A Secret Worth Keeping

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, only those that I created myself. Please do not harm me in any way. I only do this for fun.

A Secret worth Keeping


Chapter Two: The Meeting


Hermione was a wreck, both physically and mentally. Her rumpled clothing looked slept in, and her hair refused to remain in the braid she had it in that morning. It stuck out in wild corkscrews all along her forehead and neck. At the moment, she was pacing the floor of her room with her newborn in her arms. Sebastian wouldn’t stop crying. Somehow, she felt that he had picked up on her apprehension about Professor Snape coming to see them. Her hands sweated profusely as she tried to walk the baby into slumber, but he was having none of it.

She was still so new at being a mother at such a young age; she felt helpless, and there was no one to turn to, no one to ask advice of, no one to help her so she could rest. She had fed Sebastian, burped him, changed and rocked him, but the child continued to cry. Loudly. She was beginning to reach the end of her tether. That single threadlike strand of sanity was almost frayed beyond repair.

She had hoped to have Sebastian sleeping for Snape’s arrival. It would give them time to talk in peace, and possibly give her time to clean herself up as well. She thought that maybe she’d tidy the room if she’d enough energy at that point. At least Sebastian was clean, dressed in a green onesy that usually contrasted nicely with his fair skin.

“Don’t cry, Sebastian. Please don’t cry,” She spoke softly as she rocked him, tears falling down her red-rimmed eyes. The hour was drawing close and Snape would be by soon. She looked down at the baby draped in his blue thread-worn baby blanket she’d found for him in a thrift store during her sixth month of pregnancy. That worn out blanket had seen its fair share of tears. Both Mother and baby. The new tears mixed with the tearstains of several days’ worth of crying.

She was so tired… just so tired.


~00~


Severus paused at the door marked as number four; inside he could hear the sounds of a baby’s cry. The sound sent a jolt cascading across his spine and made his stomach roll. He had to lean against the wall for a moment to gather his thoughts as well as his strength. He still couldn’t believe it. When he discovered those letters between Albus and Hermione, it was like someone doused him with ice cold water. His heart seemed to stop. It seemed surreal.

He remembered reading the first letter from Miss Granger and felt the jolt of disbelief. Reading of his own son, a son he had no idea existed until that morning. For many minutes after reading that first missive, he tried to think back nine months. Back to the time when Miss Granger had abruptly left without reason or explanation to anyone. He remembered Albus talking about her departure at the staff meeting and remembered feeling a sense of foreboding… but that was it.

He did have a faint memory of the time she wrote about. The time that Lucius visited and they argued. But he didn’t remember Miss Granger being there. In truth, he barely remembered the argument at all. As a matter of fact, he couldn’t remember what the argument was even about. Severus closed his eyes and tried to recall that night, but all he could come up with was a very dark and very black blank. The mark of a very well placed Obliviate spell. Miss Granger obviously mastered that one.

The most important fact now to consider was the baby. True, he didn’t remember anything that could or would pertain to conceiving a child with Hermione Granger. But he did know that she would never stoop so low as to falsely accuse anyone of fathering her child, especially a child from a man whom she thought despised her. She was wrong about that. He never despised her, but rather her friends. They had a disconcerting ability to put everyone around them in danger. Without a thought of consequences to their safety. He was constantly after Miss Granger to work harder, hoping it would keep her and others out of harm’s way when the Potter brat and the Weasley idiot got into more trouble. Unfortunately, Miss Granger always seemed to be right there in the middle of it all. To his and the other teachers’ dismay.

No, he didn’t hate her. He just wanted her and everyone to be safe from the horrors that lay beyond the protective haven that was Hogwarts. He sighed and approached the door once more. Obviously, the Haven wasn’t safe enough from him. He was the one that ended up hurting her after all. It was obvious that Albus had accidentally left the letters on his desk in full view, especially when the old man knew full well that he would be using his office today. The Headmaster, in one of his most obvious shows of pretend senility, left them there for him to discover, making it easier for him to discuss the situation with the horrified teacher.

Severus paused again, listening to the crying coming from inside. The soft cries were slowly turning into very loud howling. Concern, at his child’s very vocal distress, almost convinced him to force his way into the room to see what the problem was. However, the only thing that stopped him from doing so was the faint words of comfort, which he caught coming from beyond the wooden door. He breathed deep as he realized that she was trying to soothe the upset child, and that made him calm down a bit.

Severus stood straight, took a deep cleansing breath and raised his hand. Three times he rapped on the door and waited, trying not to shift anxiously from foot to foot. A deep sense of foreboding ate at him, making him feel slightly uneasy at this meeting. Maybe he shouldn’t have come. When he read those letters, he felt like it was the right thing to do, meeting her here, away from Hogwarts. It was just an odd turn of events to be meeting Hermione like this. Hermione Granger. Of all people to mother his child, it had to be her.

The sounds from inside moved closer, and after a moment the door opened to the sight of a very disheveled Hermione Granger jostling a bundle of squalling faded blue blanket. His first thought as he cast his eyes on her was, She looks like Hell. From the look in her eyes, he then thought that she probably hadn’t slept in days. Maybe even since the baby’s birth.

“Professor Snape.” There was a look of combined relief and fear in her eyes as she acknowledged him. He nodded to her as she took a step back to allow him entrance into her room. “Come in, please. I’m sorry for my appearance….” She paused as the baby continued to cry, and she began to bounce him again.

Severus watched her wobbling the infant and spoke just enough to be heard over the howling. “I do not concern myself with your appearance, Miss Granger. However, you do look like something Hagrid would adopt.”

She gave him a glance, not too sure if he was joking or not. She was on the verge of replying with what she hoped was a smart-assed comment, but an especially loud howl erupted from the bundle of blanket and her brows creased with concern. She began to walk around in a circle, trying her best to quiet him down. Finally she stopped and looked up at the man watching them silently, her eyes shining, as she was so close to crying again. “He won’t stop crying. I don’t know what to do. What am I doing wrong?”

Snape quietly watched as Hermione stood staring up at him with obvious dismay written all over her exhausted face. The baby’s howling rang throughout the room and, he was sure, could be heard down in the tavern. It was indeed a rarity to see this woman at such a loss. The Hermione Granger he had known had the answers to any problem. Any question that he could throw at her during classes was answered in a calm, intelligent way. Now, as he watched her, seeing so plainly that she was scared, he felt something give. Maybe it was because he had never seen her so terrified. He had witnessed her do some very scary things in her few short years at Hogwarts. Who would have guessed that motherhood would be her undoing?

He finally took a step forward and reached out to her. “Let me take him; you look like you could use some respite.”

Hermione looked between the two, debating whether to just hand Sebastian over or give it a bit of time first. In truth, the thought only flickered through her mind in a fleeting concern. “Thank you. I’m just so tired.” She said as she gently passed the baby over to his father’s outstretched arms. Severus took up the child and held it close to his chest. Immediately the child ceased crying, filling the room with a deafening quiet. Hermione stared, eyes widened in amazement at the miracle.

“He… He’s stopped. I don’t believe it,” she whispered, moving closer and gently moving the blanket away from the baby’s face. She smiled as she saw that Sebastian was staring up at Severus with a look of peace on his face. She blinked back tears as she moved away. “It seems he prefers you over me.” She sniffed back tears of abandonment and sat down heavily on the threadbare sofa. “I’m an awful mother.”

Severus looked up from the face of his son and frowned at her. “Don’t be ridiculous. You are simply tired. I suggest you go and take a nap while my son and I get acquainted.” He indicated the small bed by the window. Hermione’s eyes flew between her son and Severus, fear and doubt etched into her expression, causing Severus to sigh loudly. “We both shall be here when you wake, Miss Granger. I will not be taking him away. You will feel better when you wake, I assure you.”

Embarrassed that he knew she was worried about him taking her son from her, she gave him a timid smile and stood to her feet. “I’m sorry for doubting you, Professor; I haven’t been thinking very clearly lately. I don’t think I have ever been so tired.” Bringing her hand up to cover a big yawn, she felt every bone in her body shaking with exhaustion. If she didn’t get some sleep soon, she thought that she was going to crack under the strain. “Thank you again, Professor. His diapers are in that bag over there.” She pointed to a very large blue bag by the door.

“Bottles?” He raised an eyebrow, causing her to blush.

“Uh. He’s, uh… breastfed. Just wake me when he gets hungry, which will be in about two hours.”

Severus nodded and sank down into the sofa she had vacated, father and son both eyeing each other in awe. Hermione gave them one more glance before sprawling out on the bed. She was fast asleep before her head even made it to the pillow.

Severus watched the young woman fall into sleep with mixed emotions. Because of her, he was now a father. Sebastian. He wondered if she knew that was his middle name. Knowing Hermione, she probably did. Leave it to her to do what she thought was right. But should this baby have the name of Snape? Perhaps he would be safer if he went by Granger instead.

Sebastian Samuel Granger.

He smiled and shook his head. No. Snape fit the boy. Severus watched, intrigued, as the baby seemed to study Severus just as much as the older man was studying him. Grey-black eyes met black. Severus moved aside the blanket to get a better look. He examined each finger and toe, chuckling in amusement as the infant kicked in protest.

“It’s all right, Sebastian, Daddy’s not going to hurt you.” The baby immediately fell still again from the soothing words of his father. Severus paused in his examination to gaze into his son’s eyes.

“Daddy. Father. Papa. What are you to call me in time?” He sighed at that thought and finally, satisfied with the overall toe and finger count, Severus covered his son back up, resting him against his chest as he leaned back into the sofa.

For the first time in his life, Severus Sebastian Snape felt content.