Perverted Potions

Thanks so much for the reviews and hints!! I hope it's a bit funnier for ya Kimberly, Sureves, hamie, catysmom, and snapespet30.
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Chapter 2: It's hard to keep your legs shut.

Hermione was surprised that the Headmaster wished that the student body know more about sex and the true dangers (diseases, infections, babies, mainly the babies aspect…) behind it. It’s a scary thing growing up, finding a boy or girl you like and then trying to slip a condom on without it being awkward. Sometimes people just skip that step and hope for the best. She couldn’t believe the idea that students actually got it on within the castle walls, but Harry and Ron trumped that notion.

“Yeah, ‘Mione, didn’t you know? Seamus has a thing of doing it in the girl’s bathroom stalls.” Ron stated.

“We think it’s because it runs the risk of getting caught. That or he knows Moaning Myrtle is watching them.” Harry shuddered, thinking back to his fourth year. He got help from Moaning Myrtle for the Triwizard Tournament while in the bath, but she kept sneaking peeks whenever she could.

“Ok, so are you two going to go? Since apparently students do have sex here at Hogwarts.”

“Bloody hell, ‘Mione,” Ron looked horrified, “From the greasy, git of the Dungeons? No, thank you. I’m already uncomfortable just doing his homework.”

“But why not? Professor Dumbledore wants us to know more about it, to be safe. You could say he’s almost encouraging the act. And I just checked with him, the elective is still going on.”

“Yeah, because Snape knows that no one will sign up for it.”

“That’s Professor Snape. And no, if that’s true, he’s wrong to think that.”

Harry and Ron stopped abruptly upon hearing that and gave Hermione a look of concern.

“Hermione, why are you signing up for this?” Harry started. “I mean, can you trust Snape? He might take this as an opportunity to, you know…”

“‘You know’, what?’ Hermione looked livid. “I doubt that Professor Snape would actually try to lift up my skirt and demonstrate his knowledge on me. I have been given a chance to learn something that I actually, for once, know nothing about! And this one bit of information, I believe, will come in handy to me one day. That and Lavender thought it would be a good idea for me to take it up.” She began walking again, the two followed after her.

Ron perked up from the silence, “You know, I could give you and Lavender pointers. No need to bring Snape into this.”

“Sorry, Ron,” Hermione rolled her eyes, “But I believe that Professor Snape is a bit more experienced than you are, about 20 years or so if I’m correct. He must be, if he was the one chosen to teach.”

Harry and Ron looked at each other in disgust. Snape experienced? Ugh, to think that their Potions Master has performed the act and (much harder to believe) with a willing witch beneath him.

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The week had passed and Hermione had filled herself up with a salad and potatoes, anxious to begin her new class. She looked to see if Professor Snape was still at the Head Table before she said goodbye to her friends. She pranced down the empty corridors all the way to the vacant Dungeons.

She reached the potions classroom and hesitated before walking in. Perhaps she won’t be the only one taking it? Who was she kidding; of course she would be the only one. Well, there really is no turning back now, she opened the door and made her way to a desk. The only thing she had to do now was wait.

Which she hadn’t done for very long until the door slammed open and a familiar sour face strode in, his robes billowing ominously. Was that a look of relief on his face? Oh, now it’s horror.

Hermione smiled weakly, “Hello, Professor.” And now it’s anger.

“Miss Granger,” Snape rasped. “I gather you are here for the lesson in… Sexual Education?”

“No, sir, actually I was here for another dose of potions.” The sarcasm dripped from her lips. Snape sneered at her in return. “Of course I am, sir.” She smiled sweetly.

Snape wanted nothing more than to wipe that silly smile off the girl’s face. He actually had a student and it had to be the know-it-all Gryffindor. “I’m intrigued, Miss Granger. This is one thing you have not studied up on, then?”

“Sir, I know for a fact, that sex is never safe, but I’m all for taking precautions.”

“Here’s a precaution that will do you justice, Miss Granger. Keep your skirt down and legs shut. Then a man won’t be able to go between them, not that I believe there would be one who’d want to anyway.” He smirked ever so smugly at the appalled Gryffindor.

“A precaution that you must know all too well, Professor,” Hermione spat out.

“Ten points from Gryffindor for that cheeky attitude of yours, Miss Granger.”

“I could say the same to you, sir,” Hermione choked out, completely offended.

“And you already have. Ten more points from Gryffindor.”

“Professor Snape!” Hermione looked at him determinedly. “Are you going to teach me or not?” This little lioness was not going to give up.

All right, Snape thought, you want to learn, Miss Granger? I’ll give you something to learn. You’ll wish you never signed up for this class; I’ll make sure of it.

“But I already have taught you something, Miss Granger. Keep your legs shut. Now get out, I do not want to see you at this hour again until the next class.” He needed time to think of his new curriculum for his special, sole student. He will never hear the end of this from Albus, but the old man needed to see that this embarrassment of a class was utterly ridiculous.

“But it has only been 10 minutes, sir!” Hermione pleaded.

“Time well spent. Now. Get. Out.” Hermione wrapped her feet around the rear legs of the chair and her hands held a death-grip on the seat. Snape saw this motion of defiance and scowled. Persistent little minx. Snape walked briskly over to Hermione, spun the chair around so the back faced he desk and Hermione faced him. He grabbed the seat of the chair, just below her hands slightly brushing against them and kneeled before her. Her eyes widened at his proximity.

“I thought I told you, Miss Granger, to keep your legs shut.” His voice dangerously low, almost trying to reach something, to ignite something lower in Hermione. Oh Gods. Harry was right. He’s going to lift my skirt up and show me how it’s done. Snape chuckled. Oh crap, did I say that out loud?

Snape glanced down at her legs, which Hermione caught and quickly unwrapped her feet and brought them to his chest, kicking him away. Snape landed on his bum, scowling at Hermione which had promptly gathered her things and ran over to the door.

Before taking her leave, she said, “Until next time, Professor.”

Until next time indeed, Miss Granger.

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Rofl, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. reviews welcome and helpful hints appreciated!
I need to brush up on my dirty jokes, I think this story might be riddled with them.