Dearest Harry - Eileen's Story

A/N Life is going to be very busy over the next couple of weeks so updates will be slow for a wee while. I will update when I can though.

Many thanks to Anne and Branny for betaing

Chapter Twenty

“Severus what just happened?” Remus said, shocked.

“Aye, Severus, I’d like to know that too.” This time it was his mother speaking. She must have entered during the argument, because she had obviously heard at least some of it. Her laundry basket was abandoned empty on the floor and she was glaring at him, hands planted firmly on her hips.

Severus sat up, he buried his face in his hands. “What has just happened Mother, Lupin, is that I have royally fucked up!”

Draco stood, but Remus put a hand on his shoulder. “I think you should give him a moment or two Draco,” he said kindly. “He doesn’t quite have control of himself yet. We need to give him some time to calm down before we follow him.”

Draco had tears in his eyes, “You don’t understand,” he said shakily, trembling a little. “What he said was true. Last night was his first time, with anyone. We didn’t do an awful lot, but he was so upset. Those fucking Muggles, they made him think that he is dirty, perverted to like other men. Last night was, I think, the first time he had ever told anyone that he was gay. He was so worried about everyone finding out. He was so strong, he looked after me last night, and now he is all on his own, and he shouldn’t be.” Then Draco’s voice broke. “And what does he mean by what he said? What does he mean he is going to die?”

Severus pulled out a chair and sat on it heavily. He felt that the weight of the world was on his shoulders, and this time, wasn’t it just his own fault? ‘Fuck it all,’ he thought. ‘Harry is a Horcrux. When is the poor boy ever going to catch a chance?’

He looked at Hermione. “Is it true, Miss Granger?” he asked. “Is he a Horcrux?” Hermione’s eyes were glittering with tears. She couldn’t speak, she just nodded. Molly let out a sob and buried her head on her husband’s shoulder. Arthur should have left for work ages ago. Obviously the day was not going well.

“Sit down all of you.” It was Eileen speaking. “Harry is without doubt, desperately upset, and it’s hardly surprising. You have done some things in your time Severus Tobias Snape, but the way you treated that poor lad just then was not your proudest hour, was it?

“He is very upset about a number of things as far as I can see. First off, Severus he thinks you hate him, and from your treatment of him just then, I can see why he might think that. Secondly, there’s obviously something about his relationship with this lad that has made him think that we’ll hate him.”

Hermione interrupted then, with an apologetic look at Eileen, “Not all Muggles understand about homosexuality, some people are very hostile towards it. His uncle probably would have said a lot of things about homosexuality in the past, he almost certainly would have been teased about it by his cousin, even if they didn’t know he was gay. Muggles like Vernon Dursley see it as shameful somehow. Ron and I thought Harry might be gay, but we didn’t say anything in case he got upset. He’s had such a bad time recently, we thought, we thought, we’d wait until things settled down a little bit. Oh poor Harry he must have felt so alone.” She bit her lip. Severus could tell that she was distressed, they all could.

“Thanks love, thanks for telling us,” Eileen said. “I think we’ll just have to show him that we don’t hate him, or his young man,” she said, gesturing with her head in Draco’s direction.

“And finally,” she continued, “there is that thing about the Horcruxes. When I heard him say that my heart just about froze in my chest. I am not losing him now; I have fallen for that boy. I don’t care if he is the Chosen One, I don’t care if he has some destiny to fulfil. You are all clever people, and between you all, you must have an enormous amount of magical knowledge. You are going to put your heads together and sort it out, without putting our Harry under any more stress.

She paused for moment and glared around at them all, the room was totally silent.

“You are going to work together, get over petty rivalries, and find out how to destroy this Horcrux without damaging my grandson and you’ll get to it right quick, or else me dears, you’ll answer to me!”

“Right. I’m going upstairs to see Harry now, and when I bring him down again, you Severus are going to eat some humble pie. Everyone else is going to reassure him that we don’t care a damn about who he likes or who he sleeps with, he’s seventeen after all. I want him to know that we just want him to be happy.”

“Molly, you put the kettle on love. I think everyone could do with a nice cup of tea. Then you can all get your thinking caps on.

“Are we all clear on that then?

Good, I’ll be back soon.”

With that, she swept from the room.

It wasn’t until she had gone and Malfoy stood to follow her, only to be stopped by Hermione’s restraining hand this time, that Severus realised how well the young man looked. Remus was a mess this morning, and Draco had had such a traumatic transformation, he should have looked dreadful too, but he did not. Instead, he seemed fine, healthy and well rested, and Severus wondered what else Harry had done the night before.

He didn’t say a word though, because right now he thought that nobody would want to hear anything that he did have to say.

Severus was thoroughly ashamed.

After hearing what Hermione had said about the attitude of some Muggles towards homosexuality; he had belatedly remembered some of the choicer barbs from his own childhood. But Severus had had his Mother’s world to escape to hadn’t he? Whatever else Severus had put up with he had found acceptance for his sexuality at least. Harry had never had anyone to whom he could broach such a subject; the poor child must have felt as alone in this as he had in everything else.

Severus knew that he had behaved like a boorish fool and for once in his life he thought, he had no one to blame but himself.





‘Harry was still in Lion form when his grandmother entered the room. Unlike Snape, Eileen knocked, and when he didn’t answer, she gently pushed the door ajar and walked in. He heard her intake of breath, and not wanting to frighten her, he reluctantly changed back to his human form.’

“Ee lad, that were magnificent,” was all she said though. “I don’t think I ever seen an animagus form that was as grand as that.”

Harry blushed. He wondered what the warm feeling that blossomed in his belly at her words was, and then he realised that it was the praise from his grandmother that was making him feel all warm inside. But he couldn’t speak. It was as though someone had shoved something hard and unmovable down his throat, and he didn’t think that he could get the words out, even if he tried.

Eileen had moved over to his bed and sat down beside him. She placed her small, neat hand on his back and stroked him gently, soothingly.

“How long have you been keeping that little gem to yourself love? About the Horcrux I mean?” she asked. “How long have you been carrying that around with you, all on your own?”

This time Harry did managed to speak

“Since the first week of July,” he said hoarsely.

“Oh my poor love,” she said, and the next thing he knew, her arms were around him and his head was on her shoulder. “If that old man, was still alive I’d kill him meself,” she said. “Making you think you had to deal with all this on your own. Those others down there may have not been brilliant at supporting you Harry in the past, but I can’t believe that you were told not to tell any of them, my poor, poor love.”

The next thing he knew it was as if some floodgates that he had never realised were closed had magically opened. Harry James Potter, seventeen years and eleven days old, was curled up on his bed, being held tightly by his grandmother as he sobbed as if his heart was breaking. And she, for her part, rubbed idle circles on his back and whispered gentle, loving words.

Later, his eyes felt like someone had run sandpaper all around the edges. Harry thought he had never cried as hard as that in all his life. His head was resting in Eileen’s lap now and her hand was stroking his hair; it felt wonderful, it made him feel safe. Somewhere deep inside himself he felt a memory stir. It was so old, so fragmented. But once, when he was much, much smaller some else had held him like this, long ago in another life.

“You’re not on your own Harry, not anymore. I’m so sorry my love that I wasn’t there for you before, but I am now, and, even if he is a cantankerous git sometime, so’s your uncle. You don’t think I’m going to lose you now, do you? Not when I’ve just found you?

“You’ll not face Voldemort until you’re ready, and even then, you’ll not be alone. I’ll not allow it.”

Harry stiffened and looked up at her in surprise. She had said the name of the Dark Lord without a single flinch.

She smiled down at him.

“I’m not scared of the old bastard Harry,” she said. “He has taken so much from me, my daughter, my grandson’s childhood, the ability to trust my son. But not any more Harry. It stops right now it does. He is not having you. Not now I’ve got you in me life pet.

“Just a few days ago I had come to terms with the fact that I was dying and then you came into my life.

“What you did lad, was nothing short of a miracle and someone with that much power, that much magic, is not going to be destroyed by some spineless murderer. I won’t allow it and neither will Severus.”

Harry felt an overwhelming sense of relief. He did not quite believe his gran. He still wasn’t sure that he was going to survive this, but at least he wasn’t alone any more.

“I can hear your brain turning over love,” Eileen continued. “I am a stroppy, bad tempered Yorkshire woman, and I am not losing you lad. You are the best thing to happen to me in years.”

She smiled down at him, and there was such a look of love in her eyes that Harry couldn’t help himself he smiled back.

But then he sobered again immediately and frowned.

“Do you mind though Gran, that I’m gay? That me and Draco um…”

She chuckled, a rich throaty sound.

“Do I mind that you obviously have something going with yon pointy lad? No, of course not. He seems a bit sullen, but I expect I have not seen him at his best with all that werewolf stuff he’s been through lately. He certainly seems bonnie enough, and if you like him, that’s enough for me. Come on now, let’s get back downstairs will we, and see all those fine folk down there? They do care about you lad, and there’s not a one of them that wouldn’t do anything for you if you asked it. They’re a good bunch deep down.”

“The others, the Weasley’s, Professor Lupin, Hermione and Ron, will they hate me? Because of me and Draco?”

She smiled down at him, and stroked his damp hair out of his eyes. “No one here is going to hate you because of who you love, lad. I think we all just want to see you happy. I certainly do any road.”*

Harry felt like a knot in his heart had dissolved. For the first time, in a very long time, a little glimmer of hope awoke in Harry. Maybe, just maybe, everything was going to be alright? His grandmother had said so after all. He thought of something else.

“Professor Sna…er I mean your son, he hates me though. He was so angry.”

“I know love, but I reckon that’s cause he was so worried. You gave me a turn too, when Sev told me, you know? Just walking into a room, with a werewolf, believing that you’d been fine, that you’d be an animagus! I don’t think any of us have had your ability to trust that the right thing will happen for a very long time. Certainly not Severus. He is a bitter man your uncle. Life’s been cruel to him, but you lad, have been a revelation to us all. You’ve had a terrible time too and yet, you are so forgiving. You have such a big heart.”

Eileen’s eyes filled with tears. “He says you are just like your Mum. I think that you, my love, have penetrated all those walls that Sevvy has set up around himself, and nobody’s done that, not for years. That sweetheart, is I think, the biggest miracle that you’ve performed so far, melting Sev’s defences. He doesn’t hate you lad, he cares about you, he just has a right funny way of showing it. I think you might just have to lead on this one eh? He’ll teach you dark curses, and how to fight that evil git and together we’ll find a way to over come this Horcrux thing, that I promise you love. But you’re going to have to let him in, show him how to talk to you, cause he’ll never manage it alone in a month of Sundays, silly, prickly sod that he is.” She said it with such love though, such affection, that Harry couldn’t help but smile at her words

She bent down and placed a kiss on his forehead. “Now come on love. They’ll all be fretting over you downstairs, and I need me breakfast.” She took his hand in her much smaller one, just as if he were a youngl child and led him downstairs to face his friends and family.



* ‘any road’ is Yorkshire terminology, it means anyhow or anyway