Unwanted

Chapter 1



A new myself.





(spoken)

A beautiful girl can make you dizzy,

Like you\'ve been drinking jack and coke all morning.

She can make you feel high,

Full of the single greatest commodity known to man:

Promise. Promise of a better day,

Promise of a greater hope,

Promise of a new tomorrow.

This particular aura,

Can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl.

In her smile, and in her soul.

In the way she makes every rotten little thing about life

Seem like it\'s gonna be ok.





(sung)

September never stays this cold,

Where I come from and you know,

I\'m not one, for complaining.

But I love the way you roll

Excuses off the tip of your tongue,

As I (slowly) slowly, quietly, slowly, fall apart.



This won\'t mean a thing come tomorrow,

And that\'s exactly how I’ll make it seem.

\'Cause I’m still not sleeping,

Thinking I’ve crawled home from worse than this.

So please, please, (please)

I\'m running out of sympathy,(I’m running out of sympathy)

I never said I’d take this,

I never said I’d take this lying down.



She says, "c\'mon, c’mon

Lets just get this over with."(3x)



I never said I’d take this lying down.

Well I’ve crawled home from worse than this,

From worse than this!





( great romance fall out boy)



“ may I have your attention?”



When they arrived at the great hall it was already full of students. The first year were waiting in a row near the entrance. Everyone looked up to the headmaster expectantly.





“I would like to announce the return of our friend: ms Chang. For the people who didn’t knew the story last year she left to china to visit her family.”



..yeah visit my family my ass! If you call visiting going to the cemetery and grave robbing well yeah…I visited them. It had been awful. Digging and opening coffin to find the jade. But now it was safe. On her neck.

Dumbledore went bubbling something more about me and how I have been away for an entire year so it was wise for me to back down and redo my 6th form. Plus I could keep my status as prefect even though they have nominated a new one and I wouldn’t stay in the Ravenclaw tower. Then I had permission to move and go settle in my table. None of my friend came to greet me. Well it’s not that I have many friend anymore after disappearing like that.





Cho looked at the long Ravenclaw table and valuated where to sit. She opted for a place in the middle between the third year and the fifth year. She didn’t know any of them and it was fine with her. She looked around to see if anything else had change and was surprised to see Draco Malfoy looking her way, a calculating face surrounded by white blond hair. He had change a little.



What happened?



He had his air cut short, well not that much, but anyway more shorter than he always had. But the most surprising thing was that he also sat alone far away from his friend or minions, was a better word.



Their eyes met for a brief moment. Then Cho sat down and looked at Dumbledore.



“Now a few announcement before the feast begin. As you all have notice professor Snape will be the new dada professor and I’m really happy to announce the return of a great potion master to take his place: H. Slughorn.”



So strange Severus had not say a thing about that. She had to go an congratulate with her favourite professor after the feast.





And that’s what she did. She ate in silence and enjoyed the meal. She hadn’t eat English food for century and everything tasted even better than she remembered. After that she went down the dungeons to seek professor Snape out.



On her way to the dungeons she met Malfoy. Actually they bump into each other. There was a strange vibe in the air and she felt like an electric shock went through her body. She fell on the floor ungracefully. Her head fuzzy for a while. When she looked up she saw Malfoy wearing a strange expression. like he couldn’t see clearly and was in shock. It only lasted a few moment. He extended his hand to her and help her up but when their hands touched they felt the same jolt.



“What was that?” accuse the boy.



“I have no idea.”



“What are you doing wandering here in the dungeons? Got yourself lost?”



“Well Malfoy. Yeah. You know I’ve been away for a year. I may have take the wrong turn somewhere.”



“Where are you going? I can lead the way…” suggested Malfoy.



“No thank you. I’ll just keep going, maybe I’ll find what I’m looking for.”



“So wish I…”



“What?”



“Nothing. Well I just go. If you don’t need any help.”



Malfoy turned and went away quickly. Cho stared at his retreating back for a while and then keep going to the dungeon.



What was that? What was that shock I felt? It seams like Malfoy felt it too. What happened to Malfoy? Why on earth was he talking to me?



Without noticing it she was in front of Severus office. She knock softly and opened the door.



“ Why ms Chang. Already missing me?”

“Don’t try to be funny Severus because it’s not amusing at all. To tell you the truth it sounds creepy.”

“So what do I own the pleasure of this visit?”

“I’m just here to congrats you of your new position! Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“And lost the chance to see your dumbstruck face back in the great hall?”

“So we need to celebrate. What happened? Why did Dumbledore change opinion?”

“Professor Dumbledore….I wish you’ll be more respectful…”

“Yeah, all right why did proooofessor Dumbledore Change his mind?”

“He just notice that I was the best teacher, and probably the only teacher willing to take that place. “

“What happened to the last year one?”

“She was a fraud. She was sent from the ministry to keep an eye on us all and Granger and Potter managed to turn her crazy.”

“Really? So it was a good year?”

“Not at all. “

“Tell me…”

“I don’t know if I can. Probably Dumbledore doesn’t want me to. “

“And since when do you care what he think or what he wants?”

“I always respect him. So far he didn’t do anything wrong to me.”

“Lucky you!”

“How was your journey instead?”

“Tiring and utterly boring. I just retrieve the jade and learn some chinese magic art. I basically study all the time.”

“That’s a good girl.”

“Yeah, so I want to hear about the action going on around here.”





Snape was happy she was back. He had missed chatting with her last year. With her he was free to say everything. He had learned with time to trust her and admire her. Even more now that with the jade in her hands she was probably the most powerful witch around. So he began telling her about professor Umbridge, Weasley’s twin departure, stupid Potter that create an army, stupid Potter that couldn’t learn occlumency and Sirius Black death and the events at the ministry.



“So, let me put in a nutshell…You are saying that Harry Potter can feel Voldemort’s thought and vice versa so he began to learn occlumency but didn’t manage that. Then Voldemort and Harry fight at the ministry for a prophecy?”

“More or less…”

“And what was the prophecy about?”

“I don’t know all of it but basically Potter is the Chosen one. That means he is the only one who can kill the dark lord. “

“Harry Potter? And does he know that?”

“Dumbledore told him last year after his godfather died. And well…Let just say that you are not the only one angry with Dumbledore…”





After several cup of tea Cho hugged her professor and went back to her room.





At breakfast Cho sat again among the fifth year in silence. No one really paid attention to her. When she gaze at the table in front of her she saw Malfoy looking at her.



Again? What’s wrong with Malfoy? Do I have dirt on my face or something?



She looked at her timetable. First thing was double herbology. Fine. Soft beginning. She walked with her classmates to the green house number 5 and sit alone at a table. She took out her book and began reading. She didn’t notice when a large group of Gryffindors entered and Ronald Weasley shoved his best friend in her direction.



It was common knowledge among the Gryffindors that Harry had a huge crush on Cho since his 3rd year. He had missed her. Not that he was her close friend or they speak on daily basis, but it was comfortable to know she was there, or being able to look across the great hall and see her beautiful frame. And longing after her and telling himself that someday he will find the guts to ask her out.



He stumbled and hit the table hurtfully. Cho looked up.



“Be careful Harry. You don’t want to spend your first day back in the hospital wing.” Someone shouted across the room.

“Erm…Hi Cho.” Stammered the boy already blushing madly.

“Hi Harry.”

“Ijustwantedtoaskuifthatsitnexttoyourisfree?”

“Ehm…You have to stop doing that. Breath. And please repeat it?”

“Oh sorry. I was just wondering if this sit is free.”

“You are not sitting with your friend Weasley?”

“No. I’m giving him and Hermione some space. They are almost an item.”

“Oh. It’s about time.”

“You think so?”

“I supposed so. Well take a seat, then.”

“Thanks.”



Harry couldn’t believe it. He was sitting near Cho and they had a whole conversation. He was so nervous. Just hope that I don’t say something awkward or stupid.



“So what have you done last year?”

“Most of the time I was mourning.”



Yeah, famous last words. Don’t say something stupid, Harry! Really clever asking that. Of course she had been mourning, her boyfriend died.



“It doesn’t matter Harry. I already got over the part when I was sad or angry. And I supposed you had your own problem and ghost to deal with.”

“Yeah.”

“Want to change topic?”

“Better.”



Harry and Cho moved to lighter topic and soon she was laughing. The last student entered the green house. It was Malfoy. Alone. He saw Cho with Potter and feel his anger boil up.



What was she doing with Potter?



Without thinking he sit on the chair next to Cho who find herself between the two enemies.



“Malfoy what do you think you’re doing? “asked Harry surprised.

“I’m sitting here to attend to the lesson.”

“What…”

Harry couldn’t finish his sentence because professor Sprout came in and the lesson begin. When the lesson ended Malfoy stood up and went away without a word.



Harry and Cho spent almost the entire day together since they had the same subjects. They got along quite well. Cho found Harry a little bit clumsy but it was funny. They avoided talking about Cedric and everything hurtful but it was nice. Almost too nice for her.



I don’t deserve this. I cannot be happy. I cannot forget. I have to suffer, this is the only way my heart won’t forget you, my love. But when thing take a certain path it’s really hard to change that. To stop the wheels from spinning. And the more this wheels spin the farther I will be while you are frozen and stuck in the same place forever. No. I cannot let that happen. No my love. Stay with me.



Days went by and she enjoyed Harry’s company. She got along quite well even with his friend. But she continued having nightmares at night. And some night living seams harder than ever.



When she was a young girl what she loved above all other things was for her brother in the mountain to take her up on his broom and show her the stars. She would raise her arms to the sky, certain that those bright twinkling lights were just inches from her grasp; her brother only needed to go a bit higher. At the age of twelve she made it in the team of Ravenclaw and she finally received a broom of her own and began making solo travels to the sky, she often suspected that if she simply let go and gave herself up to the feeling, she would continue to soar higher and higher until she was able to view the very secrets of the universe, encased in those small lights. And in the moments that she entertained even the possibility, she was unbound; free.

(Note: in china brother is used to call someone older, it doesn’t have to be a relative. )



Sneaking out to fly at night was much more easier now that she didn’t live in Ravenclaw tower. She is light on her feet and her robes make no sound as she makes her way out of the castle to the pitch. The only light comes from the soft glow of the moon, which shifts to a different position every night - or so it seems. Everything is grey or darker grey, and might intimidate someone else. But she is familiar with every inch of the ground her shoes whisper over, and every object she passes in the dark is an old friend that greets her with a soft rasp as she brushes by. She can tell where she is just by sniffing the air, and when the scent of hyacinth and wood polish grows stronger, she knows she is nearly at her intended destination.

She has brought her broom, of course. She loves flying, especially at night with the cold gusts of air that billow through her robes and sting her eyes, allows her to feel the blood that pumps through her veins, the heart that beats in her chest and in her ears. She flies fast, faster than she would when she is not alone, weaving in and out of the quaffle hoops and the spectator stands, as low to the ground as she dares, as high as her lungs will allow. Sometimes the feelings that are provoked from her high-risk flying cause tears to spring to her eyes, and these she wipes away quickly with the sleeve of her robe. When her face is nearly numb and she can\'t feel her fingers gripping the handle of her broom anymore, she lands and heads back to her room, her mind clear and unburdened, to catch a few hours of sleep before she wakes up to begin the cycle all over again.

But one night her ritual is broken. When she arrived at the Quidditch pitch there was someone else. A figure flying in the moonlight. Fast and harmoniously. Like he was dancing in the air. His hair hit by the moonlight looking like a halo around his darkened face.

The figure notice Cho and landed a few step away.

“What are you doing here at night?” Cho accuse him.

“I could say the same for you. Anyway care to join a seeker’s game?”

“What?”

“Who catches the snitch first win.”

“If you insist. “



They took off the ground and Malfoy let a snitch out his pocket. Despite her lack of interest, she eventually sees the snitch and dives toward it. If Malfoy want to play, well let’s play. She expects to have it against her palm in short order, and is surprised when she is knocked hard to the side, throwing her off course. Her shoulder throbs in pain where Malfoy has slammed against it, and for a second she doesn\'t know what to do. She didn\'t expect such ferocious opposition. – what the hell! -she considers her options. If she circles back, Malfoy will get the snitch and win. She suddenly feel like she didn’t want to lose.

Before she knows it she is right on his tail, pursuing his easily distinguished blond head as he winds his way toward the snitch. Her late-night flying habit has proven useful, as she is able to shadow his every move with alacrity. He is a better instinctual flier than she is, but on this familiar ground they are equals. They reach some open airspace and she takes the opportunity to give her broom a little burst of speed.

If Malfoy is surprised to see her shoulder to shoulder with him, he doesn\'t show it. He seems completely focused on capturing the small golden ball that evades them, and she wonders briefly what demons he\'s exorcising - surely all this raw determination can\'t be for winning a stupid game. She can see the glint of the snitch ahead, and they both plunge forward. It turned out like a battle; Malfoy has no qualms correcting her in very physical terms when she gets too far into his space, and after a bit of this abuse she begins to respond in kind. Her body is going to be black and blue on both sides tomorrow, but instead of being angry she rather feels like a girl who has gotten her first thrilling love bite.

Malfoy\'s broom eventually outmatches hers and he pulls ahead, arm outstretched, and nabs the snitch neatly. When they landed he mumbled – good game.

Cho cannot take her eyes off of Malfoy. He is dirt- and sweat-streaked, frowning, and a little bit embarrassed. He won the game, and yet, he doesn\'t look as though he has taken any pleasure in the win, instead looking as if he has done something wrong and is waiting to receive his punishment.

Cho cannot help but feel that this is wrong.

Then suddenly he has dropped his broom to the ground and had thrown his arms around her. She is completely rigid. Shocked. But then she return the embrace and he murmurs, "thank you" into her ear. This close, she can smell him - his sweat, his soap, his light aftershave, and she feels something ignite deep in her abdomen. Then she lets go and he did too.

“You are welcome! Thanks for what?”

“The game. “

“Malfoy what happen to you? Why are you acting this strange? “

“I…Just Changed.”

“What happened to make you Change?”

“I cannot tell you.” Said Malfoy stubbornly looking away.



He is surrounded by stone walls, stuffy classrooms, and the everyday cacophony of his classmates. He feels these things pulling at him, pushing him down, like the strings of a marionette in careless hands. The same things that once brought him comfort now form a prison from which he cannot escape. The same thing that had seamed so important now were meaningless. Not compared to….

“Well it seams like I have to do all the talking part.” Cho’s voice stopped Malfoy musings, “ So, you know I used to be the kind of girl who laughed often and loud, because even back then, I knew the moments wouldn\'t last. I used to enjoyed spending time with my friends, taking weekend trips to Hogsmeade, reading alone in my room, or studying in the library. These things had all felt right to me. You know what I mean?”

Malfoy nodded.

“I had been doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing, and I \'d been happy. It all fell into place when the day came and I met him. My someone. The one I truly believed I could love, and he felt the same in return. This is meant to be, I \'d thought. But the problem now is that I can\'t remember exactly the way his lips felt on mine. I supposed they were soft and sweet but I can’t recall the exactly feeling. I remember that I had to stay on my tip-toes even though he\'d lowered his head, but I don’t remember how his touch felt. I don’t know why I am telling you all of this. It just seams right.”

They stayed in silence for some times. Staring at the dark pitch. Both lost in their thoughts. Cho couldn’t believe she just told him everything. Then suddenly Malfoy began to talk. Cho turn to look at him but he was still staring ahead.

“ My father was caught last June. Now he is at Azkaban waiting to receive the kiss. My mum is sick. She’s letting herself dying. And everything is so fucked up. Sometimes I want to be just like my mom and lie somewhere and wait.”

“ For what?”

“ I don’t know. Maybe salvation.”

“ good luck then. It was nice talking to you. Strange but nice. I think I’ll just go. Goodnight Malfoy.”

“ goodnight Chang.”

Cho kept repeating Malfoy’s words in her head. It made sense. But what she didn’t know was that there was more to it. Things that Malfoy couldn’t confess.



Weeks passed and Cho and Malfoy didn’t had the opportunity to speak again. They had classes together but she was always with Harry and his friends. They didn’t meet on the pitch. Although he had spent every night out there freezing waiting for her, she never came.

Around Halloween things got more complicated. There was the ordinary feast and this time Harry managed to ask Cho to the ball. She accepted and from that day on they became something like an item. That was what everyone thought and it also was what Harry thought. She enjoyed his attention.

He was kind and gentle and attentive. But he didn’t give her any strong emotions. Not like the one she receive from Cedric. Harry’s kisses were nice, but they didn’t light up the fire in her veins like Cedric ones used to do.

It\'s not his fault. She knows this, but she can\'t bring herself to love him. She feels his love, his devotion, his desire. How can she not, when they are directed at her and he doesn’t hide them at all? She doesn\'t want them, though. She doesn\'t need them, but doesn\'t know how to make him stop. She sees him cutting a fine figure in his Quidditch robes, all dark hair and big green eyes. She finds him very attractive, and if she were the girl she used to be she might be flattered by his attention. He is too like the one she has lost: good; brave; kind. Most likely to die in the act of heroism. And Cho doesn’t want to loose someone else she love. Se couldn’t give him her heart knowing she probably would suffer. She wanted to be safe this time.

Her peers don\'t know this. They think she is just confused about her emotion for Harry. They supposed she was still thinking about her ex, which was the truth, and she was unable to fall in love yet. And Harry understand it all. He is so patient and accepting.

The development of Hogwarts new golden couple nauseated Malfoy. He couldn’t look at them walking hand in hand through corridor. Entering the classrooms together. Laughing and exchanging glances full of love. And Cho never looked at him anymore, but he still went outside at night and wait for her. After his frantic flying session he would go back to his room. Exhaustion seeping into his bones and residing there with anger and sadness. These days all he thinks about during the day is going to his room and crawling between the sheets of his bed so that he can sleep until he has slept away the darkest of his emotions. But at night, listening to the soft chuffs and lazy wheezes of his roommates, he can\'t sleep. When he closes his eyes he is plagued by visions of his father trial, his mother sadness and….. But mostly he thought about Cho.