The Regrets of the Past

Authors note: Hey everyone, sorry this took so long, but I finally have the time to write. You will notice some distinct differences from the 7th book, if you have read it, that’s because I had to change things to fit my plot line, so without further ado, here’s the second chapter, I hope you like it. Also one of the reviews I had for the first chapter seems to have disappeared and I’m not sure why so if anyone notices a review of theirs isn’t there, that’s why.
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Harry felt as though his ears were full of water and his head spun as he swirled through a thick darkness. As he fell for what seemed like an eternity, conflicting images played behind his eyes, first he saw Fred falling in a flash of light, but then he saw himself diving forward and pulling him to the floor, the spell narrowly missing them both. Next he saw Tonks and Lupin struck down by a surprise attack and then the same image, only this time Tonks shielded Lupin and fell alone. Finally, he saw Snape lying on the floor of the shrieking shack breathing his last breath and just before all went dark he saw Snape save himself with a small vial he pulled from within his robes after Harry had gone.
The next thing Harry knew he was standing in the great hall surrounded by all those who had died in the battle. The moment was bittersweet; he was filled with a sense of celebration, but also a deep sadness. His eyes stung with tears as he looked at the still faces of friends and classmates. More heart wrenching still were the anguished sobs of those left alive. He could feel the pain of their deaths, but he seemed unable to cry, no matter how deep that sense of pain, his exhaustion left him numb and he wanted nothing more than to sleep. Thankfully, Luna gave him an escape and he rushed from the great hall hidden beneath his invisibility cloak.
He found out the next day that no one had found Snape’s body yet and he felt a stab of pain as he recalled what he now knew of the man he had hated so deeply. He had saved him so many times and he had never even known it. Harry hoped they would find him soon, he had many things he wanted to say about his former professor but he knew that he could not do so until they had found Snape’s body and brought him home to Hogwarts.
After all other matters had been settled, Harry went to visit Lupin who remained in the great hall, refusing to move from Tonks’s side. All of the others who had family to attend to had taken those dead to be buried and to mourn with their families. Everyone else had gone home as well to celebrate Voldemort’s defeat and put their lives back together after all the tragedy they had witnessed.
Harry walked the halls of Hogwarts, these thoughts filling his head. When he reached the great hall, all other thoughts left him and he walked forward, toward the still form of Tonks. Lupin sat beside her, curled protectively over her body his face resting in his hands as he mourned the woman he loved. As Harry looked at her pale features he realized just how frail she looked now, before she was so full of life and laughter, seeing her like this it was like the woman he remembered had never existed. Harry chocked back a sob as that thought entered his mind, all the pain he had been feeling rushing to the surface, trying in vain to stop the tears from running down his face. He fell to his knees beside her still form, sobs wracking his body and tears pouring down his face.
“I-I’m sorry, it’s my fault, it’s all my f-fault,” he cried looking at Lupin, trying desperately to apologize.
Lupin looked up eyes red from crying, he looked blankly at Harry a moment before he realized what he was seeing. Harry was sobbing uncontrollably, hands clenched into fists against his knees an adult in the eyes of the law, but still so much a child, a child who had been put through more tragedy and hardship than most people faced in a lifetime. A child who had been asked to take the weight of the world on his shoulders and now Lupin could see the effect that had had, always having to be strong, never allowed to falter. Suddenly he was overwhelmed with a sense of sadness for the boy in front of him and he reached forward intending to comfort him, despite his own lingering pain.
Harry seeing Lupin move forward began sobbing harder, his words barely understood by the older man. “P-pl-lease d-don-don’t,” Harry stammered before his tears took his voice once again.
“Don’t what Harry?”Lupin asked pausing, perplexed by his words.
“I d-dint m-mean f-for this t-to happen b-but it’s my, my f-fault, pl-please d-don’t h-hate me,” Harry finished eyes pleading as he continued to shake with the force of his tears.
“Harry,” Lupin said astonished. “This isn’t your fault and I could never hate you,” he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, if it was anyone’s fault, Lupin felt he was to blame, never had it crossed his mind that harry would blame himself. He rushed forward, taking the boy in his arms. “Don’t ever blame yourself for what happened, it, it was no ones fault Harry. Tonks died protecting me because that’s what she felt she had to do, that death eater is to blame not you,” Lupin said realizing in the course of saying this that he knew the words were true, even if he couldn’t help blaming himself.
“N-no, it’s my fault. I-if I had gotten to Voldemort sooner, n-none of this would have happened. I-if I hadn’t b-been s-so stupid, i-if I had defeated him before h-he got here, no one would h-have died. I-it’s my fault, a-all of i-it’s m-my f-fault, “Harry said sobbing brokenly into Lupin’s chest.
Lupin hugged harry to his chest trying his best to soothe him.
“W-worst of all, I b-blamed Sn-Snape f-for every th-thing and h-he only ever tried to h-help me. I-w-wish I could t-tell him I-I’m s-sorry” Harry said taking in shaking breaths, trying to stop his tears.
“Well Potter, crying on my account, I wouldn’t have thought you had it in you,” came a drawled reply from across the room.
Both Harry and Lupin looked up in surprise to find a haggard looking Snape standing in the entrance to the great hall.
“You’re alive,” Harry said in shock, his surprise having stopped his tears. “But, but how I saw you die.” Harry said staring at his former professor, eyes wide.
“Potter did you really think I would have faced the dark lord without a plan, besides if I died there’d be no one to stop you from becoming even more arrogant than you already are,” Snape said a half smile curving his lips.
Harry stared utterly dumbstruck, not only was Snape alive, he was joking, and smiling. Harry couldn’t believe his eyes.
“Severus how did you escape the effects of the basilisk’s poison?” Lupin asked just as shocked as Harry.
“I used phoenix tears, the headmaster gave them to me in return for agreeing to his final request,” Snape said bitterly.
Harry sat staring a moment longer, before he rushed forward, stopping mere inches from Snape’s dark form.
“Do you still intend to kill me Potter or have you not yet seen the memories I left for you,” Snape asked voice uncaring.
Harry knew he was referring to the memories he had left in Dumbeldore’s pensive, when Harry had thought to escape into Dumbeldore’s memories, he had instead found himself in Snape’s and that is when he learned the truth, that Snape was only doing as he was ordered and that he had been on their side all along.
“No I wanted to say I’m sorry, for everything,” Harry said solemnly tears still leaking from his eyes.
“Don’t insult me with your apologies Potter; you killed the dark lord that was apology enough.” Snape said his onyx eyes staring intensely into Harry’s and for a brief moment Harry was sure he saw an apology behind them as well.
After a moment Snape turned and walked away, leaving Harry more than a little confused.
Then Harry returned to Lupin’s side and they agreed to bury Tonks together.
“Harry,” Lupin said as they retreated from the great hall “Seeing as you’re an adult now and you can choose where to live, I was wondering if you might like to stay with me. James and Sirius would never forgive me if I left you with no where to go.” Lupin said his voice ringing with pain as he said his friend’s names.
Harry nodded, “I would like that very much,” he said happy to know he wouldn’t have to say goodbye to his last bit of family and he did consider him family. Not just because he was a friend of his father, mother, and Sirius, but also because he had always treated him like he imagined family would.
“Well then that’s settled then, lets go home Harry,” Lupin said smiling as they walked out the doors of Hogwarts and towards the future.
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Well I hope you all liked it and I’m sorry about the length, I just felt this chapter needed to end where it did. I will have another chapter done as soon as possible and I should have it posted by mid August at the very latest.