Discovering

Chapter Two

Wanting

Two weeks into the new semester I was ready to explode. Scorpius and I hadn’t had any time together to let out our stress at all. It was a total shite. Normally it wouldn’t have bothered me. I had managed time without a boyfriend before and survived just fine, but Scorpius made sure that I was missing him from the beginning. He sent me an owl at breakfast after the first week describing in detail what he longed to be doing to me and I had rushed off to the bathroom to read it. Afterwards, I spent Arithmancy rubbing my legs together and trying not to squirm from the hot desire I was feeling in the most private of places. I could feel him staring at me and longed to pull him into a deserted closet as soon as class was over, but this was Hogwarts and I was Head Girl. I couldn’t be found snogging in a closet in broad daylight.

But, tonight.

Oh, Tonight.

I had been waiting two bloody weeks for tonight. After that first letter we had corresponded almost daily about our ‘plans’ and tonight we had rounds together and if I had my way I was going to get snogged out of my mind.
I found that Monday especially long. Before Breakfast, I had gone to shower and then redressed, careful to put on something a little naughty under my robes. You never know what could happen.

I started out my day with Arithmancy again with Scorpius grinning at me every few minutes. I knew exactly what was running through his mind because I was thinking about the same things. It made it hard to focus on class, but I tried as hard as I could to take notes and keep my eyes from wandering over to Scorpius. After Arithmancy I had a break and used it to write home to Mum and Dad. I told them about how my classes were going, how my cousins were doing, how much I loved being Head Girl, and most importantly how much I missed them. I tried to write home at least twice a month if not more. Dad worried about us, even though we were safe and sound in the halls of Hogwarts. After everything that my parents went through, I understood why. Muggle Studies was an easy class for me because my parents raised me with a firm knowledge of the Muggle World. Hugo and I also spent at least two weeks with Mums parents each summer. The rest of the day was a slow drag through lunch, another break, Defense, and dinner. Then we went to the library to study with our friends.
Scorpius and I worked on our Arithmancy that night. We managed to keep our minds on our homework and talk to our friends and eventually it was time for rounds. We packed up our things and said our goodbyes to everyone. Celia took my bag to take to our room and Albus took Scorpius’. “So how was your day?” he asked me as we moved away from the library.

“Long.” I smiled over at him and he smirked.

“Which way should we go?” He asked next. “I was thinking towards the dungeons.” I figured he must have a place in mind, but I was done waiting and I had a place in mind too. We were passing a classroom and I suggested that we make sure that no one was hiding in there. We walked in one after the other and I locked the door before resting against it. Instantly I felt relaxed and nervous at the same time. Scorpius was standing by one of the desks and took his robes off. He loosened his tie and removed it as well. I walked over to him. “How are you doing?” I asked. I put his robe on the ground and laid mine next to it. I sat down and he sat beside me. “I’m great Red. Now that I’m here with you.” He pulled my chin to his and then he kissed me.

I couldn’t help it.

I moaned.

A deep throaty moan.

He pushed against me and I slid down to the ground so that my back was flat against the floor. He bit at my bottom lip and I felt him smile against my mouth. “Red.” He murmured. “You taste delicious.” I pulled him against me and tried to forget that this was more to him than it was to me. He wanted me to be falling in love, and really all I was doing was fulfilling my hormones. It wasn’t fair, but I told myself that he was a big boy and he wanted to be here. I pushed the thoughts away as best I can and push my hips up into Scorpius.

“You don’t taste so bad yourself.” I tell him and pull my leg up and slide it down his. His hand is in my hair, pushing it away from my face. He stops kissing me for a moment and stares into my eyes.”You are so beautiful.” He tells me and I feel a blush spreading into my cheeks. I take a moment to let it soak in that we are actually lying there together on the floor of an empty classroom kissing.

“Rose,” he rolls over to his side and plays with the buttons on my shirt. He unbuttons the top two and slides a finger down between my breasts and then down my stomach. “I’m afraid that we’re going to go too far.” I understand why he’s worried about this. There is already a mound in his pants that seems very uncomfortable and I already feel like my insides are burning through me and we haven’t done more than kiss each other.

“Well,” I push him down and move over him. “How far is too far?” I asked him, but tried to distract him by licking at his neck and biting at him.

He grabs at my bum and squeezes it which pushes me against him. He groans almost imperceptibly and I enjoy the hold I have over him. “I think …” He pauses for a minute. “I think shagging is too far.” I grind into him again and he pulls at my shirt, releasing it from my skirt. Then his hands are under my shirt and they are setting my skin on fire. It’s amazing how something as simple as his hands on my stomach makes me feel. I lay my chest onto his and suddenly there is no stopping us anymore. The conversation is forgotten and We are a frenzy of lips and hands. His hands moved over my breasts and squeezed them to elicit a moan from me which went straight into his mouth. I slid my own hands across his chest loosening his shirt as a I went and then pushed it out of the way.

I wanted him.

I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anyone.

We rolled around for an hour kissing and touching and teasing each other. It was amazing. More than amazing. After we had wore ourselves out we laid on the robes together and stared up at the classroom ceiling. “Think we should do our rounds?” I asked him and he laughed.

“I’m too tired.” He said and kissed me one more time before he grabbed his shirt and started getting dressed. I tried to make myself presentable in case we ran into anyone on the way back to our respective rooms. I fixed my hair and makeup with a charm. It was a couple things Aunt Ginny had showed me for days that I was up studying late and didn’t have time to really get ready in the morning and it had been of great use more than once. When I looked back at Scorpius he was completely dressed and moving towards me. “Promise me you won’t make me wait two weeks to kiss you again.” I shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal to me whether he kissed me in the next two weeks or not and walked out of the room.
He followed me up to Gryffindor tower without talking and it reminded me of the last time he had walked me to my tower. I thought back to how I had turned him down and wished that I could hear his thoughts. I wanted to know what he thought about tonight, and the day at my house, and the night by the fat lady and in the library. I wanted to know what was going through his mind, and whether he was really okay with our arrangement. I hoped so because this was the best night of snogging I had ever had.

“Good Night, Red.” He told me when we reached the Fat Lady.

“Good Night, Scorpius.” I smiled at him and kissed his cheek. Innocent enough that the portraits wouldn’t got nutty about it. When I moved away he had his eyes closed and when he opened them he looked pained. “Are you …” I began but he didn’t let me finish.

“I’m fine, Rose.” And he walked away again, just like the last time.

*

In the common room, Celia and Abby were waiting for me. I rolled my eyes at the sight of the pair of them, but I was half glad that they were there. I fell into an empty chair nearby and sighed. “That must have been quite a snog, Ms. Weasley.” Abby giggled.

“The best.” I Know I must have looked like an idiot with that stupid grin plastered to my face.

The girls exchanged looks and it seemed that Celia had lost the war because she asked, “So . . . are you two together now?”

“No!” I insisted. “I’m not interested in him like that. I’ve told you both!” Abby shook her head and closed the book she had been reading. “How can you not be interested? I’ve never seen you so happy?”

I shrug and try to let the question go, but they just keep staring. “I can’t explain it. I like Scorpius. He’s a great friend. He’s sexy. He’s an amazing snog. He makes me feel … like I’m … I don’t know. Amazing. It was amazing. But, there
is just all of these other things.”

“What other things?”

“He’s a Malfoy. I mean Dad’s okay with us being friends, but dating? I think that would be a completely different situation. He’s Al’s best friend, so if we broke up things would be weird. He’s Head Boy and a relationship might interfere with that. He’s my friend. He’s …”

“Those are all excuses, half of which are crap anyway because as much as you think this isn’t a relationship he’s into this for the long haul.” Abby never was the quiet reserved type. She just tells it like it is.

“And I don’t feel that way about him.” I add softly. “I wish I did.” I hold my head in my hands and feel someone rub my back.

“Well, If it’s that then there isn’t really anything you can do about that, but Rose, just be careful. The poor guy is in love.”

“Merlin, I’m a bloody idiot.” I admit, holding my head up and looking at them both. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t want to be his girlfriend, but when we were lying there together … I wanted him so badly. I wanted to forget that I’m not in love with him and shag him. I wanted … him.”

“You’re a hormonal seventeen year old girl.” Celia is laughing now. “Just maybe tame it up a bit and don’t shag him. You’ll regret it and it will make things a millions times worse for him when you finally stop things.”

I stand up and grab my bag from its place beside theirs. “I’m going to bed. I need to think and get some sleep.”

*

In bed, I couldn’t help but rethink every touch, every kiss, every word. It was crazy. It had taken me months to get that far with including Aidan and Hunter. But in those cases it had been about building a relationship with trust and care behind each move we made. I suppose with Scorpius I’m not worried about all of that, so … it was just easier to let go.

But, it was terrifying.

How much I wanted to be with him.

How much I needed to touch him.

How much I wanted to let him do more than even he had wanted.

I feel alone already.

I tried to imagine laying out by the lake with him. Or walking to classes arm in arm. Or kissing in the halls among our classmates. Or dancing together. Or telling our parents about each other. Or snuggling close in the library to read a book. Or drinking butterbeer in Hogsmeade.

None of it seemed to work. It didn’t make sense. I didn’t want it. Any of it.

But, here in my dorm, in my bed, I feel like something is missing and that is more terrifying than anything.