part one/two/three-Sometimes he could be just...Aaarrgghh

1001 ways to get back at a Malfoy

Harry sat at the Gryffindor table, contemplating one-thousand-and-one ways to get back at a certain Slytherin.
He could hang Malfoy upside down from a ceiling and whip his ass.
Maybe a hex to make his hair turn pink for five minutes, everytime the boy said his own name.
Or maybe Harry should slip into the Slytherin dorms and paint Malfoys’ nails in all colours of the rainbow, sparkles included.
Why, do you ask?
Well, Draco had managed to shellshock our green eyed friend.

The blonde had walked into the great hall, straight to the table where Harry was eating breakfast with his friends and had started to ‘explain’ to Harry what he, Malfoy, thought about married life.
Something about having eight kids named after Santa’s reindeer, not going to be a mommy and certainly not wanting to be married to Harry.
Now Harry was all for that, mind you, but why had Malfoy said all of those things?
Was that boy a few cards short of a full deck or something?
When Harry pointed out that they weren’t even in a relationship, the sneering blonde had the audacity to proclaim that thát was entirely beside the point.
At that moment Harry was convinced the blond was certifiable.

After this weird exchange it all went sour quickly at the Gryffindor table.
Harry’s friends thought the boys fancied eachother.
Even though Harry was very adamant that they didn’t.
He? And Malfoy? That was like…eeeeeuuuuwwww…so NOT happening.
But Harry’s housemates were relentless.
They were giving him a third degree interrogation and some were even ‘explaining’ the ever present ‘sexual tension’ between the two hottest guys in school.
Sexual tension? Where the hell were they talking about.
As if! There was nothing sexual about it, he loathed Draco. * Draco… * Harry’s consciense said
* You always call him ‘Malfoy’ and now it is ‘Draco’ all of a sudden? Since when are you on a first name basis? *
^Since never!^ Harry thought defiantly to himself.
* Mmm hmmm and ofcourse you don’t find him the least bit attractive, do you? * his conscience pushed.
^Hell no!^
* If you say so, but why have you been staring at him for the last…oh…five minutes or so? *
^I have not!^
* Ofcourse not. You are not looking at those luscious lips, that muscle-toned body or those beautiful silver-grey eyes. Nope, you are not noticing any of that, because you loathe him, I’m sure! *
^Will you keep out of this? I am thinking about getting rid of that cute and hot piece of sex-on-legs and you are bothering me^
* ……. *
^What?^
* Oh nothing, it’s just you denoted him as being a cute and hot piece of sex-on-legs *
^I most certainly did not!^
* Yes, you did. You like him, admit it *
Harry groaned, great…now he was having a discussion with himself about the Slytherin?
^Okay, sure…he is kinda good looking, but that doesn’t mean I like him or want to snog him or anything^ he thought to himself
* Who said anything about snogging? And he is not just kinda good looking, he is absolutely fucking gorgeous. Where is your Gryffindor courage now, huh? The Saviour of the Wizarding World is having trouble admitting the truth to himself? I don’t know you anymore.*
“Would you just shut the hell up?” Harry shouted out and then realised what he had done.
He clasped his hand in front of his mouth and his friends were looking at him as if he’d grown another head.
“Harry, you alright mate?” Ron asked worriedly.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. It’s just…oh bloody hell. I have to do something” Harry sighed.
He stood up and walked over to the Slytherin table.
Standing in front of Malfoy and looking straight at him he said;
“Malfoy, I have a few things to say to you too. First of all, I have no idea what you were rambling about. It takes two people to have a marriage, you know? And who, in their right minds, would name their kids after Santa’s reindeer anyway?”
“Luna would” Blaise Zabini, another Slytherin, said helpful.
“My point exactly” said Harry
“Second…even though I think you are cute and hot and what-not, I know for a fact that we are not dating, so how you came to the conclusion you were to be ‘the mommy’ in a relationship that doesn’t exsist is beyond me.
And last, but not least, ARE YOU INSANE???” he screeched at the blonde.
Malfoy wasn’t the least bit impressed and just shrugged his shoulders.
“I’m not really sure, because the dream I had, felt very real to me and I wanted to clear up a few things, before we even got started” he said matter-of-factly and continued eating.
“What? Started? Huh?” Harry spluttered, completely at a loss as to what to say.
Draco looked up once more, rose from the bench and walked around the table towards Harry.
“Harry? I think you look absolutely adorable when you don’t know what to say” he said lovingly and planted a kiss on Harry’s nose.
Then he walked out the great hall, leaving behind a stunned Harry and a eerily quiet hall.