Life as I experience it

Title: Life as I experience it

Summary: The long awaited sequel to Life as I know it…. Harry and Severus embark on a life together as Dominant and submissive but does Harry’s increasing ‘sense of worth’ pose a problem for their relationship?

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything related to it. This wonderful world belongs to JK Rowling and her publishers. I’m making no money out of this and am only writing this for my own pleasure as well as those reading this.

Warnings: This fic is BDSM! It will contain elements of chan (flash backs) and might contain MPreg (not sure yet). Non-con and dub-con through flash backs. Bondage!


Chapter 1 – What the future might bring

A strong hand held his hip in a firm grip as he tried in vain to arch up into the hand lightly teasing his erect cock.

“Please, please…” He didn’t know exactly what he was pleading for… more of the hand teasing him, more touches all over his body or just more.

“So impatient my Harry? We have all of the rest of our lives, there’s no need to rush this today.”

The hand which had held his hip moved up and lightly stroked his chest before slowly moving towards his mouth and pushing against his lips to part them.

Harry sucked the digit in and proceeded to lick, suck and bite the finger. He wanted so badly for the finger in his mouth to move south and thought that if he wet it sufficiently his Master might decide to be merciful.

The finger withdrew from his mouth but to his utter frustration it didn’t go directly to his arse. The feeling of a wet finger stroking his prick up and down had him groaning and arching his back as much as was possible.

A hand gripped the base of his cock firmly while he could hear something being popped open moments before a slick finger pressed against his hole.

Almost sobbing with relief at what was finally coming, Harry gasped and pressed back against the questing digit…

A mouth was thoroughly plundering his own but even the feel of his Master’s strong lean body over him couldn’t stop his disappointed groan from leaving his lips.

The dream had been soooo good! And just when he finally, finally got what he wanted most of all he woke up!

Harry opened his eyes and smiled up at his Master as he saw the concerned frown creeping up on Severus’s face.

A twitching lip answered him but before he could even give a soft “Good morning” the mouth was on him again, this time kissing down his neck and up again and Harry found that there was still some things he had to discover about himself as that hot mouth lapped over his ear sending shivers down his spine.

He had never known that his ears were so sensitive!!

As the kisses softened and slowed, Harry had to suppress a sigh. They had been in a relationship for over a year now but never, never had Master Severus done anything more than kissing.

Harry knew that his Master wanted to wait until he graduated, he knew that his Master was waiting for something, something which Harry had no idea what it could possibly be but he respected his Master and his decisions and so he suppressed his own desires and just gave himself over to the sensations and ministrations he did receive.

*---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*

Severus looked down at Harry and couldn’t help but frown in concern at what he read so clearly on his little submissive’s face.

He knew that Harry wanted more, knew that Harry mostly wanted him to claim him, to take him as his and make it clear that he was Harry’s Master, his protector.

What Harry wanted and what he needed however was not the same thing.

Severus knew deep down that to take things too quickly with Harry would only end up in disaster. To just take what Harry was freely offering him now would be both selfish and foolish. Harry was not ready for this yet, no matter how much he protested to the contrary.

What those despicable muggles had done to him has left deeper scars than those which Severus’s salves and ointments took away.

The fear which still lurked in the depths of those brilliant green eyes, unseen to anyone and everyone but Severus told him just how much Vernon Dursley had hurt his little sub.

He knew that he had to make it absolutely clear to Harry that he loved him unconditionally. That no matter what Harry did, he would love him and care for him as long as Harry permitted it and even after that.

Severus knew that Harry was now at the age where teenagers turned rebellious and even though he doubted Harry even knew the meaning of the word, he would still do some things which could be concerned rebellious.

There was no doubt in Severus’s mind that Harry would come to a time where he would push against the boundaries surrounding their relationship. He might not realize at the time what he was doing but that insecure little boy lurking deep within Harry would want to test the waters, to see how much he could push before what he ‘knew’ deep down would happen actually happened.

Abused children, especially one as heavily abused as Harry would always, no matter the reassurance of loved ones (Severus in this instance) expect to be pushed away after a time.

Harry would come to a time where he would doubt everything Severus did, everything Severus told him, everything and anything going on in their relationship, and Severus dreaded that time.

He loved Harry, loved him more than life itself but he had no personal experience dealing with children who doubted everything he did out of love.

Patience was not one of Severus’s virtues but he knew without a doubt that he would have to learn it and learn it soon or their relationship would suffer from it.

What he wanted most, what he really truly desired to give Harry would have to wait until such a time that Harry would not doubt his motives.

*-------------------------------------------------------------------------*

The Easter holidays was upon them and Severus didn’t know if he should dread it or look forward to having his Harry all to himself – well, except for a little visitor they were expecting.

Narcissa had contacted him the week before with the request to look after little Shamoné over the Easter weekend. Lucious had arranged for a special holiday for the two of them as it was their anniversary and Draco was busy with Auror training.

Severus was looking forward to seeing his goddaughter once again but what Harry had said that night at the hospital was still fresh in his mind and he dreaded finding out that Harry had been correct in his assumptions.

He would not jump to conclusions before hand though and so he had agreed to taking care of the little one for the weekend.

The rustling of the bedspreads alerted him to the fact that Harry was waking up and Severus schooled his expression into one of love and care – not that it was difficult when looking at Harry.

“Good morning my little one.”

“Good morning Master.” Harry blinked at him sleepily before stretching a bit. Severus looked on in amusement as Harry once again turned on his side and drew his legs up in order to get a bit warmer.

Severus felt a smile spread across his face as Harry snuggled closer to him and a hand sneaked out and rested on his thigh.

Bending down he placed a chaste kiss on Harry’s forehead before whispering that it was time to wake up.

Severus wasn’t exactly sure just when he had turned into a sappy sentimental fool but he DID know that it was Harry’s fault. Not that that changed anything…

Standing up, Severus looked down at Harry and shook his head. How Harry could sleep so much was a mystery to him but he didn’t begrudge Harry the time he could actually just leg go and rest, not worrying about anything or anyone. No one deserved that more than Harry.

Rummaging around in the kitchen Severus quickly put together a simple breakfast for them both and just as he was pouring their tea Harry entered the room.

“Morning Master, I’m sorry for sleeping so late. May I make the tea Master?”

Severus walked over to Harry and gave him a quick kiss before sitting down at the table, wordlessly giving the task over to his little sub. He knew that Harry didn’t like it when he made breakfast for the two of them as Harry felt that it was his job to do so. When Harry would finally realize that Severus was there to take care of him, he didn’t know but until such a time Severus would do what he thought was best for his little sub.

Harry placed the tea on the table next to Severus where one of his coasters always remained and Severus never had to fear that he would have rings on the table.

Pulling Harry onto his lap, Severus encircled the thin waist to secure his hold on Harry and after a minute he felt Harry relaxing back against him. Even after living with him for almost seven years, Severus knew that Harry always subconsciously thought that maybe today was the day that he would get beaten. Severus was certain that Harry knew in his heart that Severus would never harm him intentionally but Severus knew that that instinct, beaten into him for ten years, would always stay with him.

“I have some news Harry and I’m not sure if you’re going to like it.”

Severus cursed himself softly for his wording as Harry visibly tensed on his lap and tried to withdraw.

“Hush Harry, I’m not going anywhere and neither are you. This is something about Narcissa, alright?”

Harry subsided immediately. “I’m sorry Master; I should have waited for an explanation.”

Severus rubbed Harry’s back reassuringly before continuing.

“Narcissa contacted me last week with a request to look after little Shamoné while they went on a little holiday – it is their anniversary.”

Harry had stayed surprisingly relaxed through his explanation and Severus wondered at that.

“We may have some doubts at the moment Harry but I ask you to give this a chance.”

His arms tightened around Harry as he began to move – Severus feared that he was once again drawing away – but Harry only turned around on his lap to look at him with a curious expression.

“What would I doubt Master? Why did you say I might not like the news? I would love to see the little one!!”

Severus stared at Harry for a few moments but could only find honest sincerity in his gaze and he frowned again.

Had Harry put what he had seen in the hospital to the back of his mind? Had he decided that there was nothing to fear? Severus didn’t think it a good idea to just dismiss something like that.

“Do you remember what you told me right after our visit to the hospital Harry?”

Harry looked at him curiously before shaking his head. “I didn’t say anything Master. We went to bed and I fell asleep right away.” There was a questioning quality to his voice and Severus did his best to reassure Harry that everything was fine by kissing him soundly on the lips. That Harry didn’t remember what had transpired that evening was worrisome but Severus didn’t want to place that burden on Harry and so he reassured his little sub that everything was fine.

*------------------------------------------------------------------------*


Harry woke quite late the following day and could not for the life of him figure out why he was still tired after ten hours of uninterrupted sleep. The fact that he had not really lost any sleep the past few days just reinforced his own worry. Was there something wrong with him?

The other side of the bed was empty and Harry dearly hoped that he had not once again slept so late that his Master had to make his own (and Harry’s) breakfast.

Quickly donning his robe, Harry made his way to the kitchen where he then proceeded to make them breakfast – Master Severus had been reading the morning paper when he entered and no breakfast had been made.

Trying, quite unsuccessfully, to suppress a yawn, Harry set his Master’s breakfast before him and then continued to load his own plate with food.

Master Severus was watching him with thinly veiled concern and Harry wondered if it was because he was yawning all over the place after sleeping for hours and hours or something else.

“Have you done all your homework Harry?”

Harry started at the question before raking his brain and checking that he had done everything.

“Yes Master, I finished it Saturday afternoon.”

“Good, breakfast in the Great Hall would be finished by now so we should get going. Remember Harry, this morning I made some allowances but tomorrow morning you will once again eat breakfast with the rest of the students so no more sleeping in.”

Harry nodded his head in understanding and thanked his Master for everything.

Making his way to his bedroom, Harry quickly picked out all the books he would need for the day and after a waved goodbye to his Master he made his way to his first class, which luckily enough was Care of Magical Creatures. Hagrid wouldn’t mind if he was late or even if Harry slept during the period, just for a little while…

*----------------------------------------------------------------------*

Severus sighed quietly as Harry exited their rooms. He was really beginning to get worried about his little sub. Harry had never before slept for so many hours on end and then waking up and still be tired!!

It was not normal and Severus had a suspicion that whatever it was that was causing this was also connected to Harry’s memory loss of that night at the hospital. He could not remember any other situation where Harry’s memory had lapsed but that was not to say that it had been a one time occurrence.

Picking up their plates Severus put them in the wash basin where the elves would find them and then realized that this was also not normal behavior for Harry. He would usually make sure that everything was neatly packed away before leaving their rooms. Why hadn’t he done so this morning?

End Chapter 1

Okay, many of you will have questions, I’m sure, but for now I would like to first pose my own:

What would you like most?

1. The memory lapses and fatigue was due to something Voldemort did.
2. The memory lapses and fatigue is the starting symptoms (for Harry) of Multiple sclerosis (you can read more about this here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_sclerosis) or some other disease – please tell me what you would like it to be…
3. The memory lapse and fatigue are NOT connected and the fatigue is because of some illness and the memory lapse because of Voldemort.
4. Both are because of something the Dursleys did a long time ago.

Okay, so what did you think??

Once again short but I promise the chapters will get longer!! I'm still getting back into the whole writing thing...

At least you know you can expect a chapter daily (except weekends - and Good Friday)... ;)

Review please!!!