The Draco Horror Picture Show

A/N: Well at last here is another chapter. Sorry to keep you waiting like that, I swear it wasn't for dramatics I just couldn't find the time to sit down and write. I hope this was worth the wait. Or at least, haven't disappointed you all terribly. *Bites finger nails*

(PS: Remember, any comments, even hate-filled comments, are good comments)

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Draco looked at Harry and tried not to faint some more.



Draco always knew that someday, something unbearably horrible was going to happen to him, he just could not predict nor fathom the length in which the universes stretch of horrible was, than that of is. And his, he’d always considered, was pretty far.



Just then, when Draco thought things could not possibly get any worse than they already were, he caught sight of Dudley’s smitten expression directed towards him and promptly fell out of the glass tomb.



Everyone failed to gasp.



Draco moaned as he touched the tender spot on his head.



Harry, still being Harry Potter The Heroic Gryffindor Though Undoubtedly As Deranged As Voldemort, looked around for a second before walking over to Draco and asked if he was alright.



“NO! I’m bloody well not alright!” Draco shrieked, for what was the third time in the span of 45 seconds.



Draco got up and shuffled away from Harry, tearing at the gauze.



“And get away from me you freak. I hate you!” Draco shouted as he continued to tear off the gauze. His eyes scanned the rest of the Great Hall. “I hate you all too!” He exclaimed. “You’re all disgusting! Why the hell are you dressed like that! It’s horrible!”



Lupin resented that last remark. He thought he was dressed rather smartly this evening, what with his long flowing black robe and the leather chaps and the high collar dress shirt, why he was dressed damn sharp, he was! No little mummified albino was going to tell him any different.



“My father will hear of this!” Draco shouted and ended with his most loathsome sneer.



Clearly this had no effect over anyone.



Harry not paying attention to Draco anymore began to pace. “What could have gone wrong?” He spoke out loud. “I did everything right and yet it gave me…” Harry gestured wildly toward Draco. “This!” He exclaimed at last with the dramatics of a crazed man whose invention came out with an unforgivable quirk.



Draco took a moment from his gauze stripping to sneer at Harry.



“OK that’s it, I’ve had enough. I’m not playing this game anymore!” Ginny cried and turned and walked away.



Hermione went running after Ginny. She would be damned if she were going to be the only girl in this madness.



“Uh, perhaps Harry this charade shall end now?” Remus inquired hopefully.



“No!” Harry exclaimed.



The rest of the Great Hall sighed heavily.



“Not until I speak with Dumbledore first! I must know what went wrong in my creation and I must know NOW!” He shouted in Ron’s direction.



Ron released an exasperated sigh, “Bloody hell…” he uttered under head breath and proceeded to mutter darkly as he shuffled out of the Great Hall.



Soon the attention was slowly drawn toward Draco Malfoy who was cursing wildly in efforts to remove the gauze that clung to him like his own flesh.



Finally with a tug at just the right piece of material, the gauze unraveled itself off of Draco.



“YES!” He cried in triumph.



At that the crowed gasped.



Draco momentarily turned is attention away from his victory to see what everyone was looking so wide eyed about.



Draco then shrieked for what was the fifth time this evening.



His hands automatically flew in front of his groin. That of which was only merely covered by a very tiny and most scandalous, gold speedo.



He saw Dudley’s flustered expression and dived behind the glass tomb. Which of course he forgot was made of glass.



“Potter you sick twisted pervert!” Draco shouted at Harry.



“Oh don’t flatter yourself,” Harry snapped, eyes narrowing, “If I knew you were going to be coming out of the tomb I would have put anthrax in them.”



Before Draco could retort, Ron and Professor Dumbledore entered the Great Hall.



“Professor Dumbledore!” Harry exclaimed.



“I know, I know Harry, believe me when I say I wish I were sincere in my apology to have missed your unveiling, however unfortunately I am not.” Dumbledore stated.



“Actually, my exclamation was made because you’re in a wheelchair.”



“Oh,” Dumbledore said more brightly, as he wheeled along in his magically powered wheelchair. “Yes, well I suppose this is a new look for me.”



“What happened, Dumbledore?” Remus inquired.



“Well, this old body isn’t getting any younger and I’m afraid I have a little disability in my right foot that will leave my temporarily disabled.” Dumbledore informed, “In other words I’ve got a hangnail.” He lifted his robes to reveal a bandaged foot.



“Ew” Draco commented.



“Yes well, so things go,” Dumbledore said, “So why did you summon me here, Harry?”



“Well because of this,” Harry said pointing towards Draco Malfoy, who was still hiding himself behind the glass tomb.



“Ah,” Dumbledore said philosophically, “Yes, I see Mr. Malfoy has given us the pleasure to view his new undergarment. Not something we, in my generation, would have chosen to wear under our robes but I suppose styles do tend to change over the years.”



Shriek No. 5.



Ron snickered.



“No” Harry huffed exasperatedly, “What my problem is that Draco Malfoy was what was created instead of my perfect male specimen!”



“Ah, I see…” Dumbledore said. “How unfortunate indeed, though I don’t see how I can be of any help explaining why Mr. Malfoy is here.”



“Perhaps because I AM THE perfect male specimen.” Draco added helpfully as he made a salacious toga out of his gauze pieces.



The Great Hall erupted in a howl of laughter.



“Oh fuck off.” Draco said heatedly, cheeks turning a light crimson color.



“So, Professor are you telling me you have absolutely no idea how I created a clone of Draco Malfoy?” Harry inquired, pouting slightly.



“Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second.” Draco intoned suddenly, “You actually think you created me?” He inquired incredulously.



“Well, yes, you see I have developed this elaborate Transforminator to create my perfect male specimen, I put in every genetic quality that I desired into the machine, but I supposed somehow there was a terribly drastic malfunction because it did create an exact clone replica of Draco Malfoy somehow.” Harry explained.



“You’re completely fucking bonkers you know that?” Draco commented. “And I am NOT a clone of Draco Malfoy, I am Draco fucking Malfoy! I didn’t just appear out of thin air as you believe, I was some how transported here!”



Everyone gasped.



“That can’t be, this isn’t my Transportinator.” Harry said.



“Well you must have fucked up royally some how Potter, which does not shock me in the least, because I most definitely AM the real Draco Malfoy. The last thing I remember was walking out of my library in the Manor when suddenly a flash of electrical blue light engulfed me and then I woke up here, which was when I thought I’d died and gone to hell.” Draco informed.



“Then…what the hell?” Harry spluttered, hardly comprehending any of this new found information and how it tied into his Transforminator.



“Er, Harry?” Hermione said at last, who'd entered a minute ago looking quite disheveled and clinging to a squirming Ginny's arm with a death grip. “Did you remember to switch your Transportinator with your Transforminator before the party of the unveiling like you said you would?”



“Of course I had it taken care of, I asked Ron to do it.” Harry said pointedly.



Everyone looked at Ron who looked just as curious as they did. “Er, this is news to me.” He said.



“WHAT?” Harry raged. “YOU DIDN’T CHANGE IT AFTER I SPECIFICALLY ASKED YOU TO?”



“What part of ‘this is news to me’ don’t you understand?!” Ron bellowed back.



“ALL OF IT!” Harry retorted.



“It means you didn’t ask me you bloody twat! GOD!” Ron cried.



Suddenly the room went silent under the heavy tension in the air.



“Oh bloody hell!” Said Harry, abjectly breaking the silent spell at last.