Pure Pain

It was a new year at Hogwarts: School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and already was the school brimming with excitement. All the house elves were happily being enslaved except for the house elf Winky (who had been put back together by Hermione) as she muttered, whined, and was a general nuisance to the others. The elves had gotten tired of her drunken whining and locked her inside a kitchen cupboard. The teachers were readying themselves for a new horde of first years, Hagrid was already groomed and waiting to bring them over on their watery trip, his hopes set high on finding himself a new boy (or girl) to replace Harry Potter who was leaving for good soon. Not to mention his marriage with Tonks hadn't gone so well after their baby had been eaten by Buckbeak the hypogriff.

Snape had managed to drive off the women by dunking his head into a tub of lard (supplied by Dumbledore with a disconcerting wink) and no longer remembered the horror of Umbridge, but couldn't help the nightmares that still occurred. Visions of sagging fat and stretch marks filled his dreams and the professor tried to sleep as little as possible. Dumbledore said he looked very nice with dark, heavy bags under his eyes and Severus didn't want to disappoint.

----


The Great Hall was dead silent as the Sorting Hat was placed on the head of the newest (and most peculiar) addition to Hogwarts and Harry Potter's head. On any normal occasion there would be no need to give an extra appendage a special sorting of its own, but he was quite adamant in arguing with Dumbledore in that he surely did not belong in Gryffindor and demanded the right to a proper sorting. Dumbledore could do nothing but comply and so there Harry Potter sat for the second time in his life, head tilted back as the large hat was placed over the sentient penis living in his head.

"SLYTHERIN!" the Sorting Hat bellowed as it barely touched the tip of the penis' head before being taken away by a very happy Dobby. Harry could have sworn he heard the hat give a cry for help as it was taken away but thought nothing more of it.

Harry sat on the stool stupidly, unsure as if he should go back to his own table or over to the Slytherins (who, for once, were not cheering but rather looking quite horrified). He looked at Dumbledore for help but the great wizard merely shrugged his shoulders.

"Move it over to my table! Hurry up now!" the penis commanded with his high-pitched voice.

Harry stood and trudged over to the Slytherin table, his head lowered as he tried to evade the nasty glares the kids shot at him, especially Draco Malfoy. The pale boy watched Harry Potter with a smug look and sneered as the boy tried to sit down, only to find the benches suddenly very full.

"Move outta the bloody way!" the penis yelled and the others turned to look at Draco for instructions. The boy nodded and they shifted, allowing just enough room for Harry to sit at the very end.

Draco didn't know why, he couldn't explain it, but there was something alluring about the penis. The domineering tone of its squeaky voice and the way he managed to control Potter so easily was simply... exotic. Forgetting his hunger for the food in front of him, Draco stared down the table at the newest member to the house. The penis felt his stares and turned, smiling at Draco. After the meal, while everyone stood up and filed out to go to their respected houses, Draco met up with the new boy.

"Draco Malfoy," the boy introduced himself, reaching up to shake the small hand of the penis.

"Bladimir," he replied with a slow smile.

It was love at first introduction.

----


Voldemort stood up and walked down the corridors to where his Death Eaters patiently waited for him. His Death Eaters had dwindled down to very few and though he hadn't heard from any Malfoys or Snape in quite a while, the man decided it was not important. With his penis minion implanted in the head of Harry Potter and keeping him well distracted, there was no need to worry about his plans being foiled any longer. He had regained his full health and, if he did say so himself, looked quite less pale, ugly, and very sexy indeed. The time was drawing near and Harry Potter's death was nigh. Nothing could stop him now; not even a bad Lord of the Rings cross-over where a house elf joins with a band of random characters to bring his demise and save the entire fictional world.

----

"I love you."

"I love you more."

"I love you morest," Draco cooed to his lover as they sat at the dinner table, Draco gazing into the penis' small, beady eyes.

Harry sighed heavily and leaned on his hand, wishing he wasn't sitting right next to Malfoy, hearing his obnoxious banter with the member attached to his forehead as they discussed who loved each other more, but rather over at the Gryffindor table with his friends.

"Oh shut up, Potter," Draco said irritably. "I'm finished eating. Come, Bladimir, lets go."

The two left the table and left for the Slytherin bedchambers, getting quite close. So very, very, very, very close. Close as in naked close. Close as in lube or a good spell-required close. Do you get it yet, kids? They had horrible, squicky, "how is that possible" sex!

"ZOOM!" Bladimir screamed as he reached his climax, shooting himself out of Harry's head and through the dungeons like some fleshy, orgasmic rocket, blasting all the way out of Hogwarts and far away from all of Great Britain.

"Bladimir!" Draco cried, his eyes filling with tears as he curled up on the bed and grabbed at his pillow, bawling into it.

"Err..." Harry cleared his throat, awkwardly giving Draco a couple pats on the shoulder. "There, there. It's alright..."

Draco turned away from his tear-stained pillow to glare at Harry, mascara from an unknown source running down his face and eyes red and puffy. Like what happens when you have pink eye, only this time Draco didn't have pink eye. Well, it was an eighty-eight percent chance he didn't. One never knows what to expect with those elves messing with one's food.

"It's not okay, Harry! I forgot it was my time of the month where a womb suddenly and for inexplicable reason forms inside of me! I'm pregnant with his child, damnit! How the hell am I supposed to support our baby and myself?! Dumbledore has a strict policy against m-preg and he'll kick me out for sure!"

"Oh, Draco, it's okay!" Harry hugged the boy, "We'll make it through this. I promise!"

----

Nine months came and passed and Draco was soon flat on his back in one of the boy's bathrooms, trousers down and panting heavily as he felt the effects of his up-coming birthing begin to take place. They had kept his condition a deep, dark, spooky, hidden secret from Dumbledore and, in order for Draco to hide the enormous growth his stomach made for the child, the boy had become horrendously fat. Day in and night out he ate, ate until he was nothing but a large ball of failing organs and a baby.

Harry gripped his hand tightly as Draco screamed out his pain, wishing there was something more he could do for his lover. He had to admit, he was very excited this day. Finally, Draco and he would become a family! They could do family stuff such as argue and ignore their children and file for divorce because of spousal abuse! It was certainly a joyful day in the bathrooms. An absolute dream come true.

Of course, he was frightened for the boy too. He never knew males could give birth and it was an odd process to watch. Draco's penis ballooned outward; stretching and creating a huge, gaping hole and, as he watched in awe, a chubby baby oddly resembling Dudley squeezed out.

"He's beautiful, don't you think, Harry?" Draco muttered softly, holding his chubby baby against his sagging man breasts.

"Yes..." Harry replied, leaning in to kiss Draco's forehead but before his lips reached the blonde's sweaty mass of hair, the ceiling from above collapsed, smashing in his head and spraying out Draco and his child's fat as they too were squashed.

Hogwarts was under attack and with Harry and Draco hiding out in the boy's bathroom, Dumbledore peeking through a hole into Snape's classroom, and Hagrid screaming things too unintelligent for anyone to help or understand, the castle was soon burnt to smithereens, leaving only a simple kitchen cupboard behind.

----


"WINKY!" a loud, gurgling voice came from outside Winky's cupboard home. Cautiously the elf pushed open the door and peeked her head out. A lean balding creature stood, his bones prominently showing and nether regions hidden by a small scrap of cloth. His green eyes glowed from an unknown source and he leered at the house elf. He resembled an elf himself, but much more uglier (in Winky's humble opinion) and with very bad posture.

"Y-Yes?" the creature stuttered, leaving her home and shielding her bulbous eyes from the other's glowing ones.

"You are the House Elf That Lived, yes! Come, come!" Gollum ordered, grabbing Winky and pulling her away from the smoldering remains of Hogwarts.