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Bei Mir Bist Du Schon
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Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
5
Views:
2,579
Reviews:
12
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Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
5
Views:
2,579
Reviews:
12
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Sentimental Journey
Chapter Two
Sentimental Journey
(Because Darling Lily was WAY too freakin’ obvious.)
Part I.
Love’s Old, Sweet Song
At first Severus had been sure that she had been referring to someone else. But he knew of no one else at Hogwarts with whom he shared the initials. He checked and double-checked his class roster to reassure him.
He could honestly say he was shocked. THAT he had not seen coming. The girl’s resistance to turn in her work suddenly made sense. A part of him, a very vocal part, said he should have listened to her. He did not need this.
Certainly not given the preference he already had for the girl—one that he had been trying to shove below the surface for years. The needling of her friends (alright, so he probably would have needled Potter anyway—the fact was, she deserved better), that crack about her teeth—attempts to drive her away, all. She was no longer under-age, and surely she did not truly want him… this was just a schoolgirl crush. But now there was no law standing between them…
One of many things lacking in Severus’ life was a wise, trustworthy friend, he figured. Everyone needs someone to run things past. He had one of those once, until she threw him headfirst out of her life. Truth was he never got over it, over her. All the shit he went through, all of it she forced him through and that he took on after she died, and he still loved her. He would always love her.
Her opinion had been the only one of importance, but once he got himself in too deep to be able to suit her whims ever again. That was the point of no return. Of course at that time she had already called an end to their friendship. He was not entirely sure she would stick by that. She could be damn manipulative—should’ve been a Slytherin, really.
She would play the victim aloud, but there was vengeance in her whispers. Her family had known it and so had he. He had witnessed this tactic and been on the receiving end more than he cared to remember.
Still, she had been intelligent, particularly concerning social interactions, an arena in which he had always fallen short. When their friendship was in good standing, he had felt better merely being in her presence. She had given him confidence.
He needed her sense of rightness, her self-assurance now. He needed to see what was going to happen. Lately, he had received more lectures concerning pursuing his own happiness—Severus no longer knew how to make himself happy. He wasn’t sure he ever had been.
Sighing deeply, he crossed to his office, locking the papers up in his desk. He would have to tread carefully, no matter what happened. His initial thought was to pass the papers back with hers on the bottom of the stack, to say that he hadn’t looked at them at all, that he merely collected them for safe-keeping. That was it.
Upon entering his room, Severus lit a brilliant fire. He turned on the wireless to a news station, careful to keep the volume low and collapsed onto the couch facing the fireplace, nodding off to the sounds of voices droning on about how dull the wizarding world was now that the Dark Lord was gone.
As he drifted off, he made a mental note to visit her… for inspiration. And possible that accursed mirror that he was convinced still lurked somewhere in the castle.
Part II.
Sentimental Journey
Severus woke long before dawn, taking his time to prepare for what was to be done this day. It was the last Saturday of the month, which meant he had no obligations at the school. He could not remember the last time he left the comfort and safety of these walls. He was not looking forward to this day.
Carefully disillusioning himself, he crossed the grounds under the scarlet sky of the early morning hours to disapparate at the gate.
The next moment, he arrived at the old stone church in Godric’s Hollow. He had never been here before. In the past, he had always been too ashamed. It was all his fault. He had been convinced then and he had not changed his mind. If not for him, the Dark Lord would not have heard the prophesy and would not have killed her.
Guilt came rushing back on him like a familiar yet unwelcome friend.
After what felt like hours of wandering around the cemetery, Severus located the headstone he sought. He fell to his knees and wept silently, white knuckles gripped the cold granite. She lived on somewhere, he was certain. All that energy could not simply disappear into the ether.
His knees got cold and ached from the unfamiliar position, but he stayed. He stayed and continued his silent release of sorrow until he was exhausted.
What profited this experience? In the matter of an hour or less, Lily’s death had become real; physical, undeniable. He had seen the place where she had been laid to rest, and it was a good place.
Standing slowly and swaying slightly in place from grief, fatigue and the unfamiliarity of the position, Severus looked down on the ground. This was what was left, what was left that he could access; he was quite certain there was more. During his stays in the hospital wing, so frequent during his time serving the Dark Lord, he had many conversations with Poppy. She had told him about the beautiful, amazing things that appeared to dying witches and wizards. It couldn’t all be hallucination.
His mind fixated on that—that beauty in death. The concept of comfort at the end of a long journey gave him a peace which he had kept with him at all times, particularly the worst times; under torture, facing certain death. Then he had experienced it; an entity which defied explanation, some moderator of the afterlife had suggested he was not finished. It remained to be seen whether or not this was entirely true. What was certain was that his dear friend, the love of his life, was gone and had gone in the arms of another.
He took out his wand and created a green glass vase which he filled with copper calla lilies. He was careful to set it on her grave, making sure it did not touch -his- at all.
It was still the early morning, breakfast was probably about to be served in the Great Hall, and he could make it back. Severus was, however, exhausted, and had things still to do this morning. He apparated back to the gate and strode to the castle, seeking out the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy and the services of the room nearby.
He was fortunate, extremely fortunate, to come upon an unoccupied Room of Requirement. The mirror sat directly in front of him, covered with a black silk sheet. Sighing deeply, he reached out and removed the sheet.
Severus watched in fascination as a small brunette approached his reflection. He recognized her immediately as the source of all his recent problems. But they weren’t doing what he had imagined he would see. Rather, she seemed to be wiping tears from his face and holding him, whispering to him saying things that he imagined would be comforting.
The sight was more affecting than he had imagined, and he was eager to hide the mirror from his sight again.
He sighed, resolving to order a house elf to bring him breakfast. He would follow that with a long shower and a nap. Only after all that would he reconsider his position.
A/N: Next is Four Leaf Clover (as in I'm Looking Over a).
Sentimental Journey
(Because Darling Lily was WAY too freakin’ obvious.)
Part I.
Love’s Old, Sweet Song
At first Severus had been sure that she had been referring to someone else. But he knew of no one else at Hogwarts with whom he shared the initials. He checked and double-checked his class roster to reassure him.
He could honestly say he was shocked. THAT he had not seen coming. The girl’s resistance to turn in her work suddenly made sense. A part of him, a very vocal part, said he should have listened to her. He did not need this.
Certainly not given the preference he already had for the girl—one that he had been trying to shove below the surface for years. The needling of her friends (alright, so he probably would have needled Potter anyway—the fact was, she deserved better), that crack about her teeth—attempts to drive her away, all. She was no longer under-age, and surely she did not truly want him… this was just a schoolgirl crush. But now there was no law standing between them…
One of many things lacking in Severus’ life was a wise, trustworthy friend, he figured. Everyone needs someone to run things past. He had one of those once, until she threw him headfirst out of her life. Truth was he never got over it, over her. All the shit he went through, all of it she forced him through and that he took on after she died, and he still loved her. He would always love her.
Her opinion had been the only one of importance, but once he got himself in too deep to be able to suit her whims ever again. That was the point of no return. Of course at that time she had already called an end to their friendship. He was not entirely sure she would stick by that. She could be damn manipulative—should’ve been a Slytherin, really.
She would play the victim aloud, but there was vengeance in her whispers. Her family had known it and so had he. He had witnessed this tactic and been on the receiving end more than he cared to remember.
Still, she had been intelligent, particularly concerning social interactions, an arena in which he had always fallen short. When their friendship was in good standing, he had felt better merely being in her presence. She had given him confidence.
He needed her sense of rightness, her self-assurance now. He needed to see what was going to happen. Lately, he had received more lectures concerning pursuing his own happiness—Severus no longer knew how to make himself happy. He wasn’t sure he ever had been.
Sighing deeply, he crossed to his office, locking the papers up in his desk. He would have to tread carefully, no matter what happened. His initial thought was to pass the papers back with hers on the bottom of the stack, to say that he hadn’t looked at them at all, that he merely collected them for safe-keeping. That was it.
Upon entering his room, Severus lit a brilliant fire. He turned on the wireless to a news station, careful to keep the volume low and collapsed onto the couch facing the fireplace, nodding off to the sounds of voices droning on about how dull the wizarding world was now that the Dark Lord was gone.
As he drifted off, he made a mental note to visit her… for inspiration. And possible that accursed mirror that he was convinced still lurked somewhere in the castle.
Part II.
Sentimental Journey
Severus woke long before dawn, taking his time to prepare for what was to be done this day. It was the last Saturday of the month, which meant he had no obligations at the school. He could not remember the last time he left the comfort and safety of these walls. He was not looking forward to this day.
Carefully disillusioning himself, he crossed the grounds under the scarlet sky of the early morning hours to disapparate at the gate.
The next moment, he arrived at the old stone church in Godric’s Hollow. He had never been here before. In the past, he had always been too ashamed. It was all his fault. He had been convinced then and he had not changed his mind. If not for him, the Dark Lord would not have heard the prophesy and would not have killed her.
Guilt came rushing back on him like a familiar yet unwelcome friend.
After what felt like hours of wandering around the cemetery, Severus located the headstone he sought. He fell to his knees and wept silently, white knuckles gripped the cold granite. She lived on somewhere, he was certain. All that energy could not simply disappear into the ether.
His knees got cold and ached from the unfamiliar position, but he stayed. He stayed and continued his silent release of sorrow until he was exhausted.
What profited this experience? In the matter of an hour or less, Lily’s death had become real; physical, undeniable. He had seen the place where she had been laid to rest, and it was a good place.
Standing slowly and swaying slightly in place from grief, fatigue and the unfamiliarity of the position, Severus looked down on the ground. This was what was left, what was left that he could access; he was quite certain there was more. During his stays in the hospital wing, so frequent during his time serving the Dark Lord, he had many conversations with Poppy. She had told him about the beautiful, amazing things that appeared to dying witches and wizards. It couldn’t all be hallucination.
His mind fixated on that—that beauty in death. The concept of comfort at the end of a long journey gave him a peace which he had kept with him at all times, particularly the worst times; under torture, facing certain death. Then he had experienced it; an entity which defied explanation, some moderator of the afterlife had suggested he was not finished. It remained to be seen whether or not this was entirely true. What was certain was that his dear friend, the love of his life, was gone and had gone in the arms of another.
He took out his wand and created a green glass vase which he filled with copper calla lilies. He was careful to set it on her grave, making sure it did not touch -his- at all.
It was still the early morning, breakfast was probably about to be served in the Great Hall, and he could make it back. Severus was, however, exhausted, and had things still to do this morning. He apparated back to the gate and strode to the castle, seeking out the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy and the services of the room nearby.
He was fortunate, extremely fortunate, to come upon an unoccupied Room of Requirement. The mirror sat directly in front of him, covered with a black silk sheet. Sighing deeply, he reached out and removed the sheet.
Severus watched in fascination as a small brunette approached his reflection. He recognized her immediately as the source of all his recent problems. But they weren’t doing what he had imagined he would see. Rather, she seemed to be wiping tears from his face and holding him, whispering to him saying things that he imagined would be comforting.
The sight was more affecting than he had imagined, and he was eager to hide the mirror from his sight again.
He sighed, resolving to order a house elf to bring him breakfast. He would follow that with a long shower and a nap. Only after all that would he reconsider his position.
A/N: Next is Four Leaf Clover (as in I'm Looking Over a).