Sing for Me, Cry for Me

20. I Need You (In My Bed).


Harry and Ron were sitting at Transfiguration class while professor McGonagall was commenting on their recent test papers. Suddenly McGonagall’s face turned to cloud and she looked reproachfully at Hermione the look that didn’t escape anyone’s notice and made Hermione pale on the spot and she waited with great amount of dread for a bomb to fall though she couldn’t tell for eternity what she could possibly do to anger and disappoint her Head of House in such a way.

“Miss Granger, I don’t know what is going on with you. For some time now your homework and work in class was getting worse. And still you always managed to cope with your test papers. But your previous home assignment lacked considerably in details and specifics and I found out to my great astonishment that you didn’t bother to look too deeply into the matter of the essay I assigned. And though you accused one of your classmates of depriving you of the book you needed to do it I am more than sure that any book would give you enough detail to write at least a standard essay, the one that even Mr. Longobottom would cope with. I presumed though that there must have been a really strong reason for your lack of enthusiasm in your schoolwork and knowing you as an excellent student I lessened my pressure on you and let you be. But the test paper you gave me last week turned out to my shocking discovery to be absolutely blank.

Loud murmur broke out in class at that statement while Hermione could only sit as if glued to her chair and as if her tongue has been cut out not uttering a word and not turning her white face away.

“You didn’t even write down the task and had the audacity enough to hand it in. I am truly disappointed in you and I would advise you Miss Granger to come to your senses and proceed with your work and become an excellent student you’ve been once. Because now I am not so sure as to results you might get while taking your N.E.W.T.s. If you don’t care about schoolwork anymore at least think about your future. And I’m afraid that you get zero marks for this one.”

An empty piece of parchment fell in front of Hermione who looked at it in horror tracing it with her trembling fingers while slowly tears started pouring out of her eyes damping the offending object in her hands.

With that McGonagall continued giving out papers and minor remarks to the rest of the class.

“Mr. Potter, I am again impressed. This essay of yours far surpasses all your previous work. As I understand the topic of the essay was of great interest to you. And I’m very glad that you used the literature not meant for the first years but for grown-up wizards. I hope you will keep the good work. The same goes for you Mr. Weasley though next time I would advise you to provide your own thoughts and conclusions and not that of the author of the book.”

Harry shook his head. He was rather impressed with Ron and his enthusiastic work but he still couldn’t manage to convince Ron to draw his own conclusions and not to copy them. There was just a tiny bit of patience and diligence that Ron still lacked.

After classes they went to meet up with Draco in a classroom on the first floor that no one ever used and where they now spent their time besides library.

“So, did it work?” inquired Draco as soon as the two of them entered.

Harry grinned maliciously.

“It damn well did.”

“But I think we went too far this time.” said Ron remorsefully.

Harry raised an eyebrow at him.

“You think so?”

“Yes I do.”

Harry sighed.

“Well maybe we did but like I said a la guerre come a la guerre. But if you don’t want any more pranks on her than we won’t do it and we’ll just go beating her with our growing intellect.”

“I really don’t want to cause her any more troubles of the sort. I mean one thing is when we know better answers or write better essays and tests but another thing to ruin her work purposefully.”

“Ok, Ron we won’t do it again. I’ve seen enough of her humiliation to last me a century and we’ll leave her alone. But I really wanted to try those quills and who was the best object than she?"

“But that was the last prank we did. It was rather cruel you know and the fact that we used a totally unsuspecting Neville. I really don’t like the way I feel now.”

“Ron, Neville doesn’t know anything.” said Harry, “He was too busy frantically copying down her stuff.”

“And still we used him.”

Draco snorted.

“You Gryffindors are too delicate for such forms of revenge you always feel pity, compassion and remorse afterwards and you always feel the need to do something good in return.”

“That’s why we are not in Slytherin, Draco.” snapped Ron.

“I don’t feel pity or compassion or any remorse.” said Harry flatly after a while, “she got what she deserved and I’m sure she would do the same thing if it caught her eye. I don’t believe in her good intentions any more. She deserved this lesson. I want her to feel the same way she made me feel. When you open your eyes and understand that you can’t trust a single soul and that the first to betray you are your closest friends. I want her to feel it deeply, I want the feeling to eat her from inside, I want her to become paranoid. And she will. She won’t take another quill or piece of parchment or even a book from anyone ever again. She would turn around to see if no one follows her in order to take away something of hers. She will be all alone because she won’t be able to trust anyone. And I am not a bit sorry. ”

Ron looked thunderstruck while Draco just smirked. Harry sat down on the chair he conjured and closed his eyes. He wasn’t that outspoken for quite some time about something not related to schoolwork or Lucius and he didn’t know how this confession would be accepted.

“Besides,” he continued, “you can say that I did her a favor. Now she will know to be always on guard and such lessons you can learn only the hardest way. Don’t get yourself worked up over it too much after all it was juts a prank my father and Sirius did much worse things to Snape and he’s still alive.”

It was a simple prank with the new quills that Harry acquired. They simply made anything that you wrote disappear in half an hour after you’ve written it. He didn’t know when he would use it and so always carried them in his bag knowing that one day Granger would be an object of his experimentation. So when the opportunity arose and Hermione’s quill snapped into two Harry stealthily put the quill beside Neville who was sitting close to Hermione and when she asked him for a spare quill Neville took the one Harry put there without wondering where he got one and gave it to her as oblivious as always. Hermione was only too grateful and continued writing in order to regain her place at the top of the class which she couldn’t do for some time now what with Harry’s additional information on every question that just came pouring out of nowhere right on her in the middle of every class, which made Hermione often wonder where exactly he got all the information. Which was rather simple. It was Harry’s habit now to look at the teacher’s table after each class. There were always lists of books students were supposed to use but funnily enough students always chose another books, not so complicated books. And Hermione wasn’t an exception. And while she managed to be the first with just that amount of knowledge and it always seemed to satisfy the professors now what with Harry and Ron and Draco in contrast she wasn’t really superior any more and her answers could be considered as average which was just fine with Harry who sweared to never let her reach the top of class again.

“I didn’t know it was that deep within you, Harry.” said Ron in a hushed voice now feeling remorseful because he managed to upset Harry who wasn’t feeling all that great for a couple of days now and hardly needed another friend to betray him.

“Ron, she told me that I could get an excellent potion mark only through my professor’s bed.”

“What?”

“Yes she blatantly accused me of sleeping with Snape.”

“But I thought she said that you slept with my father?”

“That was after I denied my liaison with Snape.”

Ron and Draco were speechless. They didn’t know that.

“Do you think it isn’t cruel when your supposed best friend tells you that you aren’t smart enough to brew a potion? Ron, do you think it isn’t cruel that your supposed best friend will quicker believe that you sleep with your most hated professor than that you have some brains in your head. Tell me Ron do you think it isn’t cruel that she says that she would help you and than pours dirt all over you because you managed to be better than her in classes that day? That is cruel! So don’t you tell me that what we did to her was cruel. I of all people know better what is cruel and what is not!” and with that Harry stormed out of the room banging the door.

“Well, done Weasley, well done.” drawled Draco.

“But I didn’t know that he felt it that bad. I didn’t know about what she said. He never actually told me you know.”

Draco sighed dramatically:

“Ron, you should have learnt by now that Harry changed and my father was not the only one who changed him. You also should remember that he is not the same Gryffindor that he used to be and some morals of old don’t work on him anymore.”

“What should I do now?” asked Ron helplessly looking at Draco for help and support.

“Now, Ron, you wait till he calms down. Then you can go and apologize, but wait at least till tomorrow.”

“Have you notice that he’s been strained these past few days?”

“Yes I have. I think the need to be near my father becomes too strong and even that ring of his doesn’t help any more.”

“Do you think he will do something drastic?”

“Ron, he long ago stopped doing drastic things. So no I don’t think he will do anything drastic. And now I suggest we study. If Harry won’t study today I think he’ll need our help tomorrow.”

“As you say, after all you’re second in command here.”

“That’s just the way it is Ron. A Malfoy can hardly be the third the least he can be is the second.”

“Why can’t you be the first than in our arrangement?”

“I think that one domineering Malfoy is more than enough for Harry. Besides I just want to be his friend and not to prove to him that I am better.”

“So than you are proving to me that you are better?”

“I guess I am still getting over the fact that Harry chose you over me that day on the train.”

“And do you consider me as your friend or as your rival?”

“I consider you as a rivaling friend. Are you happy? I consider you worthy enough of being my rival.”

“I’m flattered.” said Ron putting his hands to his chest.

“I’m glad and now let’s do some work.”

***

Harry knew that it was rather unreasonable to yell at Ron like that but for a couple of days now he wasn’t feeling well. He felt weaker and weaker and became more irritable and rather cruel. At nights he often woke up because of cold that coursed all through his body and no amounts of blankets or warming up spells could help him. He was shivering and trembling and getting colder and colder. He didn’t sleep well and than he would work himself out during the day in all of the classes and in the evening he would study and study. He didn’t eat much and he barely talked. He was exhausted and extremely cold. And he needed Lucius as close as he could get. He needed Lucius as near as he could be and preferably in his bed in the Gryffindor Tower. That’s why without much debating and consideration he decided to go to the Owlery and to appeal to the only man who could help him in this predicament. Reasonable or not. Lucius was the one to blame and Lucius would do everything he can to make Harry feel better and most important feel warm.

While shivering he hid himself in the corner of his bed putting his hand around his legs thinking about Lucius, feeling Lucius but thoughts and dreams wouldn’t help and he would be trembling uncontrollably until tired sleep would take over him and would plunge him into dark abyss where there was no love and no hope for him. Once he wondered out loud why the ring couldn’t calm him any more and the little snake on his finger turned its head towards him and hissed that Harry had to find the answer within himself. But Harry was tired and angry he didn’t want to look for answers he just wanted to feel warmth and love and no answers could help him here. He didn’t need answers anymore. All he need was Lucius.

***

“Hello, Hedwig. Do you mind some work to do?” asked Harry his snow-white owl caressing her feathers while she looked at him questioningly.

“I know it’s rather strange time to send letters but I need it. Be good little girl. Will you do it?”

Hedwig settled on his shoulder nibbled affectionately his ear and seeing distress in Harry’s eyes nodded her head in agreement.

“Good. Now wait just a sec.”

He sat on the floor took a shit of parchment and a quill out of his bag and started writing:

Lucius,
I know you will be surprised and triumphant when you read this letter and I already hate you for this but there’s nothing I can do about it. And I hate myself for writing to you and being weak but I need you. I really need you. I don’t know what will happen if I don’t get to see you soon. And when I say soon I mean today. I don’t really care how you are going to make it but I need you in my bed up in the Gryffindor Tower by midnight. And if you won’t be able to make it I will do something stupid. Astronomy Tower is situated conveniently high and I might fancy a high jump in the middle of the night.
See you than,
Yours (I am yours right? Don’t you just love to hear it coming from me?)
Harry.

“Take it girl and try to deliver it very quickly, ok?”

He tied the letter to Hedwig’s leg and giving Harry another nibble on his finger Hedwig flew off with the letter for Lucius dangling at her feet.