Master of None

Severus needn’t have worried about Lucius abandoning him after his graduation; he owled the younger boy weekly and invited him for dinner at Malfoy Manor on regular occasions. Abraxus Malfoy did not approve of their friendship, ostensibly because Severus had nothing to offer his son in return; but just this once, Lucius held his ground, and he and Severus remained friends. No other untoward incidents happened as Severus grew older, and he began to think that one moment while wrestling had been a fluke, or maybe he’d been mistaken.

But Lucius knew this to be untrue. Every day he struggled against his feelings for the younger man, and even sought out the company of women to convince himself he still enjoyed it. That was how Narcissa Black came into the picture. They had dated off and on during their time at school, but now it seemed a marriage was imminent between them. Lucius knew he could delay but not prevent the inevitable, and decided to speak to her. He told her that he would not mind marrying her for the sake of their families, but he did not love her and would only be intimate with her for the sole purpose of procreation. Narcissa was somewhat insulted by his crude proclamation, but she was also relieved. She’d never been a sexual person and would be happy to retain her old life with only the appearance of a happy marriage to appease their families and society.

And so the wedding happened. Severus was not invited, but Lucius sent him wizarding photos after the fact, and told him all about it. Severus could not account for the feeling of dread and jealousy that embroiled itself in his gut; he did not understand the depth of his feelings for Lucius. He enjoyed Lucius’ company and liked that Lucius really seemed to understand him, even when he was snarky and short with him, even when his letters were vicious and rude. And they often were. But Severus was placated by the fact that Lucius looked so very stern in the photos, and when he had to smile, Severus knew it was his “public smile”, and not the smile Severus found himself on the receiving end of whenever the boys were alone. Which was less and less these days, to be sure; but by the time Severus was in his sixth year, things began to change.

Lucius’ letters came fewer and farther between, but his words became more passionate, bordering on romantic. He spoke of when he and Severus could be free with their friendship, when Severus was out of school and they could travel the world if they so desired.

At first, Severus had been confused by the chameleon nature of Lucius’ letters, and even accused him of having someone else write them, thinking that Lucius was pawning him off on an unsuspecting house elf. Severus desperately hated being needy, however; so as much as he wanted to believe the content of the letters, he never answered them.

But things were changing for Severus, too. He knew he wanted Lucius in the way that a man should want a woman. He had been confused and angry when he’d realized this; thinking that this was just one more thing about him that was different, wrong. He was scared about what would happen if people found out. He didn’t relish being assaulted because of another thing he couldn’t change.

But he knew Lucius would understand, if the nature of his letters were any indication. Lucius had experience and Severus respected that. He tried to be sneaky, and asked the older boy if there was something wrong with a man liking another man, and Lucius eased his misgivings by telling him there was nothing wrong with that; love was a beautiful thing, and sex was natural, and the partner did not matter as long as there was mutual regard. Lucius then asked if there was someone for whom Severus had such a regard.

Severus said no. Lucius knew he meant yes.

Severus wasn’t sure if he could accept Lucius’ words, his naturally skeptical personality making him doubt the other man despite their friendship. Severus began to pull away, just a little; Lucius was moving too quickly and not giving him time to adjust.

And just around the time Lucius began to sign his letters, “Love, L.M.”, Lucius told Severus of another man in his life. His name was Tom Riddle, and Lucius declared Severus would positively worship him. He was so intelligent, witty, and handsome, and he had so many good ideas. Severus hated him already. He suspected he was losing Lucius to this Riddle person, and was therefore not surprised when Lucius began to speak to Severus differently.

His words were more curt and abrupt; he no longer spoke of running away together. He made demands of Severus, that Severus stop hanging around Lily Evans, that Severus wear only the clothes Lucius gave him, that Severus wear his hair tied back from his face.

Severus was insulted by his demands. It made no sense for him to change his appearance when Lucius wasn’t even there to see. Why should he bother washing and tying his hair when any change in appearance was sure to spark a renewed interest in him by the other students? Why would he stop talking to the only person, besides Lucius, to whom Severus could speak freely?

He sent the letter back on the leg of the owl with no response. He knew Lucius would understand that he did not intend to follow his instructions. Severus wondered what was wrong with Lucius if he thought he could control him. It just made no sense.

But despite his disapproval of the way Lucius tried to bend him to his will, he was not so self-unaware that he could deny he might like doing what Lucius wanted, because a small warmth began in his belly when he imagined Lucius’ voice ordering him to wear the dark green robes he’d brought him over the summer. He couldn’t understand his sudden desire to obey Lucius. When he thought about the two of them when he was alone in his bed at night, casually stroking his cock, Severus began to imagine Lucius ordering him around, telling him what to do to him. Letting Lucius hold him down, tie him up, letting Lucius control him. But doing that in bed and doing it every day were very different, Severus somehow knew. He wouldn’t give up control just because Lucius arbitrarily asked. He would have to earn it, and give him a damned good reason why Severus should allow it.

But Lucius did have his reasons. Tom Riddle was teaching Lucius all about himself, and Tom understood him better than anyone except Severus. But even Severus did not know about Lucius’ need for control, his desire to hurt and own Severus, his need to fuck him against a wall and mark him with his teeth, his need to hear Severus scream his name in supplication. Only Tom knew this, and he taught Lucius that this was okay, it was normal, natural. It just meant that Lucius was a leader, and he needed someone to lead. Tom told Lucius that he himself was a leader and had many followers. He liked to test their willingness to obey. So Tom told Lucius what to demand of Severus, and just as surely as Lucius tried to control Severus, Tom was controlling Lucius. He wanted the young potions genius to himself, could use his brilliance, and Lucius was a means to that end. If he had to feed his substantial ego, he would do it until he got what he wanted: an introduction to the young Severus Snape.

Tom even went to Hogwarts to see Severus, and was saddened to report but secretly gleeful that Severus was not obeying Lucius. Obedient servants were nice, but he liked to tame and break them on his own, and he was sure Severus would provide him with a challenge.

Lucius was furious at the sudden return of his owls, and the news Tom brought that Severus was not following his orders; greasy hair worn loose, robes shabby and unkempt, and even cavorting with that mudblood. He had to prove himself as Severus’ leader, give him a reason to accept his orders.

Lucius went to see Severus at Hogwarts, intending to show him why Lucius deserved his obedience. He didn’t know what he was going to say, but he hoped Severus would at least listen, because for all Lucius’ bluster and pride, he would never hurt his friend.

Severus was sitting at a picnic bench outside the school, the table top covered in tomes and parchments, and Severus looking engrossed as always. Lucius was immediately reminded of the first time he’d introduced himself to Severus and smiled. As he was approaching, he saw two young men saunter up to the table and sit across from Severus. He stayed out of sight to see what would happen. He recognized these hooligans as James Potter and Sirius Black, and knew their torment of Severus was daily, though he rarely complained anymore.

“So, Snivellus, brushing up on your social skills, I see,” the one with the messy black hair and glasses said.

“I hope these potions texts keep you warm at night, because nothing else ever will!” the other one shouted gleefully and pushed Severus’ texts and work off the tabletop in one fell swoop. Just as Severus was reaching for his wand, a murderous expression on his face, Lucius stepped up to the table. He calmly levitated all the work back into a neat order in front of Severus, while never breaking eye contact with the two marauders.

“Still as mature as ever, Black, Potter. I see the years haven’t changed either of you. One would think you were still eleven years old, pulling Severus’ hair because you’re too embarrassed to tell him you want to be his boyfriend. Well, I suggest you cease this inane courtship immediately, because Severus Snape is taken, and you do not want to get on my bad side. Do you understand?”

Lucius words were spoken softly so the two had to lean forward to hear. When they didn’t respond, Lucius shouted, “Do you understand?” and they jumped, leaping from their seats and nodding vigorously.

They went to leave when Lucius’ muttered word stopped them dead. “Apologize.”

They looked at each other and at Lucius, whose gaze was impassive but the hard glint in his eye was unmistakable. They both look at Severus and at the same time, said, “I’m sorry.”

Severus grinned maliciously and waved them away like he would royal subjects. They tried to walk away casually, but ended up running across the lawn.

He looked to Lucius. “I could have handled that, you know. I don’t need you coming in trying to be the white knight.”

Lucius sat beside Severus and looked at him thoughtfully. “I know that. But it made me feel good to protect you, and I didn’t think you would mind. You like making me feel good, don’t you?” The innuendo was obvious and Severus blushed, returning to his work, but not before nodding ever so slightly.

“I came here for a reason, other than saving you from expulsion from use of Unforgivables on idiots,” Severus smiled slightly and waited for him to continue. “I know I made you uncomfortable with my demands. I want to explain myself, and apologize.”

Lucius was apologizing? Severus couldn’t believe he was even here after the rude way he’d been treating him lately. But he sat silently, not wanting to give anything away.

“I’ve only noticed this about myself around you, and it’s been more intense than ever lately. I have this need…this urge to have you do as I say. And I know you know that I want us to be more than friends,” here Severus blushed again and cursed his expressive face. He would have to work on that. “And I’ll wait as long as it takes, though I know you like me too. In some relationships, there is one person who is submissive and one who is dominant. I’ve always been dominant and I think that, despite outward appearances, you are submissive. You want me to take control; you want me to tell you what to do. You know I will reward you; I will make you feel good. I will protect you and teach you. I can show you things about yourself you never realized. I will never hurt you beyond what you want, and I will never disrespect you. You will remain yourself, independent of me, and of course you can decide on the level of submission you want to give me, whether none at all, or just in the bedroom, or total submission.”

Severus listened intently. He had to admit, what Lucius wanted was what he wanted as well. He was so tired of having to keep up appearances all the time, hiding all the time. He knew he could be himself with Lucius and Lucius wouldn’t use it against him. Lucius had been a mentor to him for years and he respected and trusted him. He had been scared about losing himself if he gave in and did the things that Lucius asked, he didn’t want to be a puppet or a showpiece. And below the promising surface of Lucius’ words, Severus could sense a hesitation, like he was new to this all as well, like he was terrified of Severus’ answer.

At another time in his life, Severus would use that information against him mercilessly in order to get what he wanted. But things were not like that yet.

“I want to be with you Lucius. I don’t know why, and I know that it’s wrong, but I can stop the way I feel. I want to be…submissive, I think. But not all the time. I don’t want you telling me to do my homework or ordering me to clean your house. I don’t want you to change me. As for submitting…in the bedroom…well, we’ve never even…so it doesn’t matter anyway, right?”

“First, it’s not wrong to want to be with me. I’m quite the catch, you know,” he winked obscenely and Severus had to smirk. “But as wizards, it’s in our nature to be more experimental, and relationships like ours are very, very common.” He looked at Severus, trying to impress upon him that he wasn’t shameful, and was grateful to see his words sink in. “And I will never order you around arbitrarily. If you give me your submission, I will treasure it. I will use it to make us both feel good. I will never exploit it. And no, we’ve never been together in a sexual way, but we will be. You must feel that?”

Snape reluctantly nodded.

“So, it does matter. I won’t just launch you into the submissive role with no guidance. We will take it slow and learn about each other. I don’t want an answer now; I want you to think about it. I won’t contact you about this again, but I will need an answer. I really want you, Severus.”

Lucius leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to Severus’ forehead, squeezing the back of his neck gently and rising.

“I will think about it,” Severus promised solemnly.