"Chasing Cars"

Author's note--Apologies in advance for the angst and heartbreak in this chapter. The Alternate Ending 1 is Harry's death, and first, it's Harry's point of view and then Draco's.

I would like to dedicate this chapter to sunset20, who was in my thoughts as I ended the chapter with angst, resisting my urge to put a happy spin on it (that comes later).

**********


"Chasing Cars" (by Snow Patrol)

Alternate Ending 1 (sad)

(Harry’s death—Harry’s POV)

If I lay here

// I watch them lower the box into the ground. I’m floating above, but I look down at everyone. They’re all crying. I see your shoulders shaking as you kneel on the ground next to my grave. I can’t see your face, but I remember how you look with tears rolling down your cheeks, and I hate it when you cry. I just want to run my fingers through your pale blonde hair and tell you how much I love you…

If I just lay here

// My body’s in the ground, forever laying next to my parents in Godric’s Hollow. We’re finally together, and I know I should be happy about that. Not to mention the fact that I DID take out Voldemort—right there in the garden, even!—so the world is safe once again. Somehow your father found out about us; I think he saw us as we were scrambling to our feet as they approached. I was really weak; right after I AK-ed the Dark Lord. He caught me by the hair, and he told me that he’d make sure you forgot me. I was about to tell him that you picked me over him, but then he whispered those two words that separated us forever. Even though I was dying, I remember hearing your scream as you lunged at where we were standing…too late. You didn’t miss with YOUR Avada Kedavra, though. But now, there’s this horrible ache in my heart because you’re there…and I’m here. I miss you, Draco.

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

// It breaks my heart to be without you. I know I’m being selfish, but it helps a little to watch you lie on the fresh dirt, cheek to the earth, your tears mingling and soaking the ground that’s on top of me. I watch your hand smooth the dirt around, as if you were letting your fingers caress my face; I can almost feel them. The headstone is still new and shiny, but I know you ignore it. It only lets you know exactly where to lay so that you’re laying with me, even if my body is six feet under yours. People come. Ron and Hermione…Remus…even Snape. They all try to talk to you, bless them. They try to get you to get up and go inside, to get warm, but you refuse. You act like you can’t hear them because you’re laying with me. Just like we used to…when the world didn’t matter because we were together. And I feel bad because I don’t want you to go…I don’t want to be without you…

* * * * *

(Harry’s death—Draco’s POV)

If I lay here

// I can’t believe you’re gone. I just want to curl up and die. It hurts so much to be without you. After they laid you to rest, I went back to the garden, to ‘our’ spot, just to be close to you. But that place is ruined for me now; it’s haunted with our memories, our first times…and your death. I watched my father walk up to you, and I was so busy defending myself from the other Death Eaters…it didn’t register until it was too late. I tried, Harry…I couldn’t save you. I break into fresh sobs as I run from the garden. I paused by the back door and heaved my guts up. I haven’t eaten in the past few days, so there wasn’t much. My mum glared at me, though. It’s Father’s wake and funeral today, and as the heir to the Malfoy estate, I’m expected to be there. I can’t even stand to look at his corpse. I only left you that one time, and even that was a mistake. I leave the Manor for good, with my mother screaming after me, and I Apparate directly to Godric’s Hollow, which is where I belong.

If I just lay here

// I see the headstone, but my vision is blurry and I can’t read what it says. The earth is still newly covering your body, and I lay down on top of your grave, remembering how you used to hold me. It feels like I’ll never stop crying; there’s a you-shaped hole in my heart forever now. I can feel the dirt turning to mud because there are so many tears, but I can’t bring myself to care. I feel hands rubbing my back, smoothing my hair, touching my shoulder. I ignore them, shaking my head at their pleas, and continue to trace my fingers in the dirt, pretending like it’s your cheek or your chest that I’m caressing. They want me to leave you, and all I want to do is lay with you…

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

// Every memory of you floods my brain, one at a time, and I shut out the world, concentrating on thinking about you. My one regret was that I didn’t stop my father in time…I’m so glad I finally told you that I loved you, though. I know you really wanted to hear it, and even if it was only once, I know I’d feel so much worse right now if you had died without ever hearing me utter it. I whisper it now, though, over and over; maybe I say it too much now, but I just wish you could be here with me again.
**********


Author's note--Here's a synopsis of what happened, if you're confused.

Harry and Draco were in the garden, and Draco just made love to Harry (for the first time). Lucius and Voldemort and the rest of the Death Eaters arrived at the garden, and Harry killed Voldemort. Then Lucius killed Harry, and Draco killed Lucius.

Draco went to Harry's funeral and burial and then back home, where preparations were being made for Lucius' wake, funeral, and burial. Draco turned his back on his duties as his father's son and went back to Harry's grave, where he laid in the dirt on top of the grave. Everyone tried to get him to come in, but he wouldn't. He just laid there, crying, and thinking of Harry.