Music of the Heart

Chapter 2 - Bittersweet pain~

Harry was still awake, still trembling. He had spoken with Draco. So ...freely. So much easier than with Ron or Hermione. Maybe because he knew that Draco despised him anyway,unlike Ron and Hermione. If he told them how he felt, what he did..Then maybe they'd hate him, despise him, mock him,leave him.. He knew for a fact that Draco already did all those things, and allthough it hurt him, atleast he was certain about it.He tried to breathe calmly, but it felt impossible. Draco had held him. Yes, it had been so firm that it bruised him, but..there had also been the soft touch of Draco's fingertips, wonderingly, exploring Harrys scars on his underarm.. The slight touch had imprinted itself on his skin, it seemed.He replayed the scene in his mind's eye, changing it, making tiny alterations, and soon the memory had been corrupted into a daydream where Draco Malfoy kissed his scars, crying and apologizing for not having seen them before. Just before he fell asleep, they kissed.

Harry woke the next morning, the imagined kiss still burning on his lips. He wanted it to be real. He couldn't explain the feel of longing as anything but love. He wouldn't say lust had nothing to do with it,but it wasn't all of it. Not nearly. He wanted to touch Malfoys heart, make him feel what he,Harry felt. He knew he had to choose one day, if he really wanted to. It was either Ron and Hermione, or Draco. He never imagined those to go well together. Just imagine, Malfoy and Harry being invited to the "bloodtraitors" house?Or even worse,the "Mudblood"? Harry turned over on his back. Even if Malfoy had liked him back, no one would ever accept them. Of course Malfoy didn't. Harry was sure of that. But he had gotten a flare of hope as he left, when Malfoy had commanded him to never cut himself again. He hoped, stupidly, that it meant something. He had to hide his face with his pillow for a little while. He had actually told Malfoy. The stupidity! Bloody... Harry swore and got out of bed, shuffling into the bathroom taking a quick shower. It was just before 8 o'clock, and time to wake Hagrid,if they didn't want to be late.

"Oyh!Hagrid!Get up!" Harry banged at Hagrids door, the snore stopping abruptly. "We're going to Gringott's!Get up!" A loud groan,and creaking of a bed indicated Hagrid was indeed getting up. "I'm going downstairs for breakfast!" He banged at the door a couple more times, and when he heard the shuffling of feet, he was certain Hagrid was up. "Damn it,Potter! What is the meaning of this incredibly annoying banging!?It's in the middle of the night!" Harry spun around, and Draco was standing in the doorway of his room, hair going up and everywhere, eyes narrow and filled with sleep, and wearing only what seemed to be black, rather tight,cotton boxers. Harry went crimson. He could not help it, he stared. Malfoy had rather narrow shoulders, but his arms were toned, and he had a nice torso, to say the least. Harry dared a stare downwards, and saw a small trail of blond hair leading from Malfoys bellybutton down into the depth of his boxers. When he looked up, Malfoy's expression had changed.
"Are you done?" Draco asked,with an acid sneer. "I-I'm sorry,Dra..I mean,Malfoy, I was just waking Hagrid, we're going to Gringott's,and.." Malfoy's expression changed again. "That explains the annoying sounds, what it does not explain, is why you are looking at me like a piece of beef." Harry stuttered and stammered,before he saw the dry wit in Draco's face. "I..uh.." Harry tried. "Oh, shut up,Potter.I know I'm gorgeous. Wait there." and with that,he slammed the door in Harry's face. Harry stood rooted to the spot.Draco could make him do anything, and the thought made him shiver.
Some minutes later, Draco re-opened the door,fully clothed, and announced they were going. "Going?Where?" Harry wondered. "Potter,you dimwit.Gringott's of course." Harry followed a few steps. "I have to tell Hagrid first.." his voice almost asking. Draco rolled his eyes, but waited. "Hagrid?" Harry opened the door, and was met by a loud snort. Hagrid had fallen asleep while putting his socks on,apparently.He was sitting,bent doubly,fast asleep,one sock on,and the other in his hand. "Hagrid?" He nudged the half-giant, waiting for a reaction. Harry found a piece of the Leaky Cauldron's guest parchment, and wrote him a note. "Went to Gringott's.Sleep well. Harry." He slipped out the door, leaving the note on the floor by Hagrid's feet. "We have to be back before half past ten." Harry worriedly told Draco as they strode along. "I know when the train's leaving,Potter." Draco once again rolled his eyes. "I've left for school before,you know." Harry grinned. He'd missed the bickering. The bickering made it normal. It made the "let me kiss him,hold him,rip off his cloak"-thoughts go away. Kind of. When he watched how well Draco held himself, how high he held his head, and how incredibly beautiful he was, especially with that grin on his face,he could hardly breathe.Harry followed half a step behind Malfoy each step of the way to Gringotts.

Draco had his loyal Potter-puppy half a step behind two hours later, when they'd been into all the shops.Malfoy seemed to like watching Harry adore him,and he didn't at all show the surprise from the night before.He seemed perfectly comfortable with the idea that Harry was now his plaything. Harry felt more like Crabbe or Goyle than himself. The feeling of just following someone else, not always having to be in the lead.The lack of the burden of responsibility freed him,and he felt better than in awhile. Just hanging on, and being able to watch Draco all day. Harry had a marvellous few hours,allthough filled with longing and anguish the entire time. And Malfoy looked very pleased when he discovered he could boss Harry around,carrying things and whatnot. Harry felt sort of submissive. He had gotten used to being the centre of attention over the last years, but his entire childhood were still lingering in his mind. Living in the closet,in more meanings than one, being put out of sight and sound, trying to be invisible,and most importantly, always doing whatever the Dursleys ordered him to do.It was nothing new.And now he got to do it for him.

As they were heading inside the Leaky Cauldron, a quarter past ten, Malfoy opened the door for Harry, who was carryingly all their bags. "Thank you", Harry smiled shyly. "The shepherd has to open the gate for the sheep." Malfoy responded airily, a tiny upwards smile,receiving a quizzical look. They stepped foot inside, and all went silent. Hermione, Ron, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, the twins, Ginny and Hagrid were all staring at them.No one spoke. Malfoy stiffened. "Thanks for carrying my bags, Potter." He took his bags,hand slightly stroking Harrys,and headed up the stairs, turning midways, looking at Harry. "No problem." Harry croaked,losing his breath. Oh no. Here it came. Everyone had seen it. They'd hate him now. Oh no,oh no,oh no..
The dripping silence lasted not a seond longer than the sound of Malfoys door closing upstairs. "Leaving with him?" "Where do you .." "How can you.." "Are you mad?" Everyone spoke at once.The twins didn't speak at all,and Ginny scowled.Hermiones look pierced him,much like Professor McGonagalls stare often did. "Harry! Honestly, we were worried about you!Why'd you go off with Malfoy?And.." "It's not safe for you with that boy" Mr. Weasley added. Harry started to get angry.His rage from the summer past welled up in him, and they froze as he shouted. "Not safe?!What do you think I am?A stupid git?!" Hermione started, "Harry,we don't.." but Harry cut her off. "And honestly!You all expect me to fight Voldemort", the group all flinched, "And then you're scared of me going for a walk with Malfoy?!Since when did he get more dangerous than Voldemort?!He's actually not what you think he is!He's all right!" Harrys words gave the group a unanomous look of bewilderment, allthough Ron did look more revolted than concerned.

The ringing silence was cut off by a pale blonde on the top of the stairs. "Potter,it's time to leave, I packed your bag.Let's go." Harry blushed crimson at being commanded in such a manner in front of his friends, the, for him, underlying sexual tones had to be visible to anyone,he thought. But on the other hand, he didn't want to face the deep inquiry they would no doubt put him through once the shock wore off. "Right." He nodded at the group, carrying his own trunk and bags, while Malfoy levitated his own. "See you at school." As the door closed behind them, he broke out in a mad giggle, and started running to get to platform 9 3/4 as soon as possible. Malfoy came panting behind him as they climbed onto the train.
"My,my,Potter. Not feeling all that saintly today either?" Harry giggled. He was sure it sounded ridiculous,but he felt so free. His role amongst his friends had always been the hero, the lead. Now he had become the rebel, and it felt quite nice. "Maybe I'm feeling a bit slithery today". He grinned at Malfoy,and asked rather shyly "Share a compartment?" Malfoy shrugged. "Sure.Might be fun to see their faces later on." Malfoys impish grin warmed Harrys inside.

Ooh..just to be with you, has given me the best day of my life...

"..So,anyway, there we are, feet deep in the stuff, and all I had to do was point at Goyle and make a pout!" Harry laughed loudly.Malfoy had been entertaining him with stories, and Harry had been sitting admiring Draco,and being the perfect audience. He had never felt this happy.Never felt so free.It was the strangest thing,sitting there with him. Acting as though they were friends. It was almost what Harry had daydreamed of all summer.Almost. He knew that being around him,around Draco, was probably not a good idea. If someone had asked him to choose, right then and there, he was not so sure that he'd pick Hermione and Ron.
They'd been joined at the hip,since they finally got together,and Harry had been left out in a lot of areas.And he wasn't sure that he wanted to tell Ron things anymore.He knew he'd tell them to Hermione,and things like girls was things he didn't want to share with Hermione.Not that girls was the issue anymore.He looked up at the object of desire, and found the steel gaze locked in his own. They didn't speak. Harry felt such a rush to the head,he had to look down, cheeks flushed.
Malfoy smirked at him. "Don't you know,Potter,that in the canine world, the one who looks down loses, and almost always gets devoured by the others in the pack,or if it's lucky, it gets lowest rank?You are now the lowest in rank in this pack." At Malfoys victorious grin,Harry blushed. He had described them as a pack. "..well.." Harry started forming words before he knew what he was going to say, sitting still at Dracos feet, looking up at him, when the compartment door opened.

"Anything off the trolley,dears?" Malfoy nodded. "Two pumpkin pasties,five chocolate frogs,three honeydukes,two bertie bott's everyflavourbeans,and three liqorice wands,please." As Malfoy didn't move as he ordered, Harry assumed he should fetch it for him. "That's two Galleons and a Sickle,dear." The woman looked at Malfoy, who looked at Harry,and Harry looked at Malfoy,his expression telling Harry he intended Harry to pay,as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.Harry blushed,and took out his money. "I'll pay for that.And I'll have three chocolate frogs and a honeydukes bar as well." Harry gave his money to the woman,and as he balanced the heap of candy,he closed the compartment door. "Here." He unloaded Malfoys candy into his lap,being careful to not actually touch Draco,and sat down opposite him.As he took a huge bite of his chocolate bar,Malfoy spoke.
"Are you trying to buy me,Potter?Because if you are,I must inform you,my services cost a bit more than candy." Harry looked at him, shocked,wounded, and found that the Slytherin merely was teasing him. He blushed. "I didn't,I mean.." Malfoy laughed. "Oh,Merlin,Potter.Of course you didn't.My..Gryffindors are too easy these days." He winked at Harry. "And I saw the inside of your vault,remember?You can probably not afford me for more than a night,anyway." He grinned. Harry went deep crimson as he tried to pretend like he wasn't vividly imagining a night with Draco. Malfoy, who looked very mischievous, leaned forward. "You're actually considering it,aren't you?"
Harry tried to act innocent,but his blush gave him away. Malfoy sat back and laughed. "What?" Harry demanded, a bit pouty. Malfoy tilted his head, and smiled. "It's just amusing. Here I sit, Draco Malfoy, who everyone assumes is a Death Eater, with the Boy Who Lived,with Patronus Saint bloody Potter at my feet, and he's doing whatever I tell him to do.Saint Potter waits on me hand and feet,and is dying to jump into the hay with me." He laughed again, and Harrys insides went cold. What if Tom Riddle found out?It would be so easy for him to take Malfoys body and get to Harry,or even worse,to harm Draco. Malfoy seemed to know what he was thinking. "I'm not going to give you away,Potter." He seemed tired. "I'm not a death eater, see?" He pulled up both his sleeves, revealing nothing but white,delicate flesh. "Not that you didn't get a good enough look the last time,but it seemed your mind went elsewhere then."
Harry coughed,choking on a big bite of chocolate. Malfoy rolled his eyes, and pounded him in the back,and it was at that unfortunate moment that the compartment door slid open for the second time. He felt the chocolate loosen, and the weight of Malfoys hand disappeared. He looked up,teary,and Hermione was bending over him,looking concerned,whilst Ron was pressing Malfoy up against the wall,wand in hand, and Malfoy was smiling in a way that resembled a snarl more than a smile. "Calm down,Weasley. He choked on his chocolate.It's not like I tried to kill him or anything.." Harry started to explain,when he realized that Malfoy was enjoying this.The power of manipulation.He had a way to tick your buttons,no matter what you did.He'd never realized before,how well Malfoy had to know them,to know how to push their buttons.

"Hermione,Ron, relax please..! I did in fact choke on chocolate. It was his fault, but it's not like it sounds." Malfoy smirked as Ron let him go, and Hermione looked deeply concerned. "What's going on Harry?Come on, come with us to our compartment,let's talk about this.." Harry looked apologetically to Malfoy, who had crossed his arms across his chest and looked very superior,giving Harry the tiniest of nods as he smiled. As Harry made to leave,Ron and Hermione carrying his trunk, Harry turned to Malfoy. "I'm sorry.." Malfoy smiled a cruel smile,and grabbed Harrys arm where he knew the swollen "D" had to be,pushing this thumb hard down on the already tender skin. "Don't flatter yourself,Potter,I'm not sad to see you go." He saw the hurt in Harrys eyes,his smile grew,and his voice dropped to a whisper. "But if you feel slithery some other day,come see me." He winked,and Harry left,utterly confused,with a soft laugh ringing in his ears.

They entered Hermione and Rons compartment,and Harry sat down opposite them. "So what is this about,Harry?" Hermione asked tentatively. "You run off with Malfoy, and you come back carrying his bags.." Ron interjected sharply; "You looked like his personal elf or something." voice filled with disgust. "And you defend him, you actually defend Malfoy, and then you run off, and you sit in his compartment?!And you apologize to him for leaving?I mean, it's like you're a different person." She shook her head. "This isn't you Harry.." Ron looked at him, suspisciously. "Are you all right,mate?" Harry sighed. "Yes,I'm all right.If I seem like a different person it's because something has changed." He decided he had to tell them.There was no way he could fool them, allthough he would probably loose them as his friends the second he did tell.
He took a deep breath. "I'm in love." Hermione's expression softened for a split second before she realized. "Oh,Harry..not him?" Ron looked at her,not having caught up quite yet. "Who?" Harry looked at Ron, looked straight into his best friends eyes, and he just couldn't tell him. He couldn't tell him that the person he was in love with, was their archenemy in school.The worst person alive after Tom Riddle and gang. "It's him,Ronald. Malfoy." Hermione's voice sounded stern and chill. Ron's eyes grew wide with shock. "I don't believe it.Is it true,Harry?Is it?" Harrys pained expression helped him realize it. "It can't be..he's a bloody deatheater!" "No,he's not!"
Harrys voice was loud, and he had jumped to his feet without knowing it. "Oh boy,Harry..Are you sure about that?And this?" Hermione pulled him down to his seat again,pushing Ron with other hand. Ron refused to look at him. Harry felt his stomach burning,and tears creeping into his eyes. He knew it was going to end like this.He hated not being friends with either one, but he couldn't choose not to be truthful at this point.He nodded. "I've known all summer.I realized only a few days before term ended." Ron gave him an icy stare. "And why didn't you tell us then?" The venom dripping from Rons voice could've burned a hole through any metal available. "Why'd you think?" Harry was angry.
Wasn't it obvious? "Do you think I'd tell that to anyone?" Rons gaze grew icier. "I thought we were more than just anyone to you." Harry's anger faded when he heard the hurt poorly concealed in his friends voice. "You are..but I was so shocked.And disgusted." Harrys voice was pleading, and Ron felt a bit sorry for him. "I mean,it's Malfoy .. Of course I didn't want anyone to know. I even thought it was a love potion or something, but it doesn't feel like it.I mean..I still hate him,for everything he's done..but I can't breathe,not even breathe, without thinking about him.." Harrys voice cut off, and he bit his lip so hard, it started to bleed. A few drops of blood trinkled it's way down his chin,as he tried to suppress his cries.

Ron looked outraged,and Hermiones anger had all changed into concern. "What happened Harry?How did you find out?" No one noticed that the compartment door slid a few inches open,as the train puffed along.
"I.." Harry wiped his bloody chin, and took a sharp breath. "It was a week before term ended..A morning." His voice kept going,but he shut his eyes, he didn't want to see their embarrassment,disgust when he told them. He plunged deep into his memory. It had been an unusually early morning. He'd been running up the stairs to the owlery, on his way to owl the Weasley twins. As he reached the doorway,Draco Malfoy had been on his way out,and tripped,and slammed them both to the stone floor. He had felt Dracos heart beat pound as if in correspondence with his own heart. Neither had moved for a few seconds,both dazed by the fall.He'd asked Draco to get up, because, well, because his body was reacting in a way he didn't exactly know how to handle.He flushed crimson as he told them this. So did Hermione, and Ron.A faint giggle could be heard. Harry didn't want to tell them off, he didn't find it even remotely funny. "Draco helped me up.And I almost kissed him,when he pulled me up.I couldn't even explain it to myself."
His shame was obvious to the silent pair. "My dad..and Sirius..they'd be so disappointed in me." He swallowed, voicing the thoughts that had been tormenting him all summer."I couldn't stop staring at him after that.Thinking about him.Even daydreaming." He looked sad. "And I've been thinking of him all summer.I just can't seem to stop.He..I just..I don't know what to do." He hid his face in his hands. "We talked yesterday,and he got me .He understands.And then today..It was fun, I didn't have to try to impress him, I just did what he asked me to, and.." Two sets of eyes narrowed. "What did he ask you to do, Harry?" Harry shrugged. "To carry his bags, buy him candy.Nothing serious. He asked my opinion on what shirts I thought he looked nicer in." He blushed again. Hermione looked appalled. "Does he know,Harry?" Harry nodded. "Oh dear." Ron looked at him, his anger back in place. "You told him, but you didn't tell us?!" Harry looked at him, slow resignation in his stare. "Yes.That is, he found me out.I just didn't deny it.How could I deny him anything?"

The compartment door slid shut, and Hermione looked at it,thoughtfully,but didn't say anything. "I'm sorry,but what was I supposed to say?Hey,I've just fallen head over heels in love with the bloke we've both hated since the first day of school?" Ron bellowed at him. "YES!" Harry slumped down in his seat. "Fine.I'm sorry that I don't tell you everything. But since you two hooked up,you haven't been Mister Talkative either!" Ron looked cross,but Hermione put her hand on his arm to calm him down. "I'm sorry,Harry.But ..we're a bit new at this, and, this whole thing is quite shocking for us as well.You've had all summer to deal with it,you know." The calm of her voice soothed Harry,and Ron. "I just don't know what to do,Hermione."
Harry sat silently the rest of the trip, staring out the window.

Harry hadn't gotten a glimpse of him when they left the Express,and sat sourly on the Thestral-carriage, pouting, more like Draco,than himself. They went into The Great Hall,and a pale blonde head at the Slytherin table made Harrys heart skipped a beat,and he couldn't stop grinning. "Harry!" Ron nudged his ribs,and hissed. "Blimey,stop drooling,people are noticing!"
Harry looked down,still grinning.He felt happy. Ron was glowering at his side,muttering curses over all things Slytherin. Harry tried to avoid to stare at the Slytherin table, for the longest time. He lasted about three minutes, which seemed excruciatingly long.He lifted his gaze as soon as he was certain everyone was looking elsewhere, and he stared at Draco. Draco was sitting quite still, writing on something. He had a tiny smile, and his hair was falling softly in his face, shining almost a silver blond.Harry couldn't help but stare, and it was only when the doors to The Great Hall opened for a wet bunch of cautious first-years that he was able to pull his gaze away.

The shambles that was the first-years,scrambled in through the doors,most of them awestruck,pointing and clinging together. Professor McGonagall put the Sorting Hat on it's stool, and after it's new song,who Harry later couldn't recite a word of if he tried,started calling the first-years to try it on. He sat quietly through the Sorting, casting occasional glances at the blonde. Not once did silvery steel return his gaze, and Harry started to feel depressed again. He longed for Malfoy, and it was even worse than it had been the entire summer.Atleast then he'd known it was all fantasies and daydreams.
Now,he had something to think about.Malfoy holding him, inviting him to come see him some day. Malfoy telling him not to harm himself, Malfoy laughing at him,telling him stories. He had something. He'd seen Malfoy in his boxers, for crying out loud. Harry went a dark crimson at the memory,and couldn't bare to look anyone in the face when all he could think about was Malfoy and the trail of blond hair going down...
Ron looked at him with a mix of disgust,outrage and curiousity. "What?" he whispered. Harry shook his head, trying not to giggle.The face Ron would make if he knew. "Can't say." Ron frowned and looked a bit disappointed,and more than just a bit hurt. "Right.I see." The wounded tone made Harry realize he actually should tell him, and so he wrote it on a bit of paper he had in his pocket,and pushed it over to Rons plate. Ron read Harrys note,and went as crimson as Harry. "Right." And then he started eating, shooting weird glances at Harry throughout the meal.

They arrived at the Gryffindor Tower,and Hermione went straight to bed, with her Advanced Potions tucked under her arms. Ron shook his head,and rolled his eyes. Harry smiled at him. Just like Hermione to get started with schoolwork before anything had begun. He was relieved. They didn't hate him.They were still his friends.He could breathe again.
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A/N; I know I used the same scene in WotH, where it took place,at first when I wrote it, but I'm so pleased with it, I snuck it in here as well,hehe.