ENIGMA

Plot, new characters, new magical terms and abilities etc. are my intellectual property. If you want to borrow then please kindly ask. JK Rowling's characters and Wizarding Universe are all uniquely hers.

Summary: AU: What if everything we ever read in JK Rowling’s books was real – including the people characterised? What would you do if you found yourself caught up in that reality knowing what was to come? SS, RL, OC

Authors Note: It has been mentioned in the story but now I am noting it here. I am a fan of Diana Gabaldon’s ‘Outlander’/’Cross Stitch’ series and definitely was influenced by that in writing this story – i.e. the Standing Stones and traveling through time. But I also love Philip Pullman’s ‘His Dark Materials’ series and the tv programme ‘Sliders’ and the alternate universes alongside ours idea comes from there no doubt.

Fantasy/Drama

This story is rated R/M.

ENIGMA

Chapter 020: Come Undone

As difficult as beginning again was to contemplate, it was even more complicated to undertake. It was proving impossible for Jessica and Severus to make a fresh start. The couple did nothing but argue, that is when they even spoke to each other. The intimacy between them was no longer in evidence. They each condemned themselves for what had happened and there were unspoken recriminations about the other’s behaviour that fateful night. The Headmaster had taken in Harvey once again, in the vain hope that two of the people that mattered most to him would be able to get past the tragedy that had torn them apart.

Instead things grew steadily worse. Severus had long taken to staying in his office most nights in the run up to final exams and Jessica barely saw him. They sat at opposite ends of the head table in the Great Hall at meals and neither spoke very much to the others present or to each other.

In the end it was Severus who approached Jessica to have the one discussion that would lay their conflict to rest. He went to the only place he knew where she would prove accessible.

‘I don’t see any point in carrying on under false pretenses,’ he said tonelessly as he stared down at her, on the ground at their son’s grave. She was on her side, and had reached out her free arm in an ethereal hug to hold the child she still loved.

‘I have new lodgings in my House,’ Snape continued. ‘Under the circumstances it would be best if you vacated my old rooms. The Headmistress has suggested a private sorting ceremony for you at the start of the new term so that you can find a place within the established framework of Houses like the rest of us. As it’s the start of the holidays you will need to make a decision about your home away from here. She and the Headmaster are prepared to assist you if need be.’

Jessica said nothing and just continued to stare at her son’s grave.

‘He doesn’t even have a headstone,’ she said hollowly at last. ‘Those damned ‘circumstances’…’

‘Jessica I will not….! This is difficult enough without you deliberately provoking yet another conflict!’

‘You only bothered with me because it’s what Dumbledore wanted! So go ahead – do whatever you want and blame me since it seems to make you feel better! You don’t have an excuse to have to put up with me anymore!’

‘It was a mistake,’ Snape reasoned out loud. ‘The whole situation was doomed right from the beginning. I wasn’t thinking as I ought and neither was the Headmaster, regardless of his intentions.’

‘Well – thank you once again for making yourself abundantly clear.’ Jessica said as she rose and brushed the dirt off her clothes.

‘Is that all?’ Snape screamed in his mind.‘Is that all you have to say to me?’

Jessica began to walk back to the school. She was taking the Hogwart’s Express down to London with the students in a few days time and needed to finish her packing. It was amazing how much she had accumulated in such a short time.

Feeling Severus’ eyes on her, Jessica half-turned.

‘I promised Dumbledore that I would stand beside you all when the time comes. I don’t need commentary from you; I know it’s insane. The only thing that I will ask is that you don’t work overtime to make me look stupid since you can do it so very well. I wish you… luck… Severus. I wish a lot of things for you – but most of all, I wish you luck. May the spirits protect you no matter what happens!’

The Potions Master swallowed but couldn’t shift the lump in his throat as Jessica walked away from him and then disappeared from view.

As if on cue, a moment later the heavens opened up just as he sank to his knees and began to cry as he’d never done since he was a child and he lay on top of their son’s grave.

xxxOOOxxx

‘Where will you go?’ Dumbledore asked Jessica sadly the day the students and Jessica were to depart for Londeon.

‘I don’t know just yet. I’ll have to cross that bridge when I get to it.’

The aged wizard nodded defeatedly.

‘You tried Professor… and so did I. I really did.’

‘I know, Jessica; I know.’

‘Besides, there’s so many things I never got around to doing; I still haven’t been to the British Library or Diagon Alley. I haven’t been ‘home’ to see exactly what it is that I ran from in this world…’

‘What you ran from? I wasn’t under the impression that you were running from anything.’

‘Ah, but that’s just it you see: I give a very good impression of never running from anything. If was half the woman you believed me to be, half the woman you wanted me to be – I wouldn’t be running away from what I couldn’t change.’

‘And what’s that my dear?’

‘The fact that no matter where I go and what I do, I always screw things up – and end up alone.’

A train whistle sounded in the difference.

‘See you this fall, Professor. You have a good summer.’

Dumbledore’s eyes glistened as he nodded faintly.

‘You too, child. And remember, nothing happens that isn’t meant to be.’

Jessica didn’t answer as she took her leave.

‘No,’ he said out loud to himself as he stood at a window and watched her leave in a coach for Hogsmeade Station a few minutes later. ‘Everything is as it should be, as difficult as that is to accept…’

He looked over at his Phoenix ruefully after the bird made a noise and flapped his wings at the Headmaster.

‘It’s not for her to know, Fawkes. All she would do is fight against the inevitable.’

xxxOOOxxx

Snape stood in the bedroom of his old quarters staring out the window as Jessica had a few words with Professor McGonagall. God only knew what she had to say about all this; but from the look on McGonagall’s face he could tell that the Deputy Headmistress was very worried about her. And Jessica – well she didn’t look particularly healthy…

He couldn’t worry about it though… If he started thinking about her again he would lose control… and he must not allow that. Fools who wore their hearts on their sleeves were marked in the eyes of the Dark Lord… And he’d been a big enough fool already, hadn’t he?

The Librarian was just about to pull off when Madam Pomfrey ran up to her coach and handed her something which Jessica put into her rucksack without opening it. He cursed himself for being too far away to hear what they were talking about. It certainly must be quite serious for Jessica to open the door and usher his Aunt in.

‘Meddling old fool!’ he hissed at her. ‘Isnt it bad enough that you already told her!’

Just as he thought of her, a white fire blazed in the fireplace.

‘No!’ he bellowed before she could speak. ‘No, no, NO!’

With several large strides he was at the fireplace tossing in a hefty dose of powder to send her away.

By the time he returned to the window, Jessica was gone.

xxxOOOxxx

Harry, Hermione and Ron were set laughing on the journey to London because of the noise from Ron’s stomach.

‘I could eat a bloody Hippogriff I’m so hungry,’ he sighed through a yawn.

‘Then you should have had breakfast instead of sleeping in,’ Hermione sniffed bossily.

Just then there was another rumble.

‘I could do with something myself,’ Harry said as he rubbed his stomach. He opened his trunk and took out a small bag. It was all he had left of the money he’d taken from his wizarding bank account at the beginning of the school year.

‘Oh honestly, Harry! You ate enough for three people and…’

‘D’you want something Hermione?’ Harry sighed exasperatedly.

Hermione may be one of his best friends, but it really got on his nerves when she thought she knew better than he and Ron did what they needed or should do for themselves.

He and Ron left their compartment only for Ron to be called down to the other end of the carriage by one his older brothers.

‘I’ll catch up with you in a bit,’ Harry said as he started moving towards the door to the next carriage.

A few minutes later he found himself standing in the doorway to the café car.

‘Miss Newkirk? What are you doing here?’

Jessica looked over at him and Harry was taken aback. She looked pale and drawn and there was an air of sadness about her that struck him as – strange.

‘Don’t know about you but I’m a big peckish…’ she answered. ‘So – what do you recommend?’

‘The Cornish Pasties are lovely… The fruit punch is nice too.’

‘Right – two pasties and a large fruit punch please. Oh – could I have two bars of chocolate as well?’ Jessica asked the counter attendant.

‘Make that double – I’ll have what she’s having…’ Harry added.

There were so many questions Harry was bursting to ask her, but this wasn’t the place for it he supposed. And they all probably were rather personal…

‘Care to join me Harry?’ Jessica asked as she took her bag of food and handed him his after paying for it all herself.

She wouldn’t hear of taking any money from him and Harry put his moneybag in his pocket as he followed her to the first compartment of the carriage nearest the café car.

Jessica sat down wearily and eyeballed her impulsive purchase.

‘My grandparents had an expression that comes to mind in situations like this,’ she said as she frowned at her bag. ‘My eyes are bigger than my belly…’

She set the bag of food to the side and instead sipped on her drink.

Harry felt stupid for asking but he really didn’t have any choice.

‘You were – um – pregnant… weren’t you?’

‘Mmm – this is nice. Excellent recommendation,’ Jessica answered through another sip. ‘Yes, yes I was…’

‘And… the father was… Snape?’ Harry spat.

‘Yes, Harry. Severus and were involved for quite some time.’

‘But why him of all people!’

Jessica laughed faintly and then smiled.

‘Why not him, Mr. Potter?’

Harry knew he couldn’t say what he thought and fell into a fuming silence.

‘My son didn’t make it. And neither did my relationship with his father.’

‘I’m… sorry…’ Harry replied softly as he took a seat next to Jessica.

‘You see what you want to see, Harry. And you trust who you want to trust. It doesn’t mean you have all the answers and it doesn’t make you right.’

‘I know him – you don’t!’

‘You keep telling yourself that Harry. I just hope it doesn’t take something tragic to make you see that he’s not the villain you make him out to be.’

‘Then why aren’t you with him? Why are you going to London!’

‘I suppose…we just weren’t meant for each other,’ Jessica answered with glistening eyes.

She swallowed a bit more of her drink and then looked at Harry.

‘I know that Professor Dumbledore spoke to you and Hermione about… things…’

‘Just enough to account for my presence and the situation at the moment,’ she thought to herself. ‘But not everything; you don’t know just how famous you really are!’

‘I haven’t spoken to anyone about this – not even Hermione,’ Harry said looking up at Jessica. ‘You know what she’s like. She analyses things to death… and I was kind of hoping I might get to talk to you before the term ended…’

‘There’s nothing to analyse and nothing to fix OK? Dumbledore hasn’t Obliviated you because he trusts you – and so do I. You leave well enough alone. There are some things you can’t change and you shouldn’t try to. And it’s not for you to try and make sense of my private life. Things are what they are; and I rather think you have more important things to be getting on with, eh?’

‘It’s mad that you are such an incredible Seer, and that we still have to put up with that old fraud Trelawney!’

‘Ah, but she does have the odd moment of insight… doesn’t she…’

‘Yeah, but still… the rest of the time she’s a right old faker!’

‘It is true, Harry Potter,’ Jessica answered in a spot-on imitation of the most useless teacher to ever set foot in Hogwarts besides Gilderoy Lockhart. ‘I see it in through the fog of mystery that clouds my inner eye….’

He and Jessica burst out laughing.

‘Never you mind,’ Jessica continued. ‘Dumbledore always has a good reason for what he doesn’t do as much as what he does. You just have to trust his judgment.’

‘You mean like why he just won’t get rid of that weirdo?’

‘Mmphm – indeed… I have a job to do and teaching Divination is not it. I’m sure that if the time should ever come where the Headmaster should need to find a replacement, he will get someone more qualified than either of us to do the job.’

‘I don’t see how he could find anyone who could be better than you…’ Harry started.

‘I think it’s best to leave this discussion where it is, Harry. Too much is at risk, remember?’

‘Yeah, I know. But am glad of one thing...’

‘Oh, what’s that?’

‘That you didn’t leave for good because of all this stuff with Snape.

‘Professor Snape, Harry. I made a commitment to all of you and I intend to keep it, come what may.’

Harry and Jessica sat in silence for a few minutes.

‘Miss Newkirk,’ he asked tentatively. ‘Will you be in London all summer?’

‘I’m not sure to be honest. I haven’t had time to give it much thought. Why?’

‘Oh – nothing,’ Harry said as he stood up. ‘Forget I mentioned it…’

‘Would you like me to come visit you?’ Jessica asked gently.

‘I would definitely, but my aunt and uncle wouldn’t like it very much…’

‘As long as you are not punished for it, then all the more reason for me to come and see you. I look normal enough, don’t I?’

‘They’ll find something to be hacked off about so you might as well…’

‘I know what it’s like Harry; to be in living hell and to feel like there will never be any light at the end of the tunnel. And all I can say is that hopefully one day you’ll be able to look back at this and realise just how far you’ve come. I know people who don’t have half your strength in dealing with those kinds of demons. You’re quite incredible actually – and very lucky to have your friends and people who do genuinely care about you. You’re not alone anymore and you do matter – just remember that no matter what garbage they throw at you eh?

Jessica stood up and gave The Boy Who Lived a hug; a motherly sort of hug that he’d been missing his whole life.

‘I’d really like it if you came to see me,’ Harry said looking up at her.

‘Wild Hippogriffs and all the gold in Gringotts wouldn’t keep me away…’

xxxOOOxxx

When they arrived in at King’s Cross Jessica waited until all of the students had disappeared through the magical barrier before disembarking herself. She had no reason to hide from anyone, but she felt a bit melancholy and didn’t feel like putting on some grand act like everything was alright.

So much had happened in such a short space of time…

She started heaving her things off the train and found that her body still hurt. Just dealing with the first two trunks weakened her and she had to stop and catch her breath as sweat poured down her face and body.

‘Are you alright Miss?’ the café attendant asked her.

‘I’m OK,’ she muttered weakly.

‘No – no you’re not…’ came a familiar voice.

Jessica looked up and found herself staring into the unremarkable eyes of Remus Lupin.

‘What… what are you doing here?’ she asked shakily.

But before the werewolf could answer she brought up her lunch and the healing potion she’d taken along with it. She’d have to take a double dose with her dinner to make up for it.

‘Please – can you get the rest of her things while I see to her?’ he asked the attendant.

‘No problem at all – Hey Phil! Need your help here with the ladies trunks and things!’

The attendant and the driver set off for Jessica’s compartment while Remus led Jessica to a bench and sat her down.

‘Let me guess – Dumbledore…’

‘No – he doesn’t know I’m here actually.’

‘But you knew I was coming – how?’ Jessica said as Lupin conjured a cold cloth and wiped her face and neck.

‘Hagrid – I ran into him in Diagon Alley a few days ago and he told me about what happened and that you’d be taking the train down today. I’m sorry, Jessica. I really am.’

‘Everything happens for a reason…’

‘You don’t have to pretend, not with me.’

Jessica closed her eyes and leaned against him, unable to stop the tears that began to fall.

‘Have you sorted out a place to live yet...?’

‘No,’ Jessica said as she started to cry. ‘I just… I just wanted to get out of there!’

She broke down completely and Remus took her into his arms.

‘Is she alright? We can fetch a Healer from St. Mungo’s.’ the driver asked.

‘She’s not been well. Doxy Flu. I just need to get her home is all…’ Lupin replied.

The driver looked at the man closely for the first time; threadbare clothes and even more godforsaken shoes. There were house-elves that looked better in his estimation. The man was nothing better than an opportunist low-life…and yet he looked very familiar.

‘Have we met before?’ the man asked Lupin.

‘I should be grateful my reputation hasn’t preceded me,’ the werewolf muttered to Jessica

‘I taught at Hogwarts this past year…’ he said in answer to the man’s question, knowing the reaction that he would get given his impoverished appearance.

‘Ahh you were the bloke from the trip up; when we had that situation with the Dementors!’

‘Exactly. Now if you don’t mind, I’ll see to it that Miss Newkirk gets home safely.’

The attendant grabbed the driver’s arm and they set off for the trip back to Hogsmeade. Lupin heard the word ‘werewolf’ and then ‘you’re having me on!’ as the driver turned back around to look at him. ‘I thought he had the look of ‘em when I saw him last year…’ was the last thing the werewolf and Jessica heard before the train pulled out of the station.

Lupin transfigured all of Jessica’s things and put them in his pockets before helping her to her feet.

‘You can stay with me until you figure out what it is that you want to do,’ he said quietly.

‘I’m nothing but trouble,’ Jessica sniffed as she clung to him.

‘You’re anything but’ Lupin answered before she passed out and they Disapparated with a loud CRACK.

xxxOOOxxx

When Jessica came to she was in bed and Remus was sat in a chair across from her. Wherever it was that he’d taken her, it sounded as though it was raining heavily outside.

‘Remus?’ she called out groggily.

‘Thank goodness,’ Lupin sighed. ‘One more day and I definitely would have had to call in a healer from St. Mungo’s.

‘I feel like somebody’s beaten me up with a sledgehammer… what day is it?’

‘It’s Wednesday – and it’s about lunchtime. You’re not well; what you need is complete rest with no work and no other distractions.’

Jessica started to protest as Remus sat down on the edge of the bed.

‘Don’t argue with me because it won’t work. You need help, Jessica – now let me do that please.’

‘You’re lucky I’m so damn sick and tired,’ Jessica mumbled as she yawned.

‘You’re lucky I’m such a nice guy,’ Lupin said as he smiled.

‘I don’t deserve it…’

‘Don’t be so hard on yourself; you haven’t done anything to not deserve it. I’m just me…nothing special. You need help and I’m happy to give it to you.’

‘You’re one in a million, Wolfie,’ Jessica mumbled as she turned over.

Lupin was ready to curse himself as he felt himself go bright red. Fortunately Jessica didn’t notice since she’d fallen right back asleep.

xxxOOOxxx

Several weeks later Jessica was finally well enough to finally take a bath on her own. She’d had to let go of any pretenses about protecting her modesty since she’d been unable to do anything for herself. Remus was such a Godsend – she really couldn’t get over how lucky she was to have him looking after her.

‘Remus – I’m done!’ she called out after trying to get up by herself but not making it.

Her carer bounded up the stairs and then leaned down.

‘OK. one… two… three… and up!’ he said as he scooped her out of the tub, grabbed her towel and carried her to her bedroom.

Remus turned his back while she put on a pair of baggy red drawstring linen pants and a matching top with long sleeves.

‘OK – all done…’ Jessica sighed. ‘Being sick is such a pain.’

Remus leaned down and picked her up in his arms. Both of them were slightly embarrassed as he crossed the threshold and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

He took her down to his sitting room and helped her get comfortable on the sofa.

‘I’ll just go sort out breakfast…’

‘Remus, wait…please,’ Jessica pleaded as she grabbed one of his hands. ‘Please sit down and talk to me…’

‘Is something wrong?’

‘No; I just think it’s about time we had an honest chat, don’t you?’

‘It’s your business, Jessica. I don’t have a right to pry into your personal life.’ Lupin said as he sat.

Rather than remove his hand from Jessica’s, he held onto hers. He couldn’t get over how small and soft her hands were. She had such long fingers… Remus had always thought that Jessica had the most beautiful hands he’d seen on a woman.

‘You left without saying good-bye; not even so much as a note. And I know that you just wanted to forget about me and Severus – and that was your way of dealing with it.’

‘I was going to write to you; I just needed…time.’

Lupin began to stroke her hands.

‘Time…just give me time…’ Jessica said in a choked voice. ‘I need to give you your space. Lord knows I’ve caused enough upset since I landed in your world…’

‘You don’t have to go,’ Lupin said earnestly. ‘We can manage… You don’t need to waste money when I’ve got all this room…’

‘What – no lectures about how you’re too damn dangerous for me to be with you? No rants about how you think you have nothing to offer me?’

‘I don’t know what you’re on about,’ Lupin said as he gripped her hands tighter.

‘You never gave me a chance, Remus. You don’t give anyone a chance. You make up their mind for them and then convince yourself that what you believe is exactly what they would have done.’

‘But I am dangerous! I could hurt you and…!’

‘You know it’s interesting you should say that. Because I know from all those damned books I ended up reading that when a werewolf chooses it’s a done deal – you don’t hurt the ones you choose so let’s cut the crap right now! Once your kind chooses, there’s no turning back for them. What you’re afraid of is what a woman would have to do to be with you and the life she’d have to lead.’

Remus dropped Jessica’s hands as though they were on fire.

‘No woman in her right mind would want that!’

‘The Ministry has really done a job on your kind. The only way to know all the facts is to risk reading the things they don’t want anyone to know about; things that could land me in Azkaban – or worse. They are willing to kill people for knowing even a fraction of what I’ve managed to find out. And with everything I know, if I really had a problem with you I wouldn’t be here! And you wouldn’t have come to King’s Cross for anything less than the fact that you’re holding out that somehow, someway we can come to some type of understanding since I no longer have any impediments to being with you. You can protest as the day is long, but don’t try and convince me that every time you’ve had to bathe me, dress me, take care of me… that you weren’t hoping for a lot more than us just being good friends!’

‘Straight to the point as usual!’

‘Time isn’t necessarily on our side, Remus; and it’s not in my nature to sweep things under the carpet or tip-toe around them!’

‘I wouldn’t know, Jessica. There are plenty of things I still don’t know and yet other people do; me – one of the ones who has been there for you from the very beginning!’

‘What do you want to know?’

‘Everything,’ Lupin said hoarsely. ‘Everything you’ve held back from me… Everything that you told him!’

‘You weren’t any more certain about me in the beginning than they were. But you’re right; I couldn’t have survived this long without you as much as any of them...and you are such a dear friend of the Headmaster’s…’

Jessica leaned back, and then told Lupin as much as she dared.


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