Shell Shock

Part two:


The first thing Severus did when he entered into his quarters was to march straight over to his small bar. He picked up one of the flasks with brandy in it then stopped and looked down. It wouldn’t do him any good if he was intoxicated, would it? Not when he had to watch that idiotic boy all bloody night! It suddenly occurred to Severus that he was actually considering Albus’ request and he became more furious than he already was. He cried out in anger and threw the brandy across the room and into the fireplace just to release some frustration. He unceremoniously sat down on the sofa and began to grind his teeth together. Severus' leg started bouncing as he stared into the flames, cursing under his breath.

Why was Potter doing this to him? Wasn’t it enough that Severus had saved the fool’s life? Sure it was the brat’s testimony which had kept him out of Azkaban, but this? Why this?

And just what was the real reason behind Potter's decision to become a Potions master?

Severus let his head fall back and closed his eyes, but then opened them just as quickly as he shut them. It also wouldn’t do him any good to fall asleep - he’d just have to deal with Albus again and eventually--him.

"Better get this over with as soon as possible," Severus thought tiredly.

With a groan, Severus rose to his feet and glanced at the clock on the wall. He knew Potter would still be awake so he didn't have to worry about finding him in bed drugged - he really should have thrown the damn things away - but there was still the matter of telling Potter that he was going to be ‘watched’ tonight. Severus curled his lips in disgust at the image of confronting him.

Perhaps he should use a Muting Charm.


~*~*~*~*~


Harry's hands trembled as he uncorked the phial. He closed his eyes tightly and raised it to his mouth. He needed this. He did. He would just have to suffer with the consequences – and with Snape – tomorrow. But as soon as the precious liquid touched his lips, Harry’s eyes snapped open and they met with the pair of green ones staring back at him in the mirror.

“Fucking Snape!”

Harry stormed out of the bathroom and into his lounge where he flung the glass into the fireplace. It immediately exploded, but Harry barely blinked at the flash of light nor did he cringe at the loud explosion. Instead, he walked over in front of the sofa and plopped down, leaning his head back against the cushions. His eyes fluttered shut but he quickly opened them. He couldn’t fall asleep. Not now. He would just do what he always did when he used to run out of the potion.

Strong coffee and plenty of cigarettes.

Harry pushed himself off the sofa with a groan and headed towards his small bar. He picked up his pack of fags and lightly tapped it on the side of his hand until one peeked out. After pulling it out and placing it against his lips, he reached for his wand.

"Incendio."

Harry smiled as he inhaled, making the tip of his cigarette turn a bright red. He held the smoke in and let his eyes fall shut. This was bliss. It was one of the things no one could take away from him. If he wanted to fuck up his lungs, that was his problem. Not theirs.

Harry sputtered and started coughing as soon as the pounding started.

He knew who it was. Snape. Fucking Snape.

“What?” Harry yelled, upon seeing Snape's face in the doorway when he threw the door open.

Snape said nothing at first, merely crinkled his nose at the smell of smoke coming off Harry's body. Harry raised a brow in a daring manner but then yelped when Snape pushed him roughly aside and proceeded inside.

“What the -! What the bloody hell are you doing?”

Snape didn’t pause but continued on till he reached the bar. He picked up Harry's pack of cigarettes.

“Put those down, you bastard!”

Snape turned back to him and held them out to Harry, shaking them as he spoke.

“I do not care if you wish to endanger your life, Mr Potter, but if you are seriously considering becoming a Potions master, you will need to stop this disgusting habit at once.”

“What?” Harry cried. “Who the hell are you to tell me what to do and what not to do?”

Snape advanced slowly, still holding the pack out and pushed it into Harry's chest.

“I am the one who is training you and it is I--”

“So what?” Harry snapped, interrupting him.

Snape leaned down till their noses were almost touching.

“Do you have any idea what this does to a person’s sense of smell?”

“I don’t ca -” Harry stopped short and then blinked. He never thought of that.

Fucking Snape.

Seeing the look of comprehension on Harry's face, Snape pulled back and his mouth turned into a satisfied smirk. Harry snatched his cigarettes from Snape's hand with a scoff and then tossed them into the fireplace.

“Happy now?”

“Hardly. You will only obtain more tomorrow.”

Harry frowned. He didn’t want to continue this argument because who knows? There could be a chance he’d get some tomorrow. He changed the subject quickly.

“Would you mind telling me why you here?” He paused. “Again.”

Snape's smirk faded and seeing it made Harry inwardly smile. Instead of answering, however, Snape walked casually over to the sofa and sat down.

“Hey! Just what do you think you’re doing?”

“Since you are without your precious potion tonight,” he stopped and raised an eyebrow as if to confirm that and Harry reluctantly nodded. “I have been assigned to …‘watch’ you as you sleep.”

There was a few seconds of deafening silence before--

“WHAT?”

Harry couldn’t believe it. He was to be watched? By Snape? Unthinkable! Suddenly, all Harry's rational thought process was abandoned and he began shouting, cursing, pointing, and throwing out accusations as he stormed back and forth in his chamber. Snape on the other hand, was sitting quietly watching him – which of course angered Harry that much more.

Harry didn’t know exactly how much time had passed when he was finally able to hear the sounds of the crackling fire. His head was pounding from the abrupt silence so he walked over to the bar and bent over the top of it. He raised his head slightly and his eyes fell onto the bottle of alcohol. Harry closed his eyes and smiled.

Just what he needed.

Harry straightened his back and gingerly picked up the bottle.

“That will only intensify the dreams.”

Harry spun around and the bottle scarcely missed Snape's head as it whizzed by and it exploded into the fireplace. Snape didn’t so much as blink.

“Damnit! I can't take the potion, I can't smoke, I can't have sex because of what … who I am, and now I can’t even fucking drink?”

Harry turned back around and clenched the edges of the counter again and pumped his arms, thrashing his entire body down and up until he finally stood motionless and only a small tremor lingered. He finally hung his head in defeat and tried to take deep breaths through his nostrils just to calm himself. When he figured enough time had passed, Harry pushed away and headed over to his bedroom.

“Where are you going?” Snape calmly asked.

“To the loo! Is that all right or do I have to stay in your presence all fucking night?” Harry shot back over his shoulder.

“I was merely curious.”

Harry growled, “Of course you were,” as he entered his room.

Harry closed the door behind him and walked to the bathroom and locked the door. He immediately lifted the lid of the commode and pulled out a knife from the water and shook it dry. He rolled up his left sleeve and then stood before the mirror and stared at himself as the blade pierced his skin. He only stopped when he could actually feel the cuts and winced as he looked down into the sink. Too much blood. Harry turned the tap on and rinsed his left arm off then obtained a white towel from the drawer. He patted his skin carefully before holding it down and then firmly wrapped it around.

Harry waited a few minutes before grabbing another flannel from the drawer and a small phial. He peeled back the bloody rag, uncorked the bottle with his teeth, and slowly poured the liquid over his cuts. He hissed as it was absorbed into the thin lines and he clenched his jaw, trying to block the pain.

Wrapping the new clean flannel around his arm securely, Harry lowered his shirtsleeve and buttoned it closed. He took several calming breaths, opened the door and walked over to the bedroom’s fireplace. He fire-called Dobby for some strong coffee. The little elf was there in seconds and Harry smiled and nodded his thanks. Harry watched Dobby disappear into the green flames and lowered himself to the sofa. He closed his eyes as the rim of the cup touched his lips and swallowed half of it. Harry wasn’t surprised a bit nor did he move a muscle when he heard the door open.

“What are you doing?”

Eyes still closed, Harry replied, “What does it look like?”

Snape made a noncommittal noise in his throat and gently took the cup from Harry's hand. Harry glared at him.

“What? Do you think I’m stupid enough to drink when I knew you'd eventually be coming in here?”

Snape wrinkled his nose as he sniffed the contents and Harry shook his head then looked back at the fireplace. He could see the cup through his peripheral vision being set down on the table next to him.

“It’s getting cold,” Snape stated, referring to the coffee.

Harry scoffed then cried out, “Dobby!”

In a flash of light the little elf popped in, refilled the cup to the rim and disappeared with a lingering smile.

“Happy?”

“You do realise that will make it harder to fall asleep.”

Harry snapped his head to the side and looked up. “Who said anything about falling asleep?”

Snape arched a brow at him then walked over to the chair next to the couch and gracefully sat down. Harry followed his every movement and his eyes widened when he saw that Snape had a small glass in his hand.

“How dare you! Drinking in front of me? You think that’s funny, do you?”

“After watching your grand performance in there and knowing that another will inevitably unfold in here, I felt I might need it.”

“Why, you --! I can't believe you!”

Snape merely shrugged as a small smirk appeared and he ignored Harry, choosing to stare at the fire instead. Harry grunted and tossed back all of the coffee, unaware of Snape's watchful eyes. Harry grimaced as the hot liquid went down and then covered his mouth when he coughed.

“Ugh. That was awfully strong.”

He coughed again and then turned his attention back on Snape. He frowned when he noticed that Snape had not only set his glass down but was watching him intently. Harry blinked and glanced from his coffee cup to Snape and back again.

“Wha- what did you do?” Harry asked, now panicking.

“I gave you something that will help you relax,” he said nonchalantly.

Harry jumped up and teetered slightly on his feet. “NO!”

“It’s only a relaxant, Potter.”

“NO! I can't fall asleep! You don’t understand!”

“Potter, you have been lacking a good night's rest for quite some time now. You need to get at least one--”

“No! Aren’t you listening to me? I can't! I mustn't …” Harry lost his balance and stumbled into the edge of the sofa, knocking over the table. “I can't … I can't shleep,” he slurred, groping for the back of the sofa and then slid down it.

Harry opened his eyes wide and tried to focus in on the person who had just sat down beside him. He blinked hard and shook his head in a fruitless attempt to clear it.

“Don’t fight it, Potter.”

“Pleash. Doon do thish to me,” Harry begged.

Snape closed his eyes and tried not to hear the despair in the boy’s voice nor see the way he had slumped over onto the floor.


~*~*~*~*~


Harry.

Suddenly, Harry's head jerked up from where it was laying on his arms.

“Ron!”

Snape furrowed his brows and looked in dismay at Potter then to the empty space in the middle of the room where the boy was staring.

Harry. Help me.

“Ron, no!”

Harry pulled himself along the floor till he reached ‘Ron’.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me,” Harry sobbed, curling inwards as if he was holding someone underneath him.

Snape opened his mouth but not a word could come out.

Harry's shoulders trembled as he rocked back and forth. “I’m sorry, Ron. Gods, I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault. It’s --I should have --No! Don’t leave me! RON!”

With one last sob, Harry collapsed.


~*~*~*~*~


Severus was still sitting on the floor, shell shocked even after five minutes had passed.

Finally he whispered, “Merciful Merlin, what have I done?”

After regaining some of his bearings, Severus reached into his robe pocket and pulled out his wand. With a swish and a few silent words, Potter’s body rose. Severus stood up and waved his arm and pointed at the bed and the boy floated towards it. Slowly Potter’s body was lowered and Severus set his wand on the bedside table. He took off Potter’s socks and shoes placed them at the foot of the bed. He then reached for the top button on the boy’s shirt but a patch of blood on the sleeve caught his eye. He ripped open the end of it and yanked it up.

“Foolish child.”

Severus scowled at Potter's face then turned and stepped into the fireplace. Within minutes he returned with several phials and different tools he’d need. He set them on the table and then picked up a pair of scissors. He carefully cut the soaked rag, making sure he didn’t touch the skin beneath. Severus sneered as he pulled back the self-made bandage.

“Imbecile.”

Setting the scissors down, he picked up one of the bottles and uncorked it. He poured a little on a clean towel and lightly touched the injured flesh. He glanced at Potter's face but the eyelids didn’t as much as twitch. He swabbed the skin with a different lotion and patted it dry before wrapping the area firmly. Severus knew it would be next to impossible to administer a pain potion by mouth but frankly didn’t care at this point.

Let the boy suffer for his idiocy.

Severus finished undressing Harry, half-expecting to see fresh marks elsewhere, but there were none. Once Potter was down to his briefs, Severus covered him up and then picked up his wand again and the chair scooted across the floor along with the small table and his glass of alcohol.

Severus removed his robes and draped them over the back of the chair, then sat down sighing, and closed his eyes.

He knew it would be a long night.

Damn Albus.


~*~*~*~*~


”Harry. Don’t cry. It’ll be all right.”

“No, Ron! Don’t leave me!”

“Please --Please look after Hermione.”

“NO! Don’t --RON! NO! Come back!”

“Harry--?” a weak voice called out.

Harry lifted his head from Ron’s chest. “Her-Hermione?”

“I can hear you, Harry. Where are you?”

Harry scrambled over to her. Her eyes were filled with blood from the large cut on her forehead and her right leg was a bloody stump.

“Oh, gods! Someone help me!”

“Harry? Where’s Ron, Harry? I can't see him.”

“He's…he’s over there, Hermione. It’ll be all right. Don’t worry. It’ll be all right. Someone help me!”

“Harry Potter,” a low voice drawled from behind him and Harry looked over his shoulder.

Lucius Malfoy.

Seeing the raised wand in his hand, Harry instinctively covered Hermione's body with his own.

“Ah. Young love.”

“Shut up!”

“Move aside, Mr Potter.”

“No! You’ll have to go through me first!”

“It’s not you that I intend on killing.”

“Harry,” Hermione gasped. “Go.”

“No!”

“You see, Mr Potter? Even she knows when the end is at hand.”

“Shut UP!”

“Leave her, Potter. The Weasley boy is dead and she’s dying. Now go.”

“NO!”

Malfoy sighed. “Why are you risking your life for her, Mr Potter? Look at her. I will be doing her a favour by putting her out of her misery. Besides, she’s only a Mudbloo --”

“Avada Kedavra!”

Harry’s hand scrambled for his wand but it was too late. When he looked up, Lucius Malfoy was lying at his feet.

Dead.

Harry looked back at Hermione just in time to see her wand hand fall to the ground. Her eyes were open but Harry wasn’t sure if she could see him.

“Hermione?”

She smiled at him then gasped. Her eyes rolled back in her head.

“NO!”

He grabbed her shoulders and began to shake her.

“Wake up! Do you hear me? Wake up and look at me!”

Hermione opened her eyes. “H-Harry. Let me go.”

“No! I won't let you die!”


~*~*~*~*~


“Potter! Potter!”

Harry jumped up on the bed and held out his arm.

“Avada Kedavra!”

Snape's eyes widened and froze. Harry blinked several times before realising what he had done. What he could've done had he a wand.

He sank to his knees.

“I’m sorry, Professor. I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t know. Oh gods, I’m so sorry.”

Snape said nothing as he approached Harry. Harry cringed, waiting for Snape to do something, anything to him, but the man just passed him by and stopped in front of his bedside table. Harry let out a small sigh of relief and looked down to his lap. He gasped when he saw the fresh bandages and gaped at Snape in horror.

“Yes, I’ve already seen that, Mr Potter. I must say your skill with the knife needs improving however.”

Harry’s breath caught in his throat and he stared at him in disbelief.

Snape looked over at him from the corner of his eye.

“You’re still alive, if death was your intention.”

Harry found his voice. “No! I wasn’t trying to kill myself! I was--” Snape raised a brow. “I wasn’t! I was trying to … to … to make the pain go away,” he finished quietly.

Snape turned to him and handed him a small bottle. “Ending pain by adding pain? Interesting concept.” Harry scowled at him. “Here. Drink this.”

Seeing Harry's eyes open, Snape said curtly, “It’s a small dosage of the Dreamless Sleep. Now drink.”

Harry bowed his head. “Oh. Sorry.”

He swallowed it all in one gulp and handed the phial back to Snape's waiting hand.

“It would be best if you lie back down, Potter. It won't take long before the potion takes effect.”

Harry nodded and slid down under the sheets. He turned on his side and watched as Snape settled back into the chair.

“I really am sorry, Professor.”

“Severus.”

“Sorry?”

“My name is Severus. Since we are now -- colleagues, it wouldn’t be that inappropriate for you to call me by my first name.”

Harry blushed. “Oh. Right. Sev - er Sev-er-us.”

“Merlin. If it’s that hard to pronounce I’d rather you call me Professor.”

Harry smiled and blushed harder. “S-sorry." Harry paused briefly, then furrowed his brows. "Sir. Er--”

“What is it, Potter?”

“Are you going to call me Harry now?”

Snape smirked. “Doubtful.” Harry’s smile turned into a full grin. “Go to sleep.”

“Yes, Professor.”

“Impudent brat.”


~*~*~*~*~