Forgiveness

This chapter was beta-read by Drusilla of Perfect Imagination.

Chapter 19

Joseph Pony and Severus adjourned to Paschal's Potions Supply and Apothecary, the most highly-recommended shop of that nature in Meridian. The boy's mood, though vastly improved after the mass exit of giggling pre-pubescent ninnies, was still dark. Severus was thoroughly sick of the attitude.

Severus looked around the well-ordered shop while Joseph Pony sifted through the barrels of the more mundane ingredients as he looked for the choicest elements. Severus watched the boy peripherally with a degree of approval in his choices. The boy carefully tied the bags and turned to the youngish, female clerk, presumably one of the Paschals, who was waiting at the front of the store. As the woman tallied his purchases, she attempted small-talk with a small amount of flirtation. Joseph Pony disregarded her attentions in favour of remaining sullen and uncommunicative, his normal mode of the week.

Severus returned to his search for the Papaver somniferum, the opium poppy, and the Datura stramonium, or common jimson weed. He had read an interesting article on the addiction to those two controlled substances and the correlation to a loss of magical coordination in Animagus transformations. He had discussed a possible addition of both substances to the Wolfsbane potion with Antonia and Regula. Beatrix had suggested using a charm to infuse the potion with the properties of both plants while ridding the substances of their addictive components. Severus had agreed to the course of action, and now he needed the materials. The jimson weed, a native plant with hallucinogenic properties in Muggles was strictly controlled and very difficult to obtain, even in the magical world. Of the two Datura species that Severus had chosen to work with, this species was the most dangerous. Of course the opium poppy was just as difficult to obtain and dangerous if one was not a Potions Master. Severus spied the whole, dried Papaver plant, and opted for that selection, rather than the bulbous opium-containing ovule available on the next shelf. There were many more potions that required less of the opioids, and Severus thought his apprentice might be interested in making them.

Once the Potions Master found the crystallised jimson weed, the only form of the plant safe to handle in a magical potion, he turned his attention to his next few gifts for Antonia. He had decided to gift her with a supply of therapeutic potions from his modified Calming Draught to Pepper Up potion, not commonly used in the States because of the relative cost and unavailability of certain plant substrates. She had commented in one of their nightly discussions that she missed the potion's ease in treating the most common viruses to infect wizards. He obtained the ingredients at a very dear price and made his purchases under Joseph Pony's baleful glare. He planned to dole out the potions for a few weeks, so the money spent would not be too much outside their budget.

As Severus replaced his small stash of personal funds for the gift potions, Joseph Pony made the throat noise that indicated displeasure. "They're coming."

The doctor and Stella stood outside the Potions shop discussing, no doubt, the frocks they had seen. Severus felt his lips curl in a contented smile as Antonia hugged the girl who was staring down the street in the direction from whence they came. Antonia was becoming important to Severus in ways he had not been willing to admit even this morning. The very idea that an attractive, intelligent woman would find banter with him amusing was somewhat difficult to accept at first. Lily had been the only other female to find his arid sense of humour even somewhat humorous, and most of the time she had taken him at his word, never considering that beneath Severus' dark, dour exterior, a more relaxed and playful person existed. Of course, his years as a Death Eater, and later a double agent, had killed most of his more light-hearted impulses, but now he caught himself smiling more often and not sardonically.

Antonia spied him looking at her through the large, plate-glass window of the shop and she waved, holding up a small, gift-bag. Severus winced. Surely the infernal woman did not go through with her ridiculous plan to get him the abomination they had discussed that morning, and in front of his daughter, no less. The entire point to his courtship of Antonia was to teach the children the necessary moral underpinnings that preserved wizarding society. He would not have them corrupted so that she might have a casual sexual liaison with him and cast him aside when a better candidate came along.

The two entered the shop and Stella approached to hug him around the waist, her normal greeting when returning to his presence. Severus patted her shoulder absently and bestowed to the doctor his most formidable look. "I trust your shopping went well?"

He moved his purchases to his pockets, careful to keep the more volatile jimson weed in its own compartment. Antonia beamed as she said, "I found the perfect thing for you."

"Joseph Pony will help you fit out your potions kit, if you will excuse me, my dear." Severus let Stella go as he escorted his erstwhile courtier to the exterior of the building. "What were you thinking, purchasing sexual aids in front of the girl?"

Antonia burst into peels of laughter, nearly doubling over with the intensity of her reaction to his query. He pulled her to an alleyway, pinning her against a grafittoed brick wall. "I see nothing amusing about being made to look a fool, Antonia, especially since you saw fit to involve my daughter in your... prank."

The doctor pulled her arm out of his grasp, the humour mixing with growing ire, if Severus could tell from the angry line between her eyebrows. "I would never do anything to harm you or your children, Severus Snape. Here."

She thrust the bag into his hand. "Open it, so you can see what a jerk you've been."
&*&*&

"Open it, Severus." Molly Weasley pushed a garishly-wrapped package into his hands, no doubt concealing an ever more psychosis-inducing scarf or jumper. He had not even wanted to attend the Yule eve Order meeting. He knew, without the use of one of Trelawney's crystal balls, that it would devolve into an excuse for a party even with the Weasley patriarch still recovering from his wounds. He was now confronted with the exact reason for his reticence. He suppressed a sneer, in the face of such a Gryffindor bit of bravado. The older woman smiled warmly as she squeezed his shoulder and then turned to one of the twins who were attempting to sneak one of their experimental creations to Miss Granger. Molly's shrill voice made Severus want to cast a permanent Silencing Charm on her.

The Mutt entered the room, his contempt of Severus evident in his sneered, "Snivellus."

If Severus were a better man, he might have allowed Black's insult to go unheeded and unhexed. He was most definitely not a better man. Severus flicked his wand releasing an unvoiced Stinging Hex. The Mutt grabbed his neck and cursed roundly, bringing a lecture from the Weasley matriarch. Severus smirked as Black cast a glare at him while at the same time trying to placate her fishwife remonstrations.

Potter entered at that moment, his vacuous expression souring upon seeing Severus' presence. Now the Potions Master's holiday joy was complete. If he were extremely fortunate, he would receive a summons from the Dark Lord and be Cruciated for hours. That torture would be better than the infliction of the Weasley children, the Know-it-all, Potter and the Mutt on his person.

Albus held court with Alastor Moody, Kingsley Shacklebolt and Nymphadora Tonks, who was the best of the Black progeny: bright enough for Ravenclaw and quite attractive when not playing the clown. She noticed Severus' assessing regard and flushed before turning to greet the Wolf who had entered quietly by the old, servants’ entrance. Severus would put odds that something laid between the two or Severus was not much of a spy.

Molly returned to his side. "Severus, dear, you haven't opened your gift."

"Ah, yes, thank you, Molly." Severus could feel the pained grimace on his face as he flicked a finger through the Spellotape. The package contained a shimmering black scarf, hand-knitted from silk thread. It was embroidered with an ornate silver ‘S’ on each end. Severus touched it reverentially, his rough fingertips catching on the thin silk filaments.

"I hope you like it, Severus," Molly said, her fingers working against each other to contain her nervous pride. "I knew you wore a great deal of black and when I saw that fingering yarn, it just reminded me of you. I thought it would be warm and still a little elegant for all the meetings you have to attend."

Severus felt a rare, genuine smile forming at the thought she had put into a gift for him, Severus Snape, greasy git, former Death Eater, half-blood, bane to all Weasleys save one, apparently. He scowled to cover his weakness and said with his characteristic aloofness, "I shall... put it to good use, Madam."

She bestowed a gentle pat on his shoulder. "Fabian was like you, Severus. He was always my favourite."

She returned to her duties as a hostess, bustling around the kitchen, giving orders and being generally obstreperous. Severus placed the gift, paper and all, in his cloak and removed himself from the room.

The next day, at Spinners End, he spent making first-aid potions for sale, setting aside the best of the batch for Molly Weasley. He delivered them by owl with a short note, thanking her for her kindness. He wore the scarf until his final flight from Hogwarts.

&*&*&

Severus held the gift in his hand, a delicate rose quartz carnation fashioned with strangely spoon-like, jade leaves. The creation glistened in the dim light of the alleyway. Antonia said, her humour returning with the bemusement Severus exhibited at the gift, “See? I said nothing black, nothing you need and not a book.”

“You also said you would purchase a thong,” Severus returned acidly. “I do apologise for taking you at your word.”

“Severus, when I do get you a thong, it won’t be for you to wear.” Antonia pushed her whole body against him, a smile toying on her lips. "Besides, who says I'm not wearing one now?"

Severus felt as if he were choking on his tongue as an image of Antonia in such an outfit, or lack thereof, flooded his mind. He leaned forward wanting very badly to kiss the smile playing about her lips off her face. She exhaled against his cheek; he followed its path back to the source, tasting her lips as if they were a fine elf-made wine. The moment spun out as Antonia's questing fingers stroked through his hair. The strain was unbearable for Severus as his body responded and he moved against her, unheeding of the sight they might be creating. A groan ripped from his throat, as if pulled from his intestines, as her hands drifted to his shoulders then his chest. She lingered over the buttons of his frock-coat as he trailed kisses down her neck.

"I swear to God, your buttons are the sexiest thing about you." Antonia gasped as he nipped at her jaw.

Severus chuckled. "My buttons? Is that a double entendre of which I am unaware?"

Antonia laughed, her signature, throaty sound. "I suppose it could be. They just make me want to unbutton them to get to what you're hiding underneath."

The impact of the words slammed directly to his groin. He wanted this maddening woman and would have her, he vowed. He kissed her forcefully, hoping that the alleyway provided enough concealment for the dark deeds he wanted to do to her. She moved restively against him. "Severus, maybe we should wait."

He growled his answer against her neck as she sighed gustily into his hair. "Oh."

"I found 'em, Joseph Pony." Stella's lyrical laughter shattered the illusion of privacy.

"Shit," Joseph Pony answered, disgust lacing the word, giving it an edge the boy normally reserved for his cousin. "God! Get a room you two. Come on, Stella. We'll be at the creatures shop."

Antonia's shaky laugh brought Severus back to his senses, the ones that had fled upon hearing his daughter. He stepped back pulling his hands through his hair. "I do apologise for my behaviour. You deserve better than this, Antonia."

"You are an exhibitionist at heart, Severus Snape." Antonia righted her blouse before taking his hand. "Don't think you can fool me with your uptight ways."

He laughed aloud, feeling strangely light hearted as they went to meet the children.
&*&*&

When Severus was six, his father took him to a circus. It was the one fond memory he had of Tobias Snape. His father had held his hand while they stood in line for the tickets outside the ragged, striped tent. The smell of pachyderm shit and grease from the foods the vendors sold within was always a scent that Severus associated with happiness.

He had taken Draco at that same age, unbeknownst to his parents, to the London Zoo, hoping to recreate that happiness for the little boy. Draco had whinged about the heat and the smells of the animals throughout the entire trip. Severus had never wanted to hex a child more than at that moment. He whinged for toys that Severus could not afford, he wanted an ice cream, he was thirsty, hungry had to pee-eeee-- the last said with his knees clamped together and his hands firmly embedded in his crotch, much to Severus' dismay. Severus was considering calling it a day in disgust, until they came to the great apes.

The simian house had never been Severus' favourite. He considered it an Azkaban for Apes. The intelligent beings locked in the cages day after day in unending boredom was depressing to the Potions Master; the distaste, no doubt, a remnant of his months in Azkaban and his childhood. Usually they flung shit or masturbated, depending on their level of boredom. But when Draco entered, something about the boy drew the apes' attention. Draco stood in awe before a Western Lowland Gorilla. The creature's back glinted silver in the dim light of the barred enclosure. Draco's eyes became wide as the creature turned his full regard to the little human. Draco drew closer, almost nose to nose with the creature who sat safely behind the glass. The crested male raised a hand to the boy, as if in greeting. Draco answered in kind.

After long moments of communion, the ape shifted its gaze to Severus with an assessing intelligence. He blew against the glass, his breath fogging it for a moment before clearing. Magic of a kind Severus had never witnessed before crackled and the boy fell backward, unharmed but breathless nonetheless. The ape turned from them, the moment gone forever. Draco clambered up, his voice made small by the awe he felt as he announced, "He's my friend now. He's the first friend I ever made on my own without father."

Severus patted the boy on the shoulder, awed himself by the moment. "I do believe you're correct, young man."

Draco took Severus' hand. "I'm glad you took me here, Uncle Severus. Can we ride the tram now?"

Severus nodded. There was hope for the spoiled boy after all.

&*&*&

They returned to the compound late in the day. Stella’s school would begin next week and Severus wanted to spend time with her teachers. He had been satisfied with the Defense and Charms Masters but was dissatisfied with the Potions Mistress. She was a befuddled woman of the Trelawney type who seemed to be stuck in the last century for all the information she seemed to lack when Severus quizzed her. He decided he would tutor Stella in the evenings to ensure her progress in the subject.

Severus retired to his lab to put away his purchases, letting the strain of the day fall out of his long limbs as he stretched to place the ingredients in order. He heard the soft snick of the latch to the door opening. He braced himself for another sensory assault by the doctor that never came. He spun around in a heightened state of awareness, his wand drawn. Joseph Pony greeted him softly. “Uncle ‘Rus, sorry to bother you.”

The boy’s diffidence, after his week of sullen immaturity, concerned Severus. Severus lowered his wand slowly. “What is it, Joseph Pony?”

The boy shrugged. “Thought you might need some help settin’ up for tomorrow.”

“Hmph,” Severus replied, turning back to his duties. He had not planned on doing more work than necessary, but decided that talking to his charge was more important.

The boy deftly began arranging the cauldrons to begin his next day’s work on the base for the Wolfsbane as Severus set out the ingredients for the potions. Joseph Pony paused, “Uh, so you and Antonia... You're gettin' serious.”

"I should hope so. I am in fact courting her," Severus answered dryly. The two returned to their tasks.

Joseph Pony paused again. "Uncle 'Rus, you know how I told you that Charmaine wanted a break?"

Severus nodded absently.

"Well, that wasn't really the truth," Joseph Pony said. After a long moment of silence, he pronounced heavily, "I think I might be a queer."

"You're attracted to men, are you?" Severus asked with just a hint of irony. "Have you considered Johnson? He's looking for a companion."

"No! Ew!" Joseph Pony reeled as if he had been struck. "I haven't had a crush on any guy. It's just that... Well, Charmaine and me, we tried to... You know... Do it, and she started cryin' and then I couldn't... You know... Do it."

"Ah, so because you could not commit rape, you are instantly homosexual?" Severus asked, his tone dry but neutral. "Oh, that and you have absolutely no desire to bed a man. If I understand you correctly."

"Man, don't say it like that. That makes me sound stupid." Joseph Pony glowered. "But I went... I lost my... I couldn't get... hard again after that."

The boy's face flamed as Severus chuckled. "It only gets worse as you get older."

"Oh."

"Yes, indeed," Severus returned as he placed the knives he needed on the table. "I think that if every man that had your experience were homosexual, humans might face extinction."

They finished their chores in silence. After they were through, a much-relieved Joseph Pony excused himself. Severus admonished before the door shut, "If things progress, son, please remember the Charms I taught you."

"God!" Joseph Pony shouted as the door swung shut. Severus merely smiled and went to see the doctor.

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