A Matter of Circumstance

Chapter 2 ~ Intervention

”Eros! Eros, where the Hades are you?” Aphrodite called as she stormed through Olympus, checking all the vacant rooms.

Eros, who had been lying on a duvet, enjoying having his lobes stroked by one ebony-haired naked nymph while being fed peeled grapes by another blonde and naked beauty, sat up quickly.

“You two, go stand by the other statues…quickly!” he hissed at the women, who immediately ran over to a number of naked nymph statues standing against the far wall.

Eros sat up, turned them into ivory statues and shook out his wings, trying to look non-chalant as his mother walked in, her eyes narrowed suspiciously as she looked around the room. Her eyes fell on the bowl of grapes and peeled skins. He’d been up to something all right.

“Hello, mother,” Eros said, flashing her a brilliant smile.

The handsome blonde god’s smile might disarm other females, but this was Aphrodite, his mother. She wasn’t falling for it. Adorned with flowers and gold, the beautiful goddess looked down on her lazy son.

“Don’t you hello me, Eros,” she snapped at him, “What are you doing about the Snape situation?”

Eros frowned slightly.

“What? I got him involved with someone like you asked me to,” he said.

”I told you to make him fall in LOVE with someone, Eros,” Aphrodite replied.

Eros sighed.

“Mother, Severus Snape is a hard case. Lust was the best I could do,” Eros said, hating to admit that a mere mortal was able to throw off his best arrows.

”Yes, but you made him lust after a young witch that was involved with someone else,” Aphrodite said, “And she’s in love with him.”

”Well, that’s half the battle,” Eros said smugly.

Aphrodite had to fight to keep from blasting her son off the duvet.

”Don’t you keep track of mortals you have actively involved yourself with?” she asked him.

“No. The Fates handle that,” he responded.

Aphrodite did blast him then, Eros flying off the duvet and crashing into the statues, one of the nymphs toppling and shattering into pieces.

”Damn it,” Eros hissed, standing up and brushing himself off.

Aphrodite put her hands on her hips, going into browbeat mode.

“Listen, that witch you made Snape lust after is pregnant by him and about to marry another man. Four lives are about to be ruined,” Aphrodite said.

”Mother, I’m not responsible for the deeds mortals do,” Eros replied, “That’s why they have free will, to fuck up their lives if they want to.”

Aphrodite glowered at him.

”You’re going to fix this, Eros…and fix it right now!” she spat at him, “Lives depend on this.”

Eros raised both eyebrows at his mother as he walked back across the room to the duvet and sat down.

”Mother, you caused a war that lasted years…thousands of lives were lost. Remember Paris? Menelaus? Helen of Troy?” he said to her.

Aphrodite paused. All right…so she did cause a little war. She was young and frivolous then. If Zeus had just awarded her the Golden Apple, she wouldn’t have had to bribe Paris with Helen. It was easy to see she was the prettiest goddess out of herself, Hera and Athena. But no, the King of the Gods bitched up and they had to get a mortal to decide who was the most beautiful. So she greased his palm with Helen. Sure, he had to abduct her…but those were just…details.

“I was young then,” she snapped at her son, “And don’t try to wriggle out of your responsibilities by bringing up my mistakes. I’ve learned from them. Now that witch is about to marry a man she doesn’t love and make him believe the child is his. I want you to do something now, Eros…or I’ll go to Zeus. He’s been aching to scorch your wings for you for a couple of millennia. All he needs is an excuse and if you don’t fix this, I’ll give him one.”

Eros paled. He didn’t want to tangle with Zeus, the crotchety old bastard. Hera had fixed him with some kind of impotency spell and he was furious Eros couldn’t help him get it up. Zeus had been quite a philanderer in his day and Hera was tired of it. His illegitimate son Hercules was the last straw.

“All right. I’ll do something,” he said, waving his hand so a small cloud appeared showing the planet earth spinning in space.

He zeroed in on Hermione, who was being escorted across the grounds of Hogwarts on her way to the outdoor wedding ceremony. He then zoomed in on Severus, who was seated among the guests, scowling blackly as he looked at a very nervous Ronald Weasley who was standing next to his Best Man Harry Potter. Albus Dumbledore was standing at a podium, looking very sober.

“Be sure you do, Eros. I’m going to check in on them later,” Aphrodite said, turning, her beautiful flowing locks bouncing prettily as she exited.

”I’m going to check on them later,” Eros mimicked nasally, scowling after her.

He looked back at the cloud. Hermione was now walking up the aisle on the arm of her father, who was smiling, Ron’s eyes resting on the witch filled with love. Severus shifted in his seat uncomfortably as he watched.

“Well, I don’t have much time,” Eros said to himself, conjuring up a bucket filled with water.

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Albus conducted the wedding ceremony very soberly. Personally, he didn’t think Hermione and Ron should marry because he knew Hermione had a powerful attraction to the Potions Master…one that had been acted upon more than once. There was a good chance that the child she carried was fathered by the dark wizard. As much as he meddled however, Albus stayed out of this one for the most part, though he did talk to Severus, who was very dismissive.

Albus had felt like blasting him for being a damn fool, but departed before he did so.

”Does anyone object to the marriage between this couple?” he asked the audience.

There was silence for a moment, then Severus began coughing terribly, everyone turning in their seats to look at him. Hermione and Ron turned also, Hermione’s amber eyes narrowed.

The bastard. He was doing this on purpose.

The Potions Master stopped coughing and looked around, every eye trained on him.

”I’m sorry. Did I interrupt?” he purred, looking directly at Hermione, who subtly flicked her bouquet at him. Her wand was hidden among the flowers.

Suddenly Severus’ chair flipped, dumping the wizard on the ground, his robes wrapping around him as everyone cheered. Furious, the wizard got up, straightened his robes, picked up the chair, set it back properly and sat down, glowering at everyone until the cheers died down.

Albus looked at him disapprovingly over the top of his glasses for a moment, then returned to the task at hand.

”Do you, Ronald Weasley take Hermione Granger to be your lawfully wedded wife until death do you part?” the Headmaster asked him.

Ron looked at Hermione, his blue eyes glistening.

”I do,” he said clearly.

Albus nodded and looked at Hermione, his eyes slightly narrowed. She swallowed. No one else noticed his look except her. It was clear the Headmaster thought she was making a mistake.

“Do you, Hermione Granger, take Ronald Weasley to be your…”

Suddenly the Heavens opened up and a huge deluge of water poured down from the sky, washing away Albus, Hermione, Ron and the guests in a torrent of rushing water. People screamed and spluttered as they were taken across the grounds amid a tumble of struggling bodies, chairs, food and decorations. The water kept coming, effectively disrupting and prematurely ending the wedding.

Eros put the bucket down and dusted off his hands.

“That ought to buy me some time,” he said to himself with a grin.

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A/N: Definitely a parody. :) Thanks for reading.