All That You Leave Behind

Hi, A here. As always, thanks to all our reviewers. We can't tell you how much we appreciate you taking the time! It means a lot to us when you do!

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"Calm down, Potter!" Severus said sharply, and the boy stopped his frantic scrabbling at his shirtfront, gulping in a deep breath. "Now explain to me what you are on about."

Harry breathlessly told him all about coffee with Hermione and what he thought he'd seen reflected in the store window, and about the glimpse of long blonde hair, swirling robes, and the flash of silver that was, he was certain, Lucius Malfoy apparating away. He reiterated his plea of "We have to leave here, now!"

"Firstly," Severus said firmly, gripping the boy's shoulders and pushing him down into a chair, "you need to calm yourself and be rational. A fine Auror you're going to make if you can't do that. Secondly, all you've seen is a brief reflection in a storefront, and a flash of somebody disapparating as you yourself were apparating. You aren't certain you've seen Lucius Malfoy, or anybody else for that matter, and even if you did," Severus cocked an eyebrow, "…so what?"

"So what?!" Harry blurted out in disbelief, "That means he's found you!"

"Again, Potter," Severus said disdainfully, "so what if he has? I appreciate all you and Shacklebolt have done to keep my existence quiet, but it was bound to come out sooner or later, unless you intend on keeping me imprisoned here for the rest of my new found life." He couldn't help the bitterness that crept into his voice at that. It wasn't as if he'd asked for this. Still, the look of guilt and worry on the boy's face made his tone less harsh as he continued, "Spinner's End is under a Fidelius Charm, Harry, as well as an Imperturbable Charm and is warded. Even if Lucius did overhear you and Granger, even if it was him disapparating in the street, he can't get in. I've been protecting you longer than I care to remember, Harry, do you honestly think I would endanger you now?"

"Wha....me?" Harry again blurted in surprise, "You're not protecting me, I'm protecting you! What have you got to protect me from?! It's you the Death Eaters want! You've betrayed them...."

"And you vanquished their Lord and Master and sent a good many of them to Azkaban," Severus pointed out calmly, "you do not think they'll let you get away with that, do you? Without at least an attempt at revenge?"

"Then that's all the more reason to leave!" Harry said urgently, standing up, "But I don't think they're after me, Severus. From everything you've told me and everything I've seen and learned in Auror Training, they'd want the traitor more than anything. They trusted you, thought you were one of them. They never trusted me, they've always been after me, but you...you sold them all out. They're after you. Even Kingsley thinks so."

The older man snapped his head up and stared at Harry, his glittering black eyes narrowing dangerously, and his face screwing into a scowl so fierce Harry was taken aback.

"Is that why you insist on remaining here even though I've asked you repeatedly to leave?" Severus barked suddenly, "You've been assigned here by Shackelbolt? Is that it? To keep the star witness in the coming Death Eater trials alive? I'm your job?" He didn't want to admit to himself how deeply the thought of this wounded him. He'd taken what the boy had told him to heart, and it had given him hope for some sort of reason to make something of this life he hadn't been given a choice of living.

Harry felt as if the man had reared back and slapped him in the face. How could he think that? Harry had thought they'd reached an understanding, that he stayed because he wanted to, because they'd become friends, because their past had drawn them together, because they were all each other had. Because Severus was his family now. He felt tears begin to sting his eyes, and he swallowed them with a hard gulp as at the same time anger flared up from the pit of his stomach.

He turned and stomped towards the door, flinging it open and himself outside, where he snatched up the shopping bags he'd let fall into the street. Slamming back inside, he jammed his hands in, snatching up the contents and threw them at the surprised man's chest.

"You....bastard," he growled wounded, "you think I would have bothered with these if you were just my job?! Who the hell would ever accept you as an assignment?! There isn't a job in the entire world that fucking pays enough to make you worthwhile!"

With that, he turned on his heel, quickly stomping upstairs, slamming into his room, and flung himself on the bed before the tears overcame him.


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Severus sat at the table with a glass of firewhiskey from the bottle he'd sent Kreacher after earlier, brooding at his own insensitivity. It was perfectly obvious from the boy's reaction that Severus was not his job, and that he stayed because all he'd said the other day was true. The boy, Harry he chastised himself angrily, Harry really did care about him and what happened to him. The frantic panic he'd displayed upon his arrival home had been genuine fear for Severus' life, and he'd gone and been a complete shit. Remorse flooded through him and he tried drowning it in another large gulp of the fiery liquid.

He sat with his head in his hands and sighed deeply. Had the facade he'd maintained so long in the face of the constant threat of Voldemort become so ingrained that he could not let it go? Let the boy know that this fragile trust they'd built actually did mean something to him? He picked up the garments Harry had bought for him, evidently intending them as a surprise, and ran the fine wool fabric through his fingers. Severus recalled muttering to himself that he really could do with some new clothing, and obviously the boy had overheard him. These weren't any of that off-the-rack stock Madam Malkin kept for casual shoppers. The woman kept a massive book full of measurements and fabric preferences for her more discerning clientele and could whip up tailor made robes in a matter of minutes, but you had to ask for an individual's preferences. The boy had obviously described Severus' preferences. That Harry had even bothered in the first place was indeed saying something, but that he'd taken care to follow Severus' tastes was strangely touching. The boy had often commented on his choice of attire, and if Severus had known Harry had intended on purchasing garments for him, he would have been cringing at what he would have assumed the boy would bring him. No, these were a very fine surprise indeed, and Severus had ruined it.

Why? Why couldn't he bring himself to accept that the boy looked on him as something other than his formerly reviled Potions Professor? What was he, Severus, so afraid of? The boy's comments hurt more than he cared to admit, and the fact that they may carry some truth hurt even more.


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Upstairs Harry rolled over, unburying his face from his pillow, and angrily swept a hand over his eyes. He didn't know why he let the old bastard get to him so much. He might have known that the cold and unfeeling bane of his childhood wasn't going to change. How ironic of the older man to say what he had. After all, hadn't Harry been exactly that to him? Hadn't Dumbledore assigned the job of keeping Harry alive through his childhood to Severus? Why wouldn't the man now assume the roles had been reversed? Especially since Harry had made it his personal quest to get the man cleared? Even so, that didn't mean that Harry had viewed him as a job he had to do, despite the fact that he felt he owed the man at least that.

In the beginning, yeah, he had looked on it as more or less with a sense of duty, of repaying a debt, but that had changed the longer he'd stayed and the more time he spent with the man. They'd shared their thoughts and feelings. Severus had told Harry things about his mother that had made her seem more real than anything anyone else had ever told him about her. Severus had made Lily come alive for Harry, and he'd even tamped down his extreme dislike for James to afford Harry an objective view of him as well. They'd even talked about sex, for Merlin's sake! How could the man think that Harry viewed him as a job and that Kingsley had assigned him as Severus' guard?!

For one thing, Harry was still a Trainee Auror, he hadn't completed his training, and was still a long way from being assigned anything. Granted, he had a slightly modified training program from the other Trainee's, but he also knew more than a lot of them did, and had faced more than they ever would, at a much younger age. And yeah, the Auror office was more or less charged with protecting Severus from any threats by renegade Death Eaters who hadn't yet been caught, or the few that had been released, like Malfoy. And, yeah, Harry and Kingsley had discussed the fact that many of them had sworn revenge on Severus as the traitor to them he was, and yeah, Kingsley had mentioned that he felt better that Harry was with Severus. But, although that had made Harry feel rather good that Kingsley had stated his trust in Harry's abilities, he had never said it was Harry's job. As a matter of fact, Kingsley had specifically told Harry that if anything suspicious came up, he was to contact him immediately. But that would have been the same for anybody in the same circumstances! That Harry had told Severus none of this caused a pang of guilt to stab at him, but he quelled it, knowing that his motivation for staying and doing his best to protect the man was because he wanted to, not because he had to.

Suddenly, he felt ashamed of his outburst of temper. Hadn't he been told for most of his life that he needed to stop and think before acting? Hadn't Kingsley, and Severus for that matter, told him exactly that, and that it was detrimental to his chosen career? He felt awful at what he said to Severus. That no job would pay enough to make him worthwhile. That had been cruel and uncalled for, particularly when Harry knew full well from viewing Severus' memories that he'd been made to feel unworthy most of his life. When Harry himself knew better than anyone how it hurt to be made to feel like that. He hadn't forgotten the treatment the Dursley's had subjected him to, and this made him feel deeply ashamed of himself. What he'd said made him no better than them. He felt tears sting his eyes again and was filled with deep regret at what he'd done. Severus had had a much worse life than Harry had, and Harry had been partly to blame for that. Even with all Harry had told the man, he shouldn't blame the man for thinking Harry didn't view him as worthy of his caring. Harry had just told him exactly that not a few minutes ago.

He told himself to stop being such a child and be the adult he'd often told the man he was, wiping the tears from his eyes as he did. He got a grip on himself and got up from his bed, heading toward the door, intent on apologising for the appalling things he'd said, and determined to make the other man understand that his concern was genuine. And had nothing to do with his job.

He ran his hands through his unruly hair and swiped over his face again, opening the door, and running smack into the black clad man standing on the other side.


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The impact sent them each reeling backwards, and they both instinctively reached out and grasped one another's arms to prevent them both from falling on their arses.


"For Merlin's sake, Potter! Must you hurl yourself where ever you go?!" Severus snapped and then instantly regretted it. He'd come to apologise to the boy, not shout at him.

"I didn't know you were there! Who the bloody fuck stands outside a person's door?!" Harry fired up immediately, righting his glasses on his face. Feeling ashamed of himself all over again for this outburst, he added apologetically, "I didn't see you when I opened the door. Are you alright?" He'd meant to go and apologise to the man, not curse at him again.

"I'm fine," Severus replied in a kinder tone, "would you care to come back downstairs? I have something I'd like to say to you."

Probably going to demand I leave again Harry thought as he nodded his head. "I have something I'd like to say to you too," he said quietly.

Most likely that you're leaving Severus thought. "Very well," he said, his calm demeanour betraying his churning insides.


Back downstairs, Severus motioned for Harry to take a seat although he himself remained standing. He didn't often feel the need to apologise for his actions, but he felt that this occasion required more than just a simple "I'm sorry." Grudgingly he'd admitted to himself that the boy had grown on him, he enjoyed his company, even if he was still infuriating at times, and noisy as well, and would miss him if he were to leave. That the boy was now engaged to the Weasley girl hadn't been far from his mind since Harry had confided it had happened, and along with that had come the realisation that the boy had his own life, would be getting married and leaving Severus to find a life of his own. He had pushed the thought away when it intruded into his head, but it was there screaming at him now. Harry would eventually leave him, to begin his life with Ginny Weasley, that day would come soon enough. He did not want it to come before it was necessary.

Harry watched the man pace back and forth, scowls coming and going over his face, and realised that whatever the man had to say, it was obviously causing him some consternation. Probably thinking of the best way to tell him to get out. He was aware that the man now possessed a wand, he'd given it back to him himself, and if he wanted Harry to leave, Harry would now have no choice. He didn't want to leave Severus. It would be like leaving everything he'd come to think of as home. In fact, the thought was a little scary and made him blurt out unexpectedly.

"Look, I'm sorry for what I said. It was uncalled for and I didn't mean it! Please don't ask me to leave!" Harry exclaimed suddenly, making Severus stop in his tracks.

"Harry," Severus began, but the boy cut him off, his green eyes pleading.

"Kingsley and I...we've talked about you, about Death Eaters coming after you for betraying them, but I haven't been assigned to look after you! You aren't a job to me, I don't stay here because I think I have to," Harry said miserably, "I stay here because I want to, because what I told you before is true. When...when I first came here, yeah...then I came to look after you because I felt I owed you that much at least for looking after me all those years, and for how wrong I was about you and how badly I had treated you. But....it isn't like that now. I mean, I thought...I thought we'd become friends....more than friends, really. You're like a mentor....more than that even. I'm sorry for what I said, that you weren't worthwhile. I know what it's like to be told that, and for me to say it to you was mean and cruel and totally uncalled for and I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry, Severus."

After a moment Severus cleared his throat and said, "It is I who should be apologising to you, Harry. I was coming to do so when you...when we collided. It was unfair of me to assume that your motivation was out of duty, and I am sorry that it seemed I had doubted what you said before. I am sorry that I questioned your word."

The boy regarded him with his large green eyes then asked quietly, "Does that mean you aren't going to tell me to leave?"


Severus shook his head a little ruefully, and a crooked smile appeared on his care worn face. Harry saw it and felt the fear in his heart diminish. It was going to be all right. Truly.


Reluctant to upset the man a second time, Harry felt he had to bring up the possible threat again.


"Severus, really, Malfoy and the other Death Eaters are a concern, Kingsley certainly thinks so. Can't we move somewhere else? If only for a few weeks? Just whilst Kingsley and the other Aurors investigate?"


Snape shook his head, unwilling to discuss it. He stood up. "Might I suggest we postpone this discussion until after a meal?" he said, formally.


Harry raised an eyebrow, noticing the suddenly constrained atmosphere between them. He nodded, but resolved to fire call Kingsley as soon as he could and get his backing to force Severus to see reason.

"Very well," Severus said, "I'll be in the kitchen preparing dinner then," and strode off.

It was only then that Harry realised the man had changed clothes, and was now wearing one of the new pair of trousers along with one of the one of the new shirts Harry had bought for him. He smiled to himself, shaking his head. Everything truly would be alright then, as long as they managed to stay alive. The thought furthered his determination to convince Severus they needed to move to a safer place. With that thought in mind and Severus busy in the kitchen, Harry moved over to the fireplace and threw a bit of floo powder in, quietly calling his boss' office.


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Over the dinner Harry ventured once more to bring up the subject of moving to safer quarters.

"Look, Severus," he began, noting the frown already furrowing the other man's brow, "while you were in the kitchen making dinner, I firecalled Kingsley..."

With a disgusted sigh Severus dropped his fork onto his plate and glared at the boy across from him. "Harry," he said, his tone matching his expression, "I have told you that I don't perceive a danger in staying right here where we are. You are not certain what you saw in the street!"

"But Kingsley says he thinks it a good idea to go!" Harry burst out, "and I agree! Look, it isn't just what I saw...I...I have a bad feeling, Severus. If it had just been the reflection in the store window, then maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal, but...I'm almost certain it was Lucius Malfoy I saw disapparating, but even if it wasn't him, it was someone! This is a Muggle neighbourhood. What reason would any wizard or witch have to come here? Especially since almost nobody knows where you live, and hardly anyone knows you're alive?"

Grudgingly Severus had to admit, the boy had a point there. Very few people had known where he'd lived when not at Hogwarts. Dumbledore had, of course, and some of the members of the Order, but they were all dead now. Bellatrix Lestrange had known, as well as a few of the other Death Eaters, but they were also now dead. By process of elimination, Lucius Malfoy was indeed the most likely person to have come nosing about Spinner's End. But the boy was right in pointing out if not Lucius, then some other wizard, and what would a wizard be doing in a Muggle neighbourhood?

While Severus mulled this over, Harry grew impatient and dropped his own fork, turning Lily's eyes on him.

"Severus," he said, his voice full of worry, "wouldn't it be better to be safe than sorry? I mean...please? I realise this is your home, and...maybe it is nothing, okay? But, well, I would feel a lot better if we went somewhere else for a while. Just until we're sure it's safe. Would you do it for me? Please? I...I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you. I already almost lost you once. I don't think I could take it happening again."

Sevrus looked up into the boy's face, seeing worry and concern clouding the bright emerald eyes and was deeply touched. The boy meant it. He could see it in his eyes and it caused a pang deep in his heart. It was like looking into Lily's eyes again, when she'd tried warning him about the dangerous path he'd insisted on following. If he'd listened then, he'd have had a completely different life.

"And where exactly do you and Kingsley propose we go?" he asked and saw an almost absurd look of relief come over the boy's face before it was replaced with a somewhat wary expression.

"Erm, well....Grimmauld Place," Harry said, and waited for the explosion. The man did not disappoint.

"Grimmauld Place!" Severus erupted indignantly, "Have you lost your mind, Potter?! Why in the name of Merlin, God, heaven, hell and all that is holy, would you delude yourself for even a moment thinking that I would consider your mutt of a godfather's family home as safe haven?! I abhor that place, Potter! I could barely stand to set foot in it when I had no choice! You cannot possibly think I would do so voluntarily!!!"

"But..."

"No."

"Sev..."

"No!”

"Just..."

"This discussion is ended," Severus snapped, snatched up his plate and stalked off to the kitchen. Grimmauld Place indeed! He would rather subject himself to the fiercest Cruciatus imaginable than he would willingly set foot there again.

The boy, however, wasn't giving up. He hurled himself into the kitchen protesting all the way.

"Just listen to me!" he said insistently, "It makes sense! They won't find us there! They won't even look there because it's so obvious! They'll think that we'll think it's the first place they'd look so we wouldn't go there, but we'll be there all the time! And even if they do figure out that we've gone there, it's protected by all manner of other charms that Kingsley and the other Aurors set up, because apparently it's a "symbol" of the resistance against Voldemort." Harry paused, and looked pleading, “I know you don't want to, I know you hate it, but it is the best place for right now, and it's only temporary until I find us another place to go. Come on, Severus, you know it makes sense!"

"Have you lost your ability to hear as well as your mind?" Severus growled dangerously, "I said no!"

"You do realise, don't you, that as an Auror, I have the authority to remove you from any dangerous place or situation for your own safety," Harry said grimly, standing his ground. Stubborn old git! he thought.

Severus snorted, cocking an eyebrow and sneered, "You do realise, don't you, that you are still a Trainee Auror and as a Trainee Auror, you have no such authority, Potter. I am not stupid, and how dare you try to pull rank on me."

"Alright!" Harry shouted, "But Kingsley Shacklebolt does! He can pull rank on you and he told me to tell you he will if necessary!"

"Why you insolent little......brat!" Severus growled and slammed the plate he was still holding into the sink.

"Severus, please!" Harry pleaded, not wanting the older man to be angry with him again, "it's for your own safety! I wouldn't do this if I wasn't really worried! It's just....I can't shake this feeling that something is going to happen, and....I...I can't lose you too." He silently cursed the tears he felt threatening. He didn't want to cry, but would if it would convince the other man that this was best. Losing the only person he had left from all those before was a very real fear to him. He looked at the older wizard glaring at him from across the room and saw the man's angry expression gradually soften to a less fierce scowl.

"Insufferable brat," he growled, "you're going to be the death of me, Potter."

"No I'm not," Harry said happily, "I'm going to keep you alive and torment you for another lifetime."

Severus turned towards the sink, ostensibly to mend the broken plate, but really to hide the beginnings of a smile he couldn't help.


Harry grinned. "You know the old saying, Severus. The best place to hide something is right in plain sight."


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