Darker Side of Me

Darker Side of Me –Chapter 20

The night was quiet and calm. Harry slept comfortably with that serene happiness of one who feels fully sated and loved. He tugged unconsciously on the covers and curled up. There was a sappy smile on his sleeping face that no doubt spoke of the comforting dreams he was having. He moaned something inaudible and turned over, searching for something that he found to be missing.

In his sleep, he furrowed his brow and moved his hand about the empty mattress before him as though searching for some object just out of reach. Unable to put his fingers to it, Harry stirred and finally opened his eyes to search. Seeing nothing at all, he put on his glasses and looked around the room with clearer vision.

It was likely very early in the morning. The sun was still lost beyond the horizon and everything was dark around Harry as his heart began to race and a nauseating anxiety hit his stomach. He got out of bed and looked around the sides of the room carefully, as though hoping he might have missed something.

“Draco?” he called out quietly to the empty room.

Hearing no response, Harry quickly found a pair of pants, slipped them on and pushed past the door. Perhaps Draco was in the kitchen, fetching himself a glass of water. Or perhaps he couldn’t sleep and decided to go read or something. Or perhaps he was just in the bathroom.

Harry walked quickly down the halls, poking his head into every open room that he came across in search of Malfoy. The bathroom was empty and there were no lights that he could see. His anxiety increased and he stumbled quickly down the stairs to check the lower level of the house. He leaned into the kitchen.’

“Draco?” he called more loudly this time. No response.

Harry began to panic and jog around the rooms of the house that he knew, looking behind things and through every door, calling out louder and louder as he went until he was screaming.

“Draco!” he yelled, looking around for any signs of his lover. He ran back upstairs to their room and turned on the light. Draco’s pants from earlier that night were missing. His clothes were gone and his wand was nowhere to be seen. Harry rushed to the closet and found only his own cloak hanging there. “Draco!!”

People started waking from their slumber. They poked their heads out their bedroom doors only to see Harry frantically whizzing past, shoving a shirt over his head and jamming his feet into his shoes.

“Harry, what’s going on?” Remus’ voice came from the top of the stairs as Harry had just made it down into the entrance hall.

“Draco is missing! He’s gone!!” he hollered back up in terror. He tripped over something invisible in the dark and was thrown head first into a wall.

Worried and rushed steps could be heard coming down the stairs now. Remus was leading the bunch but Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Tonks were close behind. Harry grimaced, holding his forehead and pretending that the tears in his eyes were from hitting the wall.

“Harry, calm down,” Remus pleaded, trying to take a look at his head. “Are you sure he’s gone? Did you check everywhere?”

“Yes! Everywhere!! He’s not here!” Harry snapped, pushing Lupin away. His eyes roved quickly from face to face. Each one of them gave him strange looks as he spoke. He stared at Ron the longest, who was clearly flushing a bright red even under the cover of darkness.

“Well, where else could he be?” Ron asked tentatively.

“I don’t know!!” Harry snapped, adjusting his shoes. “I’ve got to go look for him.”

He rushed towards the door only to hear calls coming from behind him.

“Harry, wait!” Hermione called. He turned to glare at her.

“Wait for what?? For him to be fully gone before I go looking?!” he spat at his friend.

“Let Remus and I come with you!” Tonks called, shifting her appearance. She got her cloak and shoes as well.

“Fine,” Harry called, running out into the darkness outside.

He gazed around himself madly, wondering where to look first and trying to understand what had happened. He couldn’t see a thing in the dark fog and pulled out his wand.

“Lumos!” he called. The tip of his wand lit up instantaneously to light his way.

He didn’t know in which direction he was going but he ran. He ran and called out and screamed into the still night air, hoping that Draco was just sleepwalking. He hoped many foolish things as he darted from one direction to another. His breath was catching in his chest and his glasses were fogging up but he didn’t care.

“DRACO!!” he yelled out at the top of his lungs. He didn’t know how long he had been running for. He didn’t know how far he had gone and where he was anymore. He didn’t even really know where Grimmauld Place was to begin with. He was lost and he knew it but he didn’t care. If he was lost, Draco surely was as well and he was more important. Harry needed to find him. He needed to protect him and keep him safe. He had promised to do that. He had promised…

“Harry!” a familiar voice called from behind him. In his wishful thinking Harry thought it was Draco and spun on his heel to meet his lover. His heart fell when he saw only Lupin looking back at him. “Are you alright?”

“No!” he snapped, turning back to his trail and breaking into a run. “I’m not alright! Draco is gone! He’s gone and I need to find him! He’s not safe on his own!” Harry’s voice was breaking and cracking as he ran. His face was wet with tears and sweat. He became more and more desperate with every word and every step. He thought of all the horrible things that could happen to Draco if he was out on his own. He thought of the terrible things that Voldemort would do to him if he was found. He thought of that familiar feeling of sensing his heart rip in half at losing another loved one.

“Harry, please!” Lupin called from not too far behind him. “Harry stop! There is no way you can find him running around in the middle of the night on foot!”

Harry refused to stop. He ignored Lupin’s order and pressed onwards in an unknown direction, hoping against all hope that he would just run into Draco who had wanted to get some air and just got lost.

“I have to find him!!” Potter repeated desperately. “I have to!! They are going to kill him if they find him! They are going to kill him and I promised that I would protect him!! I’m supposed to keep him safe!! I’m…. I’m…” His words dissipated into a multitude of sobs. He tripped over something and fell to his knees on the ground.

He let his head hang, holding himself up by his hands. He couldn’t lift his head anymore. He couldn’t look up into the void ahead and allow himself to believe that Draco was gone for good and that he would never see him again. He couldn’t allow himself to suppose, even for a moment, that Draco would be killed. He couldn’t bear with the knowledge that it would be his fault, that he was responsible for another death.

A reassuring hand touched his shoulder and helped him to his feet. He couldn’t open his eyes and face this person. He couldn’t bring himself to look at anything but the back of his eyelids now. He needed to find Draco…

“Harry,” Lupin’s voice came from just above him. “We will send out Order members to go look for Draco. I know how important it is to find him and I know how important he is to you. But it’s not safe for you to be out like this alone either… What good will it do Draco if you end up dead?”

“I don’t care,” Potter responded petulantly. “I promised to protect him and now I can’t… I broke my promise to him.”

“Don’t be foolish, Harry,” Remus assured him. “You did not break your promise. We will find Mr. Malfoy but you need to go back to the house and wait. Stay safe and we’ll bring you all the information we can, as soon as possible. You need to be there if he comes back or there is message sent. Alright, Harry?”

“….Yes…” Harry answered quietly. He felt hopeless and useless. He felt like a fool.

Lupin led Harry back up to Number Twelve and let him inside. Hermione, Ron and Ginny were there waiting for him. They each had worried and uncomfortable expressions on their faces. Harry did not look any of them in the eye but removed his shoes and simply walked over to collapse on the large couch in the sitting room.

Potter could do nothing but think of the desperation Draco had had in his voice earlier. He could only barely grasp all the messages Malfoy had been trying to give him. He wished that he had understood them all. He wished that he had paid more attention to Draco when he spoke of not belonging. He wished so many things now but there was nothing for it. Draco was gone and he didn’t know what was going to happen next. He didn’t feel like doing anything but sit there in his own misery and soak up the guilt that surrounded him.

“Harry,” a soft voice called to him. Ginny walked over and sat next to him. “Harry, it’ll be ok… I’m sure they’ll find him.”

“Yes, Harry,” Hermione added, trying to be comforting. “He’ll come back.”

“He damn well better come back or I’ll have to kill him,” Ron muttered from a little further away. He had clearly meant his promise to Malfoy from Gryffindor Tower. He seemed worried like the rest, though there was a mite of anger in his features.

“Ron!” Hermione snapped.

Harry couldn’t look at them. He could only stare at his feet and attempt to fathom what would have possessed Draco to leave the house alone, without telling anyone, in the middle of the night.

He simply hoped that the reason wasn’t what he was afraid it was…

*_*_*

The night was quiet and calm. The dark and misty clearing was ominous in its appearance and surely, if those trees could talk, would have many tales to tell. The moon hung limp and unthreatening in the velvety sky and the black shadows that hung over the ground sent chills through his limbs.

Draco stepped forwards slowly, attempting to keep his wits about him and take in every little detail of the forest around him. The wind was cold for this time of year and it caused his cloak to ripple out behind him. Suddenly, there was a crack of a twig and a rustle in the leaves of the trees. Draco whipped his head around to look over his shoulder but saw nothing.

“Show yourself!” he called out, his hand instinctively reaching for his wand.

“I don’t think you are in any position to be dishing out orders, Draco,” a silky voice warned. With the swish of a cloak and a parting of the mist, a very thin and pale figure stepped forwards.

Lord Voldemort raised his wand.

A/N: Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews! I’m glad you all liked the other chapters. The story is coming to its climax now, so it will be getting darker. I hope you enjoy it! I might post another chapter later today, or else tomorrow. Lol depends on how much self-control I have X_X which isn't usually a lot. I love you all!