Only through the pain

Disclaimer** blows nose loudly** my lovely muses just informed me that even if I did own harry potter (which I don't) then I STILL wouldn't own them because I sold my soul to Jem and she owns everything **cries loudly**

Warning: Angsty-ness with just a hint of fluff

A/N: So....sorry that my chapters have been so short lately (three people have told me to write longer chapters >.<) but things get a little crazy around here sometimes what with the Blondie and the babies and the crazy babysitting dog that we can't seem to find an off switch for....not to mention the doctors visits (for the twins, well-baby checkups) and the visits from relatives (namely momma Lithos and her two other kids) and the talking to my mother about my brother (dumbass has no job, no college and no food but refuses to move home and let mom take care of him for a while until he gets back on his feet) and then of course there's the cooking, the cleaning, the constant diaper changing, the keeping up on the courses I'm taking online so I don't fall too far behind when I can return to my law degree and then a general sense of chaos that rules my life. You know how it is. Now, on to yet another gigantic compliment I'd like to shout out to! Teh Kita said "It's not profound by any means, but it's incredibly entertaining, and very heart wrenching." THANK YOU!!!! I LIVE to entertain! It is my lot in life to be the comic relief and I take that role very willingly. Why? Because the comic relief never dies in movies, except dungeons and dragons and that was a crappy movie anyway. So, I figure, by being the comic relief, I shall live forever!! Muwahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!! **cough cough** ahem....anyway, today's song, Stuck in a hard place, by Blue Foundation. Told by both again, cuz It's fun that way.


Chapter 18- Stuck in a hard place


(Both)

"I love you."

(Draco)

We both stood there under the hot water, panting, tired, and both utterly frozen. I was too scared to move, even to remove my spent cock from his cum-filled passage. Had I really said that outloud? Oh god, oh god, oh god....and had it been my imagination or had he said it too as he shot his sticky sweet load into my hand? Oh god, oh god, oh god....

(Harry)

Oh god, oh god, oh god, Draco said he loved me....he can't mean that though, that's just something you say right? Right?! I mean....that's why I said it, isn't it???? No....no....I said it because.....oh god oh god oh god. And his hands are still on me....why isn't he moving...does he regret saying it? I bet that's it, I bet he regrets saying it. Do I regret saying it?.....No.....no....I can live with what I said. I want Draco. I want him all the time. I do love him....but why isn't he saying anything?! He didn't mean it, he didn't mean it, he didn't mean it.

(Draco)

I love him. I love Harry Potter....and he said it too, I know he did.....wait, why is he shaking? "Harry? Love? A-Are you alright?" I ask tenatively and his shaking gets worse. I gently slide myself out of him, turn off the water and move so that I'm facing him. As soon as I'd released his hands they'd gone straight to his face and he was sinking to his knees. I caught him and managed somehow in the small shower stall to move so that he was sitting across my lap with my arms around him. "Harry? Harry, love, please, don't cry. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to say it like that, not so soon....Harry, please, please don't cry,love."

(Harry)

I knew it, he didn't mean it. He said so himself...didn't he. No...what he said was he didn't mean to say it the way he had. What the hell does that mean? And he keeps calling me 'love'.....his arms are so strong....I feel safe, but I'm scared. Even if he does mean it, how can I be sure he won't hurt me like....NO! Don't think about that. Does he love me? Does he really love me??? "Do you really love me??"

I heard him inhale sharply, so I tried to pull away but he held me tighter and turned my face so that I was looking into his eyes....beautiful silver eyes.... "Harry, I really, truly do love you. I'm sorry if I've scared you or made you at all uncomfortable by saying it, but it is true. I. Love. You." He loosened his arms, "If you want to leave you can, I understand if you don't feel the same for me that I do for you. How could you, really? you've hated me for years, genuinely. I was only doing what my father told me. I lied on the train when I said I had no feelings either way. Its always been horrible that I've had to be such an ass to you. I've always wanted to be one of your friends, and just this last year or so I think, somewhere in the back of my mind, I was hoping a friendship with you could be more. When I heard you singing that song in the garden, Black Rose, I knew. I knew I wanted to be the one to keep you happy and safe and help you be you and not anyone's puppet." He sighed and ran a hand through his wet hair. "wow that sounded sappy and stupid, great job! Draco Malfoy, slytherin sex god three years running, spouting off sappy lines since 1990." I tried not to laugh, since he was obviously talking to himself now. "I mean really, Draco, first with the lame ask-out, then the confession in a shower, now the sappy rambling on of hidden love? What is this, some kind of angsty love story fanfiction?"

"You're talking to yourself again, and you're not making any sense...love" I finally said, testing out the word on my tongue. It felt.....right. "But I think I understand what you're saying....and I...I...I THINK that I WANT to believe you...and it's not your fault that I'm having trouble with it, it's V...it's not your fault. I WANT to stay here, with you. I'm not leaving. It's just hard for me to trust my own feelings.....let alone yours....I do know that I want you and you already make me feel safer then anyone else I know.....and....I do love you....I do....." I groaned and put my head in my hands again. There is absolutely no way to sound cool confessing your love, sitting butt naked on the floor of the shower. No wonder Draco was muttering to himself about random things.

"So, you meant what you said too?" Draco asked, and I laughed a little. He sounded like a little boy at christmas time!

"Yes." I nodded, still covering my eyes. I was getting a migraine.

He gently peeled my hands away and kissed my lips softly, "Then, it might be a bit late for this, but do you want to go steady with me?" This time I did laugh, and he turned bright red, again, and started banging his head on the wall, again. "Stop laughing, pothead! This is difficult!" he complained.

"Hey now, calling me pothead isn't a good way to start a relationship." I snickered. "And yes, I will 'go steady' with you." He looked up from his head banging and smiled.

"Really?"

"Really, just....don't ever lie to me Malfoy. I don't think I could handle it."

(Draco)

"Don't ever lie to me Malfoy..." I bit my lip....I had to tell him, I had to....but things were going so well! I couldn't risk losing him over that before we'd even started!

"Well....if you don't say anything then you aren't exactly lying." Said my inner slytherin. "If he outright asks you about it, then tell him and see, you aren't lying."

"But if he finds out and I wasn't the one who told him, Ginny said he'd flip." I protested to myself.

"OH what does she know? She might be one of the cooler Gryffindorks, but she's still a Gryffindork. They're all too self-righteous. Don't tell him. Wait a little longer. He doesn't have to know right this very second. Look at him, he looks so happy. Don't blow it." it argued back....unfortunately, very persuasively.

"I promise, I won't ever tell you lies." I said to Harry, while mentally smacking myself upside the head. I was in deep shit now.... "Come on, it's kind of uncomfortable down here...why don't we go up for breakfast? I'm starving."

"You're always hungry." Harry rolled his eyes at me, but he was smiling. "and I want to stay here a little longer. We can call Dobby for food."

"Alright, but that still requires you getting off." I pointed out.

"I already did." Harry laughed.

I sighed, "Damn! You Gryffindors always have your minds in the gutters! It's surprising half of the girls in the tower haven't dropped out pregnant with how much sex is going on right under Dumbledore's nose."

"Ewww! Bad mental image!!" Harry groaned, getting off my lap

I admired the view for a moment before standing and rolling my eyes at him, "See? Straight to the gutter!"

"It's more fun there," he shrugged and turned to look over his shoulder at me on the way out of the bathroom. He laughed, "You know, with you naked as a jay bird, it's not hard to see where your train of thought is either."

I flushed. "Shush you! It's not my fault you're sexy as hell when you're wet...and naked...and....." I bit my lip and wished for pants.

"Draco, you know, I appreciate how....difficult....it is for you to be careful around me....but you really don't have to." Harry said, taking my hand and pulling me back out to the bedroom.

"What are you saying?" I asked, noticing as I did that Harry was coming back to life as well. I stopped just shy of the bed, raising my eyebrow at him.

"I'm SAYING that if your naked self isn't over here in two seconds, I'm going to have to start taking care of things by myself." He said, matter-of-factly, as he dropped his hand down to his stiffening prick.

I bit back a small groan and watched for a brief second before joining him happily on the bed. As hot as it was, watching Harry Fucking Potter playing with cock in front of me, it wouldn't be anywhere near as fun as joining in. He rolled over on to his side, facing away from me so I spooned up against his back.

"Mine." I whispered playfully, moving his hand away and replacing it with my own.

"Since when do you own me, Draco?" Harry gasped out as I slid my hand up and down smootly. He pushed back against me and titled his head back to see me.

"Since the shower this morning," I replied, tracing the now bruise on his shoulder from my biting him. "I marked you, you belong to me now." I kissed the mark gently then started traling kisses up his neck and down the other shoulder, "Do you have a problem with belonging to me?" He shook his head and pushed himself backward a litte. My free hand came around to pinch and tweak his nipples before reaching over for the pseudo-lube on the night table. I put a good sized dollop in my hand and went back to stroking him with the now slick hand.

(Harry)

"Ohhhh," I moaned, arching again, "God Draco, that feels so good...."

"Mmmhmm, but I bet it would feel even better if YOU fucked ME." he whispered into my ear, "Only if you're comfortable, of course." He added, typically concious of my feelings. Did I want to? Hell yes.

I turned in his arms, which unfortunately broke the contact between his oh so skilled hand and my cock, but allowed me to kiss him deeply. "I desperately want to fuck you Draco....but I thought you were hungry." I teased all while rubbing my hips against his.

"Hungry? Me? Never." He moaned, grinding against me. "The only thing I want right now is to feel you as deep inside me as I've been in you..."

"I think that can be arranged," I said as I picked up the discarded lotion bottle and smeared some on my own fingers, trailing them down his back and over his ass, slipping down the crack to his entrace and slipping a finger in. He was much tighter then I expected and he gasped when I added the second, lifting his leg over my hip to make it easier. He pushed down against my fingers each time they found that little bundle of nerves and moaned lightly when my other hand circled his erection. The third finger was difficult to slide in so I added more lotion to my cock before pushing it slowly past the tight ring of muscle. Draco groaned again and dropped his head to my shoulder. I started to move, but he stopped me.

"Just...stay there....for a second...it's been a very long time since I've....been on bottom." he gasped. After a moment he nodded and I slowly pulled out and pushed in again, eliciting a beautiful moan from my blond lover. I would have kept the pace slow, even if that hadn't been the case because I wanted him to see how frustrated I was with his careful attitude, but somehow this was better. "Harry...god..." he groaned and captured my mouth to kiss me deeply, needy. It gave me a weird thrill to have the Slytherin Sex God 'needing' me. Without breaking the kiss, I rolled us so that he was on his back beneath me and moved just a little faster inside him, and a little faster sliding my hand up and down on his cock. He moaned against my tongue and arched up to meet my thrusts each time, eagerly. I reached for the lotion again and lubed up the hand on his cock, going faster again, because I knew he wanted me to.

His hand lifted up to my shoulders and brushed over that damned bite mark. I grinned as I broke our kiss and started kissing His neck and chest, biting down hard and sucking, leaving several marks identical to the one he'd given me. Who owned who now, eh? I groaned as I felt his already tight passage tighten further when he came in the cavity between our chests and the pressure helped push me over the edge as well. I came as well, with a small groan and dropped down on top of him, exhausted. Being on top was nice, but hard work.

He somehow managed to roll us onto our sides again and kissed me with a frown. "Damnit Harry! You gave me five hickeys!" he complained.

"Well, now I own you too." I said simply and kissed him again. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"No." he shook his head.

"Well, neither do I."

A/N: Sorry this chapter's a few hours late, I was shopping for thanksgiving dinner in between writing it >.< hope you liked it, hope its long enough for you, and I'll see you all tomorrow!