Love, Lies & Loneliness

Chapter 21
(Confessions of a Malfoy)

It was almost dinner by the time the pair walked out of the library. Systematically they’d worked through Potions, Transfiguration and Defence against the Dark Arts study, covering in depth the only three subjects they had together. Feeling confident now about the material both boys joked casually about their teachers as they began towards the dungeons. Halfway down to the dungeons however Draco stopped their line of conversation abruptly and turned seriously to Harry.

“Did you know you talk in your sleep?” The comment seemed to come from nowhere and Harry shrugged his shoulders unsure of why Draco was asking.

“No. Why? Did I keep you awake last night?” Harry quirked his eyebrow cheekily at Draco who looked hastily around them to make sure no one had over heard what Harry had just said. While Slytherin’s tended to keep their mouths shut about their own private affairs, it didn’t mean that if someone from another house overheard that he and Draco once a month shared a bed if only in a platonic way, that it wouldn’t be around the entire school within an hour.

“Yes.” It was a simple reply and the smile on Harry’s lips died as he realised Draco was not joking. Swallowing heavily Harry allowed Draco to pull him into one of the deserted classrooms, the blonde haired boy locking the door behind them with a flick of his wand.

“Sorry, you should have woken me.” Harry looked guiltily to the floor as Draco walked hastily around the room checking to make sure they were the only ones there.

“I tried too but you were too far out of it.” Draco upon finally finishing his search of the class room and satisfied that no one was around to hear them, turned seriously to Harry. “You said his name Harry. In fact you practically moaned it as if he was right there fucking you.” Harry paled as Draco stepped up to the desk and pushed himself up to sit on its edge.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Becoming suddenly defensive Harry folded his arms across his chest and turned away from Draco his head held high in defiance. Behind him Harry heard a contemptible huff from Draco and spun around to glare at the boy. Never during their obscure truce had Harry and Draco ever discussed anything remotely personal to them, their conversations only ever staying on neutral ground, until now that is.

“Don’t fuck with me Potter, you’ve got it bad for Severus haven’t you?” Harry looked away silently from Draco who glared at him in determination. Harry’s silence was the only answer Draco needed and the boy chuckled nastily at Harry’s ignorance. “Why do you think Dumbledore told him to break the news to you about that article in the Prophet?”

“How did you know about that?” Harry’s head snapped up from his chest as he stared angrily at Draco. Harry had told no one about what happened in the potions classroom that day, and Harry had thought Snape would have kept quiet too. Draco rolled his eyes and sighed in irritation at Harry’s stupidity.

“I’m a better Occlument, than you Potter.” Draco smiled smugly satisfied that he’d hit one of Harry’s sore points, his dismal failure at Occlumency. Harry folded his arms back across his chest and took two deep breaths in. Snape had taught him to control his anger and so far it had been working but if Draco pushed him….

“So you’re reading my mind now, I bet you love that, bet you’ve been doing it for fucking years. I guess I realise what this is all about now.” Harry paused and gestured between them with a wave of his hand. “What? Gathering information about me for Voldomort are you?” Just as Draco had touched upon Harry’s sore spot, Harry touched upon Draco’s igniting the blonde boys anger enough for him to get up off the desk and stride over so that his nose was inches from touching Harry’s as they faced off.

“I’ve told you before Potter, I’m not his slave like my father is and what I do benefits me and me alone.” Draco spat nastily in Harry’s face before turning and walking back over to the desk, in an effort to cool his temper. “If you must know I don’t go around just snooping in other peoples minds at will, too much information about people can give you a complex.” Draco spun around and sat back down on the desk his eyebrow raised in knowing challenge to Harry. Harry didn’t take the bait though and merely sighed as he let the anger settle again. “Snape is my teacher just as much as he is yours, do you think he doesn’t test me like he does you, only I’m better at retaliation than you are. Occasionally I break his defences and I catch little bits of things in his thoughts not enough to be substantial but enough to piece the rest together myself.” Harry swallowed nervously wondering what else Draco had pieced together.

“So what do you know?” Harry walked over to the desk Draco was sitting on and propped himself up beside the blonde.

“Nothing really important, Snape’s too good for me to get into his deep thoughts. Just random stuff about recent events, like the conversation he and Dumbledore had about showing you the article in the ‘prophet’. ” Draco shrugged his shoulders casually as Harry closed his eyes and hung his head in his hands.

“So what has that got to do with me talking in my sleep?” Harry looked up from his hands briefly to watch as Draco rolled his eyes a second time at Harry’s ignorance.

“Snape’s queer Potter, he likes men just like you do and has done since he was in school.” Harry sat up sharply at Draco’s bluntly put statement.

“How do you know that? I thought you said you couldn’t read his deep thoughts.” Exasperated by Harry’s lack of understanding Draco threw his hands up in the air.

“I can’t but he’s my fathers best friend, my godfather and I’ve known him my entire life, I stayed with him during holidays when my parents saw fit to dump me while they went off to some god forsaken island for a ‘relaxing vacation’.” Draco sarcastically put quotation marks around the last two words, his imitation of Lucius surprisingly accurate. “You’d think I would have picked up on a few things having been upstairs in my room listening to them discuss ‘death eater’ stuff in my dad’s study.” Harry was surprised to hear such personal information from Draco, and had been further surprised to hear that Draco’s life at home hadn’t been as perfect as Harry would have imagined.

“Okay I get the point you know heaps of shit about Snape but why does it matter to you whether or not I’ve got the hots for him, its not as if it’s ever going to happen cause there’s so much wrong with that picture.” Harry sighed and worried his lip with his teeth as he continued. “Besides I’m not even sure I like him let alone if I’m queer.” Harry couldn’t believe he’d just said that and lowered his gaze to his lap as a deep crimson blush swept up his neck to flourish on his cheeks.

“Trust me Potter, if you get wood while dreaming of a male teacher, who by all accounts isn’t the hottest man in this world, and you cum with his name on your lips you’re pretty much not classed as ‘straight’ anymore.” Draco looked smugly at Harry who if at all possible blushed brighter, his eyes closing in humiliation as he realised just what had happened last night in Draco’s bed. “And the reason I care is because I know stuff you don’t.” Draco stood up from the desk and walked stiffly over to the shelves on the side of the room, his mood suddenly swinging from defensive to somewhat worried concern.

“What stuff?” Harry didn’t want to press Draco for information but if he was going to take any of what Draco was telling him serious he wanted to know the reason why the Slytherin was going out on a limb to discuss this with him. Harry watched Draco sigh the blonde boy’s shoulders rising and falling evenly as he did so.

“I don’t want him to win because if he does my life will suck even more than it does now.” Draco turned slowly around from where he’d been staring at the bookcase his eyes telling Harry far more than his words. “For as long as I can remember I’ve been in training to become one of his servants like Lucius but that’s not what I want. If it matters to you at all I want to study dragons after school but that’s not going to happen if he wins this war.” Draco fiddled with the sleave of his school robe his gaze dropping from Harry’s to stare at the dusty floor. “Dumbledore and everyone else are all stupid and don’t understand that without Snape you’re not going to stand a hope in hell of killing him. Snape knows him inside and out and he’s the only person who’s going to be able to help you.” Draco took a deep breath and came to rest at Harry’s side on the desk. For the first time ever Draco seemed exhausted and weak and Harry couldn’t help but reach out and place a warm hand on the other boys back in comfort. Draco smiled at the touch. “I was getting worried that he wouldn’t start teaching you. Lucius’s already picked out my bride ‘Pansy Parkinson’, as soon as I get through transition Dad’ll have us hooked up. I don’t like her she’s a big supporter.” Harry frowned as he remembered having seen Pansy and Draco close together for the past five years at school, neither of them seeming to hate one another.

“So why do you put up with her, if you don’t like her?” Harry questioned easily watching as Draco shivered in the cool breeze of the empty classroom.

“I have to keep up the pretence of upholding my fathers wishes, cause if dad ever found out about me plotting against him, I’d be dead. That’s also why Snape taught me occlumency, so that I could hide my rebellious thoughts against my fathers prying.” Draco sighed and rested his head in his hands as he glanced sideways up at Harry, the twitch of a smile in the corner of his lips. “Oh besides Pansy’s good in bed and gives mind blowing head jobs.” Harry’s eyes widened in surprise to which end Draco laughed and shook his head in amusement.

“Such a prude.” Draco muttered quietly to himself as he once again sat back up on the desk. There was silence between them then and Harry mentally ran through everything Draco had just confessed to him. Everything seemed to make sense yet again and it stood to reason that although Draco’s motives in helping him were selfish they did still come to some good in the end.

“So what now?” Harry queried after the extended silence between them. Draco took a moment to himself before answering, to collect his things from where he’d dumped them on the chair near the door.

“Now I help you get Snape. I figure it can’t hurt to get you two closer, perhaps it might even help when the time comes for you to kill Voldomort, who knows. Oh and I’ll help you with Occlumency, I can’t have you babbling my secrets to anyone who cares to probe into your mind can I?” Harry followed Draco’s lead and collected his books as Draco unlocked the door of the classroom.

“Draco?” Harry stopped the blonde haired boy before he could leave, Draco pausing mid way through the door into the deserted corridor. “Thanks.” Harry whispered softly his eyes meeting the steely blue gaze of his equal. A small smile quirked at the corner of Draco’s lips before it disappeared at the sound of someone coming down the corridor.

“This doesn’t make us friends Potter.” In typical Draco fashion the blonde haired boy turned and strutted proudly away down the corridor and Harry smiled as he heard Draco tell the people he’d met at the end of the corridor to mind their own stinking business as to what he’d been doing all afternoon. Glancing at his watch Harry saw he was late for dinner and so grabbing his books he headed for the great hall.

TBC>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>