Green Is The Colour Of.....

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Despair



A low, murmuring sound and he gasped painfully, his eyes snapping open only to crash shut immediately at the blinding light that stabbed them.

But....the memory of emeralds made him attempt to open them again, one word sobbing through his mind and heart.


Lily


Oh, Lily his soul cried.


He felt a hot tear escape the same time he felt searing pain in his neck, and it was this burning sharpness that forced his eyes open to squint and blink stupidly in the too bright light.


Too bright light that had two bright green orbs at its centre.


Lily, his heart moaned.


The low murmuring again, and gradually the bright light faded. He again turned his eyes toward Lily. Only.....Lily had red hair......and these green eyes were topped by a wild mess of.......black?


His rasping breath caught in his throat and he started with the realisation that it was the boy, not his mother. Harry, not Lily. And on the heels of that came a thought so horrifying it stopped his breath.


Were they alive.......or dead?

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Very much alive, and Severus stared, dumbfounded, as Harry sheepishly, and with typical Gryffindor modesty, recounted how he'd saved Severus from what he had been certain was his death.


Anti-venom.


Of course.


Severus was thunderstruck that he hadn't thought of it himself. Harry had been carrying it with him, at the insistance of Granger, and for once Severus was grateful for the girl and her know it all ways. Harry, seeming to understand all of the silent questioning in Severus' eyes, told of his and Granger's narrow escape from Nagini in the guise of Bathilda Bagshot, at Godric's Hollow. The episode had prompted the girl to point out the feasibility of carrying anti-venom to Harry, reasoning that Nagini was undoubtedly a Horcrux, and that Harry would sooner or later have a close encounter with the filthy beast. Fortunately for Severus, his own close encounter had come first, and Harry had been there and prepared. After pouring the potion down Severus' throat, Granger had cast a healing spell and conjured bandaging.


Severus listened as Harry continued telling of how Granger then apparated him to St. Mungo's while Harry himself went on to defeat Voldemort, fighting back tears as the boy described his fear at facing evil incarnate, and how his dead parents had appeared, along with Black and Lupin, at his side.


He wanted desperately to tell the boy how sorry he was that he hadn't been there by his side as well, but he wasn't yet able to speak.

He felt the boy move a bit closer to his bed, and the warmth of his hand as he slid it into Severus', grasping tightly, the green eyes glassy, and he realised the boy was crying.

"I'm so sorry," he wept. "I...I don't know what to say to....to make up for.....everything! You were trying to help me and....and I didn't listen.....I didn't want to believe you could be good....that Dumbledore was right to believe in you.........."


Oh, there was so much he wanted to say to the boy! To explain. He gasped, trying to make his torn vocal chords function, but all he managed was a wet gurgling sound.


"Don't....don't try to talk," the boy said, his eyes wide, "you don't have to say anything. D-Dumbledore.....his portrait....he explained everything. You were protecting me all along....you and he had a plan.....you gave up everything...for me....because of my mum. Your memories......you loved her so much.......and I understand better now why you hated my father so much....he drove you to it.....and Sirius......and I don't blame you!"


Severus tried shaking his head and speaking again, but the pain was too much. He tightened his hand around the boy's, drawing those emerald eyes back to his once more. He tried to silently cast Legilimens, to open his mind to the boy and tell him that way, but he was too weak.


"The doe...in the forest....the patronus. It was yours.....like my mum's had been. Hers became yours when she died.....because you loved her so much," the boy said. "All these years, you looked after me, protected me, because of her. Even after she wouldn't accept your apology.......you still loved her....you gave me your memories of her. You thought you were dying.....that's why you pulled me to you.....why you wanted me to look at you.....because I have her eyes. You...you wanted her eyes to be the last thing you saw." He gulped and then was weeping again, his head buried in his arm against Severus' side.


Inside, Severus' mind and heart were in turmoil. The boy's tears pained him deeply, and his mind screamed in frustration at not being able to speak.


All he could do was reach over, resting his hand on the boy's unruly mop, and close his eyes in despair.


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