The Beauty of Grey: The Bitterness Inside

Chapter 2 – Lost My Ground
“Come and rescue me
I'm burning can't you see?
Come and rescue me
Only you can set me free”
- ‘Rescue me’ – Tokio Hotel

December came with loads of snow and Christmas was looming closer and Draco hadn’t talked to Astoria since the Hospital Wing. He was becoming anxious to get one more encounter with her to carry him through the undoubtedly stressful holiday at home , but the sheer amount of homework given to the students were ridiculous and keeping him, and everyone else, very busy.

He was really not looking forward to it. He had to go home, his mother will never let him stay at school over an entire holiday, especially Christmas, but he had been seriously considering using Prefect duties as an excuse to come back early. He did not think he could face one more dinner with a bunch of Death Eaters or one more thing from his father, whatever it would be. He would be made aware of new plans and new developments, and he would be expected to be glad about it or act enthusiastic and he just couldn’t.

So to keep his spirits up, he decided to avoid thinking about the whole ugly mess altogether, until he had to at least. Instead he focused on meeting Astoria again.

He found her, ironically, the one time he was not actively looking for her dark hair swaying, or her pale skin, or her small smile.

He went running. Draco loved running, it made him think clearly. He loved the way his muscles burned for oxygen, he loved that he could hear his heart beat fast in his own ears, and he loved the way his body heated up, feeling like he was radiating heat, but his nose always stayed cold out in the night air. He did not usually run at school, but it has been known to happen but he always did it at night, when most students were snugly in bed, he did not want someone to see him and ask him questions he did not know how to answer. He mostly ran when he was at the manor, because it gave him an opportunity to get out of the house and away from everyone in it, plus the manor had beautiful gardens to run in.

It was already dark outside, the moon was full and shining on the Hogwarts grounds, making every tree look scary. He saw someone lying just out of reach of the Whomping Willow’s swaying branches. He knew it was her, even though he could not see clearly, he just knew. He stopped running, and stood still watching her while his breathing slowly slowed down.

She was still wearing her school uniform and she was lying really still. For a moment, Draco thought that she might be hurt, and his heart speeded up again, but then she gently lifted her arm up and pointed at the sky, tracing a pattern, it seemed, between the stars.

Draco watched with fascination. There she was laying alone under the stars on a cold December night, while the ground was covered in snow. He hoped that she had at the very least placed a water-proof spell on her robes, and maybe a warm cushion of magic between her and the icy ground.

Draco was frozen, not by the cold, but by uncertainty. For days on end he had been looking for an opportunity to have a chance to talk to her before the Christmas holidays started, and here he was handed the almost perfect scenario and he couldn’t decide what to do. He did not want to intrude, it seemed like she doing exactly what Draco was doing outside - clear the mind, they were just doing it differently. He couldn’t though. He watched her for a long time as she was watching the stars, until he was afraid that his chattering teeth might give him away. He ran all the way back to the dungeons, and took a long hot shower. Great thing about Hogwarts was that there was always warm water. He got in bed and, again, could not fall asleep.


Five days. Five days until he had to go home for the holidays. Draco was keen to talk to her again, but he was mostly not looking forward to going home at all. He dreaded it, and no matter how much he wished that he did not have to go, the closer it came regardless.

‘Drakie, darling,’ came the nasal voice of Pansy Parkinson as she fell into the seat next to Draco where he was sitting in the Slytherin common room.

Draco didn’t answer her, he just looked at her with his eyebrows raised. He hated it when someone called him that. It was stupid.

She lifted her hand which, he realized with a little disgust, had pink fingernails and trailed her index finger down the middle of his chest. ‘Why don’t we go take a walk outside in the moonlight?’

Draco resisted the urge to push her hand away. ‘Pansy, I’m busy with homework,’ he said simply.

Then she did something that Draco abhorred, detested, could not stand – she pouted, pushing her lips out in a way that she thought of as cute, making sad eyes at him.

Draco gritted his teeth, ignored the look, and continued with his homework. But he should have known better. She does not give up easily, Pansy. She is rather famous for her persistence.

‘Ooooh, please,’ she said in a baby voice that reminded him of his Aunt Bellatrix. ‘Drakie, it will be romantic, we can go walk by the lake. Come on.’

Draco took a deep breath, placed his homework to the side, and got up to fetch his cloak. He really did not want to give in to her, but he did not have the strength to listen to her moan for at least another hour. He’d go with her, get some fresh air, and maybe have some time to clear his head if Pansy did not talk too much. He just hoped that she was not planning on jumping on him when they were alone.

As the two of them were walking down the corridors of the castle on their way to the grounds, Pansy had placed her arm around his waist, almost hanging on him as they walked. She kept talking too, but Draco was not listening, he just nodded and grunted at points when he thought it was appropriate. That was one thing that was not very complicated with Pansy. She spoke and you never got a chance, so at least that part was simple.

It was freezing in the halls, it was December after all. When they got outside, the cold night air was stinging against Draco’s skin. He pulled the cloak tight around himself, and lifted the hood to cover his neck. Pansy, who was wearing an expensive and thick fur coat, started complaining very quickly, and Draco wondered why she suggested walking next to the lake on a cold night like this if she clearly was not keen on getting cold.

They reached the lake, and to be honest it was beautiful, it was a good idea. But Draco had seen it before, on one of his runs. Snow was lying thickly over the grass on the Hogwarts grounds and the lake’s surface was frozen over. The ice sparkled in the moonlight. The trees were moving slightly from a light breeze, and even the Whomping Willow in the distance seemed to be too cold to move much.

‘Oh,’ Pansy sighed. ‘Isn’t this so romantic?’ she said as she stared up at the moon, and then tried to stare seductively into Draco’s eyes.

‘Yeah, it is a nice night to be out,’ Draco skilfully avoided agreeing with her too much.

‘Draco, your father has told you, right?’ she asked.

‘Told me what?’ he asked, with a sinking feeling that he knew what.

‘That we are to be married after school?’ she said, as if she just couldn’t wait and if it was the most romantic thing in the world.

Draco did not think it was romantic one bit. Arranged marriage? ‘Yeah, he’s mentioned something like that,’ Draco replied, as he turned away from her.

She was quiet for a few moments, probably having difficulty sizing Draco up. ‘You are happy about it, aren’t you?’ she asked.

Draco snorted. He started to walk in the direction he was facing.

‘Drakie?’ she said in a high voice.

‘Don’t call me that,’ he said in a stern voice.

‘But, don’t you think...’ she trailed off, seeming utterly disappointed that this was not going the way she wanted. ‘Mrs. Pansy Malfoy, that could work,’ she said with a lilt in her voice.

‘Pansy,’ he said turning around to face her. ‘Can we just not talk about it? After school is still a long time away, we do not have to worry about it yet.’

That seemed to really hurt her feelings. It looked like her bottom lip was starting to tremble. Then Draco realized that this was excellent news for Pansy. She was ecstatic about it. Why wouldn’t she be? She gets to marry into a wealthy and influential family, not having another worry in her life, or so she thought. This is what people like Pansy hoped for. Someone to take them in and care for them, let them lead an expensive and pampered life. Marriage did not mean much to people like her, it meant security, not necessarily love.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I did not mean to offend you or anything. It’s just... I don’t know,’ he said, not knowing himself what he was getting at. He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. Making Pansy angry was not wise.

‘Don’t you want to marry me?’ Pansy asked, as she slowly walked closer.

‘Pansy, we’re sixteen. I don’t think we have to talk about marriage just yet,’ he tried to neutralize the situation.

‘Well, actually,’ she said as she stopped in front of him and ran her finger across his chest again, ‘I thought that we might... you know,’ she pretended to blush.

Draco felt a sinking feeling. So that was what this was about. He should have known.
‘Might what, Pansy?’ he said, his voice harsh again.

Her answer to his question was to lower her hand across his stomach and she stopped at his belt, starting to tug it loose.

Draco took her hands and pushed her away. ‘Pansy, what do you think you are doing?’

‘What do you think I’m doing, Drakie?’ She struggled against him to get her hands closer again.

‘I told you not to call me that.’ He gripped her around her wrists, and kept her hand away.

‘Oh, come on, I’ll do whatever you want me to,’ she was fighting him with all her might.

‘Dear Merlin, Pansy, I don’t want you to do anything to me! Haven’t you got the message yet?’ he almost screamed in her face.

She stopped fighting and looked at him like he had slapped her.

Draco stood, facing her, dropping his hands to his side when Pansy stopped fighting.

Without warning, Pansy took one step closer, and pushed him, with both hands on his chest, backwards with all the power she had in her tiny frame.

Draco, who was not expecting it, lost his balance and started to fall backwards, his arms flailing trying to keep himself from falling. He landed on the ice covering the lake, falling on his back with a crunch.

‘Pansy, you can be so,’ he stopped when he heard a crack. The next second, the ice cracked open from the weight of Draco landing on it, and Draco was plunged into the freezing water, with a strangled gasp.
It was very painful, the cold water on his skin. It was a huge shock, and it felt like he could not breathe. As his many layers of winter clothing got soaked, he felt the weight pulling him down, and he just couldn’t seem to move fast enough to keep himself afloat.


Astoria Greengrass was lying under the stars again. She had been coming here every night for about a week. It was so peaceful and quiet, that she looked forward to coming here, casting her warming and cushioning charms, making herself comfortable and watching the amazing night sky. She had even spotted the Northern Lights twice already. Being this far up North meant that Hogwarts truly did have an amazing view of the stars.

Watching the stars was something that Astoria had been doing for as long as she could remember. She still remembered all the questions she had for her father when she was younger about the stars and the moon, the Northern Lights. Most of the time, he would take her to the bookstore, where she would ask Mr. Blott and he would dig out an old leather covered book and open it to show her all the moving pictures of the solar system, the milky way, the planetary system, how the moon shined, what nebulas and black holes were.

She felt humbled by it all. In comparison to the universe and all that was in it, she was nothing. She did not mean anything. She would not be remembered, or considered important, because she was just a speck of dust. It was comforting, in a way. The mistakes that she made weren’t the end of the world, the sun, the moon, the stars. Everything will go on.

It was times like these, when she was alone with the universe that she wondered how it all came to be. How life happens like it does. Was there order to it, like the planets revolving around the sun, or was everything chance, coincidence. She didn’t know, and she was beginning to think that there was no answer to all her questions. Life happens the way it wants to, and there was not really anything you could do about it.

While she was lying there, breathing slowly, completely relaxed, she heard something that shattered her calm, and immediately made her tense up. A blood curdling scream coming from the forest, made her sit up straight, looking in the direction of the sound.

‘Draco!’ a girl screamed with a voice full of fear and panic.

Astoria could not really remember making the decision to get up and run as fast as she could in the direction of the lake, but that’s what she did.

She took in the sight that was waiting for her, and again she acted without thinking about it. Pansy was standing on the side of the lake, with her hands tugging at her hair. She was still screaming really loudly. Draco, on the other hand, was inside the lake, trying to stay afloat, looking like he was losing the fight against the force pulling him down.

Astoria walked as close as she could get to the hole through which Draco fell, and she lied down on her stomach, trying to distribute her weight. She knew if she fell in too, Pansy was not going to be much help. She stuck her hand into the water, it hurt her skin, and she grabbed a hold of the back of Draco’s cloak, and tried to lift him as high as she could, so that he could breathe. With her other hand, she reached into her own cloak and got out her wand. With much difficulty, she got her wand pointed at Draco, and she cast a Levitating Charm on him, and immediately she felt the relief in her hand that was holding him up. Slowly and painfully she lifted him out, with the help of the spell, and dragged him backwards, off of the ice as fast as she could.

Draco’s pale skin looked bluer than it probably was, the moonlight and the white snow had that effect, but she also knew that some of the blue was from the extreme cold. His body was shivering violently, his teeth chattering loudly against each other. He did not seem to know what was happening.

Pansy fell on her knees next to him, and started crying hysterically.

‘Parkinson?’ Astoria said, quickly. ‘Hey,’ she grabbed her by the shoulder and forced Pansy to look at her. ‘You have to go fetch someone in the castle!’

‘No, I can’t leave him,’ she wailed.

‘If you don’t, Pansy, he’s going to freeze to death right here on the grass. Run! Now!’

Pansy got up slowly, and suddenly turned around and started running in the direction of the castle. Astoria could only hope that she found someone quick.

Draco was still shaking, and he had curled himself into a ball. Astoria sighed, and started to take his soaking cloak off, then his jersey, and his shirt, leaving his pants for last. She then took her own cloak off and wrapped it around him, and tried with all her might to get him off of the ground, where he was lying in the snow. Then she cast the strongest Heating Spell she could muster, and waited for help to come.
The cold was sinking into her as well. She was a little wet from the rescue, and without her cloak. The silence that was around them was only broken by Draco’s teeth, clapping from the cold.

It felt like forever, but in reality it was probably about ten minutes, before three figures appeared in the distance and was moving towards them. She watched them run closer. She realized that one of them was Snape, recognizing the black billowing cloak first. The other two was Pansy and Blaise Zabini, one of the other Slytherin boys in Draco’s year.

They did not pay attention to her, but Blaise and Snape immediately grabbed Draco and started to carry him back to the castle, with Pansy touching every part of him that she could.

Astoria felt a little put down, but quickly gathered up all Draco’s clothes and started walking towards the castle by herself. She started running, trying to get warmer. She walked straight to the Hospital Wing, knowing that that was where they have taken Draco.


Draco woke to the sound of wailing. He was confused, disorientated and he was not sure why there was a woman crying in his dormitory. But Draco quickly remembered what had happened. He had been in the lake, and... someone got him out. He slowly opened one eye, blinking at the bright light regardless. He was in the Hospital Wing, he was in the standard gown, in a single bed. The sun was shining in through the window above the bed opposite Draco’s.

He looked around and saw that the wailing woman was in fact, the woman who pushed him onto the ice. Pansy was sitting on a chair next to his bed, she clutched his sheets in her hands and was crying into them. Draco hoped that he wasn’t as seriously hurt as Pansy apparently thought he was. He wiggled his toes and his fingers and found that they were not only there, but they were moving and felt nice and warm.

Draco then saw that Astoria was lying in the bed next to his. She had a few books on her lap and was writing on a piece of parchment. She was sitting upright, and her long hair was tied back at the back of her head.
‘Wha?’ he said, embarrassingly.

Pansy’s head shot up and she was gushing all over him, one knee actually on the bed, like she just could not get close enough.

‘Miss Parkinson, I would appreciate it if you could get off of my patient,’ the voice of Madam Pomfrey came as she approached the bed with her wand at the ready.

Draco, who had been watching the face of the girl in the next bed, saw that she smiled at Madam Pomfrey’s words, and looked in his direction. She smiled warmly at him too, and then carried on with her writing. Draco wished that the brightness would go away, so that he could see properly.

Pansy was ushered out of the Hospital Wing completely, and she did not go quietly.

Pomfrey came back and stood next to Draco, waving her wand over him. ‘How are you feeling?’ she asked him.
‘I’m ‘kay,’ he replied, taking a deep breath to calm himself down.

‘Good, you seem to be doing fine, just stay here for a while longer, I’ll bring you some potion,’ she said as she affectionately brushed his hair off his face.

He just smiled at her.

‘Oh and Astoria, darling, you can leave when you’re ready,’ she added, looking over her shoulder at Astoria.

‘Just want to finish this essay,’ she said while she smiled at Pomfrey too.

‘Sure, dear,’ and the nursemaid disappeared into her office.

‘So, it seems like you do have a talent for getting in here,’ Astoria whispered towards Draco.

‘Huh?’

‘Well, ending up in the lake in December? Are you alright?’ she asked with a smile on her face but concern in her eyes.

‘Mm, yeah, I feel fine, just confused,’ he said, looking around his bed for a glass of water. Before he could register, she was holding a glass and whispered ‘Aguamenti,’ while waving her wand, and handed him the glass of water.

‘Well, Madam Pomfrey said you were going to be good as new by tomorrow,’ she told Draco. ‘So, just take it easy for a while, and maybe stay away from the lake for some time,’ then she quickly turned around and took her blanket off of her bed, and placed it gently over Draco.

Draco breathed in deeply, surprised by her action. ‘I will.’

‘Okay, well, get better soon,’ she said and she turned to gather her books.

‘Thanks for the blanket,’ he said, not sure how to react to it, his head still spinning. Maybe he was dreaming it all.

‘Don’t want you to get cold,’ she said simply, and walked toward the door, her long hair swaying lightly across her back.

Draco snuggled into the blankets to get more comfortable. When Pomfrey came back out, she was carrying potion bottles with her. She fed him one without any preamble. Luckily it tasted of warm spices.

‘What happened to me exactly?’ Draco asked, as he took the second bottle of potion and sniffed at it experimentally. It smelled of mint.

‘Well, it seemed like you had a fight with Miss Parkinson, and you fell through the ice of the lake. You can thank your lucky stars that you got out of that water in time,’ she said, pursing her lips.

‘Who was it that got me out? Snape?’ Draco could vaguely remember the black hair of his godfather.

‘No, love, Snape and Mr Zabini carried you here, but it was Miss Greengrass here who saved your life,’
Pomfrey said, while she had Draco’s wrist in her hand, like she was counting his heart beats. Draco’s jaw nearly dropped to his chest. ‘She did everything just right too, clever girl. You should be dead, Mr. Malfoy.’

‘But,’ he started, not sure what he wanted to say. He tried to remember that night, but couldn’t. He remembered only flashes, and none of them included Astoria.

‘Close your mouth, dear. After another hour, you drink this one,’ she placed a bright blue bottle on the stand next to his bed. ‘You’ll probably be sleeping in your dormitory tonight.’

That hour was one of the longest in Draco’s life. He couldn’t wait to get out of the Hospital Wing and go look for her. He was not sure what would happen once he found her though. He supposed that thanking her for saving his life would be a good way to begin. He wondered why she didn’t say anything to him just now, while she had the opportunity. But he knew why. He knew that she was the type of person who does not seek glory and praise, and therefore does not go around showing off and telling everyone how great she is or that she saved someone’s life.

He imagined the rescue in many different ways. Her rushing in, her hair wild, and casting an impressive spell on him, that propelled him out of the water and into her waiting, warm arms. But he wanted to know what had really happened, so he had to find her.

When his hour was up, he smiled at Madam Pomfrey and told her that he was feeling great. She felt his forehead, and warned him against playing it rough before she released him with two potion bottles that he had to drink that night before he went to bed. He was a little relieved when she said that one was for the hypothermia and the other a light sleeping potion, to help him sleep.

Pomfrey knew he was having trouble.

So Draco took his potion bottles, thanked Madam Pomfrey and took off, walking slowly towards the door of the Hospital Wing. He went to his dormitory to put the potions on his bedside table.

‘Draco, you out already?’ came the deep voice of Blaise Zabini.

‘Yeah, I was just released,’ Draco said to his best friend, while he got his things together for a bath.

‘Sheesh, when we came to fetch you by the lake... dude, you were all blue, and well, for a second there I thought you were a goner,’ Blaise said, scrunching up his face at the memory.

‘Well, I’m okay,’ Draco said, throwing his green towel over his shoulder. ‘Um, was I alone when you found me?’

‘No, some girl was there with you. A Ravenclaw, I think. Why?’ Blaise asked.

‘No reason, thanks, Blaise. You know for getting me to the Hospital Wing,’ Draco said, walking closer to his friend. He hugged Blaise briefly.

‘No problem,’ Blaise said hugging back.

Then Draco turned and walked out of the dormitories as fast as he could. He was heading for the fourth floor, where the Prefect’s Bathroom is. He needed a long, warm bath.

When he turned into the corridor on the fourth floor, he saw Pansy walking down from the opposite side, and quickly ducked into the nearest hole, which ended up being a hollowing behind a tapestry. He waited, pulling his stomach in and holding his breath until she had passed. Then Draco opened the tapestry the smallest part to see out into the corridor, the coast was clear, so Draco released the breath and started running in the direction of the bathroom.

He gave the password (‘Cornish pixie’), and placed the spell on the door that prevented someone else from entering.

That night at dinner, Draco had the unfortunate fate of Pansy sitting next to him, and fussing over him. But Draco was really only there at the Slytherin table in body. He was watching Astoria sitting at her table, with a fork in her hand, eating the baked potato in her plate, and having a quiet conversation with Kim. Draco had gone looking for her earlier, but could not find her and figured that she was probably in the Ravenclaw Tower. He intended to keep an eye on her tonight and see if he couldn’t get a moment alone with her sometime after dinner. His time before the Christmas holidays was running out and he finally had a legitimate reason to go and speak to her, and of course, thank her for her bravery and saving his life.

So when the desert of custard and jelly was over (Astoria only had custard, Draco noticed) and the bowl disappeared, Draco sat with an eagle eye on Astoria. When she finally got up, she grabbed her school bag that was sitting underneath her chair, threw it over one shoulder and headed for the doors. Draco got up too, and casually as possible followed at a distance. She slowly walked up the steps in the Entrance Hall, and went right, where she walked directly to the second staircase. Luckily there was a few students heading in that direction, so Draco could follow inconspicuously. She then walked into the corridor on the Second Floor, where they passed paintings of the Grey Lady on the walls and she went straight inside the Library.

She chose a table at the far back, and made herself comfortable, getting one roll of parchment and her quill. Then she started writing, her tongue between her teeth, her other hand holding onto the table.

He approached slowly at first, almost creeping closer. Then he thought that sneaking up on her might not be the best way to go, so he walked a little bit more deliberately, so that his footsteps could be heard and announced his presence to her.

When she heard him, she sat up quickly and snapped her head in his direction. Her eyes were wide and for a brief moment, she had a look of panic over her face, but then she relaxed. ‘Hi,’ she said softly and then turned her head away to look in front of her.

‘Hi,’ Draco whispered. ‘Can I sit?’ he asked a few breaths later.

She looked at him again, a frown on her face. ‘Yeah,’ she nodded.

Draco carefully came closer and sat down on the opposite side of the table so that they were facing each other. He laced his fingers together and placed them in front of him on the table.

She looked paler than usual in the weak light from the fireplace on the other side of the Library and with only one lantern providing light on this side, but her cheeks, nose and ears were bright pink, probably because it was a little chilly there.

‘This is a nice spot,’ Draco said quietly, looking at the rows of books, the ominous looking darkness on the outside of the windows.

‘It is, isn’t it?’ she agreed. She seemed a little tensed by his presence, and Draco tried to act casual and easy in an attempt to make her feel at ease. He was nervous, he could feel his heart beat in his mouth. Nothing makes him nervous. He got angry, jealous and frustrated but not nervous. He did not know how to deal with it.

‘Do you sit here often?’ he asked her, looking at the side of her face, as she was watching new students walk in.

‘Sometimes,’ she said a little louder than the rest of the conversation. ‘I love sitting here in the Library.’

‘I only come here for homework,’ he admitted.

She looked at him then, in the eye, for a second and then she dropped her eyes to his shoulder and then to the ground and her feet and the table top. ‘So are you here to do homework?’ she asked.

‘No,’ he answered, feeling caught out.

‘Oh,’ she said, like it explained everything to her. Maybe she did understand.

Draco looked at her, in fact he stared. He looked at her lips and imagined what kissing them must feel like. He wondered if she would kiss slowly and carefully or fast and passionately. He wondered what it would be like to run his fingers through her hair, to put his hand on her waist.

Then she ran her own fingers through her hair to tug it back a bit and licked her lips, and Draco stopped breathing.

‘How are you feeling?’ she asked, it seemed a little tentatively.

Draco breathed a laugh, ‘I’m fine.’

‘That’s good.’

‘And you?’

‘Also fine.’

‘Good. Um, Madam Pomfrey told me after you left... that...,’ Draco did not know how to start.

‘What?’ she asked frowning.

‘Well, that it was you that saved me from the lake,’ he finished.

She flushed. He wondered why she flushed. ‘Yeah, well I got you out of the water,’ then she shrugged like it was nothing.

‘Pomfrey said that you did everything right, I’m not sure what that means, but she said you are the reason I’m still alive.’

She was flaming red by then. ‘Well, Snape and one of your friends came to fetch you and they carried you to the school,’ she said quickly.

‘What happened? How did you know?’ he asked, amazed that she was embarrassed.

‘I heard Parkinson scream, and I came to see what was wrong. You were struggling to keep your head above water, so I grabbed you by the back of your cloak so that you could breathe and then with the help of a spell I got you out of the water and then I told Pansy to go fetch someone,’ she said and shrugged again.

‘What was Pansy doing?’ Draco asked, very curious to fill in the blanks of the night he could not remember.

‘Screaming quite a lot. I think she was so scared that she didn’t know what to do,’ she said quietly, and then looked Draco in the eye for half a second before looking away again.

‘Well, thank you so much, Astoria, you saved my life. I owe you one,’ Draco said.

‘Don’t mention it,’

Draco was desperate for this conversation to actually be successful. He did not want it to become awkward, he wanted them to talk casually. He just wished he knew what to do or what to say to make her relax and feel comfortable. He thought asking her about what was wrong and why she was at the Hospital Wing when he was there, but thought better of it. He did not want to speak about Death Eaters, Harry Potter, the looming war or anything depressing.

Go figure then that he spoke about old toad face.

‘So what do you think of Umbridge?’ he asked her, almost slapping himself against the forehead with his palm.

‘Umbridge?’ she asked, looking at him like she was wondering where that came from. ‘Um, I don’t like the pink clothes and the kittens. Her voice is very annoying. Her classes are mind-numbingly boring.’

Just like that.

‘Whoa, tell me how you really feel,’ Draco laughed.

She laughed and her face lit up, and there were fine creases around her eyes, and Draco caught sight of her white teeth and he just sighed.

‘Well you’re right,’ Draco said. ‘So what are you busy with,’ he asked her, feeling a little emboldened by her laugh. He felt the profound need to slap himself in the face.

‘Oh, I’m finishing up Snape’s essay, I only need two more inches,’ she replied, showing with her white fingers how much more she needed to write.

‘The one about the moonstones?’

‘That’s the one,’ she said.

‘Well, I’ve done mine, can I help you with anything?’ he asked her, knowing that he was probably pushing his luck a little.

‘I’ve said everything I needed to say, I just have to round it off nicely. Any ideas for a smashing conclusion?’ she asked, smiling at him.

‘Can I read what you have so far?’ Draco asked as he reached a hand out and took hold of the corner of the parchment.

‘Yes,’ she pushed it further to his side of the table.

Draco read, but did not take in much. ‘You could end by saying something about how, even though it was banned from some communities in the past, it is now one of the more successful potion ingredients, and maybe mention something all the colours in comes in?’

‘That’s a good idea,’ she says and dips her quill in the ink and takes the parchment from Draco and quickly finished up her essay. ‘Thank you, sometimes I can get a little stuck.’

‘My pleasure,’ he winked at her and she blushed again.

‘Almost holidays, then we’ll probably get loads of homework to do,’ she says as she slowly packed her essay and quill away.

‘Yeah probably, I know Snape loves giving homework over holidays, but I think McGonagall will too, you know this being OWL year and all,’ he says rolling his eyes.

‘I’m probably going to work in Flourish and Blott’s, so I will have to do homework at night,’ she said, folding her hands in her lap, and looking at his forehead.

‘You work over holidays?’ he asked, wondering how he can’t remember ever seeing her there before.

‘Yes, but I usually organize the storerooms and help at the register if it’s busy. And it’s especially busy over Christmas time.’

‘I always go buy books there for Christmas presents,’ Draco said, trying to avoid telling her what he would be doing over his holiday.

She smiled at him sweetly. ‘So what are you going to do?’

‘Try to stay out of everyone’s way, do my homework and get out of the house as much as possible,’ Draco said, being honest.

‘Why? Is it not fun at your house over Christmas?’ she asked, a frown on her forehead again.

‘Well, the house will look great, there will be many expensive gifts, loads of parties, but no, not fun,’ Draco said, looking around to see if anyone is hearing him. His father would skin him alive if he found out what his son is doing.

She kept quiet for a moment, then she raised her eyebrows, ‘Good luck to you then,’ she sighed.

‘Thanks,’ Draco smiled. ‘I might come by the bookstore to buy some gifts and see a friendly face?’ Draco
said, this time his eyebrows rose in question.

‘Yeah, sure, we could get an ice cream across the street,’ she said casually.

‘That would be great,’ he said, feeling butterflies in his stomach.

‘I should probably be getting back to the dormitory, it’s a little late,’ she said, glancing at the monstrous clock mounted above the fireplace.

‘Yeah, me too,’ Draco said. He waited while she picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder again, and then they walked towards the Library doors together.

Draco kept to her side until he could no longer avoid the separation. She was heading to the fifth floor and he was headed to the dungeons, so he bid her goodnight and thanked her again for saving his life, and in turn she thanked him for his help on her essay.

Draco slept well that night. He liked to think that it was a combination between the potion and an evening spent with Astoria.

The news about Draco falling through the ice stayed very enclosed. One thing that Slytherin was excellent with was keeping things confined. It was general knowledge amongst the Slytherins, but further than that, he was sure than only Madam Pomfrey knew. He was glad for that.