Pansy's Lover

Pansy walked with a common laziness along Diagon Alley. She had always come here when she felt the need to placate herself. Her husband had said nothing to her in two full days. He came home immediately going to his office, taking his dinner there.



She was more depressed then ever. She didn’t know what she would do with herself. She thought of her future life and how it seemed she was destined to become a accessory to an office driven husband.



She let herself smile as she looked at Flourish and Blotts. She and Hermione always made a trip here followed by tea at the Leaky Cauldron. Reliving those days were always a surefire way to raise her spirits.



She walked into the store and breathed in the smell of printed parchments, book jackets and newspapers. She loved it here, she always had. She gave the owner a smile not wanting to interrupt the service he was giving to a customer. The old man gave her a nod and a grin as she went up the stairs to the second level.



She ambled through the shelves glancing at titles. Some of them she had, some of them she wanted. She cradled two books in her arms as she turned into an aisle.



“Hello.” She turned to the soft voice and smiled.



“Hello Ron.” She walked over to him, giving him a hug. “What’s all this?” She asked looking at the books he held. They were various volumes on magical creature care and healing. “Didn’t they already teach you what you needed to know?”



“Yes,” he said with a smile, “but it’s always a good idea to stay well informed.” He looked at the novels she was carrying. “Leisure reading?”



“It seems that’s all I have time for nowadays.” She was trying to stay happy but there were traces of sadness there that he could plainly see. It was the same traces he saw the night of the gala.



“How about tea?” He ventured. She gave a small nod and together they went to the counter and paid for their books.



A few minutes later they were settling into a table at the Three Broomsticks, tea set before them. “Come on now, why are you so unhappy lately?” He asked.



Pansy gave in. The need to talk much stronger now that Ron had offered his ear. “My husband has all but forgotten about me Ron. I had resigned myself a long time ago to having to share time with his career, but to be practically abandoned is a hard hex to take.”



“How bad has it gotten?” He asked taking a sip and leaning forward.



“Sometimes he doesn’t speak to me for days at a time.” Her eyes wondered around. “We haven’t had dinner together for a week. His assistant keeps a calendar of anniversaries and my birthday, sending a present on the right days.”



“Do you still love him?” Ron asked.



“I don’t know anymore, I really don’t. There was once a day when I would do anything for him. I thought he felt the same way. Now I’m having trouble believing it.”



“Do you think it would make a difference if you left?” He asked.



“It might. Having a wife always looks good when you are trying to get a ministry position.” She said.



“Are you going to live life by what he wants? What about what you need? A relationship involves two people.” He said. “Your needs have to be meet as well.”



“I had forgotten about my own needs when I got married. It became ‘our’ needs at that point.” She said, looking over at him.



“That’s a wonderful thing Pansy, I believe in that as well.” She nodded. “But does your husband believe it? Is it worth staying married if you own needs are being ignored? It can’t be one sided Pansy. that’s not a marriage.”



“What about you Ron, why haven’t you married?” She desperately wanted to take the spotlight off herself for a moment.



“I haven’t found the right person.” He looked down at his cup. “You know the feeling, when you can’t live without someone.” He said.



“That feeling goes away Ron.” She said. He looked at her, seeing the hurt she was feeling.



“If it’s with the right person Pansy, it doesn’t go away. If the right person feels it with you, that feeling only gets stronger as the years go by.”



She gave him a small mile. “You’ve had a good example of that in your life. Your parents have a strong marriage.”



“Yes.” Was all he said. They finished tea and Pansy found herself pensive as she walked home. Ron have made her think. Was her marriage worth it? Should she leave?



She had invested four years in her marriage but had been neglected and unhappy for two and a half of those years. Was it going to get worse? She hoped not. Maybe she should try to be part of his world. Maybe she should try harder to get him to spend time with her. Maybe she would try tonight.





It was near midnight as Pansy sat on the bay window smoking. She looked back at her husband. Jason was flat on his back snoring. She looked out into the night and the gardens that were perfectly hedged. A perfect house, a perfect garden, but a failure of a marriage.



She was empty inside. She initiated sex with her husband tonight, but now was sorry she did. He hadn’t even kissed her. He buried his face in her neck and humped for half a minute, then came.



Pansy was left again unsatisfied. She had tried to caress him but he brushed her hands away. She tried to kiss him but he turned his face away. Pansy inhaled again as a tear rolled down her cheek. She had never felt worse then she did tonight. She felt used and discarded. She felt alone and unloved. She felt rejected and hurt.



It would get worse, she knew it. She knew she should talk to him. Maybe she should have spoken to him instead of trying to make love. Make love. She shrugged to herself. They hadn’t made love for years. What happened here wasn’t making love. It was far from it.



Pansy let more tears fall. They rolled down her cheeks, falling in the bed sheet she held around her. Her marriage was falling apart and she could do nothing to stop it. She gave a pathetic chuckle. Who was she fooling? Her marriage had already fallen apart.



She thought about what Ron had said. Should she leave? Her needs and feelings were being ignored. As a wife she was being used. She was expected to make appearances and act like the devoted companion when he needed it.



She looked over at Jason again. There was once a time when he knew she wasn’t next to him in bed. When he knew she was upset, he would get up and sit with her, talk with her. Now when she felt the worst she had ever felt since they’d been married, he was asleep and oblivious to her. When she needed that partner in her life most of all, he was in his own dreams, and she was no part of them anymore.



She put out her cigarette and rested her head on her knees and let her tears out in full force, knowing her husband wouldn’t be woken by her emotions.





Pansy held her owl close to her chest. The owl hadn’t eaten all day and took only minimal water. She entered the building and went to the desk.



“I’m sorry, I know you are closing up, but I was wondering if Ron was about.” She told the young man behind the desk.



“Don’t worry about the time, just have a seat, I’ll get Ron.” He hurried to the back and in less then a minute Ron came out smiling. It had been two days since she had seen him at the bookstore but his expression was such a welcome.



“Hello Pansy, what’s going on here.” He immediately took the owl from her arms.



“He hasn’t eaten or taken any water and he hasn’t groomed himself at all.” She said following him behind the desk and past several rooms. The one he took her to had several nests, but only one other was occupied by an old looking barn owl.



“Is grooming a trait he displays daily?” He asked, looking into the birds eyes and examining feathers.



“Yes, he’s very meticulous about it.” She told him. She remained back a few steps as Ron focused on his patient. After a few moments Ron smiled.



“It’s a simply lung infection, that’s all. Easy to fix.” He turned and took a bottle off his shelf. He held the bird in his arm firmly, and eased the potion into his beak. It took some time but he managed to get the bird to take half the bottle. “He needs to stay here tonight, but I always have someone here at all times. If anything serious happens, my house is connected so I can be notified.”



She nodded, stroking the bird and kissing it’s beak. When Ron had settled the bird into a nest he looked back at her. “Would you like a glass of wine?” He asked.



She gave a nod and followed him to a door at the far end of the building.