Some things are worth waiting for

Chapter 2: Jim Evans and John Doe



Over the next few days, Harry was busy. Partly out of necessity, partly because it kept him from thinking too much. Right after leaving Hogwarts, he went to a Muggle store to buy some items that would change his appearance without using a glamour. A glamour would be detectable. The next stop was a Muggle Eye-doctor who would fix his eyesight with Contact-lenses that would also change his eye color to a deep brown. Then a complicated spell – Dark Arts, but what did he care – would prevent anyone from finding him by searching for his magical signature.



By the end of the week, Harry had bought a little house outside of London with a beautiful garden attached to it, had put up several undetectable protection wards to this house, and had already set up a nursery in one of the rooms. He had bleached his hair to a light brown and had it cut and styled into what the young hairdresser had called ‘sexy tousled look’. His scar was fading and until it was gone completely he would cover it with Muggle make-up. The last thing he changed was his wardrobe, choosing warm, earthy tones that matched his now brown hair and eyes and seemed to give his skin a golden tone. At this moment Harry Potter stopped to exist and Jim Evans came to life.



ooOoo



The wizarding world was upside down since their hero had disappeared three months ago. He had left without a word, without a note. Some people thought he had been captured and murdered by remaining Death Eaters, some thought he had disappeared to flee his unwelcome fame. None of them were totally right.



One morning, just as Poppy had sent a student to lay down in her dorm, an owl dropped a package on her desk. Curious as to who had sent it to her, she opened it. On top lay a letter, addressed to her. It said:



Dear Poppy,



I know this comes as a surprise, but I need your help. Yes, I am alive and well but I ask you not to tell anyone that you have received this letter – at least not until we have spoken in private. The key ring contained in the package is a portkey that will bring you directly to me. I do not know when exactly the mail will be delivered, but I think it should have reached you by noon. Please meet with me at 12.30 today, I will be awaiting you.



Best regards,



Harry Potter



The surprised medi-witch read the letter twice, relieved that the young wizard was alive. She never doubted the authenticity of the letter because Harry’s personal seal from the Order was on it. That seal could not be created by anyone else, nor could the seal be forged. One of Albus’ little inventions.



Finally, 12.30 came and Poppy took hold of the portkey that would bring her to Harry. She felt the familiar tugging sensation as she was transported away, only to re-appear in a beautiful, sheltered garden behind a small house. A young man approached her, but she only recognized that it was Harry, on the second take – he looked so different.



After hugging him silently, she took a closer look at him. He looked good. From what she could tell, he had gained weight and his eyes no longer held the haunted look she had gotten used to seeing the past years. Though the medi-witch could still see a deep sadness lingering there, he actually looked at peace in a weird sort of way. She could not quite put a finger on it, but he was radiating something … special.



Happy that he seemed to be healthy, she said, “You look good, Harry. At least you managed to gain some weight, something you failed to do in all the years I have known you….” She didn’t say more, carefully avoiding the topic of Severus’s death or his leaving the wizarding world. The grief Harry kept so carefully hidden spoke volumes of the why he might have left.



She followed the young wizard into his beautiful home, curious as to why he had asked her to come.



Poppy did not have to wait very long, Harry spoke the moment she sat down beside him on the couch. “I bet you want to know why I asked you to come here, when I am not sick,” he began. “This is hard to explain, so I will just apologize that I did this to you in the first place. Poppy, I am sorry. I blocked your memories with “Intercludo” the day I left the wizarding world, but now I need your help, and I hope you are not too angry with me for having done that to you.”



The last words were spoken hastily and the medi-witch stared at him, dumbfounded, not quite believing what she had heard. Harry had used ‘Intercludo’ on her? Why? What could she possibly have discovered that would make Harry take such a drastic measure? He did not look sick, so she assumed he had not taken away any memories of a serious injury. But what was it?



Her questions were answered when Harry mumbled the counter spell and all of the memories he had blocked came rushing back to her. A surprised gasp escaped her, before she turned to him, a look of awe on her face. “You are pregnant?” She asked first. “You are still pregnant? Nothing happened to you or your child? Your body is accepting the pregnancy?” she asked concerned but curious.



Harry nodded his head slightly. “No, nothing at all happened beside the fact that I have gained weight. I did not experience any morning sickness, nor do I feel tired or unhealthy in any other way. In fact, physically I feel better than I have felt for a long time.” He gave her an apologetic half-smile.



That he did not mention his emotional state, did not go unnoticed by Poppy, but she decided to keep silent. Harry would talk to her about his grief when he was ready to speak about it. She would not want to cause him any stress – stress would be bad for the baby.



“So, you asked me to come here so I can check on you and the baby like I would do were this a regular pregnancy?” She asked, smiling warmly.



Harry only nodded. “Yes, please!” he mumbled then. “And erm… could you maybe tell me if it is a boy or a girl?”



“Of course, my dear. Just lie down on the couch and I will run some checks.” She took out her wand and pointed it at his slightly swollen belly. Poppy then cast several spells, and after a few minutes a bright smile spread over hear face. Harry noticed it, but before he could ask, the medi-witch told him, “You and your baby are in perfect health, Harry. No need to worry at all. You will have a boy, my dear. Congratulations!”



“A boy?” Harry smiled a sad little smile and sat up again. “I am going to have a son!” he murmured. He thought of Severus and what he would have said if he had known he would have a son; their son.



Having watched Harry’s reaction carefully, Poppy touched his arm in a comforting manner. “Harry, won’t you tell me who the other father of your child is? Was this just a one time thing and you don’t want to tell him? Is that the reason? Or … or was he killed on the battlefield that day?”



They had lost so many good and brave wizards and witches that day, it was possible that Harry’s mysterious lover had been one of them. Maybe someone from Hogsmeade or even from the Order.



Feeling his throat tighten at the thought of Severus, Harry tried hard to not lose control, but to no avail. His eyes filled with tears and in his chest a burning sensation welled up, that overwhelmed him every time he thought about his love, and the fact that he would never hold Severus in his arms again. He was gone; gone for good.



“He was the love of my life.” Harry whispered in a pained voice and Poppy could hear the deep grief behind his words. “He was the only person who loved me for myself and not the stupid ‘boy-who-lived’ image the world threw upon me. He was the only one who truly knew me. Time and time again he saved me, protected me with his life. I should be dead instead of him. He deserved to be free, he deserved to be happy. Behind the mask he wore, he was the most lovable person I have ever met.” His voice broke and tears streamed down his face. The last words came out like a sob, “I miss him so much…”



Poppy paled. From what Harry had told her, this person he was talking about sounded an awful lot like Severus. She knew he and Harry had become friends after the young Gryffindor had graduated, but she would never have guessed Severus would act on his feelings for the young man – not with Voldemort still alive.



“Severus!” she whispered, cursing herself for upsetting Harry.



“Yes, Severus.” Harry confirmed, the look in his eyes was unfocussed and empty in a very scary sort of way. “He is gone, Poppy.” He said, his tone as bare of emotion as his eyes. “He will not come back to me. They never do. They all died, because of me. I could not save them so they died. I killed them. It’s my fault. I didn’t deserve Severus’ love and I don’t deserve his child. I am not worthy to have something so precious, I will only destroy it. I always do. People around me have a habit of dying, did you notice that, Poppy?” he turned to the medi - witch with unseeing eyes.



Seeing him go into shock, Poppy performed a quick spell and lowered the shaking wizard onto the couch. She could have hit herself for asking about the other father and causing this reaction. She should have known he would not be able to control the pain Severus’ loss had brought to him, not after burying and ignoring it for so long. She covered her still shaking patient with a blanket and handed him a vial of dreamless sleep potion. He drank it down without hesitation.



When she was sure Harry was sleeping peacefully, and could not hurt himself, she returned to Hogwarts for a few hours. She told the Headmaster she needed a few hours off and he granted it without asking.



OoOoo



When he woke, Harry felt very weird. The skin on his face felt like it was too dry and was itching and he had no idea why was lying on the couch. Suddenly the memories came back. He groaned and closed his eyes again.



In an instant, Poppy was at his side. “Hello, dear, how are you feeling?” she asked in a gentle tone.



“Like shit. “ Harry answered truthfully and sat. “I’m sorry I lost control like this. I must have sounded like a whining kid. I didn’t mean to say those things.” Harry tried to apologize.



“No, it is alright, Harry. It is only natural for you to have such thoughts and feelings. I would suggest you seek professional help. You should go and see a therapist. Since you most probably don’t want to go back to the wizarding world, a muggle therapist would do as well. Find one who is specialized in post traumatic stress disorder. You could always tell him you were working for the police or something like that. You really need help, Harry and you should try to get it as soon as possible.”



Harry shook his head in refusal, stating: “As soon as my pregnancy begins to show, I won’t be able to leave the house. Concealing charms are detectable, so I can’t use them outside the wards I have set.”



“That is indeed a problem,” Poppy admitted. “Let me think about it for a few days, I am sure I will find a solution. For now, you take good care of yourself and your little one. I will come back in two weeks. Now, cast that spell you certainly have looked up to keep me from telling your secret. Go on, it is okay with me.” She smiled at Harry’s surprised face.



He did as he had been told and a few minutes later he was alone again.



ooOoo



Poppy indeed found a solution. An old friend of hers, a medi- witch as well, agreed to meet with Harry at his house, and to his conditions. He would put a spell upon her as well so she could not be tracked, nor would she be able to tell anyone that she had even met him.



During the time she visited him, he always used a glamour on himself. When the time came, and his son - Nathaniel - was born, he felt balanced enough to quit the therapy sessions.



As fate would have it, while Harry gave birth to a healthy son, on the other side of the town, in a muggle hospital, the doctors still fought for the life of a man they only knew as John Doe. The only possessions the badly injured man had had with him when he had been brought in, were the strange clothes he wore, and an odd looking wooden stick…