The worst days of our lives

Chapter 2

The next morning Blaise woke up, again, with a drumming headache. The faint ‘pow pow pow’ bounced off the inside of his skull, threatening to pop his eyes from his sockets. He moaned in agony. Blindly he run his hand over his nightstand. It took him three tries to find the little vial he was looking for. He swallowed the disgusting contents in one go.

A sober up potion was never a pleasant experience. Your entire body would be instantly hydrated. It felt suffocating. Blaise shuddered, even though the feeling had been unpleasant, nothing is as bad as a real hangover.

Time to shower, he thought grumpily.

******

Draco sat on his own bed, the first time in two years that he could sit here and not worry about being killed. It felt weird. He slightly bounced experimentally, wondering how long it would take for his parents to invade his room.

The reunion had been uncomfortable. Lucius and Narcissa had not been notified that he was getting out. When he suddenly stood on their doorstep, their jaws dropped. Narcissa had ran to him and nearly strangled him with all her hugging. Lucius just stood there, staring at him. No doubt he replayed all his own past mistakes through his mind and wondering how they came here. When Lucius pulled himself from his stupor he clapped Draco on the back and said ‘welcome home son.’

Draco had never felt quite so alone. He immediately escaped from his parents’ company and went to his old bedroom. Two faded wallpapers of his favorite Quidditch team, a wallpaper of the Witch of the Month. The surface of his desk was still littered with papers, old essays and the like. Essays, homework. What an unpleasant line of thought. Contrary to popular belief, Draco’s room was rather small. He had no use for the King suites the Manor held. What’s the use if one could get killed at any minute?

He had fallen asleep in a minute last night, right after he penned the letter to Blaise. To sleep in his own bed again clearly had its merits.

Draco laid back on his bed, hands behind his head and closed his eyes. He wished he could disappear. He felt a little inside out.

Then the door opened.

‘Hello mum’ he mumbled.

‘Just wanted to see how you are dear,’ Narcissa said as she walked towards his bed and sat down on it. He could see her red rimmed eyes and felt uncomfortable. It’s never a pleasant feeling to know that you made your mother cry.

‘Mum,’ Draco started, but she put a finger on his lips with a wry smile on her face.

‘I never wanted any of this for you Draco,’ she started, her eyes filling up again, ‘I never wanted for you to go to Azkaban, I just wanted you to be safe. I know you might not belief me but your father never wanted this either. I guess he just didn’t know how far his beliefs would take you.’
Narcissa sniffed.

‘That’s bullshit and you know it,’ Draco said softly, ‘He knew exactly where we were heading, but found out to late. And he couldn’t stop it. That’s all there is to it mum and you know it just as well as I do.’

Narcissa shook her head.

‘No,’ she whispered, ‘No, he would never intentionally get us killed or thrown in prison Draco. Never.’

‘That’s just because his own plan backfired. He hoped the Dark Lord would get us in an even higher position but I guess it didn’t. We dropped to rock bottom. And that’s what he probably regrets,’ Draco couldn’t help but sound resentful.

Narcissa took his hand.

‘Don’t think the worse of your dad Draco. Every parent does what he or she thinks is best for their child. If I had known what you would have done after the war, I would have shipped you up to Durmstrang any day. But I’m no seer, and neither is your father. Do you think we wanted you to end up in Azkaban? We were so happy we got off so lightly after the war, no Azkaban, nothing. We never wanted you to end up as a murderer Draco!’

Narcissa’s voice was getting a hysterical edge.

‘Could you leave me alone mum? I’m not in the mood.’

Narcissa sighed, stood up and walked towards the door. She hesitated, turned around and gave Draco a hesitant smile and left.

Draco closed his eyes tightly. He knew it wasn’t fair to blame his father, he had been somewhat of an adult as well. He had had a choice and he had taken the wrong one. But the reality of finding that the mess your life has become is your own fault isn’t a pleasant one and Draco rather avoided the truth.

******

Pansy was hyperventilating. She didn’t want to go back. She didn’t want to face the crowd, not now, not ever. She had practically been a hermit after the war ended, she couldn’t stop now. But she had to. She had no other choice.

The Ministry was forcing them. Them being the sons and daughters of the death eaters. Those who were too cowardly to fight, too scared to join a side, even though everyone knew that if the Dark Lord won, they would be on his side.

Pansy tried to calm herself down by laying down and closing her eyes. Her chest went up and down rapidly. Happy thoughts, logical thoughts, she told herself. ‘Why would they force us to go back to Hogwarts?’ She thought about the possibilities. ‘Probably to keep everyone in one space so it will be handier to monitor us. Why would they want to monitor us? Because they’re not sure where our alliances lay. What can I do about that? Pick a side. What side? I don’t know

No one would ever expect it by looking at Pansy, but Pansy was a logical being. Logic calmed her in moments like these. She wasn’t that emotional, not to the degree of which everybody thought she was. She was logical, logic made sense, emotions did not. Emotions made you weak and vulnerable, logic did not. So logically deducted: the Ministry wanted to keep on an eye on the sons and daughters, therefore sending them to Hogwarts together. Here they could keep track of their uses of magic and maybe any ambitions to start a new war. So all Pansy had to do was show that she converted her ways and the Ministry would be off her back. Easy peasy right?

*******

Hermione sat on the porch of the Burrow, having a great view of the garden. She was getting a bit fed up with the crowd inside. Not that she didn’t love them, she most certainly did, she would die for them. But it was just suffocating. Hermione had idly toyed with the idea of going back to her parents, but had decided against it. She couldn’t live with them in one house, not anymore. So instead of looking for her own place, she alternated between the Burrow and Grimmauld place. Although she recognized that Harry and Ginny would want their privacy. She sighed. Harry and Ginny’s relationship had been so perfect. Pity hers and Ron didn’t last longer than three months. They just weren’t made for each other.

‘What are you doing out here Herms?’ Harry asked as he sat next to her on the porch.

‘Escaping the madness,’ Hermione replied as she pulled the hem of her collar in order to let some fresh air in.

Harry chuckled.

‘Yeah, it seems like it’s getting worse every day. All those happy faces. Who would want to be part of that?’ Harry said drily as he wiped the sweat from his forehead. It was just too bloody warm! ‘Look, Hermione, about our earlier conversation…’

‘Yes?’

Harry hesitated slightly and looked away for a second.

‘It’s probably a subject we’re never going to agree on so shall we just drop it?’ Harry held out his hand.

Hermione glanced at it and looked back into his face. She smiled.

‘Sure,’ and grabbed his hand. Harry blushed and looked away.

‘Oh come on Harry. It’s been a year for Merlin’s sake! Stop that,’ Hermione scolded.

‘I know, I know.’

*******

Blaise grumbled as he opened the envelope. He tried to get a house elf to make him coffee but the little buggers were nowhere to be found, so now he was stuck without his medicine. He pulled the letter out and read.

‘Blaise,
I’m back. Come to the manor A.S.A.P.’

That was it. Blaise didn’t have to guess who it was from. Draco had gotten out. The bastard couldn’t just ask for something, no he had to demand it. Blaise threw the letter in the bin, then pulled on some fresh clothes and got into the floo

He ended up in the drawing room. On the sofa in the middle of the room sat Narcissa, head in her hands and moisture on her cheeks. Lucius stood beside her, a hand on her shoulder.
‘He’s really out then?’ Blaise asked. It was hard to believe. He hadn’t seen Draco in a year. Draco hadn’t wanted him to visit, that would only make it harder.

‘Ye..yeah,’ Narcissa stuttered, ‘He’s upstairs in his room. Maybe you can see how he is. He..,-‘ Narcissa sobbed.

‘He totally closed down on us,’ Lucius mumbled, ‘It’s good to see you again Blaise.’

‘Thanks,’ Blaise said and walked towards what he knew to be Draco’s bedroom. It took him a good ten minutes to reach it.

Should he knock? Or just barge in. This was going to be awkward.

Then the door opened.

‘Blaise,’ Draco said.

‘Draco,’ Blaise let out. It was great to see him again, he had missed Draco.

Draco embraced him. This wasn’t a hug, of course not. Men like them do not hug. Blaise slapped Draco on his back once and stepped back to take a good look at him. He gaped. He looked like a living corpse. His ribs were protruding through his shirt and he had large bags under his eyes. The Dark Mark peeked at Blaise from his left forearm, strange white lines crossing it.

‘How have you been?’ Blaise asked as he sat down at Draco’s desk, eying the mess.

‘Hanging in there I guess,’ Draco said as he sunk down on his bed, ‘But it’s getting better. Just need some time you know, while I adjust to all this space,’ he said sarcastic.

‘Space?’

Draco lifted his pant leg.

‘What’s that?’

‘Apparently some sort of Muggle device to keep an eye on me,’ Draco said as he wiggled his leg and the bracelet moved, ‘I can’t move out of the manor and once we’re in Hogwarts I can’t go to Hogsmeade and all. A condition the Ministry set you know.’

‘But why mate? I thought you were getting out?’

‘Nop. Dear old dad managed to get me out of prison, but my sentence isn’t over yet. It’ll be over after the school year.’

‘You don’t seem too upset by it?’ Blaise asked. Draco seemed strangely serene, he wasn’t frowning and his eyes didn’t look troubled.

‘I’m not. I guess I just accept it. It would be too optimistic to hope for anything less. And I suppose it’s nothing less than I deserve. I did murder someone Blaise.’

Blaise knew this was true, but it seemed so weird. To accept that your best friend took someone else’s life. This was Draco, just Draco. His best friend and nothing more. Not a death eater, not a murderer. Nothing. Just Draco

‘Why did you do it Draco?’

Draco looked down at his hands.
‘I was so angry. I couldn’t control it anymore. I just wanted to destroy him, the filthy Muggle. He was the reason my family and I were shunned, social pariah’s. I blamed him for my own mistakes. And I couldn’t control it. I just did it.’ Draco looked at Blaise and smiled a crooked smile. ‘I guess I just lost it. I felt ashamed and angry. And he was there, challenging me. I don’t know why I went into Muggle London that day, I just did. I wanted distraction. It was so hard.’

Blaise tried to make sense of his words. Somehow it fit.
‘Do you regret it?’ he asked.

Draco looked away, stared out his window.
‘Of course I do. Not only because it pretty much ruined my life, but also because I had no right to take someone’s life. It’s not up to me to decide who gets to live or die.’
Blaise sighed.

‘What was Azkaban like? I heard there were a lot of modifications to the system.’

‘Yeah,’ Draco snorted, ‘It was still awful. Only now it was hygienic and I had a bed to sleep in.’
‘That must have made it considerably easier,’ Blaise mused.

‘Not really. It’s still a year with nothing but your own conscience in your head. That doesn’t help much.’

‘Didn’t you have any other contact with other prisoners then?’ Blaise said, his brow furrowing.
Draco let out a humorless laugh.

‘Only during breaks and feeding time. But they weren’t a pleasant company. All of them stuck in their old ways.’

Blaise shifted in his chair.

‘There must have been relatively normal people there. You know, non death eaters or pureblood supremacists?’

‘Yeah they were there too. But it’s like a battlefield. Everything that happened out here at Hogwarts, the war, the ideology, everything happens within prison as well. It’s like a mini society. The only difference is that in the outside world you can stay neutral. In Azkaban you have to be part of one gang or another. If not, you’re life is forfeit. It isn’t pretty. And the guards aren’t any help either, they just leave the gangs up to their business,’ Draco said bitterly.
They both fell silent.

‘I’m glad you’re back,’ Blaise said. And he really was.

****
With thanks to my beta’s Enwen & Zynn! Please r&r!