

“Stelle magnificare!” he uttered, as the ceiling transformed before my amazed eyes and reflected the starry night.

I turned back and wrapped both of my arms around his chest before he even had time to lower his. Holding him tight, I buried my nose in the comforting and sensual warmth of his neck to avoid breaking down in tears.

“I am impressed, now,” I murmured, against his neck.

“I told you my wand could do amazing things…” he softly replied.

“It is not your wand that did this, Severus…”

He took my chin between his long fingers and levelled my face with his. As I looked into his eyes, a few tears escaped mine, despite my efforts. I looked down, silently apologizing for crying in a moment like this, but he only brought my cheeks closer to his mouth and kissed my tears away, slowly, one after the other, until he stopped the tears from the source, leaving two feathery kisses on my closed eyelids.

“I cannot promise you it is the last time I make you cry, Antanasia,” he murmured, caressing my forehead with his lips, “but I can promise you it is the last time I make you cry tonight.”

As our lips vanished the distance between them once more, I unbuttoned the rest of his shirt and slowly pushed it past his shoulders, down his arms, enjoying the privilege of touching his bare skin as I did so. I felt him unbutton and remove my cloak, which fell onto the floor. He aimed for the silk scarf I was wearing around my neck when I realised what he would see if he removed it. I was not ready just yet. I took both of his hands in mine and made him stop what he was doing.

“I have an idea,” I said, smiling at him. “You just sit here by the fire and keep yourself warm. I will not be long, I promise.”

He looked at me with a glance glimmering with curiosity, but did as I suggested without asking any questions, not even when I picked up his shirt and silk tie on the floor and brought them with me to his bathroom. I hurriedly removed my uncomfortable wet robes, socks and boots and quickly dried his shirt just like I had done with his robes a while ago. I put it on, buttoning it only halfway up but wrapping his pristine white silk tie around my neck. This time, I shamelessly buried my nose in the smell of his collar and pressed the fabric as tight as I could against my skin, which trembled with thousands of anticipatory shivers. After the first waves of desire stopped shaking my body and brought back some alertness into my mind, I opened the drawers next to the sink and smiled when I found what I was looking for.

When I walked out of the bathroom, Severus was sitting by the fire, just like I had asked him to. He was still wearing his pants and boots, which I suspected he had dried while I was gone. He was leaning against the armrest and looked at the fire with a very relaxed expression on his face. I even got a glimpse of something that unmistakably looked like happiness fleeting in his features before he noticed my presence. He turned his head towards me and stayed open-mouthed for a split second, seeing me standing on the doorstep with a large smile and my hands behind my back, wearing only his silk tie and shirt, which did not even cover me past the middle of my thighs.

“I know you hate it when I wear your shirt, Severus, but I felt too uncomfortable in my robes…” I explained, walking towards him and blushing slightly.

“Mark my words, Antanasia… if I ever forbid you to wear my shirt again… you officially have the right to chop my head off,” he said, lifting a very evaluative yet comical eyebrow.

“Oh… and should I drive a stake through your heart before I do?” I taunted, stopping in front of him.

“That will not be necessary, in my case,” he said, as the evaluative eyebrow lowered into a slight frown. “Speaking of that shirt, however… I do not remember you giving it back since you borrowed it…”

“You mean since you lent it to me, Severus?” I purred, feeling his soft hands slowly make their way up my legs as I took a step forward between his knees.

“The fact remains that I never got it back…” he answered, massaging my thighs in a most pleasing manner.

“I know… but you never asked for it either…”

“I know…” he murmured, cupping my buttocks with his hands and pressing his lips against my stomach. “What are you hiding behind your back?”

“Something to chop your head off… do you want us to begin the procedure now?” I asked, smiling as I saw him look up at me and frown in incomprehension. “Look what I found in your bathroom drawer…” I continued, showing him the razor blade I held in my right hand.

“So I was right…” he murmured in sham irritability. “Never trust a woman when she has a blade in her hands…”

“Indeed! You really think I would let you rub that hairy face all over my body? You will tear my delicate skin into pieces!”

“It did not seem to be a problem with Lupin’s pilosity…” he nagged.

“Severus, by Cerridwen!” I huffed. “You never miss one opportunity, do you? Can you not keep those comments to yourself until later this morning, at least?” I exclaimed, taking a few steps back and crossing my arms over my chest.

He did not reply, but did the very same… and crossed his legs, too. I chose to bravely ask the question I had been burning to ask, telling myself that the mood could not be more ruined anyway.

“Severus… those things you said about Remus and me, during the duel… it has been worrying me since then… were they memories you summoned in my mind or… have you witnessed all that in person?”

He snorted and shook his head in disbelief.

“Of course not. I would not have wasted my precious time standing in a corner of the dining room spying on you while you… you know…” he hesitated. “I only reacted to what I saw in your mind.”

The lack of anything close to disgust or reprehension in his voice and eyes softened me greatly. From what I heard, saw and felt, he was merely embarrassed.

“That reassures me a lot… thank you for telling me this, Severus, I appreciate it,” I replied, walking towards him again. “I can assure you that Remus is much more in your mind than he is in mine, right now…”

His eyes softened a little, too, but the corners of his mouth still curled up quite bitterly anyway. I sat on his lap and ran a playful finger on the side of his face, forcing him gently to look at me.

“In fact, just in case it can bring you any comfort to know that…” I purred, “I have never, ever, offered Remus a shave… and the thought of making that offer with the little extra that involves wearing his shirt while doing it never… ever… crossed my mind,” I continued, leaving light kisses on his forehead and nose.

At long last I saw, out of the corner of my eyes, how his lips lost their bitter smile and only curled up with pleasure and softness.

“If you must know… I did miss it… after you stopped doing it for me…” he admitted, stroking my back with a full hand.

“In that case, Professor Snape,” I said, smiling as well, “let me take care of you the way I did in Transylvania… if you still trust me, of course…”

“Antanasia,” he began, as I magically produced shaving foam from the little all-purpose shaving stone I held in my hand, “I admit that you putting a blade against my throat had… its advantages… especially given the effect it had on you.”

“Oh, really? And what would this effect be, Snape?” I asked, choosing my best dungeon-appropriate voice while spreading the foam over his cheeks and throat.

“I knew it turned you on…” he purred, stroking my legs behind him.

“You cannot possibly have broken through the Occlumency barriers I raised during those moments, Severus,” I commented, waiting for his answer before spreading foam over his mouth.

“I have not. But your body talked a lot, my dear… your hands, especially. Once I stopped worrying that you would be tempted to slice my throat open, I actually noticed how much care you put in each and every gesture you made with that razor blade… it became quite relaxing, after a while. And I could hardly believe that you put that much delicateness in your task simply by duty…”

“Bravo, you guessed right!” I said, spreading the foam over his mouth and wiping my hand on a towel I had brought with me. “There are very few things I can hide from you, it seems…”

Once again, a few mumbled words and some additional bubbles in the foam were his only answer.

“Be quiet, now… let me enjoy this one more time…” I said, with a naughty smile.

He raised his hands in defeat and leaned his head comfortably against the back of the chair. This time, his hands did not stay halfway between his lap and his face, ready to interrupt any suspect movement of the blade, nor did they remain chastely crossed over his knees. They kept stroking every part of me they could reach, from my calves, my thighs, my hips… I kept his throat for the end, of course and, just like he always did in Zaharia, he trustfully offered it to me. As I could not have him lean his damp hair against my stomach, unfortunately, I chose an alternative that would please both of us and sat on his lap, squeezing his legs between mine.

His carotid was pounding powerfully against the blade; my sensitive fingers could feel each and every beat… and indeed, it greatly turned me on. Before I knew it, I was rocking my hips back and forth, in slow and discreet circles, rubbing my knickers against his trousers. Severus felt my arousal and started caressing and massaging my butt cheeks with both of his hands, encouraging the lustful sways of my hips, apparently totally unconcerned by the dangerousness of what I was doing. That careless abandonment turned me on even more…

When at last I finished my delicate and very posed task, I wiped the remaining foam off his cheeks and throat and patted some aftershave on his face, extracting it from the same stone that had produced the foam. I was wiping the lotion off my hands when he started undoing his silk tie around my neck. I quickly grabbed his hands and stopped him once more.

“Not yet, Severus… let me put this somewhere…” I timidly murmured, rising to my feet.

“Is there something wrong?” he asked, as I went to the bathroom to put his shaving apparatus back into the right drawer.

“Not really,” I hesitated, after I came back to him and sat on his lap again. “I just fear it… well… it is not very pretty… I mean… for someone of my kind it is… a bit shameful…” I continued, blushing furiously and playing nervously with the bottom part of his shirt so I would avoid looking into his eyes.

Severus frowned worrisomely and slowly undid his silk tie around my neck as I stammered those explanations to him. My glance drifted to the side in shame when he finally slid the soft fabric off me and let it fall to the floor. I held my breath, waiting for the comment that would surely come… but no comment came. When I looked back to him, there was an expression of pure surprise and awfulness on his face. I blushed even more.

“I know… I am sorry you had to see this… I will not mind at all if you ask me to put the scarf back around my throat…” I said, trying to smile.

“Is it… the duel that did this to your throat?” he asked, when he finally retrieved the capacity to speak.

“Yes… it always looks worse the night after…”

“My hand did this to you?” he murmured almost in disbelief, placing his right hand next to the red and purplish marks that matched his fingers perfectly, of course. “And you say you are sorry?”

“I would normally not show this to someone from my kind, it would--”

“Antanasia,” he interrupted. “I am sorry… I am sorry I did this to you…” he said, in a voice that vibrated with genuine regret.

“I forgive you, Severus… I forgave you long ago already,” I murmured, letting him run his fingers lightly up and down my injured throat.

Contrary to what I expected, his eyes caressed my neck with an infinite tenderness and even a touch of guilt. It gave his glance a gravity and a depth that touched me beyond words. He slowly pushed a few locks of my hair behind my shoulders and, running his fingers in the back of my neck in long massaging motions, he made me lift my chin slightly. His lips caressed my skin with unbounded delicateness and brought, at last, some softness and pleasure to a valued part of me that had been greatly mistreated. After a few minutes of that wonderful treatment, I tilted my head back, letting him fully intertwine his long fingers with my hair, and offering my throat to him without shame.

“Did you suffer other injuries during the duel?” he finally asked, after he felt that he had eased my embarrassment.

“Probably no more than you did, Severus…” I replied. “Let me take a look at your hand…”

I took his left hand and he let me remove the bandages around it, without saying a word. The cut was very deep and ran across his whole palm. I winced at the pain I imagined he had felt when he had inflicted such a nasty wound on himself. I used my healing powers to shorten the cut and ease the pain he probably still felt, enough for him to be functional without relying on bandages to protect his hand even if the cut was not fully healed.

“I think you and I have a few wounds we need to recover from…” I whispered, pressing my cheek in his hand and giving him a small smile.

“Let me begin the healing process, then,” he replied, unbuttoning his shirt with caring hands.

Little by little, his agile fingers revealed more of my skin as he gradually opened his shirt. He took his time and each newly exposed part was welcomed with the wonderfully virile touch of his lips. He went as low as he could bend, and undoing the rest, let the shirt slide off my shoulders to the floor. I ran my hands all over his chest, enjoying the smooth touch of the thin dark hair I found there. I loved how his upper chest was covered with just enough hair to offer me a manly sight and touch, yet his whole abdomen was almost completely hairless and wonderfully soft, including the fine line of dark silky hair that disappeared below his belt. I fully appreciated, while touching and exploring his skin, how pale it was and it pleased me even more.

Severus caressed my back for a while before he detached my bra and made it meet the shirt behind me. I gave out a long sigh when he cupped my breast with his hand and kneaded it gently, causing my already hard nipples to erect even more. His other hand, sliding up my back in a long, massaging caress, finally stopped at the back of my neck and grabbed it firmly, making me arch my back and bend my neck backward. His enticing mouth eagerly clasped my left nipple, sucking in as much of my breast as it could. I hoarsely moaned in gratitude, feeling his tongue flicker playfully on the hard bud, which became even more swollen under his touch.

I feverishly grabbed his belt and fought with it for a while, as Severus’ attentions caused me to be quite unfocused on what I was doing. When I finally managed to unbutton his trousers and start struggling with his underwear to find what I was aiming for, he gently grabbed my hands and brought them both to his mouth.

“There is no need to rush, you know,” he murmured, “besides, I remember telling you that I wanted to take care of your wounds first…”

“You are perfectly right,” I argued, caressing his lips with my fingertips, “but I do not see why you would keep your clothes on while I am very unfairly quite undressed!”

“You are well ahead of me regarding that, I agree… that can easily be corrected, though,” he said, taking my waist and making me get to my feet in front of him.

He quickly removed his trousers, boots and socks and made me sit on his bed. Kneeling in front of me, he ran his hands on my calves, massaging my aching muscles. Running my hands through his hair, I groaned in pleasure as his hands brought some soothing to my pain. After a few minutes, his hands stopped on my knees and he lightly circled the bruises my fall had caused, when he released the Contention spell at the end of our duel and let me collapse on the floor.

“I am sorry, for these…” he uttered, leaving a kiss on each knee.

“I forgive you…” I replied, caressing his soft cheek.

Going up, his hands met a contusion, just below my left hip. He left a soft kiss there as well.

“I forgive you…” I whispered, running a soothing hand on a large old scar in the middle of his back.

With each passing minute, we became less and less dependent on words to express what we wanted to say. The smoothness of his glance asked for forgiveness every time his wonderfully virile hands or lips caressed a part of me that had been injured; the warmth, acceptance and tenderness he found in mine forgave him each and every time. There were moments when his eyes closed from the intensity of the silent dialogue we shared together, especially when the wound he wanted to be forgiven for had not been inflicted in my flesh… but I forgave all the same; he saw it with the eyes of his soul, which were open wide.

Like this, Severus found and soothed every trace of the duels we had had together; the one that had taken place the evening before… and all the others previous to that one. He ended his journey through the painful remains of our saddest memories by pressing his lips against my left breast… just above my heart. Despite all the tenderness I put in the caresses I gave him, he stayed there for several minutes, eyes closed, hands still… I guess he had a lot to confess.

When he came back to my mouth at last, I welcomed his kisses with renewed intensity and passion. Encircling me with his right arm, he made me lay down on the bed and, running his hands down each side of my body, he gently pulled on my knickers and took them away. When he came back with me on the bed and lay over me, he had removed his silk underpants as well. Long shivers shook my body and soul when his nakedness came in touch with mine, along with the feel of his hardness pushing against my stomach.

I slid my legs on each side of his thighs, all the way up, until I wrapped them around his waist, pushing against his buttocks to hold him even tighter against me. Waving his hips slowly, he took one of my breasts into his mouth again, making me gasp in pleasure and clutch the skin on his back. In answer, I quickly found one of his nipples and squeezed it, rolling the hardening bud between my fingers. He let out a small groan of appreciation and nibbled gently on my nipple. Caressing my thigh and butt with one hand, he covered my bosom with kisses, licking his way from one breast to the other. His touch was simply magnetic. The fine duvet on my skin erected with pleasure; I could feel my body arch and wave towards his mouth and hands each time they touched me, as if they were meant to give and receive the most heavenly sensations that could possibly be felt.

I slid my hand between our bodies and found a throbbing part of him that was craving my attention. As I circled my fingers around his hardness, I felt his muscles tense instantly. I started stroking and massaging him, in firm and slow movements, spreading the little drops of precum I found there all over his glans, which was already painfully swollen and ready for more. Panting slightly, he kissed his way back up and buried his nose in my hair, just above my right temple. I grabbed his earlobe between my hungry lips and suckled on it, pumping him faster.

“Yes…” whispered the deep, low, beloved voice next to my ear, “I love what you are doing to me…”

I loved it, too. His enticing voice vibrated everywhere inside my ear, my throat, my soul… his hand was now impatiently kneading my butt and brought my arousal to such an extent that it almost hurt. After a few more passionate kisses, during which his hot tongue took possession of each and every part of my mouth, he drew back and sat on his heels. Running a hand through his hair to remove a few locks from his face, he gently put his fingertips through my curls, pressing his thumb against my labia in search of my own hardness.

He quickly found it and, just as I thought my inner flesh could not beg for more, I felt it clench with delight, along with my fingers around his length. He massaged my swollen clit for a while, still enjoying the now jerky strokes of my hand, and then delicately removed himself from my grip. Pressing his hardness against my labia, he slowly started moving it back and forth, rubbing his glans against my aroused flesh, spreading my wetness all over his balls as he did.

“Take me,” I purred, “I want to feel you inside of me, Severus…”

He bent forward between my outstretched arms and spread his nakedness against me once more. Leaning on his elbows, he placed his face over mine and riveted his eyes into mine. I felt the feathery touch of the tip of his hair on my shoulder as he brought his face to mine and gently kissed my nose, cheeks, forehead, eyes… and pressed his glans against my wetness. Our lips opened against each other in a sigh when, in a long push, he gradually parted my eager flesh and slid inside of me, all the way through. Our moans got lost in each other’s mouth as we slowly became one, united in the most intimate parts of our bodies and souls, still looking at each other’s essence through our half-open eyes.

Sliding all the way out, he came back in with greater force and firmness, giving the gesture a bigger, dominant feel; I had asked him to take and he took, greedily and passionately. I gave myself to him without any reserve, welcoming each of his thrusts with a soft moan, a caress, an appreciative squeeze of my inner muscles… His length fumbled the depths of me shamelessly, making everything he touched his territory; there was no choice left for me but to surrender… and I do not remember deriving such pleasure from that kind of invasion before.

Severus felt his way through my desires and wishes as easily as if we had been the oldest lovers in the world. I was surprised at first to feel him answer my silent wishes as if I were whispering them directly into his ear, but then I remembered the unique Legilimency link we shared and everything made perfect sense. Likewise, I anticipated what he wanted and moved my hips to accommodate him this or that way, wrapped my legs around his hips just when he wished them to be there; I kissed, nibbled, licked this or that body part when he craved for my mouth… His rhythm soon became fast and steady and his breath shortened, but despite our arousal reaching delightful intensities, he did not release his pleasure totally yet. After one long push, he stayed deep inside me for long seconds, and then pulled back and sat on his heels again.

“Come here,” he said, outstretching his arms towards me.

Smiling softly, I kneeled over him and lowered myself down on his lap, feeling his member slide inside of me again as I did. I was about to start moving up when he put two commanding hands on my thighs and made me sit more comfortably, with my legs hugging his hips and buttocks very lovingly. He pressed my chest against his and, as flesh met flesh once again, our lips resumed their silent but oh so eloquent dialogue. His left hand gently caressed my face while his other hand cupped and kneaded my breasts and my buttocks. Opening my eyes after a particularly delightful kiss, I got a glimpse of his inner forearm. I turned my head and started kissing his injured palm, working my way towards his wrist, as he playfully nipped and sucked my earlobe and neck. When I reached the Dark Mark and meant to kiss it as well, he sharply removed his hand from mine. Looking intensely into my questioning eyes, he simply shook his head, frowning slightly. A warm smile was my only answer before I turned back to his arm.

“I forgive,” I whispered, pressing my lips against his marked flesh with all my tenderness.

I felt his other arm wrap around my torso and hold me very tight against his heart. We stayed like this for several minutes, until I felt him run his fingers thoughtfully against my shoulder. I wondered what captivated his attention that much and finally understood it was the scar I had been inflicted with, on the night of our escape from Zaharia. He broke our embrace and cupped my face with his hands.

“You were right, yesterday… I never properly thanked you for what you did for me, that night.”

“You did thank me Severus, in your own way… I, too, might have exaggerated a little, yesterday, you know…”

“It does not matter if you did or did not exaggerate, Antanasia,” he replied, stroking his thumbs against my cheeks and lips. “Thank you…” he finally articulated, after a small pause.

I let him caress and look at my face for a while, enjoying each and every shade of dark I saw in his feverish eyes, and then I unwrapped my legs from around his waist and started moving up and down his hardness, which responded instantly to my movements. I did it very slowly at first, rocking my hips in large circles and shivering with the touch of his hands on my buttocks as I did, kneading them, spreading them apart… I drank every gasp that escaped from his lovely mouth directly from the source, rummaging my hands through his locks and scratching my nails on his scalp and neck in delight. At times, he grabbed my butt and made me stand on the very tip of his length, which allowed him to eagerly suckle my nipples, to seize them between his teeth and enjoy the way my inner muscles clutched around his glans each time he nibbled my sensitive buds. And then he let everything go and impaled me deep, letting out a raucous moan.

After a few minutes of that little game, he let me take a bit more control over the situation and just lay back on the bed, waving his hips to make me feel him even deeper. His hands, feverishly warm by then, caressed my thighs, massaged my hips and grabbed my waist, accompanying me more than guiding me, as I could still adjust the intensity of my movements by feeling what he wanted directly in my mind. That is how I felt he wanted me to abruptly stop moving, bend down on him, slide the hard tips of my breasts on his chest in one long, never-ending caress, until I would completely lie over him. Arching my back to the further possible extent, I lifted my butt and let his member slide out… only to bounce back and push against my wetness. I saw him bite his lower lip and tilt his head back in pleasure as I slowly moved my butt up and down, rubbing his swollen penis between my labia, against my receptive clit, until he suddenly opened his eyes and made us roll over on the bed.

Sitting on his heels, he put one of my legs over his shoulder and rammed his cock back in with renewed fervour. I moaned loudly at the depth and intensity of his thrusts, scratching my nails down his chest and stomach this time. He groaned through clenched teeth, grabbing my thigh to press my leg closer against him and caressing my bouncing breasts with his other hand, pinching my nipples from time to time to make me squeeze his hardness a bit harder and offer him a tighter passage. His features revealed a complex mix of lust and concentration until his pleasure reached higher levels of intensity; he snapped his eyes open, pushed my leg to the side and swooped down over me.

“Allow me to be impolite this time and I swear you will not regret it,” he panted, in my ear.

“Go ahead… come for me, Severus,” I moaned, kneading his butt to make him push even harder. “I want to feel you come inside of me!”

I wrapped my legs around his torso, arching my back as much as I could to accommodate him and heard the enticing sound of our moist flesh as it slapped together with the strength of his thrusts. He slid his cheek alongside my face and leaned his forehead against mine, surrounding us with curtains of black hair, as if it were shutting us away from the rest of the universe. Severus murmured a few incoherent words of satisfaction against my lips until he went completely silent. I felt the muscles of his forehead contract into an intense frown against my skin; my mind received waves and waves of his pleasure as he climaxed and shot his semen inside of me in long, hot spurts.

We stayed like this for a few minutes, with him collapsed against my chest and my arms wrapped tightly around him. I stroked his sweaty back and enjoyed the feeling of pure bliss that vibrated in his mind at that moment. Taking a deep breath, he started kissing me, running his warm tongue on my lips before he slowly inserted it inside my mouth and explored every part of it without reserve. I gasped when he moved his hips again; his member was still quite firm and a spasm of pleasure transmitted to him how my hunger was still unsatisfied.

“I made you a promise,” he whispered, against my lips, “and I intend to keep it…”

He moved his length a few more times and withdrew. He sat on the bed and took me by the hands to make me kneel in front of him; I sat on my heels and spread my legs open. He pressed his whole hand against my moist flesh, tearing new sighs out of my mouth, and massaged it firmly with his palm before he ran two fingers up and down my slit, only to push them inside afterwards. He moved his fingers in and out, rubbing his thumb on my swollen clit, while he kissed and licked my neck feverishly and kneaded my breast. The feel of his fingers probing me was so nice that my voice narrowed to little sobs while I moaned my appreciation to him. It became a bit more guttural when, still moving in and out, he bent his fingers to press harder against the anterior wall of my vagina, just as if he were teasingly motioning for me to come closer to him.

“Oh… Gods… Sev… Severus, yes! Please do not stop whatever you are doing!” I moaned, tilting my head back.

“I love to hear you say my name with such lust in your voice…” he purred. “I can feel how close you are, Antanasia… I want to feel you come around my fingers… I want to feel your mind getting there with my touch…”

The sound of his voice drove me mad with desire. I stopped moaning and simply listened, with my mouth agape and my whole body completely abandoned to him, feeling my flesh tremble and clench under his touch. And then he spoke again.

“Kiss me, Antanasia… I know you have been craving to do it for a while now…”

“Are you sure of what you are suggesting?” I asked, in a trembling voice.

“Oh, yes… I want to give this to you… do it…” he murmured, plunging his eyes into mine.

I did not need him to tell me twice. Pushing his hair out of the way, I made him tilt his head to the side and felt my canines lengthen at the mere sight of his carotid pulsing beautifully under his wonderfully pale skin on the side of his neck. I lustfully ran my tongue on it, feeling his blood rushing through it, and used our mental link to magically remove all pain from the bite and leave only sensual pleasure. I had not used that charm for decades and casting it on Severus aroused very ancient and intense hunting instincts inside of me.

I took a deep breath, taking the time to feel the still-obsessing touch of his fingers inside of me, and plunged my fangs into his skin. I heard him gasp for air, but I knew it was from pleasure rather than pain. His warm blood flooded my mouth and I found the taste I had been craving for at long last… Severus’ taste… Severus’ essence, flowing through his veins… Severus, moaning under my hold and pressing me closer against his heart in a crushing embrace…. All my senses were on alert; we were united in every possible way in that timeless moment, and everything made perfect sense… which made me give in to the waves of pleasure that submerged me.

I magically closed the bite marks with a lustful but very tender lick and let Severus keep me in his arms, rocking me with the regular moves of his chest as he breathed… When he moved his head back and kissed me, I did not feel any trace of disgust in his mind, no matter what I had done to him minutes before. It meant the world to me.

He led me to his bathroom in silence and we took a very hot and long shower together. I can still remember the eerie feeling of the caresses we gave each other, given the spiritual connection we still shared and the floating sensation that reigned in every one of our senses, given the pleasure we had given and received. It was good to feel satiated, at long last.

When I curled up against him in his bed, the fire was slowly dying in the fireplace. All that was left was the starry night above our heads and I looked at it for a long time, tasting each and every nuance of my happiness before I followed Severus’ example and fell asleep.

When I woke up, a few hours later, I got a glimpse of him picking up his frock coat from the armchair. He was already fully dressed in the familiar clothes I always saw him wear.

”How many of these do you have?” I asked, with a teasing smile.

“Good morning,” he replied. “I have a few of them, if you must know.”

“How many identical clothes does a wizard need, I wonder…?”

“Ah, but they are not identical, you see!” he explained, sitting at my side on the bed. “Some are made of a higher percentage of wool, for colder times of the year, some have more or less pointy collars… and none of them have the same buttons.”

“They still look all the same to most people…” I argued.

“Not to me; that is the most important thing.”

“I take it you like to be the only owner of certain details about your private life?” I taunted.

“That is a very good guess… though now I am not the only owner anymore…” he added, fumbling the inner pockets of the coat he held in his hands. “I will try to survive that.”

I saw him retrieve a small book from the coat; I raised two surprised eyebrows when I recognised my poetry book. Without saying a word, as naturally as if that gesture were a part of his daily routine, he put it in the inner pocket of the coat he was wearing. Right against his heart.

“It never leaves me,” he answered with a smile, as I threw a questioning glance at him.

There was nothing to say to that. I sat in the bed and pulled him towards me. A few minutes later, he was lying on top of me, kissing me feverishly and pinching my butt very naughtily underneath him.

“Do you really have to go now?” I moaned, as he pulled back from my lips.

“I am already late, Antanasia; the teachers are probably all in the Great Hall by now…”

“Can you not stay just a little while?” I insisted, wrapping my legs around his waist to stop him from leaving me. “You cannot walk in the Hall with that bulge in your trousers anyway…”

“I regret, but I have to go now,” he replied, breaking my embrace and rising to his feet. “It will be hard enough to teach with the thought that I have a naked woman sleeping in my bed, I do not want to add… fresher memories to the lot! Besides, did your wisdom not teach you that it is never good to abuse a good thing?” he added, putting his coat and shirt in his closet.

“Ah… so it was good, mmmh?” I commented, rolling on my stomach and waving my legs teasingly.

A meaningful side-glance was the only answer I got while he put on his robes… the ones with the silver and green embroidery that ran down all along the front panels and cuffs.

“Severus?” I purred, holding him back by grabbing the bottom part of his robes as he passed near the bed.

“What is it?” he asked, turning back to me with sham exasperation in his voice.

“Have I won the debate with my arguments?”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“The debate we had, yesterday evening… about Neville’s assignment, remember? Will you re-read it now that you are in a better mood?” I asked, with a mischievous smile curling my lips.

I only got a glimpse of his smirk before he threw a pillow on my face and left.

Neville passed his assignment with flying colours... and from that day on, he has also believed in miracles.

~*~

AUTHOR’S NOTES
I hope you are enjoying the story! I would really appreciate some reviews. It does not take much of your time and it tells me if you like where the story is going or not! It’s in your best interest, in a way! Writing so much every week represents a lot of work; your comments are a valuable reward! :o) I am still writing every day and chapter 17 is on the way! Just be patient; your encouragement is always precious!