And Now for Something Completely Different

AN: “speech”
‘thoughts’




Chapter 2 The O.Z.?

The first thing he noticed was that he was outside. ‘Huh not dead then?’ The second thing he noticed was the blurry face above him.

“Hello there, you look like you could use a hand up.”

Harry groaned, and took the hand offered to him. The man pulled him up so fast Harry needed to hop a little to keep his balance. He was deceptively strong. Harry shook his head a little to gain his bearings.

He was in the middle of a field, hay or something. He froze when he looked up and saw two suns. Slowly he looked at the man who’d helped him up. Looking about 28 ish, he was dressed in rags which had at one point probably been fine cloths. He had a disarming but empty smile, and was following Harry’s gaze like whatever he was looking at was unfamiliar to him too. The most amazing thing about him was the zipper running along his head, shinning from between smooth dark curls. Harry narrowed his eyes to get a better look, and then backed up with a gasp.

The man looked at him with concern. “Hey, you okay?”

Harry shook his head absently, and reached out slowly to touch the open zipper, that showed nothing inside the man’s head.

“Oh, am I showing?” The man asked and gently zipped himself back up. “Sorry about that.” He smiled again. Idly, Harry decided he loved that smile. It was completely innocent and perfect in everyway.

The man’s brow furrowed and he looked around, looking just like Harry imagined he had himself a few seconds ago. “Do I know you?”

A laugh escaped Harry before he even noticed. “Uh, no. I, uh woke up here.” He looked around again. Trying to figure out where he was. Did Sirius end up here too? “So, where are we?”

The man laughed in delight and bounced over to him, looking far to excited for such a simple question. “Are you like me? I sometimes forget where I am too? Names Glitch, cuz I sometimes Glitch out…Glitch out…Glitch out.” Concerned Harry snapped in front of him.

“Oh, uh like that I guess.” Harry smiled, gently. Where ever he was, he was better off then this poor guy.

“Well, name’s Harry. From London, and last I remember by best friend pushed me through the veil..hmm.” He patted himself down trying to figure out what he had on him.

He pulled out his wand, and sighed happily when he also pulled out Voldemort’s wand. He’d taken to carrying around both all the time, although he’d not known why.

“ooh what are those? Sticks?” the man made a grab for one, and Harry pulled away sharply. He wasn’t fool enough to trust the man after only just meeting him.

“Sheesh, no need to be so rude.” The man, Glitch, huffed and started walking away. Harry sighed and followed. He wasn’t about to loose sight of the only person around. After a short walk, they came upon a Forest and a twig snapped under Harry’s feet.

Glitch whirled around in a fighting stance. “Who are you and why are you following me?” He growled out. Harry held out his hands in a peace sign, with his wands in both hands.

“Whoa, Glitch, we met already.” He man dropped his hands and smiled sheepishly. “Sorry I don’t remember very well, could..could you tell me your name again.” Harry smiled disarmingly, “Its Harry, remember?”

“Oh, no, but that’s okay. Do you know where we’re going?” Harry nodded decisively, “Yes, that way.” He pointed the direction Glitch had been going and smiled. The man returned it warmly and laced their arms together. Harry blushed a little, he was very good looking, but the man didn’t appear to notice. “Well then, that way it is.”

They walked until darkness fell, Glitch rambling about this and that, and Harry wondered if there were two moons wherever he was too. He didn’t ask though. On Harry’s suggestion, they moved off the path to a clearing and collected wood for a fire that Harry cast discreetly with his holly wand. Glitch was surprisingly good company, taking about things Harry didn’t know, as though it was common knowledge. Harry soaked up every tidbit of information, trying to put together the pieces of Glitch’s unreliable memory and come up with a location. So far all he had was that Glitch called it the O.Z.

Sometime during their walk, Harry decided that he must be in another dimension, although, he’d also briefly entertained the equally farfetched idea that this was some sort of test to get to the afterlife, and Glitch some kind of guide. Glitch quickly dissuaded that idea, chuckling and glitching about it for some time. Unbidden, Dumbledore’s words about death just being the next adventure came to him. He shared them with his new friend.

“Who said that?”

“Oh, well, my old headmaster, he was arrested for trying to kill me.”

Glitch blinked once in surprise, “Oh, uh, well…why would he want to do that?”

Harry laughed low once, “I was just in the way, he wanted to kill the man behind me. It’s kinda a long story.” Glitch shocked him by moving closer and leaning on him. Not for the first time Harry wondered if he’d grown or if Glitch was short, because they were the same height.

“Sometimes, I’m really glad I can’t remember all the time, because when I do remember stuff, it seems kinda bad.” He turned to look at Harry, and the wizard wondered if this was the appropriate time to ask about the zipper. Turns out he didn’t need to. Glitch ran a finger along the metal and hummed, “Sometimes I get flashes about this, and I remember counting, and faces and being terrified. But then it’s gone, and it’s just a feeling, and I’m happy that way.” He looked so sad; Harry couldn’t help but wrap an arm around his back and pull the man to him.

He felt an instant connection to Glitch, at times it was like a memory; at others it was much more profound. He hoped Glitch felt it to, but knew that even if he did, he’d forget as soon as they separated.

Trying to change the subject he asked, “So, Glitch why are you wondering around alone out here?”

Glitch turned his head so he was speaking into Harry’s neck, and he had to hold in a moan as the vibrations traveled down his spine. He learned early on that Glitch had no clue about personal boundaries or what proper human interaction with relative strangers should be. “Well, I don’t remember. Sometimes I get faces and places, but they don’t have any reference. Oh!” He shot up and clocked Harry under the jaw. Harry opened his mouth to stretch it, but didn’t mention it, obviously Glitch had a memory and if Harry interrupted, it would be gone. Harry pulled out the notebook he’d transfigured to keep track of Glitch’s memories. “I remember all these people who help me, but then,” His shoulder’s drooped and Harry paused in his writing to prompt him, “They get tired of me when I can’t remember them or really contribute, and make me leave.”

Harry decided not to write that down, and instead pulled the man back into his neck. “I won’t make you leave for as long as you want to stay with me. Here,” he pulled out the notebook and wrote down the promise at the bottom of the first page where Harry had written the notebook’s purpose.

I Harry Potter, promise to always let Glitch stay with me, and to keep him a safe as I can, for as long as he wants to stay by my side.

Blushing Glitch took the notebook and wrote under it.

Even if he is a bother or can’t remember me. And Glitch promises to always love his Harry Potter

Harry frowned, “Glitch you don’t have to promise anything. You only just met me.”

“You only just met me!” Glitch argued, with all the determination of a toddler.

“Yes, but I’m not promising to always love you.” Glitch looked down and Harry wondered how serious this was. “Glitch listen, I have magic.” Glitch nodded. “When I make a contract like this it will happen, and if you put your promise next to mine, the magic will make it true.” He reached over and tilted Glitch’s head so they were looking eye to eye. “I’m just a kid. I wouldn’t want you to be forced to love someone like me when you could do so much better.”

Glitch’s dark eyes widened and Harry knew his synapse were all firing correctly. “You’re not a kid! You at least as old as me…At least as old as I think I am.” He paused and Harry held in a chuckle, ignoring the crazy zipper head. “Anyway! I’m not forced to love you. You’re the only one who’s ever really wanted to help me like this.”

“As far as you know.” Harry said dryly

“Yea! As far as I know. Listen, if someone else gave me a notebook, I’d still have it. I still have all my cloths, don’t I?” Harry held in the automatic ‘as far as you know’. Glitch was sweet, but Harry was just a kid, and he had to find Sirius and told the man so.

“Really? Well, I’ll help you. I bet I’ve been all over this land. It’s all up here somewhere.” Glitch said excitedly hitting himself in the head. Harry tried not to think about what Glitch’s empty head looked like.

“Like I said, you’ll always be welcome with me. But I don’t want to have any of your feelings for me because of a magic contract.”

Glitch frowned, but then straightened and brightened, erasing the last part of what he’d written and scribbling something else. He handed it to Harry when he finished.

Even if he’s a bother or can’t remember me all the time. Glitch promises to always be Harry Potter’s best friend.

Harry cleared his throat and said, blushing, “I don’t like this either.”

Glitch pouted, “Why not?”

Harry caught his eyes and held them, Glitch’s breath caught in his throat and he shivered. Harry whispered, “What if one day I want you to be more then my best friend?”

They stared at each other until an owl hooted and startled the zipper head. Harry chuckled, wondering if he could use the owl to get a letter to Neville about Luna. He called up to it. “Hey, would you help me deliver a letter?” Glitch looked at him oddly, but Harry ignored him.

Dark curls bounced fiercely when Glitch gasped. The owl flew down regally and landed on Harry’s out stretched arm. “Is that a yes?” The wizard asked. The owl’s head bobbed.

“Can you get to London?” The owl hooted mournfully and shook his head.

“Ah well. Any one you need to get a letter to Glitch?” He asked. Glitch, still stunned stupid, shook his head before stopping and shouting out “YES!”

Harry laughed out loud, while the owl floated back to the wizard’s arm and gave the other man a disdainful glance. “I should write…uh…oh…I’ve forgotten.”

Harry smiled gently and gave into his instincts. He leaned around the owl and kissed Glitch on his cheek. “Its okay. You’ll remember eventually and then we’ll write it down. We’ll find another owl, or maybe this smart gentleman will find us when he’s needed.” The owl bowed regally and flew away.

Glitch eventually shook off the feeling of Harry’s lips on his cheek and said, “You really are magic.” Harry looked affronted, “I said I was.”

Glitch smiled the smile Harry loved so, and his offended feelings were gone.

“Anyway,” Harry started, he still hadn’t signed his promise, “Let me scratch this out and I’ll sign it.”

Eagerly Glitch looked over his shoulder and gasped. Harry rolled his eyes and then huffed when Glitch pulled the pencil and notebook from him.

When Harry finally got the book back, the last line said:

Glitch and any other names he was called, promises to always remember Harry Potter and all the memories and feelings associated with him.

Harry considered, it was actually pretty igneous and Glitch huffed when he said that. “Of course, I am a genius you know.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yep, I used to be the main advisor to the queen.” Harry wrote that in the notebook, while at the same time, making note that this place had a Queen.

Glitch is an obvious genius and was the main advisor to the Queen

“This will make it so you always remember me, even if we get in a horrible fight and you leave. I would make this so you would remember every memory from here on out, but I don’t think it works that way. I’ve made two promises with two conditions. You can only make up to that. So far you have two promises you could have two conditions.”

Glitch frowned thoughtfully. While he thought, Harry moved around to see if he could find something edible he could transfigure larger or more nourishing. Magic theory suggested that you could only make food from food, but you could change its properties, like size or quality.

He found a berry bush and he used a spell designed for potion parts collection to determine their qualities and strip them from the bush. Then he tripled their amount and brought them back to where Glitch was still frowning.

He jumped up when he saw Harry and the wizard sighed. “It’s okay Glitch. Its Harry. You were thinking about what two conditions to put on your promise.” He gestured to the notebook and Glitch picked it up and made an unidentified exclamation.

“You don’t have to promise this Harry!” He was deeply distressed.

“Glitch,” Harry put both of his hands on his new friends’ shoulders, “we’ve already talked about this. I’m doing it anyway.”

Glitch nodded and Harry privately wondered how long this promise was going to take. Until it was signed, Glitch wouldn’t remember it. Harry munched on berries until Glitch passed over the notebook. He sighed and passed the berries over. Glitch hummed joyfully with every bite.

Glitch and any other names he was called, promises to always remember Harry Potter and all the memories and feelings associated with Harry Potter, unless Harry Potter says the phrase, “Glitch I don’t want you to remember me” which will prompt Glitch to stop remembering anything he wouldn’t remember normally, or if remembering Harry Potter would put Harry Potter in insurmountable danger.

Harry added:

..or if remembering Harry Potter would put Harry Potter or Glitch and any other names he was called, in insurmountable danger; insurmountable as determined to Harry Potter’s standards.

Glitch smiled and nodded, so they both signed the bottom. Dark brown eyes widened in awe at the golden glow that surrounded their hands and the notebook.

Harry smiled and pulled bedding out of seemingly no where. “Magic” Glitch whispered and they snuggled down together to sleep.



AN so far so good