Inside Your Mind

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters associated with the series; they all belong to J.K. Rowling, once again…

Author’s Note: Hmm…what can I say except that I haven’t felt like writing in about a year because I’ve just had a hard time of everything for the past year…and even though it’s a little absurd to be continuing my stories now, I wanted to anyway. Forgive me, please.

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Chapter Twenty – No Doubling Back

“Harry, are you sure you don’t want to sit? You’ve been pacing since…well, since Draco left.”

Halting in front of the fireplace, Harry glanced at the clock above it; it was 11:27 p.m. He briefly wondered how long Death Eater meetings generally lasted. Well, they have a guest tonight, so it might be longer than normal, but it’s not as if I even know how long normal –

He spun around in frustration. “Why the fuck hasn’t Draco said anything to me and why won’t he answer me?” The fire blazed dangerously high behind him as his eyes flashed, lightning from the rapidly darkening storm clouds above illuminating his rigid figure – he looked every part the angry protagonist on the hunt for answers, ready to obliterate anything that lay in his path.

“Harry, he probably can’t risk contacting you through your link. Voldemort could easily see into his mind and use the link to get to you,” Hermione reminded him sensibly.

Harry’s posture didn’t change, and Hermione sighed heavily. She went to him and placed her hands on his tensed shoulders, meaning to comfort him, but she let them drop a second later and gasped. Taking a few steps back, she spoke in a very small voice. “You need to calm down, Harry. Your magic is barely being contained by your body.” Harry didn’t respond, his gaze still fierce and directed toward all forces of evil. “Harry,” she said more firmly while turning his face toward hers. “When I touched you, I felt your magic, your energy go through me.”

The green gaze became more aware of her, and it softened. “You need to calm down,” she repeated. Harry sighed and pulled her into a hug as the flames of the fire behind them diminished slightly.

“Stop acting like a worrisome housewife, Potter.” Blaise smirked as Harry raised his head from Hermione’s shoulder to glare at him. The flames began to rise once again and thunder boomed loudly. “Blaise!” Hermione snapped exasperatedly.

“Draco’s a big boy,” Blaise responded mildly. “He can take care of himself.”

The portrait flew open, revealing a very disturbed Sophia; hair tousled, clothes askew, and her face set in an expression of extreme annoyance. “Well! I have never seen anything so rude in my life! He couldn’t have waited for me to open for him, no, he had to push me open…” Her muttering faded as she swung herself to face the corridor once again.

Standing as tall as ever, Draco regarded them with an unreadable expression on his face.

“See?” Blaise pointed. “He’s perfectly fine.”

Harry stared at his lover for a long moment. The silver eyes that he had taken pride in being able to lighten, to melt, were as overcast and gray as the sky above them. “No, he’s not.”

The room fell completely silent; even the sound of the thunder softened as Harry approached Draco. He reached out and cradled the side of Draco’s face, letting his thumb caress the blonde’s cheek.

“What happened, love?”

Draco flinched and turned his head away.

Clearing her throat, Hermione said, “Hey, guys, didn’t we say that we would, um, return to our rooms as soon as Draco returned?”

Several skeptical looks were exchanged. “Uh, no,” Seamus said.

Hermione sighed. “Well, isn’t it time we got going?”

“No,” Seamus repeated. “Besides, why would we leave now? We don’t want to miss anything.”

Everyone nodded in agreement.

“How insensitive are you people?” Hermione flared, her eyes ablaze. “They are not in a relationship for your entertainment.”

“It’s all right, Granger,” Draco said quietly.

“He doesn’t mind that we might be entertained by his relationship.”

Hermione whirled to face Blaise, stalking towards him. “Is there some particular reason you’re being such an idiot tonight?”

“I don’t know, is there some particular reason you’re acting so uptight?” Blaise shot back.

“Guys!” Harry finally turned his attention away from Draco to give his friends a very irritated glance.

“Actually, I do mind that my personal life is considered entertainment,” Draco spoke up. “But seeing as the relationship in question is no longer relevant, I saw no reason to object.”

It was said casually, as if he were announcing the weather, or his plans for the day.

Harry was frozen, his eyes closed. Using the opportunity to slip away, Draco began walking towards his bedroom. He had just reached the door when Harry’s voice authoritative voice resonated through the room, speaking his name deeply and intensely. He didn’t turn.

“Draco.” Harry repeated roughly, using the same intonation he had once used to coerce Draco into telling him that he had been fantasizing about him.

“How can you not respond to that, Draco?” Blaise asked in amazement. “I’m shivering from just hearing him talk like that, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.” It was true; everyone in the room, that was attracted to males, was a bit wide-eyed with their mouths slightly open to take in needed air. Even Ron’s mouth wasn’t completely shut.

Harry shot him a look that clearly stated how amusing he didn’t find him.

Doorknob in hand, Draco turned to face Harry. Green eyes stared back at him imploringly.

Draco? I can’t feel anything from you.

“That’s because I’m not letting you, Potter.”

Harry narrowed his eyes. “Since when do you call me Potter?”

“That’s who you are, is it not?”

“Not to you.”

“I think I decide who you are to me, Potter.”

Harry’s laugh was mocking as he pulled Draco to him.

The pitch-black clouds above them burst open in a downpour, lightning striking one of the beautiful mahogany desks and splitting it. Ginny and Hermione shrieked, jumping up and grabbing onto their respective boyfriends, while Blaise and Seamus remained seated to stare at the resplendent pair. They were literally glowing – a field of brilliant light surrounded them, protecting them from the rain and lightning that crashed around them. They were completely dry – just as they were completely unaffected by the bolt of lightning that struck them while they were fused together.

“Is the ceiling actually supposed to rain?” Seamus asked.

Harry held Draco’s face between his hands, not letting him escape, until Draco mouth opened to reciprocate the harsh kiss. Pale hands gripped Harry’s arms so tightly that he was certain there’d be bruises. He didn’t care - anything to keep Draco’s touch with him as long as possible. The two delved into each other desperately, one unaware of the reason behind it all, and one screaming on the inside for what he was to give up.

They were magnificent.

“This would be what we stayed for,” Blaise commented in awe. The rain went unnoticed, even as it formed puddles at everyone’s feet; no one was aware of anything but the sight before them.

Harry pulled away, his hands still holding Draco’s face captive. Fingers traced the shaped lips before him for a moment; then his gaze hardened. He shoved Draco away from him, towards the wall hard enough to make the blonde lose his balance. The moment they separated, the rain poured down on them, drenching them.

Draco kneeled on the floor, one hand braced against the wall, eyes silver and molten once again as they bored into Harry’s burning gaze.

“We don’t get to decide anything!” Harry shouted.

Draco rose slowly, leaning against the wall and regarded Harry silently. His gaze only showed anger, but the kiss had connected them enough for Harry to identify the pain and passion running through Draco’s veins.

“We’re done here,” Draco said coldly.

Hurt crept into Harry’s eyes, but he turned away.

“You’re not protecting anyone, Draco.”

After giving his callous and statuesque love one more lingering look, he let the portrait slide shut behind him.

The only sounds for many minutes were the pealing rain and thunder; everyone was pretty much afraid to move.

“Well,” Blaise ventured. “That was pretty hot.”

Draco sent him a lethal glare.

“You’re going to take your anger out on me if I don’t leave, aren’t you?”

Draco said nothing.

“Right!” Blaise stood carefully. “Time to go.”

He ran for the exit. Seamus laughed lightly at his boyfriend, but was quickly shut up by the glare he received. “Okay, Malfoy, you are apparently in a mood to kill.”

“Care to find out?”

“Not particularly.”

The portrait swung shut behind the last of the guests, and Draco slid down the wall to the floor.

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Harry’s head was buried in the cushions of common-room couch when his friends walked in. The fire blazing across from him was almost dejectedly low, Hermione noted with a sigh of relief. Thank goodness we don’t have some sort of enchanted ceiling here.

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it, Harry. The meeting probably upset him.” Ginny tried to sound soothing.

Harry got up and started pacing again. “He meant it. I’m not completely sure why he meant it, but he did. I think it’s got something to do with him thinking that we’re too dangerous together and I’m safer or he’s safer or someone’s safer if we’re apart – shit. Something must have happened to Snape. Or his father.” He headed determinedly for the door. “I have to find out what happened at that meeting.”

A hand stopped him. “What you need to do right now is rest,” Ron said softly.

“It’s not even midnight, Ron.”

“And you’ve been pacing back and forth for almost two and a half hours. Come on, you can stay in the dorms.”

Hermione must be having more of an influence on him than I thought. Harry sighed and followed his friend, too confused and agitated to bother protesting Ron’s no-nonsense-I’m-dating-Hermione-so-listen-to-me voice.

He settled into his old bed, and felt a slight sense of comfort. Sleep came surprisingly easy.

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Draco knew the instant that Harry fell asleep. He had been reaching out very tentatively to the other boy’s emotions and thoughts ever since he had left their room. Luckily for him, Harry had been too distressed for notice. After all, the boy did tend to get a bit caught up in his emotions.

The rain had stopped about ten minutes after everyone left; the room was a disaster area. The beautiful velvet furniture was soaked, the floor was slippery with water, and the two pieces of the once beautiful mahogany desk were scorched. Draco glared at the clouds above, and thunder boomed threateningly back at him.

Sighing, Draco let his hand bang against the wall behind him. He hadn’t moved since the others had left. Thank goodness for the Occlumency lessons my father felt it was necessary to give me over the summer. Lucius hadn’t taught his son in depth, but he had apparently taught him enough to enable him to hide himself from Harry.

I shouldn’t have kissed him back. He tried to tell himself that it was involuntary, that he hadn’t felt an actual need to return the kiss; that if anyone had kissed him the way Harry had, his body would have responded in the same manner. However, Draco had never been very good at believing in illusions; there had always been something, and always would be something, about Harry that made him lose control. No one got to him the same way, and he knew deep down that no one ever would.

But that didn’t change the fact that he had to do this. The night had shown him all that lay ahead; there was no place for love.

But, fuck, that kiss…we made magic together.

“It bonds those who are meant to be great together…” Dumbledore’s words echoed in his head, and Draco sighed before banging his head against the wall again. But not necessarily meant to be in love, he reminded himself.

“We’re not meant to be anything together, let alone great or in love,” Draco said aloud; needing to hear the words aloud. Maybe it would make them more real.

“I truly hate to be the one to admit this about that particular subject, Draco, but you are quite wrong.”

Draco’s head shot up and he stared at Snape, who had walked in while he was sulking. “How…why are you here?” he asked disbelievingly.

Snape raised an eyebrow. “I’m here because I was worried about my godson.”

“But how did you get away?”

“With the help of years of dedication to Occlumency and many potions, I believe. Because I showed no real signs of lying, other than my connection to Lucius, I managed to convince the Dark Lord that I had no prior knowledge of your relationship.” He sighed. “However, he has decided to keep Lucius by his side for the time being.” Draco’s eyes widened. “I do not believe that he will kill Lucius; he’s far too valuable for that. I’m very grateful that we have not informed Lucius of the bond. I suppose Lucius will have to find a way to convince the Dark Lord that he was only keeping the information from him because he was trying use it to formulate a cunning and evil plan.”

Draco’s head was spinning with everything that was happening. “Wait – how did he find out about Potter and me in the first place?”

“Bellatrix, of course.”

“Parkinson didn’t tell? Well, from what I remember, he’s not too bright. However, we can always count on lovely Aunt Bella. I suppose she’s alright after our little spat in Hogsmeade, then?”

“Unfortunately so. I haven’t seen Dumbledore yet, I just returned. Why don’t you accompany me? On the way there, you can inform of what you were muttering about when I arrived.”

“I have nothing to discuss with Dumbledore.”

Snape sighed. “Get up, Draco.” Pausing, he looked around, taking his attention off of Draco for the first time since he walked in. “Merlin, what happened in here?”

Draco glowered. “Harry and I happened.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

“Because nothing surprises you.”

Rolling his eyes, Snape pulled his godson up by his hand. “We’re going now.”

Draco refused to speak for essentially the entire walk to Dumbledore’s office, stopping short only once to say that he refused to discuss what had happened twice.

The door of the Headmaster’s office was open, expectant. The Headmaster himself was sitting at his desk, and he greeted them warmly.

“Mr. Malfoy, that was quite a thunderstorm you and Mr. Potter created.”

Draco narrowed his eyes. “I’d ask how you know, but that seems rather pointless.”

“I feel everything that goes in this school, Draco. Those storm clouds aren’t supposed to be able to produce rain, you know.”

“The floor needed cleaning,” Draco said flatly.

Dumbledore laughed. “The reasoning behind the events that occur is less obvious to me, however, and I would like an explanation. If you don’t care to give me one, I think that we will need Mr. Potter here.”

“No!” Draco nearly jumped out of his chair. “Don’t…please don’t wake him up.”

Severus and Dumbledore stared at him until he threw up his hands. “I broke up with him and he got really angry.”

Severus looked at him with skeptical eyes. “I highly doubt you two caused that downpour by yelling at each other.”

“We didn’t only cause a downpour; we created some sort of magical field around us. I think a bolt of lightning hit the field, but it didn’t do anything to us.”

“You created a magical field by having a fight?”

“No! We…he kissed me, and then the downpour started and we were surrounded by magic. We didn’t even get wet.”

“Until…? You were obviously subjected to the rain.”

“We didn’t get wet until he pushed me to the ground and told me that I wasn’t protecting anyone,” Draco said quietly. “Then he walked out.”

“Draco,” Dumbledore said gently. “Why don’t you get some rest? Tomorrow morning, we will have a meeting here with Harry at ten o’clock. Do you mind escorting yourself back to your room? Severus and I have to discuss some things.”

Draco was too tired to object. He stood to leave and was at the door when Severus grabbed his arm. “You won’t be able to go back. You’re being foolish,” he hissed into the blonde’s ear. Draco whirled around to face him. “I’m being realistic,” he retorted icily. The hand holding his arm loosened and Draco pulled himself away and stalked out.

Snape made an exasperated noise.

“Charming, isn’t he?” Dumbledore said, with a slight smile and serious eyes. “Sit, Severus. Lemon drop?”

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Harry woke to the sun in his eyes and Hedwig’s hooting in his ears. Sitting up and rubbing his eyes, he extracted a letter from Hedwig’s beak and blearily looked around.

The clock read 9:50. He laid still for a moment before realizing that it was Monday, and that he had class, and that that must be why there was no one else in the room. He swung his feet over the side of the bed and scanned the area for something to wear before remembering that his clothes weren’t in Gryffindor tower. Shit.

Hedwig hooted and he remembered the letter in his hand. Opening it, he saw that Dumbledore wanted to see him at ten, and that he apparently didn’t have to worry about attending that day’s classes. And that Draco would be there. He sighed and fell backwards onto the bed and covered his face with his hands.

“How am I ever going to do this?”

And how is he blocking me from his mind so well?

The walk to Dumbledore’s office was somber. When he reached it, he was slightly surprised to see Snape standing outside the door. “Are you waiting for me?”

“Potter, you should know what happened at the meeting last night before we go in. The Dark Lord suspected that Lucius and I were hiding your relationship with Draco from him.”

Harry snorted. “What relationship?”

Snape ignored him. “He put the Cruciatus Curse on us both, and that was when Draco left. He still has Lucius, who, thankfully, doesn’t know about the bond. If Lucius is careful, he should be able to get out of it.”

“Well, that’s good,” Harry said numbly and walked inside.

Snape sighed and followed him. Draco has no clue what he’s doing.

Harry had barely settled into his seat when Draco began.

“I no longer wish to live with Potter.”

Averting his eyes, Harry winced at Draco’s purposeful use of his last name.

After a few moments of silence, Dumbledore cleared his throat. “Are you sure, Draco?”

“Will the bond allow us to be further apart than we are in our current living arrangement?”

“Yes, it will.” Dumbledore glanced quickly at Harry before continuing. “This particular bond does not restrict the distance allowed between the two involved for any period of time; nor does it require physical contact.”

Harry flushed, but Draco’s eyes only darkened more.

“Where do you wish to go, Mr. Malfoy?”

“He can stay there,” Harry said, his voice thin. Draco stared at him. Harry locked eyes with him before continuing. “He has nowhere else to go.” His voice hardened along with his eyes. “I do.” Draco’s eyes flashed and he looked away.

Dumbledore looked back and forth between them. “You will return your things to your old room sometime today, Harry?” He nodded.

“Then it’s settled.” He was quiet for a moment before he clasped his hands together and turned his eyes to his other student. "I do not suggest that you separate yourself from Harry, Mr. Malfoy.”

“Why not?” Draco’s voice was sharp. “Afraid it might weaken Potter’s precious power? That without me, he might not be enough to win your war?”

Dumbledore laughed lightly, but his blue stare was piercing. “My dear boy, Harry is quite remarkable on his own. My faith in him does not depend on you. As for it being my war, I’m flattered at the credit you give me, but it would do you well to remember that this war has far more to do with Harry than it does with me. Or, for that matter, you, Mr. Malfoy.”

Draco’s gaze never softened or wavered, but his cheeks were slightly pink.

“I was simply going to point out that Mr. Potter cares for you deeply, just as you care for him.”

Silence ensued, and Harry was beginning to feel a bit hopeful. Draco’s silence could mean one of two things: either he was getting over his whole need to be noble and realizing that he wasn’t protecting anyone by deserting Harry, or –

“I don’t love him.”

Harry’s head shot up and his eyes found Draco’s, searching for any emotion, any flicker that would refute what he had just heard.

There was only cold, emotionless gray.

He paled considerably, but didn’t allow his eyes to leave Draco’s. He let everything run over his face – his fears, his confusion, his anger – and finally, his love.

Draco closed his eyes.

I will still love you.

On Harry’s way out, Snape caught his eyes, and Harry was surprised to see sympathy in the black pools. He allowed some of his growing respect for the man to show in his eyes before leaving. Once he was out of sight, he braced himself against a wall a few feet from the door. It was just sliding shut as Harry heard Draco request that Professor Snape teach him advanced Occlumency.