Ghosts of the Past
Chapter two
Oh, and thrnbrooke: yes, it was Harry at the very end when ‘death gently takes him in his arms’, but before that it’s just Draco’s imagination.
Oh, and I've just read the Sectumsempra chapter of HBP so I'm very angry at Harry now! No, actually 'very angry' isn't even close to what I'm feeling right now! And I'm afraid it shows in this chapter, sorry...
Warmth around my hand. Comforting. Strength. So good. Voices. Concerned. Too loud even if barely whispered.
“I think we should keep our… thing secret for a while.”
“But… why?”
“Come on, Draco, you know as well as I do that nobody would understand. Hell, I don’t even understand.”
“Who cares what they think? All that matters is that we love each other.”
“It’s easy for you to say so! But I just can’t put up with all this emotional stuff right now. You don’t know what it’s like to have to worry about a madman whose only aim is to kill you!”
“Don’t I?”
“What do you mean…”
“Nothing. For how long do you want me to lie?”
I’m not dead. At least not physically. I must be in St. Mungo’s. The too clean smell and the soft bed sheets tell me. But I’m too weak to open my eyes. Somebody is here. Holding my hand day and night. Probably Pansy. No. Her hands are softer. Maybe… NO! “He doesn’t give a damn about you!”
“Just give them time to get used to the thought!”
“Time? Harry, it’s been three months now!”
“Well, it’s been a hell of a news, don’t you think? After the way we have acted for years…”
“For Christ’s sake, Harry, stop defending them! They don’t even try! I never had to endure so many pranks and despising looks. And I can’t even protect myself because you made me promise not to do anything! I wish you hadn’t convinced me to spend Christmas at the Burrow.”
“Calm down, Malfoy, they don’t really mean it, you know that…”
“What did you say?”
“What…”
“You called me ‘Malfoy’! Why did you do that?”
“What… I… I don’t know, I didn’t even realize it…”
White. Everything is white. That’s all I can tell, everything else is a blur. “He’s awake!” I know that voice… No, I must be imagining it. “He has abandoned you!” The hand that has always been there from the very first moment now slowly caresses my face. I can see somebody bending over me, but I can’t yet see clearly who it is. “Thank God, you’re awake! I was so scared!” My eyes slowly get used to the bright light and I see YOU! Your green eyes. Your broad smile. It wrenches my heart. “No…” I manage to whisper but you don’t seem to notice. I can’t look at you. It just hurts too much. “No, no, no…” I try to get away from your touch. “Draco, it’s okay. You’re safe, it’s me, Harry!” “No, go away! Leave me alone!” “But…” “Go away! GET OUT!” I’m sobbing loudly, and finally the nurse who comes in to examine me, leads you out of the room, leaving me alone with my bitter tears.
“Oh, God…”
“Malfoy! What are you doing here?”
“Nothing… I…”
“You’re crying.”
“No… I… no…”
“What’s wrong? Is it Voldemort? Did he threaten you? Do you know something?”
“Voldemort, Voldemort!! Not EVERYTHING is his fault, you know.”
“What other problem could you have?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“Come on, tell me…”
“No need to play the hero around me, Potter!”
“But maybe I could help…”
“Yes, you bloody could, but you wouldn’t, so just leave me alone!”
“Try me, Malfoy…”
“You stupid Gryffindor prat! How can you be so fucking oblivious to what you’re doing to me!”
“What do you…”
“I love you, Harry!”
They have kept me in St. Mungo’s for another month. They told me you came every day, but I wouldn’t let you see me. I just couldn’t face you. Your lies. Your pretences – I never thought you could prove to be better at those than me. But they have let me home today and I’m standing outside our(?) flat, too scared to enter because I know you’ll be there. But you seem to notice me somehow, because you suddenly open the door and practically drag me inside with a huge smile on your face.
“Come sit down on the couch. I don’t want you to exhaust yourself. I’ll be with you in a minute.”
I reluctantly sit down on the white couch we have bought together. I hated it – still do – but for you it was love at first sight and I agreed to buy it. Was it just another way to bind you to me? You come back with a big chocolate cake in your hand and an innocent smile in the corner of your mouth. “I’ve made this for you. Let’s hope it’s better than the last time.”
“I’ve got the recipe from Molly. I know it looks horrible, but I have never done this before, and I didn’t have too much time either because I was in detention with Snape and…”
“Oh, Harry, just shut up! It’s perfect! I love you!”
“Happy Birthday, Draco”
You put the cake on the table and look at me, waiting for me to say something. But I can’t. I just stare at the white letters on the top. Why are you torturing me like that? A loud sob escapes me and I almost fall because my legs suddenly feel weak. But you catch me in your strong arms. It feels so good to be pressed against your firm chest, to be surrounded by your unique scent again. I almost want to give in but I can’t let you hurt me even more. So I break free from your protective arms and almost fall over again in my hurry to get as far from you as possible.
“Draco what’s wrong?” Concern is written on your face.
“Stop it!”
“What are you talking about, love?” You look at me with utter confusion in your innocent green eyes.
“Don’t… Don’t call me that! And stop acting like you cared!” I hate myself for showing my weakness to you but I can’t stop my tears.
“Don’t be stupid, Draco, I do care about you!” I snort.
“Then why did you abandon me?” A flash of confused anger makes your emerald eyes a shade darker for a moment before you can suppress it.
“So that’s what it’s all about! You’re angry because we didn’t rescue you earlier! We wanted to, but we just couldn’t risk a confrontation before we were prepared!”
How can you be so thick! You have abandoned me much earlier and you don’t even realize it!
“I wish you hadn’t rescued me at all…” I whisper not looking at you.
“How… how can you say that, Draco, love, no… you can’t want to be dead! I… I need you… I couldn’t live without you!”
You gently take me in your arms again and I don’t have the power to fight it anymore. I let you hold me firmly but I don’t lean into your embrace. I can feel your strong fingers in my hair, just like the night we made love for the first time. I can feel your addictive lips grazing over my exposed neck. I shudder slightly as you pull me closer, your hands slowly travelling down my back. You’re doing it again. You’re seducing me. Just like after every argument we had. You know I can’t say no to your tender touches.
Your soft lips leave my neck and I can’t suppress a silent moan as you gently kiss that hidden spot behind my ear. The world melts away and there’s nothing left just you and my weakness. Why can’t I be stronger and just push you away? Why can’t I carve that burning passion I feel for you out of my bleeding heart? Why am I pulling you even closer, burying my tearstained face in the crook of your neck, sobbing silently? You stop your sweet torture immediately as you realize I’m crying. I can feel you whisper in my ear but it takes a while before your concerned words break through the thick mist that has surrounded my mind.
“Was it that horrible? Did they hurt you that much?” I slightly pull away from you to look into your eyes. Our lips are so close they are almost touching. Almost.
“They couldn’t do more harm than you already had.” it’s hardly more than a broken whisper, but you look as if I was piercing your heart with a poisoned arrow. Good. At least I can pay you back some of what you did to me.
“What?” I can feel your suppressed anger as you let go of me “I never hurt you! I loved you!”
“Yes, keep telling yourself that, Harry!”
“What the fuck are you talking about? I loved – love you!”
“Come on, you don’t believe that, do you!”
“And since when are you such an expert on love?”
“Apparently I’m not, because I thought love included a certain amount of trust, but I guess I was wrong!”
“Trust? I wanted to trust you, Draco. I tried. But you couldn’t really expect me to trust you after this!” you scream, grabbing my arm and exposing the hardly visible Dark Mark. There we go again. Apparently not even half a year of imprisonment, famine and torture were enough to redeem me from that. What if you hadn’t found me in time? What if I was dead now? Would I find forgiveness in death? Or would you still see me as a Death Eater, as a criminal, as a murderer – as a traitor?
“Get out.” I say in a deadly calm voice.
“What?”
“Get out, and don’t come back. Ever.”
“Draco, please…”
“Out.” My hard grey eyes tell you that it’s no use fighting, so you reluctantly turn to go and slam the door behind you. I wearily lean at the table to support my suddenly too heavy body and let my tears flow again. Your cake is still there smelling like home. I can’t take my eyes off the writing on top. Welcome home, Draco. I love you.
“Oh, God, Harry” I scream as you slowly enter me. You look beautiful bent over me like that. Your eyes are closed, your lips parted in a deep moan. You slowly look up and lock your eyes with mine as you start moving. Painfully slowly at first, but soon you lose control and pound in me with a wild rhythm I can hardly follow. “Oh God… Harry. God. Deeper, please!”
Deeper. The cold blade of the knife slowly travels through the blood stained whiteness of my pale skin. It doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. Maybe I’m just too numb to feel anything anymore. You did this to me. You stole my heart – no, I gave it to you willingly, but what does it matter? You weren’t a good keeper of it.
“Harry, I need to talk-“
“Go away, Malfoy!”
“Shut up Weasley, I’m not talking to you! Harry…”
“Look, Draco, I promised Ron to go flying before dinner. We can talk later.”
“Harry, please… I really need to… my mother…”
“I said I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”
… is dead
I watch intently the dark redness of my blood soaking the white carpet you bought me. I’m floating. It’s so peaceful. I’m sorry I’ve betrayed you. No, not when I took the Dark Mark – I only did that because Dumbledore asked me after I agreed to spy for him – but now. With taking my own life. I know, you’ll think that doing this I destroy every hope of us being together again. But, Harry, there was nothing left to destroy. You did a great job at burning the last bridge between our hearts.
“… the children of Death Eaters will have to prove their loyalty soon.”
“We are offered a choice.”
“So when are you leaving?”
“What makes you so sure of my decision?”
“You’re a Malfoy after all, aren’t you?”
“So this is what you think of me Harry?”
“I don’t know what to think, Draco.”
“Then what are you still doing here?”
“You’re not even going to deny it?”
“Why should I, if you know it already? You’re right I AM a Malfoy!”
“So what we have means so little to you that you just throw it away like that?”
“What do we have, Potter? Tell me? What do you think we have?”
“You’re a fucking bastard, Malfoy, you know that? I hate you! I wish you were dead! One day you’ll pay for fucking with my mind! One day, you’ll get what you deserve, and I’ll be there laughing at your agony! I hate you, you filthy Slytherin slut!”
It’s cold. I shiver slightly. I almost laugh as I see an old friend sitting on the huge couch. Death. He’s sitting on your place. This time I’ll be his. A knock on the door. Death smiles down at me. The doorbell. Knocking again. More urgent. Death slowly approaches. “Draco! Open the door!” I hear you shouting. No Harry. Not now. You won’t save me. Not this time. “Alohomora” You are at my side. “No, please don’t… Draco!” Your strong arms. Green eyes. Sweet scent. Safe. Tears. Yours? Mine? I don’t know. “Sorry…” I whisper. Your lips against. Mine. As you say. “I love you, Draco, and always will…” I smile. I am free.
A/N: Yes, I know I’m evil but it had to be this way…
Why? Why am I always the one committing suicide? That’s unfair!
Look, Draco, this is because you’re the one with the highest angst-potential and I’m not really the one for happy endings…
I don’t care! I’ve had enough of your angsty-stuff, I’m leaving!
Er…. Draco… sorry but that door is locked… no, Alohomora won’t work… see I told you… Draco, there’s no need to ruin my room just because you’re angry… NOOOO don’t you dare touch my copy of Half Blood Prince… yes I know it’s really mean and full of bullshit… look, I promise you to write something happy next time
I don’t believe you, you have promised your readers you would make a happy ending if they reviewed and look what you have done!
Ok, I’ve lied, so what, hex me… I DIDN’T MEAN IT LITERARY!!!! DRACO, PUT THAT AWAY!!! NOOO! DRACO, DON’T DO ANYTHING STUPID! PUT YOUR WAND AWAY!!!!! *screaming at the top of my lung* (sorry I have to run for my life!)