Harry Potter and the Forbidden Desires

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November 4

Hands roamed and tongues battled for dominance as the sky grew dark outside. Harry finally pulled away for air and glanced at the boy in front of him.

"What's wrong, Ron?" he asked.

Ron was about to kiss him again until Harry spoke. His eyes became downcast as he glanced away from him. "I saw them again," he quietly said, not bothering to beat around the bush. "I saw them holding e-each other." He sniffed.

Harry wrapped his arms around Ron, gently pushing up his chin with his finger. Then he kissed him. "I'm sorry, Ron," he said, his own eyes glistening with unwanted tears.

"It's getting worse," Ron groaned as he buried his head into Harry's shoulder. "This infatuation with him... Every time I see him holding someone else, especially...Malfoy... I just want to blast them into pieces." He held tight onto Harry's back. "Why, Harry?" he whimpered. "Why is it like this? Why can't I just forget about him?"

Harry didn't say anything. He couldn't. Harry never was one for advice, especially when it came to relationships. Hell, he had his own love life to worry about, which was currently non-existent anyhow.

It wasn't that no one was interested in him. No, there were plenty of suitors out there that he'd gladly ravish in a second. Problem was one-he was gay. Normally, being gay wasn't a big deal. In the wizarding world, it was accepted. Except for Harry, of course. Oh no, to everyone Harry being gay was like Dumbledore shagging Snape. It was utterly disgusting and immoral. No, the Boy-who-lived-to-be-gay couldn't be gay. That was absolutely unaccepted. Who else was left to kill Voldemort?

Reason two was Voldemort. Harry was seventeen and now old enough to finally realize that anyone he loved would eventually get hurt, if not killed. And anyway, there was the prophecy to deal with, as well as the extra information he had found out with Dumbledore during sixth year.

He was a Horcrux himself, and for Voldemort to stay dead forever meant his death as well.

No, he couldn't find someone like Ron just recently had. Even if he really wanted to.

Both boys were lost into their own thoughts until the bell rang, signaling for class. Harry sighed, pulling away from his embrace around Ron. "I'm sorry, Ron," was all he could say.

Said boy glanced at him, his hands fidgeting together as they stood. "Do you think I should tell him how I feel?"

Harry frowned. "Listen, Ron, I'm not like Hermione. I can't really give good advice. But," he added, noticing Ron's mouth open to speak. "I can tell you that if you really want him to notice you, I say go ahead."

"What if he rejects me?" he whined, then instantly regretted sounding like that. He cleared his throat and tried to talk manlier, hopelessly. "Harry...what will I do?"

Harry sighed. "Then I'll be here, just like how you were there for me." They both knew he was talking about the beginning of this year. "He won't know what he's lost in rejecting you. But I'll help you, Ron. Besides, we started this whole thing just so I could be a substitute for you." Harry tried to give him a warm smile, but it was hard since it conflicted with his own emotions. He wrapped his arms around Ron and squeezed just a tiny bit. "Don't worry, love. I'm sure everything will work out."

Ron looked at him and their gazes locked. After a long while, he finally returned the smile. "Thanks Harry. You really are a great friend." He gave him a soft peck on the lips before pulling away. "Come on, we better get to class." Harry agreed and they both slipped outside of the classroom to their next class--Potions.

~~~~

Both boys hated Potions. Worse, they hated Snape. And even worse than that, they hated the days when Snape assigned partners between Gryffindor and Slytherin.

Like today.

"We will be brewing a love potion for today. Any mistakes will automatically result in a failure grade," he said this while directly casting a glare at Neville, who cowered. "You will be working in partners today and I will assign them. Any problems and you will be serving detention with me all week. Crabbe, you're with Granger. Finnegan, Nott. Parkinson, Longbottom. Malfoy, Weasley. Potter, Zabini. Patil, Goyle..."

"Good luck, mate," Harry whispered to Ron as he picked up his books. The boy frowned.

"Yeah," he said absently, staring longingly at Harry's partner before grudgingly going over to sit by Malfoy.

"Malfoy," Ron said, sitting down.

"Weasel," Malfoy greeted, his tone emotionless.

Ron kept his temper in check, remembering Hermione's promise earlier this year. So far he hadn't broken it, and he was going to keep it that away. Stupid Malfoy wouldn't get him all riled up this time, he promised himself.

Meanwhile, at Harry's table, Blaise looked at Harry.

"Mind getting the ingredients, Potter?"

One thing he knew that had attracted Ron in the first place was Blaise's politeness. Trust him to at least try and take heed to Hermione's words long ago. Harry nodded and went off to Snape's cabinet to gather the materials they would need. Then he went back to where Blaise was and began the potion.

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About 2 months ago

It was a week after the sorting and nothing had changed with Harry. He tried talking normally and acting as if he actually did give a damn about his life, but it was so hard. Who knew that knowing when and how you were going to die actually made you depressed...? (lol sorry)

Ron also noticed Harry's odd behavior and didn't press Harry to speak anymore on the matter. He knew when it was time for Harry to talk. He didn't particularly look forward to it, but he would endure. That's what best friends do.

As for Hermione...well, she found out that Jacob Curran actually was a Ravenclaw boy who attended Hogwarts. He had transferred last year to Hogwarts and had immediately been taken with Hermione. He didn't tell her that he was a wizard because he had wanted to surprise her.

Well, his plan had worked. And he got two things. A new girlfriend, and a hard slap on the shoulder, along with a little warning to not ever surprise her like that again. But no matter. He was in love.

Hermione was sitting next to Jacob at his House table, which left Harry and Ron alone at the table while they ate breakfast. Ron watched as Harry pushed around his food with his fork. He sighed.

"Hey...mate...?"

"I...I think I'm ready, Ron."

Well, that was a surprise. "Do you want to leave early?"

Harry nodded and the two boys left the Great Hall and headed toward Gryffindor Tower. Ron took his seat on the couch while Harry sat across from him, picking up his feet to wrap his arms around them.

The common room was quiet since it was empty. Everyone was downstairs in the Great Hall and it would be a long time before anybody would come in.

The two boys were still for a long moment, each too afraid to speak first. But Ron knew Harry had to get this out, relieve the pressure. The sooner, the better. "So...Harry..." Ron began, careful not to talk too fast for Harry. The boy looked as if he was about to break into pieces at that very moment.

Harry took a deep breath before starting, closing his eyes for a moment. "Well, you know how my Uncle sometimes neglects me if I don't do something right?"

Ron bit his tongue, but nodded. He knew. Harry told him a few years ago, and he hated it. What kind of family would beat their own nephew like that? "Yes," he answered.

The black haired boy shuddered. "W-Well...Well..."

Ron scooted closer to him, reaching out a hand cautiously. "Relax, mate," he said softly. "It's okay. Everything will be alright."

"No!" Harry suddenly cried, his green eyes flashing as they opened wide. "No they are not okay, Ron! I was raped, Ron! Ok! I was raped! How can that possibly be alright!?" The boy's face scrunched together in pain as tears cascaded down his cheeks, and Harry wrapped himself into a tiny ball on the couch. Back and forth, he rocked himself. "He raped me, Ron... My own Uncle..." Harry sobbed. "Wh-Why...? I-I didn't do anything to him. I listened and s-stayed quiet. H-He...He beat me, R-Ron... H-He...He... H-He...raped... And I just...I-I just..."

Ron rushed toward Harry, uncaring about his own tears that now fell. He squeezed Harry against him, and the boy instantly buried his face into Ron's shoulder. "Why!" Harry sobbed, clenching on tight to Ron's robes, nearly tearing them. "Why? I-I didn't d-do anything!"

"Shhh, Harry," the boy whispered, patting Harry's hair awkwardly. God, he was horrible at things like this. "Shhh, Harry. It's ok. I won't let him get you," he said, remembering Harry's words to him the first day back. "It's alright, Harry."

The boy in his arms cried on, but the sobs were less noisier than before. After awhile, they stopped altogether. But Harry still continued to hold onto Ron, desperate for something...searching. He didn't know what it was, but Harry knew something was missing. He didn't feel completely better, like he had hoped he would, though he did feel a tiny lift from his chest. At least someone other than him knew now.

"I'm a freak," Harry muttered, pulling from his friend's hold on him. Ron opened his mouth in protest, but then suddenly he realized just how much of Harry was in his lap. He blushed all the way to the tip of his ears.

"Harry, mate, you're sitting on me," he said.

Said boy glanced down, and then quickly jumped off. "Oh, I'm sorry." He glanced at the ground before wrapping his arms around himself again.

It was an awkward silence. Ron was silently yelling at himself at how he should have sent more letters to Harry's house and contacted him more, and he also was thinking up ways on how to get rid of a muggle's body and not be caught.

"I can't believe that monster could do that to you," Ron angrily muttered. "You're not the freak, Harry. He is. That vile, disgusting freak..."

Harry let a small smile show before looking at Ron again. "Thanks, Ron. That...That helped a bit. It's good not holding it in."

Ron looked at the boy, taking in his red, puffy eyes and tear streaked face. What a small frame, he also noticed. He must've not eaten that much over the summer, he absently thought. Then that reminded him of what had just occurred, and he growled softly.

"That freak will pay, Harry. I can't believe he'd do that."

"It's alright, Ron. It's passed. And I know that I shouldn't let it get to me. I'm just..." Harry exhaled deeply. "I just felt a bit too overwhelmed. I'm glad to lessen the pain a bit."

Ron finally returned the small smile. "Glad to be here for you, mate. If there's anything else..."

Harry almost chuckled at the hesitant look on his best friend's face. Well, it was the thought that mattered, right? "It's alright, Ron. I feel a bit better. Thanks."

"No problem, Harry. I'll always be here for you, mate."

The boys smiled one last time before finally leaving the common room, heading toward their classes. Ron talked a bit as they walked and Harry put a little input here and there. He looked a bit better and less pale after their small talk. Their talk was really small and pointless, but Harry was just glad to not have it inside any longer.

As they walked, noises erupted from their left suddenly. Ron and Harry paused in the hall, glancing at each other shortly in confusion. Were those...moans?

The two Gryffindors crept silently against the wall and neared a corner that Harry and Ron both knew led into the hall where the Slytherins dormitories were. The moans grew louder as they approached and Harry was almost afraid to continue any closer. What if it was something horrible? he thought. But then he wondered if the sounds were actually those of pain.

That did it. He pulled Ron hard and they both quietly walked around the corner to take a peek, their wands out just in case.

And what they saw both horrified, and in Ron's case, aroused them.

Blaise against the wall. Panting hard.

And Malfoy. On his knees.

Sucking him.

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Harry glanced over at his partner while they added the ingredients into their potions, and blushed. He remembered that day as the first time he and Ron caught Malfoy and Zabini together. He also remembered that day as being the first day he heard Ron wank in his bed, screaming Blaise's name as he came.

Harry shuddered and almost glared at Zabini as if it was his fault he couldn't go back to sleep that night without having nightmares of Ron and Blaise together. But he knew it wasn't.

No. The reason he couldn't sleep that night...was because Malfoy looked sexy as hell on his knees sucking cock.

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Flamesky--Thank you for your Review. I appreciated it a lot and it brought smiles to my face. : ) And there will be more mention of Ron and Harry kissing later in other chapters. But this is still a harry/draco fic, so I hope you don't get confused. And yes, I also think of Harry as being a little bit sensitive in this story. Not too much, though.

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Yeah, I updated really soon, although I'm not sure if all the updates are going to be as fast as this. I'll try though. Please review, I like them a lot. Kudos to all who give me reviews! : ) I'll write faster if I get more!

And sorry to those who wished a bit more stretch in Harry talking about his summer to Ron. That will come out more later on, and not with Ron. After all, if Harry told Ron everything, one would think that they would be falling in love, and that is definitely not my intention. No, you'll just have to wait for the big Talk in a few more chapters.