By Fair Means or Foul

Chapter 20

Despite the sighing, giggles, note passing and general twitterpated behaviour, Snape was able to have a generally normal Monday morning. Normal if you dismissed the twenty to thirty men loitering about and shouting through the classroom door every time it opened and the singing flowers, colour changing paper hearts, and glitter flinging Cupids that seemed to have mated and reproduced like rabbits. The students seemed to have adjusted to the crowded halls or they were too intent on their own pathetic love lives. Either way, Snape was grateful for the normality in his classroom. He nearly sighed in contentment when Longbottom’s cauldron bubbled over and created a ghastly mess.

At lunch, Snape was able to threaten and hex his way to the Great Hall. Albus had requested all staff and students to be present, as Professor Flitwick had created a charms display for the holiday. Snape really didn’t want to go, but orders were orders even if they were delivered with a twinkle in the eye.

The display was in a nauseating combination of pinks and reds with stars shooting about. Although Snape did enjoy the part where a spell supposedly matched true loves by sending glittery hearts to hang over the heads of the students who were ‘meant to be’. The look on Mr. Weasley’s face when his glittery heart was matched to Ms. Bulstrode’s was nearly enough to make Snape smile publicly. And he was especially entertained when many of his wretched suitors, who had been given their own dining table, were matched with one another. Eventually the disgusting spectacle was over and lunch was served.

Snape had just finished his soup when a uniformed messenger came in. The boy’s livery was green and gold and he sported a messenger’s hat with its telltale three tassels. The students immediately began buzzing for a messenger was a rare sight in this day and age of owl post.

The boy walked straight to the head table carrying a large bouquet of red roses. Snape glared at the roses almost as much as his segregated suitors did. When the boy reached the table he addressed the headmaster.

“I am to deliver these to Professor Severus Snape,” he said in ringing tones. Snape stood and waved his hands at the offending flora.

“I don’t want them. Send them back.” He started to make his way down from the dais. His ‘court’ also rose to their feet and prepared to follow.

“But, sir, I was to inform you that your husband is the sender.” A collective gasp was heard from the students, his suitors, and even the head table. Severus paused and turned back around to face the boy. The messenger spoke quickly, afraid that he would lose his audience again. “And I was to also tell you this…” The boy cleared his throat and took on the pose of someone remembering something, with eyes rolled up as if the words were scrawled on his eyelids. He began to recite,

“Oh, beggar or prince, no more, no more!
Be off and away with your strut and show.
The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core-
Scratch a lover, and find a foe!”

Severus smirked at Lucius’s, and he had no doubt it was Lucius, way of pledging himself in this backward way. The whole hall was silent and he noticed that Draco was smiling and being surreptitiously congratulated by his house. There goes telling him privately. He had obviously figured it out and shared the news. He could only be grateful that Lucius hadn’t sent the flowers in a baby buggy. But the boy was obviously pleased and that satisfied Snape. Turning his attention back to the messenger he palmed his wand and summoned parchment and a Dicto-quill, both of which floated near his empty bowl of soup as they worked.

“Very well. Then be so kind as to deliver this message in return.” Snape began his own recitation as the quill wrote it down.

“A single flow’r he sent me, since we met.
All tenderly his messenger he chose;
Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet-
One perfect rose.

I knew the language of the floweret;
“My fragile leaves,” it said, “his heart enclose.”
Love long has taken for his amulet
One perfect rose.

Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it’s always just my luck to get
One perfect rose.”

The parchment rolled itself up and landed in the messenger’s hand. Albus was openly chuckling and even Minerva was smiling in amusement. Nodding his head to his colleagues, Snape again started towards the exit. His court followed but he noticed that many of them had hidden their bunches of posies behind their backs. Holding his wand out towards them in warning he exited the Great Hall, leaving a bewildered messenger holding an unwanted bouquet and a hall full of students and faculty speculating.

`~*~`

Classes after lunch were a trying ordeal for both teachers and students. The pupils were so involved in the drama that had played out in the Great Hall that gaining their attention was nearly impossible. In Potions it was another story entirely. Every student had their eyes plastered to their professor. When Snape realized that most of their concentration was focused on his bare left hand ring finger he assigned a particularly nasty concoction that entailed many quite repugnant components, most of which required the evisceration of worms and snails. He could have giggled when he heard more than a few gagging noises.

After his last class of the day, Snape started on his long trek around the castle to the greenhouse to arrange for more orange nettle berries. Thanking the deities that he had the free time before dinner, and cursing the men who made it impossible to take a less conspicuous route, he made a sharp turn down an unused hallway. He made a mental note to alert Lucius that they would need to postpone their appointment to “finish what they started” until after the reception this evening. Hopefully, the party would be short if not sweet. He really didn’t like to leave things unfinished.

“That’s a mighty fine lookin’ arse ya got there, Professor Snape.”

Snape whirled around at the voice that was entirely too close. Before he could get it fully out, his wand was pulled from his grasp by rough hands. Another set of hands pushed him up against the narrow corridor’s wall. Cursing himself for being caught so unaware, Snape shook his hair out of his face and got a look at his assailants. Two men were smiling with malice, one with crooked teeth showing and the other with perfect pearly whites. The one with the atrocious dental hygiene was the same one holding him against the wall and assaulting him with his appalling breath. He was dressed in obvious second hand clothing. The other man was dressed much better but nowhere near Lucius’s standards. This one was holding his wand and began to speak.

“You’re absolutely right, Johnson. A mighty fine posterior. My compliments, Severus.”

“I don’t believe I know you nor have I given you permission to address me with such familiarity,” Severus’s voice dripped with condescension. He tried to get leverage to push bad-breath away but was in a strong hold. He decided to relax and use his greatest weapons, his wits and sharp tongue. “I haven’t the foggiest idea what you believe you are about but I assure you that it is quite pathetic and will only result in a term in Azkaban.”

“’e talks fancier’n you, guv,” Johnson chuckled. The better-dressed man sneered at his companion and walked closer to Snape. He pocketed Snape’s wand and then put his hand on the teacher’s face.

“Well, I assure you, Severus, that that fancy mouth of yours will soon be too busy to threaten me. And as for any repercussions, well, you are quite skilful at dodging people so I believe we will be left to our own devises for some time, hmm?”

Unfortunately it was true. Only Albus knew these dark hallways better. Snape realized that he was in serious trouble. No one knew where he was and he was without his wand. In addition, due to his anti-social behaviour no one would miss him for at least two hours until dinner started or even longer when Lucius began to wonder where he had gotten to. Snape had been in dangerous situations before in his days as a Death Eater and spy, but as he quickly realized being held against his will, in both occupations he had always lazily relied on the implied protection of Lucius’s or Albus’s unspoken support and the threat of swift retribution if attacked. And he certainly had never been physically assaulted before. Harsh words could be traded in the staff room but never punches. These men did not seem concerned in the least about consequences from any quarter.

Johnson leaned closer and Snape wished he had a frailer constitution so he could faint to avoid the ghastly smell seeping out of the man’s mouth. Sometimes it was a burden having a potion maker’s nose.

“You’re goin’ to do such nice fings for us, ain’t ya? We’v been waitin’ and waitin’ for your attention, but you’re just too ‘oighty toighty.” The disgusting man licked Snape’s face from chin to brow. “But we’s got ya now, eh? Now we’ll see oos better.”

“Now now, Johnson. Have some sort of class.” The better man chuckled, tapping Johnson’s shoulder. “Severus will be amiable, won’t he? And if not, well, I am sure you could persuade him. But, remember our deal. You can fuck him but I get him afterwards.” The man then turned to address Snape with a smile that did not reach his eyes. “You are going to be my ticket into the higher circles. Those bastards won’t keep me out when I’ve got a pure-blood on my arm with my get in his belly, now will they?”

“I doubt very much that who accompanies a boorish ill-mannered no-name such as yourself will have much to do with any one wanting you anywhere,” Snape sneered. This did not please his attackers and at his comrade’s orders Johnson pushed a struggling Snape to his knees. This new position was not at all acceptable to Snape and he reached to grab at a vulnerable spot on Johnson but no-name grabbed his wrists.

“Ah ah, Severus. Be nice. You’ll only embarrass yourself with your miserable fighting skills. Johnson here is practically a squib and has much more experience with physical roughness than you or I. Now, I promised him he could have first go in payment for helping me. So, be a good boy and please our friend here.”

Johnson pulled Snape’s head by the hair to look him in the eye. “I ‘eard your kind are as good as dem ‘igh priced drop-trousers in Knockturn Alley. Always wanted one of them pretty boys. But you’ll do, eh?” Johnson cackled and started to undo his belt with one hand. Snape tried to wrestle his wrists away from their imprisonment and to push his way from the two men, but his position pinned to the wall had him at a disadvantage. He could find no leverage and with his legs folded under him he couldn’t do much in the way of pushing. Snape looked on in revulsion as the trousers before him began to open.

“Mr. Johnson, you will refrain from going any further and will help my potions master to his feet.”

He wouldn’t admit to it later even in his own mind, but Snape could have kissed that bearded old fool in that moment. Albus stood just a few feet away, looking as convivial and harmless as always, except for eyes that were as hard as sapphires. His voice was firm and he took a few steps closer. Johnson stopped immediately and let Snape go in surprise.

“Mr. Ellicott, your and Mr. Johnson’s visitor’s pass to our school is now revoked and you will not be welcome here again. Furthermore, I should hope that in future if you are intent on absconding with another man’s husband you consider who that man is.”

“What?” Ellicott looked generally shocked at the headmaster’s appearance. “Severus isn’t married. He’s going to marry me.”

Snape regained his feet and turned to address Ellicott. “You still do not have permission to use my first name, cretin.” Thrusting his hand inside the other man’s cloak he pulled his wand free and pointed it. “And I assure you that I am married or are you so incompetent as to have missed the scene at lunch.”

“That was just some dumb bloke trying to impress you with bluster.” Ellicott tried to sound confident in his answer but without his advantage he could not hold his own for long. Snape gave him an extremely cruel smile.

“I shall pass your character judgement on to my husband.” He came nose to nose to the quickly wilting man. “I would run if I were you. I won’t bring this up to the Aurors because I will personally undertake the hobby of making your life a living nightmare. And when I have grown bored of that, I shall simply end your miserable existence. I am the maker of countless poisons that can leave a man blind, take his sense of smell and taste, or destroy his mind. They can be administered through powders attached to letters or newspapers, or in liquids that can be added to your drink or your food.” His voice lowered even more. “You will never know when or in what form it shall take until you are struck. And when the last breath leaves your body I will be there.”

Ellicott paled as the truth of Snape’s frightening words penetrated his lacking brain. Casting not one look at his companion, Ellicott bolted down the corridor past Albus. Johnson had redressed himself and followed close behind.

“Well, glad that mess is cleared. Never did like Ellicott. Cheated on tests, you know,” Albus said cheerfully. Snape opened his mouth to try and thank the man in a way that did not involve the words ‘thank you’ but he was cut off. “Now, I believe you have some nettle berries to request and I have invitations still to deliver. Oh, and young Mr. Malfoy is given permission to accompany you to Hogsmead. I am sure he will enjoy it. But do remember to return by nine for the reception.” He turned away to follow the same route as Snape’s assailants. Snape rolled his eyes, brushed himself off, and strode off after Albus.
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Poems are by the amazing and esteemable Ms. Dorothy Parker.