The Firewhisky In The Punch

Further Disclaimer: I do not own this song or anything by Steven Lynch. I make no profit from this and receive nothing from him or his people for this. He and his own this song and all of his songs.

A/N: This fiction is again a quote from a song called If I Were Gay by Steven Lynch and was put to another Harry Potter fanvid which can be found on youtube. Once more, the quote is up for grabs for any writer who has an idea!

Quote: I've Never Been Intimate With Your Fist

Story: Intimate

Draco looked at his boyfriend who was sitting across from him at a table in Hogsmeade, their friends sitting around them. He was drinking, but not drunk, so he was in that state where he thought too much. He was sure no one else got this stage while drinking, but he didn't care at that moment.

No. All he cared about was what he considered a gross error in his and Harry's bedroom activities.

He slammed his drink down on the table top, drawing the attention of every other patron in the bar, and moved to all but sit in his lover's lap.

"Harry, love, we need to talk," he said (but not slurred!).

Harry got a very apprehensive look on his face and started to bite his lip. "O-oo-okay. 'Bout what?"

"Well, first of all, stop biting your lip," Draco said sternly. "It distracts me and this is serious."

Now Harry looked panicky. "All right."

Draco nodded. "Good. Now, we have done a lot of different things since we got together. Fucked each other, sucked each other, rimmed each other. Even tied the other up."

At this point, their friends realized that nothing serious was going on and knew that whatever point Draco had, was something they didn't want to hear and began to drift away slowly so as not to hear whatever point was about to be made.

Harry blushed bright red, eyes darting around to the many sundry people and Hogwarts students hanging out in the bar and swallowed heavily. "Yeah. So?"

"So?!" Draco yelled, drawing the attention of people close to them. "How can you not know?"

Harry sighed and threw up a silencing charm, knowing he would never live this down. As much as he and Draco both hated being in the spotlight, Draco tended to forget to be quiet and discreet with the right amount of alcohol. He nodded slowly and looked regretful, despite not knowing what Draco was talking about.

"Maybe you could explain to me what I don't know?" he offered meekly.

His shy act cheered Draco instantly. Draco smiled a megawatt smile and nodded happily. But then he remembered what he'd been trying to say and became serious again. "I'm saying that we've done everything in the book--well, almost, but anyway--except that I've never been intimate with your fist!"

Harry blinked dumbly. And then again. Then, he slowly said, "Love, I know I've put my entire hand up your lovely arse several times over the years."

Draco shook his head, eyes wide. "No! That's not what I meant!" Upon seeing Harry's clueless expression, Draco sighed and leaned close. "We've never beat each other off!"

Harry opened his mouth to deny that--after all, they had waited to be intimate when they got together, but they'd been teenagers so surely they had--and frowned when he couldn't recall such a memory.

"See? I know almost everything about you and how to please you except how to give you a hand job!" Draco declared, as if it were a national crime.

Harry sighed and realized how interested his cock had become in the thought of his partner giving him a hand job. It would be something different and something that would take several days--if not weeks--to perfect. After all, one couldn't expect that Draco would be able to wank him properly despite knowing his penis by mouth.

"Let's go home then, shall we?" Harry said, raising his eyebrows at his lover.

Draco beamed and dragged Harry out, completely forgetting about their friends.

"Well, I have no clue what that was about, but I'm sure Draco's going to regret it tomorrow," Blaise said as he watched the lovers leave.

Nearly everyone was in agreement on that one.