Harry Potter and The Charming Prince (BP7)

Draco wrapped his arms around Harry, fingers playing with the inky damp hair at the back of Harry's neck. They lay there for a few minutes, sweat drying on their bodies. "Our life now is more than I could have wished for," he said, considering how to segue into a conversation about his mother.

Harry laughed and pressed closer to Draco. "Well, if you wished for a houseful of people who never imagined they would ever live together and noisy children then I have to agree that you definitely got what you wanted. You should have seen your mother's face yesterday when Hermione brought up the stuff about house-elves. At first she looked shocked but by the time Hermione was finished she had that same glazed look in her eye that Ron gets and I think it's the first time she and Ron had anything in common."

Draco couldn't help but laugh at that, especially since he could easily imagine his mother's reaction. He reached a hand over and laced his fingers with Harry's, hands resting on his husband's chest. "Well, they will all get a chance to recover when my mother leaves," he said.

Harry blinked and paused before saying anything. He knew that if he gave a sigh of relief that it would hurt Draco's feelings but he had to admit it was hard not to smile at that moment. Ever since they had talked, things had been better between Harry and Narcissa but he still felt uncomfortable around her. He always felt as if Narcissa were studying him or judging him and Harry was afraid that he always came up short in her eyes. "Um ... she does know she's welcome to stay, right?" Harry asked, after clearing his throat. "I know it's not what she's used to but she doesn't have to leave, Draco. Where would she go?"

Draco watched, bemused, as his husband's emotions played across his features. "I think she knows how we feel," he answered. "And she and I both appreciate your efforts, as well as Ron and Hermione's, to make her feel welcome." Draco paused, fingers carding gently through the tangle of Harry's hair. "She plans to stay in touch with us and will be back for visits. My mother and I have talked about her taking over stewardship of the Malfoy Vineyards in France."

"Are you okay with her leaving?" Harry rubbed his thumb along the back of Draco's hand. "I guess she would probably be happier in France than here but does it bother you that she wants to go?"

Draco had to think about that. Actually, what was bothering him more was that it didn't bother him. "I love my mother," he said, after a pause. "And I am very glad she is alive and back in my life. It makes me very happy to see her with Valen and April. Yet, there are parts of our past that I think will always leave a strain between us. It will probably make it easier on her as well us if we visit but not live under the same roof."

Harry wasn't sorry to see Narcissa go, but he did feel unsettled to hear Draco say that it would probably be best to have his mother leave. Harry only had the fantasy version of his own mother in his head but even with the opposing examples of Petunia Dursley and Molly Weasley, he had seen how tight their bonds were with their children. He supposed that was why he had been so angry with Narcissa in regards to what Draco had suffered through, practically under her nose. Harry sometimes wondered if Draco ever gave it any thought. "Well, I guess that makes sense," Harry said, although it actually didn't make sense to him at all. It almost made it sound as if Narcissa and Draco were distant relatives rather than mother and son. Harry turned his body more toward Draco and pushed himself up so that he rested on one elbow. In this position, he was able to look into Draco's grey eyes which seemed pensive at the moment. "I guess what I don't understand is why she disappeared for so long and now she's barely here and wants to leave. Has she even talked to you about the past or explained things?"

Draco knew he needed to talk about the past and his mother with Harry, to help him understand. Yet, most of Draco's explanations in the past only seemed to confuse his husband more. "She left to make it easier for us to fight Voldemort without her in the way," he said. "It's why she stayed away that is complicated."

"There was no reason for her to stay away after the war," Harry said firmly. "She let you think she was dead, Draco, and for what? We would have taken her in at any time; even before the war ended and we told Snape to tell her that. So why did she leave you?"

Draco sighed, closing his eyes for a moment to collect himself, one hand still caressing Harry's hair to help him stay focused. When he opened his eyes again, looking into those earnest green ones almost undid him. "She couldn't protect me. After Macnair used her to get to us, I think she knew that Voldemort might try that." He paused again, waiting to see Harry's reaction before he continued.

Harry narrowed his eyes as he recalled the results of what had happened when Macnair had placed Narcissa under Imperius. He knew it was irrational for him to believe she could have fought it but the thought sometimes came into his head all the same. Yet, if Voldemort had got hold of Narcissa the results would have been even worse. "Of course that bastard would have used your mother," Harry said tightly, remembering the visions of Valen in the arms of the monster. "He didn't care who he used to get what he wanted. But it seems like – " Harry stopped. He didn't want Draco to feel that Narcissa was under attack and he did want to hear why she stayed away. " – like maybe she could have tried harder, that's all."

Draco arched an eyebrow, showing the scepticism he felt. "Harry, the only reason they could not use Imperius to get to me was that I was under the protection of your Binding Spell," he reminded him. Draco knew he would have been no match for an Imperius done by Voldemort. Harry's magic had protected him over and over again, even bringing him back from the brink of death.

"I don't mean that," Harry said, not really sure how to say what he did mean. "I mean that maybe if she wanted to protect you she should have left sooner. She's the one that chose to stay with Lucius as long as she did. I just think maybe she could have tried harder to protect you sooner than she did."

Draco knew it was because Harry had been raised by Muggles, but he was always surprised by the depth of ignorance Harry still had of wizarding culture and laws. "My mother couldn't have left Lucius without leaving me behind and in my father's sole custody," he said bluntly. "I was the sole heir. No one would have taken that away from Lucius and the blood-line he represented."

Harry felt a flash of annoyance at Draco's words. They had been over this before and, while he understood what Draco was saying, Harry still believed there had to have been another way for Narcissa; a better choice than living with someone as sick and cruel as Lucius. Surely Dumbledore would have helped them. "I just think it's wrong, that's all," Harry said vehemently. "I don't understand it when rules about heirs and blood are more important than people. Just because it's always been done that way doesn't make it right, Draco. And look at Parkinson; it's still happening today and everyone has the titles and the money and the heirs but is anybody happy? I want to say that I get why your mother couldn't leave without losing you but I really don't because I just can't believe that there wasn't somebody that could help her if she really had wanted to leave."

Draco shook his head and moved to sit up more, leaning against the headboard. "And just who would have saved me if she had told them?"

"Well, she had to have family that might help her," Harry replied. "Or she could have gone to Dumbledore and he would have done something to help both of you."

"The Black family? The way they stood by Sirius?" Draco couldn't help the sneer in his voice. "And Dumbledore, the way he helped me when he found out what Voldemort had done in sixth year? Or maybe he could have sent my mother and I to live in a cupboard?" Draco was angry and he knew the last line was low, but he couldn't help his own anger. Harry had always railed against Snape while defending Dumbledore, even when Snape had been the one to at least try to help mitigate what Lucius had done to Draco.

Harry's mouth dropped open at Draco's last comment and he scrambled up so that he was no longer lying alongside his husband but now sat facing him. He felt a flush of anger and humiliation at having the worst part of his childhood flung back into his face that way. "He didn't have a choice about that! It was the only way to keep me safe!" Harry shot back, shock still colouring his voice. "You would have been a lot safer in a cupboard then in your own home but you'll never know because your mother never even asked!"

Draco felt the spike of Harry's anger in his magic but refused to back down. He sat up further, arms crossed over his chest to ward off the desire to relent. "And how do you know what she did or did not do? I know she asked Severus for help. Can you even imagine what it was like to be married to Lucius? I know that before I began Hogwarts, there was a Tracking Charm on me. My father would have killed anyone who tried to take me away from him. In fact, he did try. Remember?" he demanded.

"Yes, I remember," Harry growled. "I was fucking there!" There was a part of Harry that knew he was being stubborn now but there was also a part that needed to believe in Dumbledore. He needed to believe that there was a good reason for the path of his childhood and he needed to believe that mothers could save their children if they were alive to do so. Drawing in a deep breath to argue in favour of Dumbledore, Harry then recalled Narcissa's words to him in the library and the meaning of what she had said suddenly slammed into him with the eye-widening force that unexpected clarity often brings. This wasn't about what Harry needed to believe because it wasn't about Harry's childhood. Narcissa wasn't Lily, Lucius had been insane, and Draco was ... right here, looking at him with eyes that were angry but Harry could see that beyond the anger was something else – pleading. Harry's shoulders slumped just a bit and his voice softened. "Yeah, I do remember and I hate it that you lived with that and nobody saved you. When things are wrong I want to fight against that but I can't this time and I hate the way that feels. I don't know how to fix the past, that's all ...."

Draco sucked in a deep breath at the shift in Harry. He could see and feel the way Harry had finally got what Draco had been trying to tell him. His own grey eyes were suspiciously misty as he reached a hand to caress Harry's cheek. "But someone did save me," he pointed out. "You did."

Harry shook his head and reached up to take Draco's hand. "We saved each other, love. I don't think I could have defeated Voldemort without you, and you were the one that reached out to me first. I just want to fix everything for you and, although I may want to Obliviate myself for saying this, that means making things right between you and your mother so you can have everything the way you want it to be and then maybe she won't leave you again. I still don't understand why she stayed away for so long and let you worry about her."

The warmth of Harry's affection, of Draco's hand pressed between the man's face and fingers, made him shiver. He did not want to imagine his life without Harry. His mother had been right, he didn't like what he had been becoming. Yet, it was difficult to admit it to Harry. Draco couldn't meet his husband's eyes as he did, dropping his own gaze to the dragon tattoo on Harry's hip. "She was afraid of me."

Harry's face reflected the disbelief and confusion he felt about what Draco said. "Afraid of you?" Harry replied with complete surprise. Harry had always assumed that Narcissa's reasons for staying away somehow had something to do with him and her disapproval of their bonding. He never thought it might be about Draco. "How could she be afraid of her own son? Doesn't she even know you?!"

Draco snorted, realising how much Harry had let himself forget about the way Draco had been before his father went to Azkaban. Draco supposed he played a big part in that, always telling Harry how much he had always wanted him. That part was true. He just rarely talked about how angry he'd been as well. "Do you remember me in fifth year? Or breaking your nose on the train at the beginning of sixth?"

"Yeah, but -" Harry recalled the cold eyes that had looked down on him just before that foot came smashing into Harry's face. That person seemed like a stranger now. " – but I always thought that was just a me and you thing. I never thought ..." Harry's voice trailed off and he wondered briefly how he had ever managed to destroy Voldemort when he considered just how long it sometimes took him to piece things together. "Your mother thought you would be ... like Lucius?"

Draco felt the heat on his cheeks, knowing they would be pink now. He nodded. "I wanted to be like him. I was trying to become him. I just ... wasn't very ... consistent."

This revelation startled Harry and even scared him a little although he wasn't sure why. It wasn't as if he didn't recall the proud look on Draco's face when he was a child, standing next to his father while Lucius sneered at everyone and made nasty comments. Harry supposed that what scared him was that he didn't understand this side of Draco at all and, once he fell in love with his husband, he wanted to believe that Draco had been an unwilling participant even in the cruelties he inflicted on others. Hearing this, though, opened the door a little further toward understanding Narcissa's life a little better.

Harry moved forward on the bed until he sat alongside Draco once more and pulled his husband close. He could see how hard it was for Draco to confess this to Harry and, even if he was uncertain of how he felt, he wasn't going to let Draco's courage go unrewarded. "I guess it's all you knew, right? I mean, he was your father and all, so it makes sense you would want to do things he would be proud of so he would love you." Harry struggled to keep his voice soothing as he said those words since Lucius' idea of love made him want to bring the man back to life just so he could kill him all over again. "But I don't understand why she still thought that after what we did to – to Lucius and you helped me destroy Voldemort. Why did she think you would still be like that after you were with me?"

Draco found Harry's touch comforting but it almost made it more difficult to tell him these things. "Yes, it was what I knew, what I believed. And the doubts I had, I had kept to myself, not sharing them with my mother. She had no idea how I felt about you or the so-called mission from Voldemort," Draco explained and then took a deep breath knowing he would have to continue. "She is Slytherin, Harry. And the only conversation she had with me after our bonding was at the wedding. What do you think she saw? I had been magically bound as a concubine by a man so powerful that he had somehow rescued me from Voldemort's curse and then turned around and not only got me out of paying the price for my actions, but beheaded my father, making me Lord of the Manor. From a Slytherin perspective, you appeared to be a ruthless adversary. To those who don't know you, Harry Potter seems a cunning, powerful wizard who took what he wanted. To my mother, it may have seemed like I had allied myself with you for power in the way Lucius had tried to do with Voldemort."

Harry felt his face grow warm when he heard himself described that way. He had always considered most of his own accomplishments to be the result of luck or a lot of help from other people such as Draco. It was strange to think that Narcissa, and possibly others, viewed him not as a teenager stumbling his way through life but as a powerful wizard capable of striking down those who opposed him. Harry's mind leapt from that to the night that Draco's friends had nearly got them killed in a misguided effort to 'free' Draco. An uncomfortable feeling unfurled itself in the pit of Harry's stomach and began spreading throughout him when he understood then how he appeared to those who didn't know him. It was almost more than he could take in and it unsettled him. The scrutinizing looks from Narcissa made more sense now. "Your mum thought you had completely become Lucius. She must have been scared that if she came back that you would consider her a traitor and make her pay for that. That's something Lucius would have done ...." Harry wasn't so much replying to Draco now as he was simply thinking out loud and trying to make sense of things that had never made sense before. "Lucius would have made her pay."

Draco tried not to smile, but the truth was that he had always known how Harry looked to those trained, as he was, to see power as the primary motivator of people's actions. It was one of those rare moments when Harry saw a glimpse of the Slytherin point of view. "Yes, exactly," he answered. "It must have been a terrifying gamble for her to come back, to hope that she would be allowed to see her son and grandchildren."

Harry grinned suddenly and leant over to kiss Draco on the curve of his neck. He pulled back and looked at his husband. "Well, at least now we know where you inherited the gene for gambling when you're terrified. I guess we have your mother to thank for that kiss."

Draco laughed in delight, relieved that Harry understood. "Yes, well, you are a terribly powerful wizard. The world is just lucky that you seem to focus most of your magical energy on sex," Draco teased, then waggled his eyebrows. "Something I am certainly pleased with." He leant toward his husband, nudging their noses briefly before going for another of those magical kisses.