Dirty deeds
folder
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
39
Views:
25,112
Reviews:
384
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
39
Views:
25,112
Reviews:
384
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
bad day at the office dear
13 January
Can you believe it? My boss is a thick as bottled pig shite, incompetent wanker but even I could not predict what he would be stupid enough to do. That little shit has just promoted someone over me to supervise my work. Apparently, although my work is superlative, I am just not management material. Too in love with my subject to appreciate the necessities of budgets, too involved in my work to ensure the safety of my staff. So have brought someone in to help me deal with these little issues and will free me to spend more time on work.
Never occurred to them that I might be upset by this in anyway. Was therefore surprised when told them that was unimpressed with the decision. Boss unmoved. Promoted little tosser just stood there and smirked at me in manner reminiscent of Draco at his most irritating. Will wipe that smile off his face by the end of the month or my name isn’t Hermione Granger.
Lulled them into false sense of security by asking them what my new duties entailed and what Tosser now had responsibility for. Got them to put it in writing. They took this as a sign that had finished with girly spat and was now prepared to accept the cond mnd move one. Probably said something about the wrong time of the month as soon as I left.
They are so wrong about accepting the new status quo.
Am about to introduce them to some muggle concepts such as passive resistance and more importantly the work to rule. Not lifting a finger to do anything that not on the list of my new duties, not lifting a finger at all outside the hours of 9-30 – 5.30 and will be taking an entire hour for lunch. God only k wha what I am going to do with all this newly discovered time. Particularly vexing that Severus not at home in thin silk robes just waiting to have them peeled off very, very slowly.
Bastards. Absolute, stinking, shit-licking bastard sons of syphilitic whores. May they be struck down with a pox and have their willies turn green and suppurating and drop off. In fact may just ask Severus if there is a potion that can help that happen.
Tosser’s promotion has nothing to ith ith my lack of management potential. Already run the sodding place, and do the job of my boss, and my boss’s boss. Has everything to do with the fact that (a) he has balls and (b) daddy is a well-connected pureblood. All I can say is that if it takes a pair of bollocks to get promoted I am quite happy to go out and get a pair, and since Tosser is recently promoted his are logically the most suitable bollocks for securing promotion and therefore the ones I should be acquiring. In a jar. Perhaps as ear-rings? Or would that be a little distasteful.
Nothing in the Wizarding World to mirror Sex Discrimination Act so am supposed to sit there and meekly take it.
I don’t FUCKING think so. Have checked contract of employment and silly sods forgot to put in a confidentiality clause so can take my research elsewhere without penalty. Suspect dancing round my office chanting yes, yes, yes, yes! probably not good thing. Although they probably felt marginally happier than when I was sitting there stroking some very sharp knives andkingking for a bollock donor.
Of course I can rely on the loyalty of my team, can’t I? That would be a resounding no. All clustered round Tosser to offer congratulations and huddle round him like sheep round a collie dog. Any compunction I felt about abandoning them to their undoubted fate of exploding cauldrons and a catalogue of industrial accidents faded in the light of this not wholly unexpected desertion.
Began writing list of places I could apply to and what I wanted from my new job. Reasonable hours, to be cosseted and adored, minimal supervision and lots of research.
Head of boss on plate, bollocks of newly promoted tosser in jar.
No, sorry got confused with list of birthday wishes there.
Only bright bit of day was letter from Severus.
Dearest darlingest Hermione,
I made the mistake of reading your letter at the breakfast table. I don’t know what expression you were looking for but Minerva was moved to ask if there was trouble in paradise. I am not sure if she was relieved or disappointed to hear that things were fine. I think on balance the former.
I would suggest that you hold fire on moving in with Hagrid for a number of reasons. I am told the standards of hygiene are less than impressive, goodness only knows what sorts of unsuitable pets he is keeping in there, and last of all I am told that Fang suffers terribly from wind.
I think that on balance the better suggestion would be for you to camp out on the school quidditch pitch. I don’t think that a gauzy white dress would be suitable – you would catch a dreadful chill. It is very difficult to be romantic and consumptive when you are full of cold.
I miss you too.
Love,
Severus
Replied immediately:
My dearest darlingest sweetiest little Severus,
I am in a foul mood and could really do with some advice. You will remember me discussing tactics to instil fear and terror into my staff? It appears that advice is even more necessary than before. My assistant has been promoted over me, and is now technically my boss. I have no intention of taking this lying down.
The tactics I have decided upon so far involve keeping strictly to my duties as defined in my employment contract, including leaving on time. And if one of the daft sods blows himself up or poisons himself because they are too lazy and stupid to pay attention it won’t be my fault. I know this because it says so in my new employment contract.
The Tosser, as he will henceforth be affectionately known, was otherwise called Peter Saulus. You will remember him from the year ahead of me at Hogwarts? Got any dirt on him I can use to make him resign?
Attached is a list of potential employers, anything known? Anyone I should stay clear of, and, more importantly, anyone I can blackmail?
I take your point about camping on the quidditch pitch but think it would be terribly noisy on match day. Nor do I think that the flannel pyjamas I would have to wear would be conducive to seduction, and what would be the point of camping out if I didn’t get to seduce you on a regular basis?
Still pining for you, more than ever,
Love,
Hermione.
Can you believe it? My boss is a thick as bottled pig shite, incompetent wanker but even I could not predict what he would be stupid enough to do. That little shit has just promoted someone over me to supervise my work. Apparently, although my work is superlative, I am just not management material. Too in love with my subject to appreciate the necessities of budgets, too involved in my work to ensure the safety of my staff. So have brought someone in to help me deal with these little issues and will free me to spend more time on work.
Never occurred to them that I might be upset by this in anyway. Was therefore surprised when told them that was unimpressed with the decision. Boss unmoved. Promoted little tosser just stood there and smirked at me in manner reminiscent of Draco at his most irritating. Will wipe that smile off his face by the end of the month or my name isn’t Hermione Granger.
Lulled them into false sense of security by asking them what my new duties entailed and what Tosser now had responsibility for. Got them to put it in writing. They took this as a sign that had finished with girly spat and was now prepared to accept the cond mnd move one. Probably said something about the wrong time of the month as soon as I left.
They are so wrong about accepting the new status quo.
Am about to introduce them to some muggle concepts such as passive resistance and more importantly the work to rule. Not lifting a finger to do anything that not on the list of my new duties, not lifting a finger at all outside the hours of 9-30 – 5.30 and will be taking an entire hour for lunch. God only k wha what I am going to do with all this newly discovered time. Particularly vexing that Severus not at home in thin silk robes just waiting to have them peeled off very, very slowly.
Bastards. Absolute, stinking, shit-licking bastard sons of syphilitic whores. May they be struck down with a pox and have their willies turn green and suppurating and drop off. In fact may just ask Severus if there is a potion that can help that happen.
Tosser’s promotion has nothing to ith ith my lack of management potential. Already run the sodding place, and do the job of my boss, and my boss’s boss. Has everything to do with the fact that (a) he has balls and (b) daddy is a well-connected pureblood. All I can say is that if it takes a pair of bollocks to get promoted I am quite happy to go out and get a pair, and since Tosser is recently promoted his are logically the most suitable bollocks for securing promotion and therefore the ones I should be acquiring. In a jar. Perhaps as ear-rings? Or would that be a little distasteful.
Nothing in the Wizarding World to mirror Sex Discrimination Act so am supposed to sit there and meekly take it.
I don’t FUCKING think so. Have checked contract of employment and silly sods forgot to put in a confidentiality clause so can take my research elsewhere without penalty. Suspect dancing round my office chanting yes, yes, yes, yes! probably not good thing. Although they probably felt marginally happier than when I was sitting there stroking some very sharp knives andkingking for a bollock donor.
Of course I can rely on the loyalty of my team, can’t I? That would be a resounding no. All clustered round Tosser to offer congratulations and huddle round him like sheep round a collie dog. Any compunction I felt about abandoning them to their undoubted fate of exploding cauldrons and a catalogue of industrial accidents faded in the light of this not wholly unexpected desertion.
Began writing list of places I could apply to and what I wanted from my new job. Reasonable hours, to be cosseted and adored, minimal supervision and lots of research.
Head of boss on plate, bollocks of newly promoted tosser in jar.
No, sorry got confused with list of birthday wishes there.
Only bright bit of day was letter from Severus.
Dearest darlingest Hermione,
I made the mistake of reading your letter at the breakfast table. I don’t know what expression you were looking for but Minerva was moved to ask if there was trouble in paradise. I am not sure if she was relieved or disappointed to hear that things were fine. I think on balance the former.
I would suggest that you hold fire on moving in with Hagrid for a number of reasons. I am told the standards of hygiene are less than impressive, goodness only knows what sorts of unsuitable pets he is keeping in there, and last of all I am told that Fang suffers terribly from wind.
I think that on balance the better suggestion would be for you to camp out on the school quidditch pitch. I don’t think that a gauzy white dress would be suitable – you would catch a dreadful chill. It is very difficult to be romantic and consumptive when you are full of cold.
I miss you too.
Love,
Severus
Replied immediately:
My dearest darlingest sweetiest little Severus,
I am in a foul mood and could really do with some advice. You will remember me discussing tactics to instil fear and terror into my staff? It appears that advice is even more necessary than before. My assistant has been promoted over me, and is now technically my boss. I have no intention of taking this lying down.
The tactics I have decided upon so far involve keeping strictly to my duties as defined in my employment contract, including leaving on time. And if one of the daft sods blows himself up or poisons himself because they are too lazy and stupid to pay attention it won’t be my fault. I know this because it says so in my new employment contract.
The Tosser, as he will henceforth be affectionately known, was otherwise called Peter Saulus. You will remember him from the year ahead of me at Hogwarts? Got any dirt on him I can use to make him resign?
Attached is a list of potential employers, anything known? Anyone I should stay clear of, and, more importantly, anyone I can blackmail?
I take your point about camping on the quidditch pitch but think it would be terribly noisy on match day. Nor do I think that the flannel pyjamas I would have to wear would be conducive to seduction, and what would be the point of camping out if I didn’t get to seduce you on a regular basis?
Still pining for you, more than ever,
Love,
Hermione.