Love, Lies & Loneliness

A?N And another chapter I just love, I\'m being generous here with my updates so review if you can, or else I might have to spend more time actually doing \'work\' at work rather than writing this.

Chapter 20
(Exams and Holidays)

Harry sat in the library with his books and notes scattered on the table in front of him. He was supposed to be studying but his eyes were staring out of the window down onto the Quidditch pitch where the Ravenclaw team were just beginning their practice. Mid year exams loomed close but with them would come the Christmas holidays. For the past five years Harry had spent Christmas at Hogwarts but this time with the Dursley’s removed from his life Harry had been offered the chance to stay at Grimmauld Place. Harry was looking forward to seeing Sirius and Lupin although something inside him ached at being taken away from Snape for two weeks.

Since the incident in the Potions Class room neither he nor Snape had brought up what had specifically happened. The day directly after though he’d spend the entire day in Dumbledore’s office, the headmaster explaining to him what he and Snape had suspected from the beginning regarding Harry’s ‘transition’. Through his connection to Voldomort, Harry was literally syphoning off Voldomort’s knowledge and emotions. Where before Harry had only ever experienced visions of the Dark Lord, with his transition had come their ‘physical’ reality. Harry knew spells, charms and random snippets of the past long before he was born that he’d had no knowledge of prior to the start of his ‘transition’. It explained too his unconscious use of dark magic when angry, his own anger drawing on that of Volodmorts who in turn provided Harry with the necessary ‘dark curses’ to end the anger.

It had happened so slowly that Harry had not noticed it was happening, but Dumbledore and Snape certainly had. It irked Harry that as usual he’d been kept in the dark about what was going on in his life but when Snape had explained the danger Harry was in, the boy had forgiven the two wizards for their caution. While Dumbledore and Snape were aware of most of what had been happening to Harry neither were sure if the mental/physical link worked both ways. For all they knew Volodmort was syphoning off Harry’s own knowledge just as Harry was doing to him.

The order had been summoned later that day to a meeting in Dumbledore’s office. There they had discussed Harry as if he hadn’t even been sitting there in the room listening to them. It had come up in conversation Harry noted that Snape hadn’t been summoned to a death eater gathering in over five months, which everyone including Harry was jittery about. Voldomort had never gone so long without summoning his closest followers and it was with some trepidation that the order concluded this wasn’t a good thing. It also meant Snape had had no chance to test their theory about Harry’s ‘transitional’ link with the Dark Lord.

Thus after an exhaustive day of talks Harry had fallen asleep in his armchair in Dumbledores office, the order still chattering away about possible plans of action.

With the whole ‘mental link’ with Voldomort now resolutely confirmed Snape had intensified their private lessons. Tuesday’s duelling sessions had turned into full-blown mind games. While the pair of them had still duelled with their wands Occlumency had become part of the lesson, Snape testing Harry’s mind even while his wand tested Harry’s physical body. Wednesday nights had become worse still, Dark Art’s teachings had moulded into ritualistic fights using Dark Arts. The shrieking shack had become to small for their needs and so each Wednesday Harry would meet Snape outside Hogwarts grounds and together he would apperated them both to different locations around the wizarding world where they’d duel into the early mornings before apperating back again before breakfast.

It was an exhaustive routine and Harry had countless scratches, bruises and bumps on his body from the gruelling exercises. Snape didn’t hold back anymore and Harry wondered if a sick part of the professor’s brain was enjoying firing unforgivable curses at the boy as revenge for five years of being a little sod in school. Snape had taken to testing Harry’s occlumency almost daily, and while Harry had got marginally better he was still failing miserably.

Harry had cut himself off almost entirely from his friends in Gryfindor. It had become impossible to study, sleep, eat and still perform to Snape’s level at night as well as spend time with Hermione and Ron. Harry had tried to explain to them without spilling secrets Dumbledore had sworn him too and although Ron and Hermione didn’t really understand they accepted the fact their friend just didn’t have the time he used to.

The whole ‘Gay’ thing too had seemed to blow over far quicker than Harry had expected. There had been comments and whisperings for a couple of weeks, but with the Slytherins’ truce no one had gone out of their way to push the subject, for which Harry was glad. He himself still didn’t know what he felt inside, and with his time taken up so much with other things Harry hadn’t had a moments peace to contemplate his feelings, although he knew his thoughts of Snape certainly hadn’t died.

There were times when Harry could relax though, one was during Quidditch Games and the other more unexpected time was at the so-called ‘Slytherin dorm meetings’ once a month. The meetings provided an outlet and in the relatively unjudging environment of the Slytherin dorm Harry could be himself and forget about what would come the next day. Harry had become closer to Malfoy too. With Ron and Hermione impossible to catch up with, Harry had begun to enjoy the company of Malfoy. It was not what Harry would have called a friendship but it was company when things became difficult.

So it was, as exams loomed ever closer that Harry had taken up studying with Malfoy in the library, which was why he was sitting there waiting for the blonde haired boy now.

Harry hardly registered as the blonde sat down at the table across from him, his gaze still lock on the Ravenclaw players now whizzing about the pitch.

“You won’t get anything done looking out there Potter.” Harry jumped in surprise of Malfoy’s voice but relaxed again as he realised it was only his study partner.

“Yeah I know, I’m just tired from last night.” It had been the last ‘Slytherin dorm meeting’ before the holidays last night, and while Harry had taken it easy he was still feeling a little fuzzy around the edges that morning. Draco chuckled at Harry’s expense and began opening his books.

“You’re a light weight Potter, can’t handle your booze.” Draco lowered his voice to a whisper as another student pair walked past them towards the stacks of books behind them. Harry rolled his eyes and flipped Draco a sarcastic finger before turning back to his potions text. Potions was the first exam on Monday and so both he and Draco fell into their routine of alternatively testing each other on ingredients, methods and history of potions.

TBC>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>