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Harry Potter Crossovers › General - Misc
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
10
Views:
2,802
Reviews:
33
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter Crossovers › General - Misc
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
10
Views:
2,802
Reviews:
33
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Harry Potter, Men In Black series and/or characters, nor have I made or will make, any money or profit from these writings.
Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait!
The Room of Requirement was thick with smoke and the smell of burnt ozone as Zed brought the lights up after the alpha squad’s first battle simulation, ala MIB style.
“Pitiful.”
Agent K was wandering around, inspecting the damage. Working with Dumbledore, they had created dummies representing Voldemort and the Death Eaters that would attack when Zed pressed a buzzer and started the simulation. To make Voldemort more realistic for the Order members, Zed had dressed him in a French maid's costume complete with garter belt, stockings, and feather duster, the feathers of which now smoked and were currently the color of a burnt marshmallow.
The final notes of Julie Andrews signing ‘Just You Wait’ from ‘My Fair Lady,’ which Dumbledore suggested they play for even more authenticity, faded out.
The Dark Lord did have his little quirks to be sure and one of them happened to be his insistence on show tune accompaniment during battles.
And dead sexy costumes.
The alpha squad bristled. Pitiful?! Who does this Muggle think he is?! They thought they’d done a smashing good job actually. All the simulation dummies were bound in ropes from the use of Incarcerous spells, birds still fluttered about from Avis spells, and the dummies and walls were covered in mucus from exploded bat bogeys. What more did the man want? It wasn’t like they could cast an Avada Kedavra in such close proximity to other team members and the killing curse no longer affected Voldemort anyway.
“Yo, Dracula!” J called, waving away fluttering birds and gingerly stepping around puddles of mucus.
Snape whipped around, scowling.
“Snape! Snape!” he hissed.
“Gesundheit. What the hell was this?” J asked, pointing at the roped and slime covered Death Eater dummy Snape stood beside.
“The standard spells to incapacitate and disorientate in a confined area.” Snape answered.
“It’s some bullshit, that’s what it is.” J snorted.
“I suppose you think you can do better?” Snape growled.
The rest of the alpha team moved closer, anxious to see a fight break out between Snape and the J-Muggle. Snape purposely loomed over J and threw him his best scowl. J moved even closer so that he and Snape were almost nose to nose.
“Best ease up outta my face, Dracs.” J warned.
“And if I don’t?” Snape challenged.
Without blinking or turning his head, J reached into his suit jacket and pulled out an impossibly large and alien looking weapon, leveled it at the dummy’s head, and pulled the trigger before Snape could react.
The ensuing blast annihilated the dummy with a blinding flash of burning plasma, light, and sound, causing Snape to jump backwards several feet with a startled roar and crash into a very surprised Remus Lupin. Nothing, not even the tiniest scrap remained of the dummy. J nonchalantly stuck the gun back inside his suit jacket.
“Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!” he said, pointing at the empty space were the dummy once stood.
The alpha team members were huddled together, practically hugging each other in shock. Sweet Circe’s tits! Had they just seen that?!
“Oooooo!” Dumbledore breathed, highly impressed after watching J’s demonstration.
K walked past J, eyeing him with the usual exasperation at his show-offness and addressed the now very shaken and unnerved alpha team.
“Gentlemen, ladies, from this moment on, you will forget everything you know, or think you know. Your ‘magic,’” K snorted the word with derision, “means precisely squat. You want to take this Voldemort character out, then listen to us. We’ve handled worse.”
“I highly doubt that.” an unidentified voice mumbled from the alpha group.
K’s eyes narrowed.
“You ‘doubt it,’ slick? You ever squash a twenty foot tall, intergalactic cockroach with a short temper, bad attitude, who enjoys nothing more than sucking the insides out of some ignorant son of a bitch then wearing their skin as a suit?”
The alpha group stared back at K with wide-eyed silence.
“Didn’t think so. Magic won’t help you, gentlemen…” K said, pausing for dramatic effect and pulling out his own impossibly large and alien looking weapon.
He patted the gun.
“Alien technology will.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I plan to have a blast with this.
“Pitiful.”
Agent K was wandering around, inspecting the damage. Working with Dumbledore, they had created dummies representing Voldemort and the Death Eaters that would attack when Zed pressed a buzzer and started the simulation. To make Voldemort more realistic for the Order members, Zed had dressed him in a French maid's costume complete with garter belt, stockings, and feather duster, the feathers of which now smoked and were currently the color of a burnt marshmallow.
The final notes of Julie Andrews signing ‘Just You Wait’ from ‘My Fair Lady,’ which Dumbledore suggested they play for even more authenticity, faded out.
The Dark Lord did have his little quirks to be sure and one of them happened to be his insistence on show tune accompaniment during battles.
And dead sexy costumes.
The alpha squad bristled. Pitiful?! Who does this Muggle think he is?! They thought they’d done a smashing good job actually. All the simulation dummies were bound in ropes from the use of Incarcerous spells, birds still fluttered about from Avis spells, and the dummies and walls were covered in mucus from exploded bat bogeys. What more did the man want? It wasn’t like they could cast an Avada Kedavra in such close proximity to other team members and the killing curse no longer affected Voldemort anyway.
“Yo, Dracula!” J called, waving away fluttering birds and gingerly stepping around puddles of mucus.
Snape whipped around, scowling.
“Snape! Snape!” he hissed.
“Gesundheit. What the hell was this?” J asked, pointing at the roped and slime covered Death Eater dummy Snape stood beside.
“The standard spells to incapacitate and disorientate in a confined area.” Snape answered.
“It’s some bullshit, that’s what it is.” J snorted.
“I suppose you think you can do better?” Snape growled.
The rest of the alpha team moved closer, anxious to see a fight break out between Snape and the J-Muggle. Snape purposely loomed over J and threw him his best scowl. J moved even closer so that he and Snape were almost nose to nose.
“Best ease up outta my face, Dracs.” J warned.
“And if I don’t?” Snape challenged.
Without blinking or turning his head, J reached into his suit jacket and pulled out an impossibly large and alien looking weapon, leveled it at the dummy’s head, and pulled the trigger before Snape could react.
The ensuing blast annihilated the dummy with a blinding flash of burning plasma, light, and sound, causing Snape to jump backwards several feet with a startled roar and crash into a very surprised Remus Lupin. Nothing, not even the tiniest scrap remained of the dummy. J nonchalantly stuck the gun back inside his suit jacket.
“Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!” he said, pointing at the empty space were the dummy once stood.
The alpha team members were huddled together, practically hugging each other in shock. Sweet Circe’s tits! Had they just seen that?!
“Oooooo!” Dumbledore breathed, highly impressed after watching J’s demonstration.
K walked past J, eyeing him with the usual exasperation at his show-offness and addressed the now very shaken and unnerved alpha team.
“Gentlemen, ladies, from this moment on, you will forget everything you know, or think you know. Your ‘magic,’” K snorted the word with derision, “means precisely squat. You want to take this Voldemort character out, then listen to us. We’ve handled worse.”
“I highly doubt that.” an unidentified voice mumbled from the alpha group.
K’s eyes narrowed.
“You ‘doubt it,’ slick? You ever squash a twenty foot tall, intergalactic cockroach with a short temper, bad attitude, who enjoys nothing more than sucking the insides out of some ignorant son of a bitch then wearing their skin as a suit?”
The alpha group stared back at K with wide-eyed silence.
“Didn’t think so. Magic won’t help you, gentlemen…” K said, pausing for dramatic effect and pulling out his own impossibly large and alien looking weapon.
He patted the gun.
“Alien technology will.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I plan to have a blast with this.