The Power of the Quill

Author's Notes:

WARNING. This chapter contains sexually explicit material. This story is rated R and not intended for underage readers. The sexual content of the chapter is mild, but if you are easily offended, please skip this chapter and go to the next.

Thanks to everyone one who read and reviewed my last chapter. You made it the most popular yet. I really worked hard on that one. I want to thank some Authors that have really inspired me with this story. Ramos, WendyNat, RachelW, JuneW, QueneArual, EllieK and LariLee.

Beta'd by Nakhash Makashefah. My most important source of inspiration.



Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter and Co. I own nothing.



The Power of the Quill.


Chapter 20. The Morning After.

A loud noise startled Severus out of his sleep at a quarter to four in the morning. He looked around in confusion, not knowing where he was. Then Severus remembered; he was sleeping on the couch in his private quarters. He refused to sleep with that moody little snot that currently occupied his bedchamber. She had the nerve to shove him out of his own bed, after he saved her from what would have been a very short and painful life as Lucius's bride.

He heard the noise again. It sounded like part of the castle's foundation was crumbling. Severus jumped to his feet. He picked his wand up off the desk and listened. He heard it again. A cold shiver ran down his spine as he recognized the sound for what it was. 'Merlin, no,' Severus said to himself. A horrible sense of dread filled his body as he ran to the door of his bedchamber. He pushed through the door, hoping his worst fears wouldn't be realized. The awful ghastly truth lay in the bed before him. There, his new wife, just a slip of a girl that couldn't weigh much more than seven stone, lay flat on her back with her face covered by her unruly hair. A snore that could only come from a diseased mountain troll erupted from her small lips. The panes in the windows vibrated every time she inhaled. "I'm cursed," he said as he approached the bed.

Gently as he could, Severus took the tip of his wand and placed it under her chin. With just a very light push, he closed her mouth. As soon as he removed his wand, her mouth fell open, filling the room once again with the atrocious noise. Severus quickly contemplated his options. He could use the Avada Kedavra killing curse on her. Daylight wasn't for another couple of hours. He could sneak the body out of the castle and dump it in the lake. No, the lake wouldn't do; the merpeople could discover it. He could bury it in the Forest and tell everyone she was just 'gone' when he awoke. That wouldn't work either; the Headmaster was better at Legilimency than even himself. He would see through any lie before too long.

After considering many options, Severus decided the simplest solution was the best. He reached across her and took hold of Hermione's left arm. He used it to pull her over until she lay on her stomach. The girl grumbled loudly and let out a swear word in her sleep as she got comfortable again. Severus felt a sense of relief that the horrible snore didn't return. He stared at the teenager in his bed. He could still remember the first-year's over eagerness to answer his questions on her first day in his class. Five years had gone by, and she was still that eager little bundle of energy that wanted him, and everyone else, to know what she had learned. Even at sixteen, she was more child than adult. 'How can this be my wife?' Severus thought to himself. This fuzzyheaded Gryffindor know-it-all would be the mother of his child. Severus thought of his own mother. He remembered how kind and gentle a woman she was. She hadn't deserved the unfeeling cruelty his father had continuously inflicted on her. Nine years of marriage to that hateful bastard, just to die at his careless hands. He cursed his father's name. Severus would strive to be a proper father. He would know his son, the way his own father never cared to. That is if he survived to see the boy grow up. Keeping himself and his new bride alive for the next year would be quite a challenge. Lucius Malfoy was a very sore loser.

He reached out and carefully brushed the hair away from her face. Her face looked quite lovely and peaceful in her sleep. Severus knew it wouldn't last. She'd be scowling at him again in a matter of hours. Her pride was as large as Hogwarts itself. He knew she planned to fight him over every last detail of their marriage. Luckily for him, he was a Slytherin. He'd let her win some of the smaller battles, but he planned to take the major ones. He would use both her strengths and weakness against her. With any luck, he might survive this coming year.

Hermione growled in her sleep, then rolled over onto her back again. The hateful snore started almost immediately. Severus shook his head in repulsion and moved towards the exit. He placed a silencing charm on the room before closing the door.

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"Get up, Miss Granger. It's six thirty in the morning," a pitiless voice shouted. Hermione slowly opened her eyes. The sunlight coming through the window was brutally harsh. She'd never appreciated the fact that her dormitory window faced west, until now. She threw the bedclothes off and sat on the side of the bed. Standing in the doorway, fully dressed, was her sneeringly unpleasant husband. 'My husband.' The thought almost made her crawl back under the bedclothes.

"What are you staring at?" Hermione spitefully asked, as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"Your head," he coldly answered. "Your hair, to be more precise. It seems to have taken on a life of its own."

Hermione just ignored him. She got up and went to the bathroom. She stretched and groaned as she stood in front of the mirror. Her body ached all over. She was still sore from last night's activities. What she needed now was a nice long bath. Hermione turned to look at the tub. It was still filled with black dirty water and three large cauldrons. Unable to look at it anymore, she turned back to the mirror. "Happy Birthday, Hermione," she joylessly told herself. She had to pee but couldn't bring herself to use the toilet. It was fairly clean now, but the memory of how it looked last night was still fresh in her mind.

She came out of the bathroom and picked up her overnight bag. Reaching inside, she took out her school robes. "I'm going down to the Prefects' bathroom for a bath," she told Snape, who was still standing in the doorway. "How do you expect anyone to use the bath if you have cauldrons rusting in it?"

"I prefer showers," he bluntly told her.

"You can't even take a shower in there," Hermione irritably stated.

"I have a private shower in my lab. I have better uses for this bath."

"Soaking cauldrons? Why couldn't you do that in your lab?" she angrily asked.

"My lab space is limited. I've had to improvise on occasion," he answered.

"There has to be over fifty cauldron in this place. Why so many? Isn't there enough cauldrons in the Potions lab and classroom for you to use?"

"Those are the school's cauldrons. These, here in my chambers, are my own. There should be sixty-three at present. I require a large variety of them for my research. You'll find that no two are alike," he told her.

"If they're your own, why don't you treat them better? Some of them look like they haven't been cleaned in years."

"I'm an extremely busy individual. My schedule doesn't allow for me to be as anal retentive as you," Snape callously told her.

"This place is a disaster," Hermione angrily shouted. "You can't tell me that you haven't had the time to clean this place once in the last five years. Face it, Snape, you're a bloody slob."

Snape narrowed his eyes at her and said with venom, "How I choose to keep my chambers is none of your concern, Miss Granger."

"Don't call me Miss Granger. I stopped being a Miss several hours ago."

"You don't except me to call you Mrs. Snape?"

"No, I'm keeping my last name. You should call me by my given name, Hermione," she told him.

"I will not be calling you by your first name in my class. I'm still your Professor and you are still my student."

"You can call me Hermione when we are here. But just call me Granger when we're in class. Mrs. Granger is my mother's name. I will call you Professor when we are in class, otherwise, I will just call you Severus," she suggested.

"You will not use my given name in front of any students. Outside of these walls, I'm strictly Professor Snape to you," he forcefully told her.

"I'm not calling my husband 'Professor' anywhere other than a Potions classroom. If you don't want me to use your name in front of my friends, I could always come up with something more colorful instead. Honey-Bum, Sweet-pie, or maybe what you suggested to my father: DADDY!"

"You insolent little shit. How dare you speak to me this way," Snape furiously yelled as he approached her. Hermione dropped her overnight bag and stood chest to chest with him.

"I'll speak to you any bloody way I see fit. Remember, I'm your wife now. With the exception of when I'm in your class, you have no authority over me whatsoever. You can't take a single point away from me outside of your classroom," she heatedly said with a slight smile on her lips.

Severus glared down at her with his black eyes and said in a low, dangerous hiss, "You will learn your place, Gryffindor."

"It will always be above you, Slytherin," Hermione hissed right back at him. She picked up her bag and moved around him. "I'm going to have the house-elves clean this filthy pit up," she said, leaving the bedchamber.

"I will not have those creatures in my private chambers," Snape vehemently said as he followed her out of the room.

"This is our chambers," Hermione forcefully said as she turned to face him. "I'm married now. That means I can no longer stay in the Gryffindor dormitory. Since I have no choice but to stay here, I will do what I must to make this place livable. Especially since you seen incapable of doing it yourself. This place will have to be scrubbed from top to bottom. I won't have Crookshanks catching something."

"What is a Crookshanks?" Snape asked with an annoyed look on his face.

"He's my cat," she answered.

"You're not bringing some flea-bitten animal in here to devour all of my loose potion ingredients. You will send the cat home to your parents," he demanded.

"I will not be sending my cat anywhere," she flatly told him. "I have just as much right to these chambers as you, now. As a matter of fact, your days of using this place as your storage and garbage dump are over. You will keep anything to do with potions in your lab. Is that clear?"

"I will continue to use these chambers as I see fit," he smugly told her.

"And I will take great pleasure in throwing everything of yours out the window, into the lake," she warned him.

"You wouldn't dare," he said, giving her a treacherous scowl.

"I'm sure the merpeople could find some use for all those cauldrons, but I can't picture them wearing all that black clothing. Maybe they'll make rugs out of them," she suggested.

"I should have let Malfoy take you. It would have been a fitting punishment for his crimes," Severus callously said.

Hermione turned and headed for the door. "If there's anything in these chambers that you don't want washed, scrubbed, disinfected, polished or thrown away, you had better remove it now. When I come back, I'm bringing the house-elves with me," she said, while entering the east tower's corridor. She quickly pulled the door shut so that he couldn't respond. Hermione heaved a sigh of relief as she made her way down the corridor. She had half expected him to go for his wand when she threatened to throw his stuff into the lake.

"Hermione, my dear," a voice called from behind her. She turned to see Professor McGonagall exiting what must be her chambers. Hermione felt a sense of relief knowing her Head of House was so close by.

"Good morning, Professor," she greeted.

"Hermione, please call me Minerva while we are in the staff tower," McGonagall asked.

"That might take some getting use to," Hermione told her.

"Don't worry, my dear. You'll fit in with the staff better than most first-year professors," McGonagall assured her. "If you have questions, don't be afraid to ask."

"I do have one question," Hermione said. "Pro... I mean, Minerva. Have you ever been inside Professor Snape's private chambers?"

A frown instantly appeared on McGonagall's face. "Please tell me it's not in the same condition that I saw two years ago?" she asked with a sympathetic look.

"I can almost guarantee it isn't," she answered. "You need to add two more years of filth on top of whatever you saw."

"I'm sorry, Hermione. I honestly believed Severus would have the forethought to prepare for your arrival," McGonagall sorrowfully told her.

"Why is he like that?" she asked. "With the exception of his hair, Snape has always seemed to be very organized and clean."

"I believe it has something to do with his father. Max Snape insisted that Severus keep his room spotless, as a child. No matter how hard he tried, it was never good enough for his father. Severus spent most of his young life trying to please the man. He never realized that not even full wizards could accomplish that," McGonagall said with regret in her voice. "I believe he keeps his rooms in that condition to reassure himself that he is not his father."

"It's not helping. He seems to be just as big a bastard as his father was," Hermione told her Professor.

"Oh no, dear. I can assure you that Severus is nothing like his father," McGonagall seriously said to her. "Maximilian Snape was a contemptible, vile man. His heart was as black as his eyes. He cared for no one but himself. Not for Severus, not for poor Tasha, no one. He saw being a husband and father as unnecessary burdens to his life. If Tasha hadn't been the best potions assistant he had ever had, Max never would have married her after he got her pregnant. I sometime wish Natasha had gone back to Russia to raise her son. They would have been much better off."

"What was she like? Mrs. Snape, I mean," Hermione asked.

"She was a very smart and very kind witch. She was Head Girl at Durmstrang in fifty-five. Without her, I doubt Max would have ever considered helping the Order. She was so full of life when she first came to England. By the time of her death, she was just a frail, worn-down, meek shadow of her former self. Max may not have carried the Mark, but he was as dark and cruel as any Death Eater I ever met," McGonagall said with anger in his voice.

"I just hope Snape turns out to be better than his father," Hermione said.

"Oh, don't let his rough exterior fool you, my dear. You know what they say: 'The harder the outside, the softer the core'. I can assure you, the day Severus becomes a father that hard crust of his will break into a thousand pieces."

"How can you be so sure?" Hermione asked.

"Because he has his mother's heart. And the happiest day of Natasha's life was when she became a mother," McGonagall answered. That did make Hermione feel somewhat better.

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After taking a nice long bath and changing into her school uniform, Hermione headed back to the east tower. Before going back into Snape's chambers, she stopped and called out, "DOBBY." Two seconds later, the house-elf appeared in front of her with a loud crack[NM1]. "How can Dobby be of assistance, Mistress Snape?" he asked with a smile.

"Don't call me that, Dobby. I'm not using the name Snape. And I'm not anyone's Mistress," she informed the elf.

"But what is Dobby to call you but Mistress? You is married now," he asked with a puzzled look on his small face.

"Just call me Hermione, Dobby," she suggested.

"NO, no, no, Dobby can never call Mistress by her name alone. It will bring much shame to my Mistress," the elf told her in a pleading voice.

Hermione thought for a minute and said, "How about you call me Mistress Hermione. Will that be ok?"

"How can Dobby be of assistance, Mistress Hermione?" he asked with a big smile on his face.

"Dobby, I have to live in Professor Snape's private chambers now. The problem is he hasn't cleaned them in at least five years, maybe not ever. I can't lie to you, Dobby; it's truly a pigsty in there. There's more filth than inside a backed-up sewer pipe. If you could find as many elves as you can, that aren't doing anything at the moment, I would really appreciate it. You can tell every elf that wants to help me that I will pay them a fair day's wage."

"Mistress Hermione, elves no need your money to clean castle. It is what we are here to do," he informed her.

"Still, anyone who wants to help must accept my money for their work," she told the elf.

"No clothes?" Dobby asked, tilting his head and giving her a suspicious look.

"No, Dobby. No clothes," she answered. "But they can take my money and buy clothes of their own, if they wish."

"Dobby will go find help," he said, then bowed and disappeared with a crack.

Hermione entered the room to see Snape jamming parchments into his desk drawers. "That doesn't go there," she informed him.

"What?" he asked, turning towards her.

"All those parchments. They have to be moved; I will need that desk for my schoolwork," she told him.

"This is my personal desk. I bought it from an old wizard estate when I received these chambers. If you need a desk, I suggest you find your own," he bluntly told her.

"There isn't enough room in here for another large desk. You already have a desk in your office, which is where all this belongs," she said, looking at the stacks of scrolls still on the desktop. "Besides, I like this desk. I will consider it a birthday present from you. Unless you have already gotten me something else?" she asked with a smile.

"I don't have time for this," Snape irately said as he headed for the door. "I need to go to the owlery and Obliviate Mr. Fitage's memories."

"You put Mr. Fitage in the owlery? Don't you know owls eat guinea pigs?" she asked with a shocked look on her face.

"I charmed his cage so that no owl could break through it, no matter how determined. I was counting on the owls to keep an eye on Mr. Fitage through the night. I didn't want him wandering off. Now, if Fitage was fool enough to try and escape his cage, well that's just Merlin's will, isn't it," Snape smugly said.

"How will we explain him being here almost a full day?" she asked.

"We will give him a nice bump on the head and stick him in a bed in the hospital wing. He will be told that he tripped on the stairs when he first arrived," Snape told her. Snape opened the door and stepped out into the east tower corridor. He immediately came back inside, slamming the door shut and giving her a murderous glare. He went over to the door that led to the dungeons and yanked it open. He turned to her and said, "Your first class of the day is Potions. If you're so much as a second late, I will remove every point Gryffindor has received this year." Hermione wondered what suddenly crawled up his butt.

"Oh, and one more thing, Miss Granger," he spitefully said. "You snore."

"I DO NOT!" she angrily yelled, putting her hands on her hips.

"Yes, you do. And it's not some child-like kitten snore. You sound like a Horntail Dragon with a cold."

"That's a lie," she said, feeling insulted. "You're just making it up because I'm taking your desk."

"There's a Pensieve in my office. I will gladly share the memory of your unnatural sleep habits with you," Snape told her. He quickly left, shutting the door behind him, not giving her a change to respond this time.

"You Wanker!" she shouted at the door, even though she knew he couldn't hear her. Hermione went to the east tower door and opened it. She saw what had bothered Snape so much. Dobby and at least fifty other house-elves were waiting in the hall. 'Do I have that much money?' Hermione thought to herself.

"Dobby find Mistress Hermione help," the happy elf told her with a smile.

"Dobby, why so many?" Hermione asked the elf in a whisper.

"Most elves at Hogwarts have never seen a real pigsty," he answered.

"Is it true, Mistress?" an older elf gleefully asked. "Is there really a sty inside Hogwarts?"

"I'd say that pigsty is too nice a word," she told the older elf. All fifty elves began to jump up and down with excitement. Hermione knelt down next to Dobby and said, "Dobby, I don't know if I have enough money to pay everyone."

"Everyone will work for free, Mistress Hermione," he told her.

"I won't have elves cleaning for me for free, Dobby. Maybe I can pay ten of them to help me," she told him.

"Please, Mistress Hermione, don't make Dobby choose only ten," the elf pleaded. Hermione looked at the fifty sets of large anxious eyes staring at her. They looked like orphans who'd just found out that Santa left them a present on Christmas morning. She couldn't tell them that Santa only left ten gifts. But she needed to hold onto her principles. If the founder of S.P.E.W took advantage of elves, there really was no hope for their freedom.

Hermione stood up and said, "Listen everyone. I will give twenty-five Galleons to all the elves that help clean these chambers today. You may split it any way you want." She could tell by the looks on their faces that they couldn't care less if she paid them. "I know that isn't really a fair day's wage, so each one of you will get to keep one filthy item to clean at your leisure. You can have anything with the exception of clothes, cauldrons, and personal effects." The elves began to jump up and down with even more excitement. Hermione opened the door and let the elves inside. Each elf looked around in joyful amazement as they all slowly entered the room. Hermione heard gleeful cries as some elves looked into the kitchen. She suddenly felt like Willy Wonka letting children into his candy factory for the first time.

"Dobby, will you supervise things while I go to class?" she asked.

"Don't worry, Mistress Hermione. Dobby will make sure everything is cleaned," he answered proudly.

"Dobby, please take all of Professor Snape's cauldrons and find a place in the dungeons for them. Take everything out of the desk and put it into his office. When you're done, could you please have someone bring my things over from Gryffindor Tower?"

"Won't Master Snape be angry with Dobby if we remove his things?" the elf nervously asked.

"Listen, Dobby," Hermione said forcefully as she looked at the elf. "There is no Master Snape in these chambers. There is only Mistress Hermione. I will have to live here for the next two years. There's a very good chance I will have a baby in here with me by this coming summer. As you can see, Professor Snape can't take care of himself. So from now on, everything to do with these chambers will be up to me. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Dobby understands. Dobby use to being Malfoy elf. Mistress Malfoy only one to decide what happens in Malfoy Manor. Master Malfoy always stay out of the way," he told her. Hermione didn't like to be compared to Narcissa, but if the shoe fit.

"Dobby, could you do one more thing for me?" she politely asked. "Could you do something about the colors in here? Black, green and silver are just too depressing for me."

"Leave everything to Dobby, Mistress Hermione. Dobby will make these chambers the best in Hogwarts," the elf said with pride. Hermione left the elves to their fun.

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Hermione entered Gryffindor Tower a short time later. She needed to pick up her books before heading to breakfast. Hermione heard shouting on the other side of her dormitory door. She entered to see Ginny, Parvati and Lavender standing in the middle of the room. Both Ginny and Parvati looked upset.

"Hermione, is it true? Did you really have your wedding last night?" Ginny asked with an upset look on her face.

"Yes, Gin. I had to keep it a secret," she told the angry redhead.

"But I was supposed to be your maid of honor."

"I'm sorry, Ginny. Dumbledore would only let me tell one person. I needed to borrow a dress, so I had to tell Parvati," she explained.

"What about Lav? She knew," Ginny asked.

"She lives here. I couldn't keep it secret from her if I tried."

"But this means you're not going to have your wedding at my home," Ginny said with a sad look on her face.

"There's still Ron and Pansy's wedding. You'll still be her maid of honor," Hermione told her.

"That's not the same. I wanted to be maid of honor for my best friend. The only reason I'm doing it for Pansy is because no one wanted the job," she said with disappointment. "Why did you have to marry Snape last night, anyway?" Ginny asked.

"Fitage showed up yesterday. He was going to change my contract so that I had to marry Lucius Malfoy. We had to get married before the old contract was voided," she explained.

"This just sucks. Mom isn't going to let me buy a new dress if only Ron and Pansy are getting married," Ginny said in a pout.

"Don't worry about it, Ginny. I think your mom is going to go all-out for Pansy's wedding. My mom will want to help even more, now that she's missed mine," Hermione told her.

"Wait a minute, maybe I can still be your maid of honor. You could do your ceremony again. That way your parents can be there," Ginny suggested.

"I don't know, Ginny. It might be tough getting Snape to do it again," Hermione said.

"Have Dumbledore force him," Ginny said.

"I'll try. I would really like for my mom to see me get married," Hermione told her.

"Why would your mom go all out for Pansy's wedding?" Lavender asked Ginny. "I would be very upset if my son had to marry a slut like Parkinson."

"Pansy is not a slut," Ginny angrily shouted. "She was a virgin until..." Ginny didn't finish. Both Lavender and Parvati gave Ginny a confused look.

"We'll discuss what happened to Pansy at our first D.A meeting on Saturday. I'm going to bring a Pensieve so that everybody can see what we saw. They need to know just what we're up against," she told Ginny.

"What are we going to do about my shoes?" Parvati angrily interrupted.

"Who cares about your bloody shoes, Parvati? You have, like, thirty pairs in your trunk. I'm sure you won't miss one pair," Ginny told her.

"What happened to your shoes?" Hermione asked.

"That bloody thief Peeves stole them. He has been running around all morning with them on his fat ugly feet. I just know they're going to be all stretched out of shape when, or if, I ever get them back," Parvati dejectedly said.

"Have you asked Sir Nicholas for help?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah, he said he would talk to the Bloody Baron about it. But he made no promises," Parvati gloomily told her.

"Enough about her bloody shoes; I want to know what happened last night," Lavender said. "What happened when you got back to Snape's chambers, to be more precise."

"Tell us, Hermione. What was old Snape like in the sack?" Ginny anxiously asked.

"It was my first time, so I really don't have anything to compare it to," she told the three very curious girls.

"Well, tell us how big it was for starters," Parvati suddenly asked. "I bet with that long nose of his and those long fingers, it has to be a big one."

"It was my first live one, you know," Hermione said with embarrassment. "I don't really know what big is, but it sure felt huge."

Parvati put her hands in front of her and held her palms about six inches apart. "This is about normal. Would you say he's bigger or smaller?" she asked.

Hermione walked over to Parvati and pulled her palms apart another three and a half inches. "I'd say that's about right, and it was almost as thick as my wrist," Hermione told them.

"YOU LUCKY BITCH!" Parvati shouted at her as she and the other two started grinning from ear to ear.

"LUCKY! ARE YOU CRAZY?" Hermione shouted back. "I was impaled on something the size of a Beater's bat. I've never been in that much pain in all my life."

"Ouch," both Ginny and Lavender said as they placed a hand in front of their crotches.

"Hermione, didn't you take a pain draught beforehand?" Parvati asked.

"No, I didn't think of it," she answered. "I also didn't know that diddling myself would have made my first time a lot easier."

"I thought everyone knew," Parvati said. "God made cucumbers for a reason, Hermione." Hermione knew right then and there that she would never eat a salad made by Parvati.

"So, did you have one?" Ginny asked with a slightly depraved look on her face.

"Did I have what?" Hermione asked her with a baffled look.

"You know, an orgasm," Ginny clarified.

"Oh, yeah. I almost had two, but the selfish bastard pulled away at the last moment," Hermione answered.

"Almost two?" Parvati said in surprise. "It took George, I mean Fred, three tries before he finally gave me one. I guess size really does matter."

"I'd let you have him if I could," Hermione told her.

"You can," Parvati informed her. "I still have half a bottle of Polyjuice Potion that Fred gave me over the summer. I could use one of your hairs and give Snape a try. What do you say, Hermione? It's not like it's a real marriage away"

"Oh, can I have a ride on the pony, too?" Ginny eagerly asked.

"Me, too," Lavender said right behind her.

"I don't think so," Hermione told them. "I'm going to need all of Professor Snape's little swimmers for myself if I want to get pregnant before the end of the month,"

"Why do you want to get pregnant right away? Wouldn't it be better if you finished school first?" Ginny asked.

"If I get pregnant right away, I could have the baby just before summer holidays. That would mean I would only have been married for less than a year. The child would be almost two by the time I'm ready to become an apprentice. My mother has agreed to take care of it while I'm at school," Hermione said.

"Won't Snape help you care for the child?" Lavender asked.

"He's got father issues. I wouldn't trust him to take care of a sewer rat let alone a baby. As soon as I become pregnant, I'm kicking him out. He can put a cot in his lab, for all I care," Hermione seriously told them. "That reminds me. I'm having a birthday party for myself tonight at seven in my new chambers. It's in the east tower, fifth floor. The door will be marked."

"Hermione, don't you think Snape will be upset if you throw a party in his chambers only a day after you two are married?" Parvati asked.

"That's precisely the point. He needs to understand now that those are my chambers," Hermione said with resolve. "I won't let the bastard get the upper hand. The slimy prat actually had the nerve to suggest that I snore." The three girls suddenly looked at each other nervously. "What? It's not true," Hermione desperately told them.

"It might be a little true," Lavender told her.

"It can't be. You guys would have told me, wouldn't you?" Hermione said in desperation.

"It never really came up," Parvati told her. "You've only been doing it since the middle of your fourth year. I think fixing your teeth had something to do with it."

"How bad is it?" she anxiously asked.

"Pretty bad," Ginny told her. "You kept waking up Buckbeak the summer we stayed at number twelve.

"It's never really bothered us, Hermione," Lavender told her. "We put an anti-snoring silencing charm on your bed, just after you started. I learned it from my mom. Dad has always had a loud snore. Not as loud as yours, though." Hermione just wanted to crawl up into a ball and disappear.

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Ten minute later, Hermione took her seat at the Gryffindor table for breakfast. She felt almost grateful that Snape was nowhere to be seen.

"So tell me, Hermione. Did you find anyone to help you with your problem?" Ron asked as he piled five flapjacks onto his plate. "I know Neville wasn't any help. I found him out cold on the floor of our dormitory." Hermione just gave Ron a fuming glare.

"What problem is he talking about, Hermione?" Harry asked. "Is it something I could have helped you with?" Ron shot orange juice through his nose after hearing Harry's question.

"No, Harry, It was something I was able to handle on my own," she told him.

"On your own?" Ron asked with a puzzled look on his face. " Does that mean you used something like a cucum...OWWW," Ron said in pain as Ginny rammed her elbow into his side.

"May I have everyone's attention, please," Dumbledore said as he rose from the High Table.

"Oh God, no," Hermione said to herself.

"I am pleased and happy to announce the marriage of Professor Severus Snape and Hermione Jane Granger, which took place last evening by the lake here at Hogwarts. If anyone wishes to send congratulatory remarks to the new couple, please address them to Professor McGonagall, Head of Gryffindor House. Let's all wish Mr. and Mrs. Snape our best. Thank you for your attention," Dumbledore said as he took his seat.

The Great Hall was utterly silent. It was morning, but Hermione could swear she heard the chirp of a lone cricket. She could feel the hard stares of a thousand eyes boring into her. Hermione put her face in her hands and prayed for death.

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Next chapter coming soon.

Here's a quick question for my reviewers. The house-elves are going to completely redecorate Hermione and Snape's chambers. What is the one thing they could do that would drive Snape nuts?

[NM1]CoS - he's always making a loud crack.