Unwanted

Hermione closed her bedroom door and leaned against the wood, shaking. His touch had caused a most interesting reaction, one that a month ago would have pleased her. She'd had a crush on Snape since the beginning of her sixth year. It seemed so wrong to want him now though, since the whole experience three weeks before. She rested one hand on her stomach and closed her eyes. The walk up the stairs had made her quite dizzy and she could feel the room spin behind her closed eyes. Of course, she hadn't eaten breakfast, or much of the previous night's dinner. Forcing herself to open her eyes, she focused on the bed and walked slowly, haltingly to the side and dropped down on

the comforter. She closed her eyes and dropped backward, the dizziness finally overwhelming her.

Severus knocked softly two hours later, a platter of food hovering near his elbow. When Hermione did not answer, he opened the door to find her asleep across the top of the bed. Worried, he placed the platter on the small table near the window and went to her side. Either she'd been so tired she hadn't had time to get into the bed properly, or she'd passed out, the option he believed had happened. He checked her to find her sleeping contentedly, a slight frown marring her youthful features. She was too young to know such hardship, and his heart wept to know that he'd had been a big part in taking her childhood away from her. With a softened look, he caressed her cheek with the tip of his fingers, remembering the tears that had coated her skin those weeks ago. He'd been surprised and scared to find that his assault had resulted in a child. Even though he was afraid for the child, he was even more afraid for the health and mental wellbeing of his new wife. Everything was happening too fast for her and he feared that she would have a breakdown. He wouldn't blame her if she did have one. He was astounded and proud of the strength she'd shown since that night. His hand moved down to her stomach, hovering over his child's resting place. She was losing weight though and he knew it wasn't good for her or the child.

"Hermione. Hermione, you should waken and have something to eat." He said softly, moving away from her before her eyes opened. When her eyes focused, he was standing attentively near the table, waiting for her.

"Oh. He-hello."

"I hope your sleep was restful, Madame. Mr. Weasley and Mr. Potter are downstairs being briefed by Albus about what has transpired today. He believes that the two dunderheads won't try to hex me once my back is turned."

"Dumbledore doesn't know them very well if he believes they won't try to do something to you. I'll have to talk to them, then." She got up and stretched, then sat in the chair against the wall, facing the door and him. He sat down across from her and started serving her small portions from the platter. Her stomach clenched at the sight of the food, but she knew she needed to eat for the baby, if not for herself. She took small bites of the pasta salad, her palate not used to food after having effectively starving herself for the last three weeks. She watched him pour her a glass of water and place it near her plate.

"Thank you, Professor."

"Severus. Although neither of us is in the position we wish to be in, we should still make the best of the situation. My name is Severus."

"A-alright, S-Severus." She swallowed around the lump in her throat.

"Mr. Weasley and Mr. Potter will be waiting for you in the library after your repast, unless you'd like to bathe or shower before seeing them?"

"No, I showered before the...ceremony."

"Good." He started eating then, watching her from the corner of his eye to make sure she was also. She was, slowly, picking at her food, but still actually eating some of it. "Hermione. We need to talk at some point. About this baby and our marriage. And...about what led to it. I know it will be difficult and emotional for you..."

"I know you did what you did to save my life, Pro-Severus." She didn't look up from the plate before her.

"Hermione." He started to say something, but realized that he didn't want to get her worked up before visiting her friends for the first time since her capture and return to headquarters. She would need all her wits about her to deal with the two dunderheaded Gryffindor friends of hers. "We'll talk later tonight, wife. You should hurry and eat. Your friends are most anxious to see you again and have visual confirmation that you haven't been transformed into a vampire by the great greasy bat of the dungeons." He gave her a small smile as she looked up at him in shock.

"Alright. Thank you." A little less stressed, she smiled in relief at him. It did his heart good to see something resembling normality returning slowly to the girl. She ate a little faster, burping discretely into her napkin.

"Can...can the boys come up here to visit me?" She asked after finishing two thirds of her meal. She was a pale again.

"No. You need to leave this room more often now, and in fact will be taking daily walks outside with me from now on. And if I am indisposed, Molly or Lupin will accompany you. You cannot hide from life up here, Hermione. Shortly, you will be moving to my home to live with me."

Hermione closed her eyes, trying not to show him the fear she felt about showing herself in public. She knew and everyone else knew that what had happened wasn't her fault, but she was still ashamed of her inaction. She felt she should have fought more, did more to save her parents, to keep herself safe.

"What happened was not your fault. You need to get past it. I won't say get over it, because it will be with you always. But you need to live in spite of it. Are you finished with your meal, Hermione?" She nodded and he banished the platter, china and refuse to the kitchen.

"I have to use the loo. I'll be downstairs in a few minutes."

"I'll wait for you. Two flights of stairs may be too much for you in your condition." He picked up his 'Daily Prophet' while she entered the bathroom to freshen up and make sure she didn't have a rats-nest of hair like she usually did. She did. Using her temporary wand, she fixed her hair into a bun and washed her face lightly. She looked pale, paler than usual, but that could be because she hadn't really eaten in the weeks since her capture and rescue.

Taking a deep fortifying breath, she left the bathroom and let her new husband open the bedroom door to go down to the first
floor for her meeting with her friends. He left her with a small bow in front of the sliding library doors, turning to go into the kitchen where he knew the older members of the Order would be gathered. He sincerely hoped they had scotch or firewhiskey waiting.