Learning to Live again.

Chapter One.

15 years later.

Remus Lupin stared in shock at the letter that just appeared in front of him. He knew the writing on the envelope that carefully spelled out his name. He would recognize it anywhere. And with the wolf so close to the surface following the full moon the night before, he could easily smell the scents attached to the letter.

He allowed the scents of James, Lily, and Baby Harry to wash over him. Bringing up the old grief of the loss of those who he considered his family. As well as soothing the new grief of losing his best friend just weeks earlier. But Lily always did have that effect on him.

Another deep breath brought three more scents to his nose. His and Sirius. No surprise there, considering that the two of them basically lived in Godric's Hollow with Lily and James. What was surprising was the third scent.

A familiar smell that reminded him of large felines,and deep forests. But for the life of him he could not place the smell, although he could swear that it meant something to him. It teased all of his senses, and whispered things in his ear that told of secrets, and of completeness.

Sighing to himself, he gently opened the aged letter, and started to read. Half way through he started to tremble. By the time he was done, the tears refused to stop and all of his memories returned. Including the one that identified that oh so familiar smell.

Dropping his head into his hands, Remus Lupin broke down in heart rendering sobs. He cried for the loss of his family, for the needless loss of members of his pack, and for the suffering that came with the decisions they all made.

But most of all he cried for Harry. For the young man he could have been, but never had the chance to. For his lost innocence. And for the knowledge Harry forced him to keep to himself.

“Harry, my cub. Be safe.” He moaned.

~~hp~~


Severus Snape made his dazed way to the Headmaster's office. He didn't know what to think at the moment, beyond the fact that he needed to talk to someone older and wiser the he, in order to regain his balance. The letter from James sent him into a downward spiral of guilt.

He was the Father of The Boy Who Lived. And for the past 5 years he put that same boy through a life of hell.

He didn't remember arriving at the Headmaster's office, or siting down, or even accepting a cup of tea laced with a mild calming drought. It wasn't until he felt arms wrapping around his shoulders that he snapped back to the land of the living, and instead of drawing away from those arms, he for the first time since his mother died, gave into tears.

When the tears stopped, he shakenly drank down his cold tea, grateful for once that it was laced, and waited for the potion to do it's work.

“Do you know?” Severus asked.

“I received a letter from my daughter this morning, if that is what you mean?” Albus replied. Not even bothering trying to go around the subject.

Silence reigned in the office, each man lost in their own troubled thoughts. Fawkes finally broke the silence with a sharp twitter, alerting the men that company was on the way up. Severus visibly worked to pull his masks back together, but before he was successful the door to the office burst open.

Remus glanced around and spotted the Potions Master sans masks and knew that either Lily or James had written him with the news also. Turning his gaze to the Headmaster, his eyes sparked gold as the wolf fought to be released.

“Albus we have to get him now. The letter Lily wrote Harry returned to me unopened. It wouldn't do that unless something was wrong.” Panic laced his voice, as he tried to control the wolfs instincts to lash out.

“I'm sorry my boy, but without proof we can not remove him from the Dursleys. The wards won't allow it.” Albus tried to explain.

Fawkes glared at his human like he was crazy. Flying over to the top of a bookshelf, he grasped a small disk in his talons, and brought it back to Albus dumping it on his lap. When Albus brought it up from where it had fallen, Severus and Remus found themselves in awe.

The disk was made from a perfect piece of what should have been clear quartz crystal, embossed with a enchanted golden phoenix that would tell whoever held it the status of the person it was made for.

Albus stared at the disk in horror for a moment, for the normally clear disk had turned blood red, and was getting darker by the moment. The Phoenix was doing his best to give a battle cry, to tell those in the room that the person the disk was made for was being attacked.

Remus and Severus watched as panic slowly crept over the older wizards face. Remus was the first to ask the most important question. “Albus what's happening?”

That one question, gave The Headmaster the incentive to shake lose from his panic. Sparing little thought to the information that the other two wanted, Albus started giving orders. “Fawkes, you need to stop any attack, and depending on how bad he is, bring back to the hospital wing. If for any reason you are unable to transfer him, come back and get Madam Pomfrey.” Albus moved away from his desk and for the first time in years, Severus and Remus saw the Headmaster of the most prestigious Wizarding school, run as if the Hounds of Hell where chasing him. Giving each other shocked looks, they both followed after him.

~~hp~~

...45....46....47....48....

Vernon Dursley was beyond all rational thought.

The freak had gone to far this time. Not only had he not completed the chores assigned to him, but he had ignored the summons from his Aunt, to finish them earlier that day. It didn't matter anymore that the boy was in no condition to do anything. In his mind the only reason for the freak not to work was death.

So here he was, once again teaching this abomination of nature another lesson. Spittle ran down his chin, and sweat poured out of him as he used all his strength to rain blows with the belt on the bloody and unconscious body of his nephew.

Before he could finish the 50 strokes of the belt, which was the assigned punishment, a flash of fire surprised him. Pausing for a moment, he took in the large creature that had appeared in the room, adjusting his aim slightly he made to bring down the belt on the bird, who dared to disturb him. As the belt came down, the bird fixed his eyes on the oversize man, and all motion froze.

Fawkes met the gaze of the oversize Muggle, and for the first time in his extremely long life time, wished that he was human enough to believe in torture. Fortunately for him, and not the Muggle, he knew a few humans who would do that for him.

As it was, the only thing he could do, was freeze the baboon that dared to hurt one of his favorite humans. And wait patently until he could bring someone else into this house.

Breaking eye contact Fawkes studied the fledgling laying broken and near death on the bed beneath him, he knew that he had very little time left to do the healing needed to save Harry's life. Picking a spot where he could stand without causing more pain, Fawkes started to cry over Harry's back, knowing that the healing properties of his tears would work their way into the damaged lungs and heart.

As soon as enough healing was done for Harry to be out of immediate danger, Fawkes allowed two tears to fall into his mouth to bring him back to consciousness. He was rewarded moments later by the fluttering of the teens eyes as he slowly woke up. Seconds later a trembling hand reached up and gently touched Fawkes crest feathers.

“Lo Fawkes. Thank you for saving me once again.” Harry barely whispered before losing consciousness once again.

Fawkes wasted no time and started crying over Harry once more. Willing the teen the strength he needed to survive.

When Harry's breathing eased once more, Fawkes raised his head and studied the magical energy within the house. Finding what he was looking for, he made sure the Muggle was still unable to move, and disappeared in a flash of false flames. Moments later he returned with Hedwig and Harry's trunk.

Hedwig seeing Harry coated in blood, tried to beat her way out of her cage. A twittered reassurance from the phoenix had the owl calming slightly. The sight of Harry's eyes opening calmed her down even more.

Fawkes only gave Hedwig enough time to reassure herself that her human was alive, before grabbing hold of both the cage, and the trunk before once more leaving in a shower of flames.

~~hp~~

Professors Dumbledore, Snape and McGonagall, along with Madam Pomfrey and Remus Lupin paced the hospital wing waiting for Fawkes to return with Harry.

The flash of fire had all five rushing forward to where Harry's bed was, to help the phoenix, only to find a trunk and an owl.

Snape took one look the owl and started to curse. “Poppy bring me that healing potion I made for owls” he demanded striding forward to open the cage and gently maneuvered the owl out. Summoning a house elf, he barely paid attention to the creature that arrived, as he issued orders for a short perch to be set up beside the bed, along with everything that would be needed to nurse the owl back to heath.

It wasn't until he was satisfied that Poppy was doing all that could be done for the owl, that he stepped back and spotted the house elf waiting for him.

“Professor Snape sir. Is Mr. Harry Potter sirs, owl going to be okay, sir.”

Masking the shock of being asked this question from a lowly house elf, Snape could do nothing more then nod his head. It seemed that was all the house elf needed to hear or see, for he disappeared with a soft crack.

Severus turned to see his mentor talking with his familiar and waited to hear what was being reported. When Albus was once more aware of his surroundings the twinkling blue eyes where as cold as ice.

“Poppy prepare a bag. You are going to need to go with Fawkes He is going to need help removing the boy from that house.” Albus told the Medi-Witch.

As Poppy started to collect what she needed to transport her favorite student, Albus noticed that Dobby was going through Harry's trunk unpacking a few of Harry's belongings in preparation for the teens arrival.

“Dobby, Harry is going to be needing help. It will be your responsibility to make sure he has everything that he needs.” Albus told the house elf. Dobby didn't bother replying, other then nodding his head in acknowledgment. After all, he belonged to Harry Potter, even if the others didn't know that.

When Poppy finished with the bag, she was surprised when Fawkes removed it from her hand and flew over the the Potions Master. After settling on his shoulder, both Severus and Fawkes disappeared.

“Well, I guess that Fawkes believes that Severus would be better off going then you. I suggest that we get everything needed ready here for their return.

~~hp~~

Vernon had just regained movement when Severus and Fawkes returned. Unfortunately Fawkes placed them so they where facing Harry and not Vernon. With a bellow of rage, Vernon made the ultimate mistake, he brought the belt down buckle first on Severus Snape

Pain flashed through Snape causing him to hiss. Swinging around, wand in hand, he hit Vernon with an Petrificus Totalus, and the ground shook as Vernon hit the floor. Growling low in his throat Snape barely managed to stop from kicking the man on the floor, instead he moved towards the injured boy.

“Mr. Potter. It looks like you are once again in need of saving. May I ask how you manage to get yourself into these situations?”

Giving his professor a weary look Harry spoke barely loud enough for his Professor to hear. “I'm not sure Sir. But I'm glad you here.”

“Indeed. Lets see what I can do for you this time.” to all appearances Severus was indifferent to Harry's injuries. Inside though he was screaming in fury. How dare this Muggle treat a child this way. Never mind the fact that up to this morning the child was the bane of his existence. Now it was his son who lay bleeding.

Using his wand Snape removed the rags that did a poor job of covering the teen. He was unable to stop the growl of utter rage as he surveyed the damage done. On top of the physical injuries, he could clearly see even from behind all of the boys ribs, evidence of malnutrition. There was no saying just how much damage was done until they got him back under the care of the Medi-Witch.

“Do you have any idea why Fawkes would bring me here, instead of Madam Pomfrey, Mr Potter?” He asked trying to keep the teen distracted as he gently turned Harry onto his back.

Hissing softly in pain as his abused body was moved, Harry tried to give his professor a smile. “I think he brought you, because he knew, you would be able to control your urges to kill my uncle. Madam Pomfrey wouldn't have the control needed.”

“I do believe you are correct, Harry. She can be quite fierce when it comes to her patients.” Snape watched as Fawkes once more started to heal the damage. Each tear making it possible for Harry to breath and move more easily.

Amusement flickered in Harry's eyes briefly, “Do you think she'll take care of the Dark Lord for us, if we let her loose after one of your meetings, or one of my annual visits with him?” He asked.

Snickering softly Snape had to agree with Harry, “I think she would be duty bound to heal him after though.”

An snort of amusement followed by another hiss of pain answered him, “Then we'll have to find away to distract her until it's to late.”

“Agreed.”

Glancing over his Professors shoulder at his uncle, Harry had to ask, even if he didn't really want to know the answer. “Sir what are you planning on doing to my uncle?”

“Nothing at the moment. But I'm sure I can convince your pet werewolf not to take his potion for the next full moon. That way we can drop the Muggle in the middle of the forbidden forest and let the Wolf take care of our problem.” Snape told him with an evil smirk.

“I don't know Sir, Remus might not find the taste of fat to his liking?” Harry said with an answering smirk.

Harry watched as his uncles eyes , the only part of him that could move, widen in horror. He had had no choice but to follow the conversation between the two, and knew without a doubt that he was a dead man.

Severus knew why Fawkes insisted on having a human with him on this trip. There was no way the phoenix would be able to safely transport harry without causing more pain. Taking off his outer robe, he as carefully as possible wrapped harry in it, and then cradled the boy against his chest. “Come Brat, it's time to take you home, there are others waiting for us. We should be able to find away to suitable punish the Muggles that did this to you at another time.”

Harry exploded in pain with the movement, despite the care his professor took. He felt the blackness start to creep back, so using the last of his energy he wrapped his one hand firmly in Snape's shirt and then welcomed the painless oblivion that pulled him back under.

He never noticed the hex that Snape sent at his uncle, or the soft kiss to his forehead, as Fawkes gripped onto Snape's shoulder and transported them to the infirmary at Hogwarts.

~~hp~~

Severus found himself later that night sitting in the hospital wing. Poppy had already told him that Harry would not wake up anytime soon, but he didn't care. He was still trying to work through everything he had learned that day, and reconcile his returned memories of unconditional love he had for the boy, with his treatment of the this same boy, for the last 5 years. He wanted to hate Lily and James for the years he missed with his son, but couldn't. The three of them had made the decision together. And he knew, that his feelings of hate that he had for Harry since he entered Hogwarts, came from his own since of loss, that he never realized until now.

He was so lost in thought that he never noticed the tears running down his cheek, or that Harry was awake until he felt a small hand wipe the tears away. Catching the hand in his own, he met the tired emerald eyes. "How are you feeling Harry? Poppy said that you shouldn't have awaken until sometime tomorrow."

"Madam Pomfrey should know by now, that I always do the opposite of what she thinks." Harry told him, with a small smile. "I'm fine though Sir. Just can't sleep anymore at the moment."

With the sixth sense that she always seemed to have, Poppy showed up with another set of potions. "Telling lies about how you're feeling again Mr. Potter?"

Harry looked up at the Medi-Witch. "No ma'am, I wouldn't dream of lying to you." Harry grinned.

"How come I don't believe a word you say?" Poppy asked with an answering grin.

"Probably because I spend enough time in here that you know my body and me better then I do?"

"Indeed."

Severus watched the two of them joke around and gave Harry a stern look. "Are you telling me that you lied to me about how you are feeling?"

Harry gave a weary look, but was saved from answering by Poppy. "No Severus, he didn't lie to you. He just has a different way of telling how he feels. He's much like you in the regard. When he says he's fine, he means it. But you have to find a scale of pain that will translate that 'fine'" She told him. "Harry on a scale of 1 to 10, with one being your first encounter with He-who-must-not-named, and 10 being your duel with him in the graveyard, how are you feeling?"

Severus just looked at Harry in shock. especially when he seemed to be actually considering what she said. "Does that actually work on him?"

Harry answered this time. "Yes Sir. but she has the scale wrong this time. 1 would be the fight with the Basilisk, 5 being the duel at the grave yard, and 10 going 5 rounds of the Cruciatucruatis curse and 2 killing curses via vision. 2 of those curses where ones that hit you Sir." Harry told him.

Severus didn't know what to say, Poppy on the other hand seemed to consider this new scale. "That would be the vision the hit you at the end of last year? After your return from the Ministry?"

"Yes Ma'am, Voldemort wasn't too happy that night. Especially with Professor Snape for giving the warning. I'm sure that if Mr. Malfoy would have been there, instead of waiting for his trail, he would have been dead."

"Your avoiding the original question young man."

"Not really, I was just explaining the reason's behind my pick of the scale."

"Fine. You've explained. Now give me your answer."

"I would have to give the amount of pain a 3.5. which means I'm fine."

"Yes according to your terms you would be fine. But according to me, you will be fine when the pain hits 0.5." Poppy told him.


"Yes Ma'am, if you say so. Will any of those make me sleepy? I'm not really ready to go back to sleep yet."

"No. that's what the Dreamless Sleep is for."

"I can't take that one for another week. I had too much of it last year."

"It only takes a week to leave your system. And it's been two weeks since the end of term."

"That would be true, but don't forget that I brewed that set of potions myself. I know what went into them. Trust me when I say that it will take another week to leave my system."

Poppy heaved a sigh, and nodded her head in acknowledgment to what he said. "You can't take Dreamless Sleep, and a simple sleeping drought won't work. Severus is there anything else we can use."

Severus sat trying to process this new information. The only way that it would take three weeks would be if two of the ingredients had been doubled and five hours added to the simmering time. "Harry, how did you know to double the black beetle legs, and wormwood?" he asked.

"I just did what felt right. I've never been wrong when I follow that feeling." Harry told him with the shrug of the shoulders.

"Indeed. The only thing that I can suggest for you is to make a version of Dreamless Sleep that does not have the addictive qualities in it. unfortunately, I don't have any made at this time and it will take a month to brew."

Harry thought about the problem for a few minutes. "Madam Pomfrey, how much blood did I loose this time?" he finally asked.

"When Fawkes and Severus brought you in, you had lost just over half. Even a pint more blood and we might not have been able to save you."

"Professor, would the blood loss, along with the Phoenix tears, reduce the risk of my becoming addicted to the Dreamless Sleep?"

"It just might at that. Or at least make the addiction small enough to be treatable right away." Severus said after a moments thought.

"Very well then. You take the rest of these potions, and yes Severus you do see double of everything, and then Harry I'll give you an hour, before you must take the Dreamless Sleep."

"Poppy if you give him double of everything, then he won't be coherent."

"That would be true if he was any other student. But Harry has had these potions so many times that he needs double doses. he's been taking an adult pain potion since the day he walked through the front doors."

"It's not my fault I have a high pain threshold" Harry mumbled.

Poppy ran her fingers through his hair. "No Dear it's not. And I never meant to imply otherwise." She told him. "Now take those potions."

"Yes Ma'am." Harry told her, before an impish grin came across his face. Trying to look as innocent as possible he asked her in a pleading tone. "Madam Pomfrey, If I be a good boy and take all my medicine, can I pleeeeease have something for my sweet tooth?" And grinned when she just walked away.

Severus was forced to bite back a laugh. "Harry you know that pleading with her won't work don't you?"

Flashing a smile that lit up his eyes for the first time since he was brought to the hospital wing, Harry shrugged. "Just watch. Dobby will show up, as soon as she's sure that I've taken all the potions' depending on how convincing I was, depends on what I'll get." And with that he reached out with his good arm and starting to down the potions.

Sure enough, as the last vial was put back down on the tray, an energetic house elf showed up. He carefully put down the tray he was carrying, and bounced onto the bed.

"Mr. Harry Potter sir. Dobby is so happy to see you. Headmaster Dumblydore said to tell you that I's is to be yours while you are here." Dobby practically danced for joy.

"It's great to see you to Dobby. But you know what Hermione will say if she finds out about this don't you?"

"Yes Mr. Harry Potter sir, Dobby is knowing. That's whys you are not to tell her."

"Ah, What's on the tray Dobby."

"That is good food for Harry Potter Sir. Poppy is saying that Professor Snape is to make sure yous is eating all that and then you may have a desert."

Severus smirked. "I think I can handle that job." He told the house elf.

"Poppy is also saying that Professor Snape must eat the other bowl of oatmeal. Or she will want to know the reason why." Dobby told him with a grin.

"Poppy wouldn't do that to me." Severus asked, eyes widening slightly.

From her office Poppy yelled out. "Yes I would." at the same time that Harry nodded his head, his mouth full with the oatmeal that Dobby had added extra syrup to. Swallowing Harry looked at Dobby, "What's for desert?"

"Ah, that is for Dobby to be knowing and for yous to be finding out." Dobby told him before disappearing with a grin.

Harry glanced at his professor and shrugged his shoulders once more. The two of them ate in silence, and Harry spent the time trying to figure out why his professor was being so nice. It's not like the man actually liked him, in fact he spent most of his time trying to make Harry's life miserable. The best thing, he thought, was to let things go at there own pace, and take this time together. He never really hated his professor, and actually found more and more in common with him. Shaking his head, he let the matter go. There was really no sense thinking about it, the answer would come to him soon enough.

Severus also spent this time in thought. He was trying to figure out the best way to approach the subject of his paternity with Harry, and drawing up a blank every time. When they where both done, their dishes disappeared, and moments later they where replaced with plates of fruit dipped in chocolate. "Trust Dobby to find something to suit both my sweet tooth and Madam Pomfrey's sense of nutrition." Harry sighed.

"It could be that. Or it could be the fact that this just happens to be one of my favorites." Snape told him.

Harry just grinned at him. "Mine too, Sir."

They had just finished eating when Poppy came back out. "Alright Mr. Potter, your hour is up, time to take the dreamless sleep. You can visit more, when you wake up. I know that both the Headmaster and Remus are waiting to talk to you." She told him

"Moony is here?"

"Didn't I just say that?"

"Yes Ma'am, you just took me by surprise. I wasn't expecting Moony to be here."

"Drink your potion. You can see him tomorrow."

"Yes Ma'am."

"Severus make sure that he drinks it all. he has a habit of only drinking half when he doesn't want to sleep."

Mimicking Harry, Severus replied. "Yes Ma'am."

"I swear the two of you are a pair." She said, shaking her head as she walked away.

Harry reached for the potion but was stopped by Snape. "Harry, I need you to make me a promise. When you wake up in the morning I need you to read this letter. If you have any questions, you can call me, the Wolf or the Headmaster."

"Ok. I promise Professor."

"Good. now before she comes back, drink that potion. I really don't want to be on the receiving end of one of her rants."

"I don't blame you Sir. she can be pretty scary. Did you tell the headmaster about 'the plan'?"

"Yes I did. Minerva and Lupin where also there. Minerva believes that we can convince Poppy to heal him enough so that everyone else can have a turn."

"I like that one." Harry said with a grin. Downing the last potion, Harry settled himself under the covers. "Goodnight sir." he whispered softly.

He didn't hear the professors reply of "Good night my son." Or feel the hand that brushed the hair out of his eyes.

Severus watched him for a moment more, before walking down to his rooms. Hoping that tomorrow would not be a complete disaster.